My kid’s joint birthday is coming up and my in laws have decided not to come because of sports. I feel kind of pissed off that they are choosing sports over my kid’s party. We have dutifully gone to every birthday they invite us to for their kids and my daughter is confused why her cousins won’t be at her party. I don’t think I’d ever choose a sport event over my nieces. Their one kid is in elementary school and it is a basketball game…it isn’t like she is in some very important game. Her father coaches and is attending a tournament but it isn’t like there are no assistant coaches…am I out of line feeling sort of p*ssed about it? This isn’t the first time even this year they’ve flaked on an event with us. My husband is mad but keeping the peace by pretending not to be. I have more difficulty pretending…but maybe other people would choose a sport over their niece or nephews birthday party. Note…my kids are their only cousins…so it ain’t like they have to make this choice all the time. I specifically did both kids bdays on one day because their birthdays are close and didn’t want my in laws to have to drive to us multiple times…I just think it is shitty of them but I’ve found sometimes I’m out of line with my emotions so I’m genuinely trying to see if this is one of those times.
Sports are a big commitment and when your coaching its an even bigger commitment. Especially when its a team sport. Kids put a lot of time and practice into preparing for a game. I would go to the sporting event also. 
We are missing my cousins wedding that I was so excited for because my daughters dance recital fell on the same day. However, I typically always text my sister to make sure I plan birthday parties on a day she is available. If its important they are there next time maybe try getting with them before scheduling a date.
Your families event is not more important than their families event. You attend events if you want to. Invites are not summonses it’s not required to attend. In the future understand that not everyone’s lives revolve around your family. You don’t even mention clearing dates with them to see if they had the availability to attend.
Yeah, no. I would not expect my family to miss out on playing in a game or coaching a game for a birthday party. Those are commitments.
There are times when some family members couldn’t make it to my kids birthdays due to prior commitments so we went out to dinner with them on a different day and celebrated separately with them. No big deal. Maybe this could be an option?
Nope! Sports are a commitment. They’re part of a team who depends on them. Maybe you could’ve checked with their game schedule if you really wanted everyone to be there.
If you wanted to make sure they were there and knew they were involved in sports activities you would have tried to coordinate with them. Sports are commitments and help teach kids to honor their commitments among many other things.
I Have to admit I’m not a fan of babies and childrens parties that drag on all afternoon. Keep them short n sweet, its less stressful on the kids. What about planning the party when there isn’t a game? a time before or after the game time? Sometimes to keep the peace its worth the effort. Also remember What if it was your kids game everyone was missing for a party?
I love my nieces and nephews more than life and do my best to make every “event” of theirs, but I also have kids in sports and my husband is a coach… there’s no way we’d all skip his game for a birthday party. They made a commitment to that team before you planned a birthday party. Sucks they fall on the same day, but to expect them to miss a game, especially when the husband is a coach, isn’t fair.
My kids don’t even miss a practice let alone a game for any reason other than being really sick. And I mean they’re throwing up or have a fever. Sorry I’m with in laws on this one. Have a birthday dinner or cake on another day that works
One of the most important lessons we are teaching our kids by putting them in sports is to teach them team effort several people working together for a common goal.in turn kids learn how to prioritize,sacrifice and work to be the best they can for the group.this concept will apply to every relationship in every group setting well into adulthood.your devaluing the lessons they are trying to teach their kids by playing.one adult version would be communicating enouph and compromising enouph to accomplish both for the sake of your family or that team.if it’s that important that they are there take one for the team show your sportsmanship and change the date or time.
You are being selfish asf… They had prior commitments. This game was scheduled long before the party. You want them to miss a game for a bday party?? Unreal…
Sports are a commitment. You show up to all games unless sick.
This can’t be a serious post… no one can be that self centered to expect a coach and a player to miss a game for a birthday party…
I see both sides but I would miss a game to go to my nieces party, life’s to short.
This is Definitely one of those times.
Nah…Everyone have their priority. I won’t miss the game if I was a coach or my kid is a player.
Can they show up late… after the game?
So let me ask you this. What if it was your child who had their basketball game coming up and your child looks out at the bleachers to see if mom or dad are there to support them and watch them play but when they look out, they don’t see mom or dad there because they went to a party rather than supporting their child in their game. How do you think your child will feel? Kids remember who is there for them when they have games or events. Sure they remembers parties but they will always remember who was there supporting them. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had some of my students break into tears because mom didn’t show up for thanksgiving lunch, open house, choice concert, etc. It literally breaks my heart so much when it happens. The difference with my students is mom misses because most kids come from single parent household and low income area. Mom has to work so much just so she can afford her rent every month. Be grateful your in laws kids never have to go through that nor experience that.
Wow!!
I never allowed my child to miss a practice or game and wouldn’t care how anyone felt about it! If it is the only cousin, why didn’t you consult to find a day that worked and then plan?
You don’t expect a child to NOT show for their team, right?!
Yeah, no. I would not expect my family to miss out on playing in a game or coaching a game for a birthday party. Those are commitments.
There are times when some family members couldn’t make it to my kids birthdays due to prior commitments so we went out to dinner with them on a different day and celebrated separately with them. No big deal. Maybe this could be an option?
Yes you’re out of line 
Their child is PLAYING and the husband is COACHING, they aren’t sitting at home watching a game on tv 
F em if they don’t wanna go… u still have fun with your kids
Either your girls are to young or don’t play sports cause that is a huge commitment and many times you can only miss so many events before being released. And you said the father is a coach. That is another huge commitment. He has built trust with these kids and they are relying on him to show up. I get being upset that they can not come because they had prior commitments but if it was so important that they are there then why not ask when the games are so you know when they are available. I doubt you didn’t know that they were involved in sports. You can be discouraged but you also should understand that people can not cancel things already set in motion just to attend a birthday party. Obligations are still Obligations.
Nah you don’t have the right to be mad
I miss out on a lot because of my son’s sporting events, but I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’ve had to skip on my best friend’s kids’ birthday parties multiple times. I wish I could be at two places at once, but my kiddos come first. Thankfully, everyone in my life is understanding and knows there is no negotiating when it comes to my kids. Maybe try being a little more understanding.
We are a sports family. My kids will miss parties for games. My family usually ask for our schedule, so they can plan accordingly. Being a coach is a big commitment. It might not be an important game to you, but it’s probably important to your neice. In the future I would ask for a copy of their schedule.
So they are missing it to go to their one kid in elementary schools basketball game? Get over yourself. The game prolly means something to the kid, their kid comes before your kids birthday party.
My kids would never miss a game or practice for a birthday party or sick period.
My kids are athletes and play multiple sports at a time. It is a huge commitment and they are part of teams who count on them, we coach and need to be there…To be quite honest with you they would not miss their games for a birthday party…not even their cousins. I’m with the inlaws.
Can you change to date of the party? Since one child isn’t actually having the party on their birthday, change the dates.
What’s so hard about trying to compromise?
I would never teach my kid to back out of their commitments to attend a party or an event. At a young age it is so important to instill discipline and dedication. I have a large family and usually when any of plan a party we check everyone’s schedule and go from there … my kids will never think the sun rises and sets on them.
Coming from a hockey parent, our sons games and tournaments come first. My husband also coaches and I manage the team, and that team comes first. My son committed to a team, and we’ve had to miss many family events because of it.
I understand why you’re disappointed, but I think your in-laws are doing the right thing
So they’re choosing their kids over yours and you’re mad?
So, you planned a party, invited people and those people declined because of prior engagements and you’re mad at them?
It would be one thing if you had told them the date, they agreed to come, then turned around and canceled because they made other plans.
Unless I read right over it, did you consult anyone when picking the date? I know it’s your party and you can plan whatever you want for whenever you want, but personally, for anything like a birthday party, I always run possible dates by the people that I want to make sure can attend, like parents, siblings, close friends etc. I do that because sometimes people make plans months or or even a year in advance and if you don’t communicate with your guests, you can’t be sure in advance of their availability.
You can’t really be mad that people have prior engagements.
Yes, in my opinion you’re out of line and quite selfish. Who are you to day it’s not abut deal just because they are in elementary school. It could be incredibly important to her. They could turn and say the same with welp there’s always next year for so and so birthday. We are a sport family and We only host birthday parties when we know everyone can make it. Yes, it’s annoying but necessary if I want everyone to attend. Sports are a huge commitment and something you have to honor and stand by. I would never allow my kid to pull out for party. We’ve missed many things because of the commitment to the team during the season. These kids commitment will follow them through adulthood. It’s not about just one kid but an entire team. Coaches…. And coaches absolutely can not bail on an entire team for your child’s birthday. Sorry but not sorry. I understand your disappointment but sometimes we have to take control of the situation and even though is extra steps get it done for the outcome we want.
The game can’t be moved, the party can.
My nephew’s/niece’s are all in sports, before we plan anything we ask for schedules. You need to respect their commitments.
I understand the disappointment, but sports are a huge commitment and you have to honor them. As a coach you def can not let all the kids down either. Both my kids are very involved with sports and activities and at times they have to miss out on things bc we require them to stick to their commitment.
I always felt birthday parties were for the kids. We would have parties when they invited their friends. They played games and had fun. We’d do dinner another time and have Grandma and Grandpa join us.
You could have asked what dates they had games and possibly worked around it. Most sports cost money so I would want my child to play.
I will not all my boys to miss a game for a birthday party. I played volleyball and softball and I would have never missed a game for a birthday party.
The world doesn’t revolve around your children. Their life, schedules and commitments come first. Suck it up!
My kid played elementary basketball they only played like 5 games the rest were practices. We did skip a practice for an even but there are so few games we wouldn’t have but my family plans events around stuff such as that. You have to teach kids about commitments sports are a commitment and if dad is coaching a tournament obviously they knew the date in advance and seems kinda selfish to expect him to ‘ditch’ his entire team for you
Coaching and playing sport is a commitment. If it’s so important to you liaise with them for their schedules.
They don’t seem to be flaking as you call it but have prior plans. Yikes.
And now you know the rest of the story
Get the fuck over it… their child has a basketball game and dad coaches so yes they need to attened the sporting event… maybe they will stop by after…
I understand why you’re upset. I also understand their side. They committed to these sports teams. They spend money to participate, their team depends on them to play& coach. Maybe you & husband can do parties on days there isn’t games or a different time?
Why can’t they come after the game.
You’re out of line. He’s the coach. It would be pretty crappy of him not to follow through with his commitment.
You must not really understand how sports work! Good grief! You are over reacting!
You are in the wrong. Smh… rude
YTA. Playing on a team and coaching a team are prior commitments that cannot be broken. The team has been working towards tournament all season. Why did you schedule a party on the same day? If you really wanted them at the party and knew that participation in sports was important for that branch of your family why didn’t you ask them in advance if that day was good for them? And why aren’t you, husband, kids not going to support and cheer on the cousins at the tournament?
Invitations are not summonses. If it’s super important to you that they attend, change the day if the party
Your world may revolve around your kids but it doesn’t work that way for everyone else. NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING
Also stop expecting you from people.
Sports are a commitment ! We’ve missed a lot of things because my oldest is in things and my family was very understanding and supportive of her participating in extracurricular activities
My kids don’t even miss practices… if they say they want to do something &I’m spending all this money they are there even if it’s their own birthday… &my family &friends know that! If it’s a wedding, baby shower… something I couldn’t attend again like another birthday part &we are able to my husband or I will miss the game &go to the event but kind of hard when there’s 4 kids…
Choices have to be made. They made the choice, now you have to accept it and move on.
Yup…it’s a previous obligation. There is absolutely no reason they should change their schedule to meet your expectations. If you are that concerned about certain family members attending, check their availability
Meh. I feel like it’s understandable considering the circumstances. Is there any way you can reschedule? Not that you’re obligated to, but it could be an option if you really want them to be there and are able to. I understand being disappointed, but I wouldn’t be mad over it.
My daughters activities come before my nieces and nephews. I don’t make her miss out because of an event for one of her cousins. I’m don’t were a wedding or funeral yes, not for a birthday though.
If they have their kids in sports, they pay money for it, dad coaches, I’m not really surprised they are keeping their prior commitment to the team to attend the game.
It sucks for you, sure. But they did make a commitment when they joined the team. What would it be teaching their kids also if they ditched their teammates because you feel more important?
So, from my understanding of the post, he’s a coach. I wouldn’t consider it “flaking” if he’s the coach. I would consider that a commitment, a big one at that. And it was already made. Plus a kid that’s involved and the money that was spent.
I mean no disrespect, with what I’m about to say. Sometimes life happens. They let you know they had a prior engagement. They didn’t leave you hanging and wondering. When this happens to us, we just make other plans on the day we’re both Free.
Edit - you can’t expect people (family included) to do things the way you have, or would. They aren’t you.
She’s in a tournament that has a potential final at the end obviously it’s a big game you are just so pissed off you don’t notice this
Yes, you’re out of line 
They are your kids just make sure you are there, no one else is obligated to them.
We can see why they flake, you sound very self centered