My boyfriend tried to DNA test our 3-week old daughter behind my back, without my permission, for a paternity test. We have been together for over a year; I’ve never cheated, or given him any reason to believe that I have. IM honest, even when I don’t have to be, and he knows that i would fight for him because when we argue, I’m always the one to try to calmly talk it out like an adult. He was going off of what a stupid friend of his said. This friend has disrespected me and wanted to break us up in the past, and now I feel like him putting in my boyfriend’s head that his daughter isn’t his is disrespectful to our daughter. And i feel like he is allowing his friend to disrespect his daughter by discrediting her authenticity. I feel like his friend’s approval is more important than his family. If he had come to me and talked about it, it would have been a different story, but he went to great lengths to try to hide this from me. Am I overreacting or do I have the right to be angry?
YOU have every right to be mad! He does not! He should have talked to you about it…
I feel like if there’s nothing to hid, then a dna test shouldn’t be a big deal. But I’m also a firm believer that paternity test should be mandatory before signing the birth certificate.
You should reevaluate your entire relationship. This is not normal behavior whatsoever.
Im at a loss for words. I would want to leave though. He obviously doesnt trust you. And how could you trust him ever again?
Leave and file for child support. The trust is obviously not there on his end. Plus he valued the allegations of his friend over your word. That is not okay
You have a right to be upset. He can want a DNA test but he should have gone to u about it. I wouldnt want to be with someone like that at all.
Totally have the right to be angry. He could have felt comfortable enough to come and talk to you about it and knew that you would of course put his mind to ease
I vote with over reacting. He confirmed he’s your baby daddy. He probably should have involved you but your choice is to either move on and drop it or to let it dig at you and break up. Just tell him dont to pull a bonehead stunt like that again OR that little DNA test will get the child support coming quicker.
If someone took great lengths to hide something from you that you have every right to know about then you have every right to be angry. Thats bull crap
Im not saying you’re not. But just from the outside looking in if you’re being completely honest and know got a fact theres no reason for him to not trust you. They only accuse of what theyre guilty of.
I would be mad if he didn’t say that’s what he wanted…not that he wanted to get one.
I would be angry too and reevaluate the relationship.
Legally I thought the mom had to give consent and be swabbed too? Either way you have every right to be upset. I’m so sorry.
Let the stupid boyfriend go.
I would be done with him, obviously he doesn’t trust you, he thinks you slept with somebody else or he wouldn’t have done the DNA test. That’s wrong, if you don’t have trust you don’t have anything. He could have just came to you about his feelings or about what his damn friend said. I would have to reevaluate the whole relationship.
Sounds like there is MUCH more to the story. If it is his child, what is the issue. If you say he is the father and he wants proof…he should be able to get it I am more concerned with why he would have to hide it from you!?
I’d be furious and the relationship would be over.
Your feelings are your feelings, and you can feel any way you want about it. Don’t deny him a dna test though. If he has any doubt, he has the right to know and be 100% about it. Again, you can feel any way you want about it. You’re not overreacting. He feels it was needed. You feel like there’s no trust. Maybe he just wanted to be 100% and put any slight worry to rest. Don’t be mad he got a dna test. Be mad he hid it. But still let him do a dna test. Now he will probably think you’re hiding something since your mad though, and his feelings are also just as valid as yours. It’s probably best if you let him take the dna test, and also have a big calm discussion about why it was necessary and why he couldn’t fully trust you, and if your relationship should continue as long as the trust is there.
Yes you have a right to be livid.
Why be mad, it tells alot about him that he wanted it.
Leave him hats disrespectful and would pissed me off
You have every right to be angry. He basically concluded you were a liar and cheat but was not man enough to tell you.
You’ve been together over a year and have a three month old = pregnant right away. I understand you may feel hurt but his friend is just trying to be a friend maybe he thinks you were already pregnant when you met.
I would personally be very upset!
I am so on the fence about this. Yes, you have every right to be mad that he went behind your back, but then again, if you know he is dad then it don’t matter. I sincerely don’t mean that in a rude way cause him going behind your back is WRONG and I would be upset also but a part of me would be like now that I know, let’s just do it and prove it to whoever (not that it is anyone else’s concern). Honestly, my feelings I guess could go either way cause I wouldn’t want my boyfriend doing crap like that behind my back for real. We have been together almost 5 years and he always jokes about DNA testing my almost 3 year old even though they look identical and he knows that and I know 100% he has no doubts and I just tell him, u want to pay for it u go right ahead cause I know the truth. Anyway, again, I mean nothing rude about this at all cause I do know I would be hurt and upset at first to find out he went that far to try to go behind your back about it instead of just talking to you about it.
Nope it’s his kid too, meaning he can DNA test if he pleases. is it shitty for your relationship? Sure, but he clearly needed a peace of mind.
It seems to me that maybe the only thing that’s holding him there is the baby. Yes cut loose and find out what’s going on. Something is up.
Throw the whole damn man away
I wouldn’t be upset! I know who my daughter’s dad is and if he ever felt the need to check DNA, even if did it behind my back! If he felt the need to do it! I don’t see an issue!
Aww these mad women saying leave him. Dont that is silly. Sit down and talk. See what is up be an adult.
If someone was putting doubts in his head, why not let him get some peace of mind? The comment that you’re honest “even when I don’t have to be” makes me question your honesty. Women know a baby is ours and men deserve to know the same.
First you have a right to be upset just as he has a right for a dna test to put any worries to rest. What’s done is done, talk about it, fix what needs fixing and move on, either together or separate.
If its in illinois and hes not on the birth cirtificate then thats totally illegal.
I don’t see a problem here. The people you think you know the best, are usually the ones that screw you. He doesn’t need your permission to make sure the kid is his.
So shocked there’s people actually seeing this as ok. Obviously she would be upset, he has no trust in her, went behind her back. If you can’t bring something like this up straight to her face and talk about it as an adult, then obviously this relationship has issues from the get-go. There’s too many women out here thinking thatbehavior was okay
Maybe he should shack up with his bestie…What an asshole.
I’d be so upset. But everyone situation is different. Mom you do whats best for you. Don’t let fb post tell you how u should feel. Trust your gut. Stay strong Hopefully things will turn for the better.
To the people telling her she’s over reacting, did he pick you
I don’t see the problem
Wow you people are fucking idiotic, its literally illegal in certain circumstances.
Yes you have a right to be upset with him, and if he is so worried about it why is he with you?
Dont sounds like anything you say would make him believe you over his friend.
If the baby is his then why worry🤷♀️ Juat sit back, smile and wait for his I’m sorry. To be honest I don’t think it’s an issue.
Sounds like he is looking for an out. Just give it to him who has time for that garbage
Performing any kind of test on a newborn without your consent is absolutely disgusting.
Idk if my ex decided he wanted to get a dna test done I’d be like whatever. Cause it’s 100% his kid. Idc I understand wanting that reassurance and to make sure. so many incidents where guys find out its not their child after years of taking care of the child and getting emotionally involved. Its honestly not a big deal for a guy to want to be sure its his kid. I wouldn’t like if he hid it from me though if he wanted one I’d expect him to just tell me. But some women react differently than others.
I would be upset he lied, but also understand him wanting a test. My ex husband tested both of our kids bc he had situations where women said the baby was his and it wasn’t, it happens all the time. Personally I would let him know that lying and hiding isn’t ok, he needs to be open and honest but maybe show some understanding of his concern. Yall hadnt been together that long before you got pregnant, and even if you had, there are horrible women out there and that is a serious thing. Best of luck to yall!
Meh if it doesn’t work out he can’t deny it isn’t his. When you’ve had enough at least your guaranteed support
I’d discuss the lack of trust he had in you with him. Discuss how having his friend interfere in your relationship makes you feel. The fact that he allows his friend to come between you is the problem here.
Going behind her back is the issue. That is not healthy for any relationship. Cut and run.
I would get DNA test and shive the results in his face
No i would be mad too.
If it’s really his then let him waste the money to get it done. Then when it comes back as she’s his rub it in his face lol and tell his friend to back the fuck up already
He’s probably gay with his friend. Just leave.
I personally wouldn’t care at all. Ive been through a similar situation where the father of my oldest filed for a paternity test without me knowing and i didnt care at all if he has questions about paternity regardless of the situation he has a right to know for sure and as long as your confident that he is the father then it shouldnt be an issue for you either. Besides if you did a paternity test then you would have to worry about him pulling the idk if I’m father card down to road just to get out of being a parent if that ever were to happen and your daughter would have that proof of who her father is if he ever tried to deny her.
The fact that he did it behind your back says there are LARGER issues at hand. This won’t be the only time. I would DEFINITELY move on without him.
I think it’s ok, unless your hiding something…
He doesn’t trust you. He’s also showing that he isn’t mature enough to have adult conversation. Or he just let his friend get into his head and made a stupid decision. Either way, don’t stress. The baby is his. He looks like the fool for mistrusting you. The friend proves to be a liar. Life goes on. Personally I’d have been mad for a little bit too. A little hurt too.
Seems suspicious. Usually the one that is going behind your back is the guilty one.
He did it behind your back which is the entire issue here. Absolutely justified in being upset. That’s kind of crazy.
I’d leave. And go get an std test. Usually men accuse of cheating because they did.
I mean you have a right to be angry…but he didn’t need your permission
I had a friend test his kid too behind his exes girlfriends back. Turns out it wasn’t his kid. I also suspect my son father tested my son because his friends kept asking if he was sure it’s his. I could care less if he did because I knew it was his seeing as the only person I was intimate with those 5 years besides him was also female lol
I would be livid. When those results come back proving to him that he’s the father I would tell him to get the fuck out.
The fact that y’all seem to think it’s no biggie that he wants a paternity test speaks VOLUMES about your life.
The fact that he’s got that much distrust in you, you’d be better off walking away from him. Slap him in the face with the results and leave him. If you don’t have any trust, you don’t have a relationship. Period.
Fathers have just as much right as mothers so yes sucks he dont trust but if he asked would you of flipped out or allwoed it
Break up with him now. This kind of deception cannot be fixed. He does value his friends opinion above his love and trust of you. Run.
Be angry for the right readon…which is, he’s not disrespecting you daughter, he’s disrespecting YOU.
Def. Over reacting… What ever he needs to do as far as paternity shldnt be a big deal
If you’re 100% sure she’s his and you have nothing to hide, then let him waste his money and get the test! As for the going behind your back, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship.
Personally, I’d be upset and think you have a right to be so, but also think you should talk to him about the disrespect you feel that he had to do such a thing to begin with and express your feelings to why he did this and ask him why he felt he needed to do it, and so secretly. I feel as women, we KNOW our babies are ours and therefore cannot understand the “what if” men might have whether we (or anyone else) give them that reason to wonder or not. Communication is key and if you’ve been doing that, then continue doing it now during this hardship because it could make or break you since this sounds slightly unhealthy and may need to be aware of if/when tou need to cut and run. Assuming the test came out positive, ask if he feels any better now knowing the same assurance and if it will help benefit his trust in your word in the future.
It would have been a problem either way, if he asked or the way he did it!!! I would have packed my bag and My baby and left, he should have told me what he was thinking of doing. Not lied and deceived me!!! Now I do think that every child should be DNA’d b4 signing the birth certificate!!! There are a lot of women that do just like men, cheat!!! The only difference is that they are stuck with a child that is not his for 18 years or life!!! Not ok
I would have let him do the test but then told him to choose you and his baby or that bitch ass friend of his and you never want to hear about it again but if you have a problem with it maybe you hiding something
I’d have been mad… Like bro, they ask you if you want a paternity test in the hospital… You couldn’t have asked for one in front of my face?
What’s going on with him and his friend tho I’d be livid, and the fact he went out of his way to try and hide it and do it behind your back makes him look even more suspicious. I’d run. It’s not going to get better. He’s not even capable of having an adult conversation with you about your own child. He’s looking for a reason to leave.
Id be a little upset he didnt trust me but at the same time it would give me satisfaction and the chance to say “I told you so”.
He doesn’t trust you. And did he ask you and you said no before? If so then no harm in it if theres nothing to worry about, sit back and watch. When it comes back positive calmly explain how this hurt your feelings… be an adult about the situation.
If thats what you need to do? Go ahead. I got nothing to hide. 🤷
It means he doesn’t trust you. I would be very upset. Not sure what the future of this relationship holds for you. Especially if he is like this one year in. This is supposed to be the honeymoon phase still.
I’d tell him I was really disappointed that he did that without speaking to you about it. The fact is he does not value your opinion and wants to make decisions without your input. He is old enough to make Hu’s own decisions, that not the point. The point is that it’s not the type of relationship you want and you want to separate for a while to think about if you want to stay with someone who doesn’t respect you enough to talk to you about major decisions he is making.
Lack of trust, lack of respect, who needs that?
Wow. I would be fucking livid. Absolutely furious beyond explanation. Even if he had come to you and say oh such & such has said blah blah so now im questioning whether or not the baby is mine can we do a DNA, I would be fuming with that if I knew I had never shit on him, but to do it without your knowledge is so fucking disrespectful. I would have a fit. I actually don’t know how you could move forward from that, I would be out of there so fast. There is no way I would let him believe the opinions of others over what I say without even discussing it. Sorry chick. Im 37 so have been there & done that with disrespectful pricks so my opinion might be different to other peoples but for me, I would be out x
He got his confirmation now get out he doesn’t trust u n probably never will
“I’m honest, even when I don’t have to be”
Sweetie you should ALWAYS be honest with your man.
And so what if he tests her, I’d be saying please do so you don’t have a doubt in your mind.
Also, you need to make yoyr guy set up healthy boundaries with his friends being involved in your biz.
I’d be low key mad. I’d also punch him right in his teeth when the results came back with a match.
The fact that he tried to do the test and slyly shows he doesnt trust you, and he cant be trusted says a lot. Without trust its not a relationship, he should have spoken to you about it not gone behind your back. He’s believed his friend, walk away or pack his bags and change the locks.
As long as she is his he is the one looking like a dumbass so enough said
Kick him to the curb. He is clearly trying to disown his paternity, else why try to prove he is the father? You already stipulate that. If he’s trying to get custody, why bother, if you agree that he is the father? Sounds like a loser to me.
Well if it were me and his friend putting all this shit in his head and keep trying to break us up…after that dna test, the friend will have to go and the bf would be next real soon if he pulled another one like that. But personally I would feel disrespected and now MY trust would be gone so he would have to go. But u don’t have to go that far lol
Oh id lose it…prove he is the father then toss his ass! You n ur daughter better off without him n his buddy!!
You have every right to be upset.
Eh, I can’t really judge him. I’m not a man. I don’t know what it’s like to have to wonder whether or not the kid is actually yours. He did what he felt like he needed to do. Yes, he should have been honest with you, but maybe he was scared of how you would react. I wouldn’t actually leave the relationship over that. Seems like you guys need to work on communicating. Make sure he knows you’re not mad about the test, just that he did it behind your back and see where it goes from there. You owe it to your child, to at least try to make it work.
Just let him do it. If you know its his and the truth. Don’t get angry over it because trust me then the males brain does think you are hiding somthing. Go along with him and he will see the truth.
Id be more mad at the lack of communication and trust then the act itself
I see this as more of a sign that he has cheated on you. Lol maybe I’m jus the overthinker.
So is he the father?
I’d be piss and tell him so it sounds like he trust his friends over you and that’s not right
Honestly, let him take the test because as a parent it’s his right to be certain. Even if you know for sure he is and you are upset by it. BUT once it comes back positive that he’s the daddy then you can talk to him about how you felt about all of this. And add in how you don’t appreciate his friend’s input on your relationship.
He was just curious and wanted to make sure it was his but still should have told her at least