Do I have a right to be upset that my spouse purchased a car without asking me?

Does your spouse ask you before making big financial decisions? A little backstory, we have been married for ten years, he works, I stay home (which he constantly reminds me of), but we have four kids, and daycare wouldn’t be worth me getting a job, anyways he went out and purchased a 2021 dodge, Durango!!! It is fully loaded and about 700 more than our other car payment, and there was nothing even wrong with it… he didn’t even ask me or consult me, and he put around 5,000 down for it because our other car was still pretty new. Do I have a right to be upset or no because I do not technically work?

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Yes, you have every right to be upset. He should have asked you before!!

Yes you do l, I stay home with the kids and hubby and I always consult together. Your married it’s 1 account

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It’s very concerning that you’re asking this question. You’re his wife. You’re supposed to be his teammate, not some kind of slave. Yes! He absolutely should ask, and something is very wrong that he didn’t, but also made such a HUGE financial commitment.

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I don’t work but we discuss all big purchases. We sit down and lay everything out if we can afford it, need it and so on. He even asked for my opinion when he bought his truck brand new and then if he should trade it for something else. Even when he bought my car i still asked his opinion since he was paying for it.

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Girl heck yes you have a right to know what’s going on financially.

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I mean if he works it’s pretty much his money and he can do what he wants with it, as long as he can help pay for other expenses I don’t think you should be upset about it, I was with someone for 6 years and went and bought a car without consulting anyone because I worked for my own money so I did what I pleased with it

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I’d be mad too. My husband stays home with the kids and I would NEVER make that decision without him. A purchase like that needs to be agreed upon, even if you don’t bring in an income. You are supposed to be his partner.

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Is this a glitch in the matrix cause I swear I read this earlier.

Why would he make such a huge investment without consulting you?! Yes you definitely have a reason to be mad!!! I don’t work either but I take care of all of our finances and my husband would never do that whatsoever!!! He asks me before he even spends his own money!!! That is so irresponsible on his part!!!

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You could be like…

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Yes…BIG purchases should always be discussed in a relationship…living together or married. If you SHARE finances…definitely should have been a convo beforehand.

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I’ve been married 42 years and my spouse has always gotten vehicles without consulting me. I have always worked full time myself as an RN. It never bothered me

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Speaking from a man’s point of view, he probably thought you’d love it! I say go with the flow and be grateful he didn’t bring home a gorilla!

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I would say it’s up to him it’s his money. He has to handle the car note and insurance.

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Yes you have a right to be mad. He should of discussed it with you. It would be one thing if it was a car for you and you’ve always wanted it and he surprised you with it. Still he should go over all big purchases with you. Your a team.

Everyone’s situation is different.

My husband was micromanaged in his first marriage by a stay at home wife. He used to run things by me like going to lunch with a coworker. Didn’t ask me about grabbing drinks after work with his team for months for fear of a freak out. I am very hands off like that but I can’t imagine a world where he’d buy a car without me. I bought our most recent car while he was out of state and was texting him the entire time going over the down payment and monthly payments, etc. It’s a team decision. We are united or we figure it out until we are.

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Ironically my husband is itching for a new vehicle. A very expensive one. And we just test drove it tonight. We buy nothing pricey/major without discussing it first.
He even bought me a new car for an anniversary gift one year, but took me to the dealer BEFORE signing anything!!!

If he can afford it & it doesn’t affect the other household needs I honestly wouldn’t care

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I would be upset, stay at home parent is a job, you just don’t get paid for it. Your married it’s “OUR money”. My husband and I have an amount we can spend on “nonessentials” without talking about it ($100) anything over that we talk about

I stay home with our baby and my husband still calls it “our money” why? Because we BOTH agreed I’d stay home with our baby! And being a SAHM is 9/10 way harder than a 9-5.
With that being said you’re 100% right for being mad. Even if he bought it thinking it’s a surprise for you and that you’d love it, he should’ve at least casually mentioned “hey what if we get a new car” in my opinion.

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Well, out of respect he should’ve discussed it with you, you’re his wife and partner. But if he thinks he can afford it without impacting any other expenses for you, the home, or the children then it is what it is.

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LOL same situation literally ended my Dad’s marriage. I mean you’re supposed to be a team, right? Should have been discussed together before hand.

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Lol, I got bored one day and bought myself a new van. My husband said cool. When it was time for a new car I chose it. And got the Loan myself and he didn’t have a day.

Of course you have the right to be upset, and you are working, make him do what you do for a weekend and see if he ever reminds you that you don’t work again.

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My s.o did this too. We had talked about and agreed not to spend 7000$ on a vehicle. He went behind my back and did just that knowing id be pissed and say no. Didn’t even talk to me about it. But bcuz it was his taxes bcuz he was the one who worked all year. Even though I stayed home with our two littles. Yeah, same situation. I was pissed. Still am.

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My dad purchased a truck when my mom was visiting me… we laugh about it now but she was not amused :rofl:

My husband said your husband is a douche. :eyes:

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Adam I’d be furious just so ya know

It’s all about RESPECT

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If its over $300 we discuss it first. Thats our rule.

You have every right it’s not like he went out to buy a watch ffs every desicion that big is always discussed. Your his wife/partner and that’s with all respect. I’d b fkn mad if that were me but because I’d love some new wheels id b bloody over the moon

Honestly…no…He worked for it and is the one making the payments. Why stress? My husband went out and got a brand new Toyota Tacoma one year and we both worked while I got a 2000 Jeep I paid in full for. He could make the payments on a new vehicle…I couldn’t so bought mine outright. He drove me around a lot in the new vehicle and took me on many road trips to great places in that truck. I never complained. Did updates on my Jeep and made it great to go back and forth to work in…I paid all the bills and for all the groceries and in return he took me anywhere I wanted to go in that truck. Loved it as much as he did. Sadly, when his dad got a divorce from his mom, his sister’s husband had a connection at the union hall to where kept him out of work for over 6 months,so it ended up going back. Would love for him to be able to get another brand new vehicle someday. Now I’m a stay at home mom no longer working and he still gives me money to spend and pays for me to go do things with the kids and get my hair done when want at a salon,which is usually once a year. Lol

A spouse/parent that likes to remind their partner that “gets” to stay home and parent shared children needs to get fucked/divorced/single

My man and I have a deal where as long as the kids and I and Bill’s are taken care of I don’t care what he does :woman_shrugging:

You don’t work outside the house. You don’t get paid per say for the many hats you wear… but you do work! I’d say he didn’t include you, because he knew you’d say exactly what you did in this post… and he didn’t want to hear it. I’m not saying he’s right. That’s how it comes across to me. :wink: Ps… I think I’d be bent. :thinking:

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Oh hell no, I’m a sahm to but he won’t spend more the $100 bucks without talking to me. It’s called respect!

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I didn’t ask my husband when I purchased my own truck, I’m not a stay at home mom though.

I’d be pissed. I’m a stay at home mom also. I guess it depends on who pays the bills and whether there is “extra” to cover the more expensive payment. I do the paying of the bills every month so I know, as well as telling my husband, where we’re at. Either way, we’ve discussed new or used car purchases together. When my RAV4 did the unexpected acceleration he was on board with me ditching it as soon as possible. I did a lot of travel between my house and my mom’s an hour and a half away at that time, and I needed a reliable vehicle. I was driving while he was car shopping for me. But we both knew what we could spend and I got an good in between car until we could determine what worked best for us. When we had our kiddo we knew we needed a different vehicle ( a year and a half after I got the in between). I was against a minivan and he was all for it. When I decided it was going to be a minivan. I went and did the test drive, we also agreed on a town and country. I didn’t want him in the vehicle with me pushing me towards. Found my van, got a deal working on that and the trade, took him to look at it with me. We bought it that day. But it was a joint decision.

Yikes. Definitely something you discuss first.

I think he should have spoke to you first. Being at sahm is working! Don’t ever let anyone tell you different. You may not get a paycheck but being a sahm isn’t easy. We don’t get days off or sick time. We’re on the clock 24-7. Let him know how you feel momma! Then take the keys & tell him to watch the kids while you go for a ride lol

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Idk for me personally I couldn’t imagine being married and just going and buying a new vehicle without discussing it with my husband first…a married couple is supposed to be a team and that’s a really big purchase.

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Will y’all being married that long yes you do have a right to be mad y’all have a bond together you have kids together and that should have been a decision that y’all make together because if it was the other way around and you worked all day and he stayed at home then he would be mad if you did that to him man just don’t understand people staying at home with their children and not working has to be done sometimes and our jobs as mother staying at home with our kids is just as important as his job working making the money

I would be upset as well. Maybe you could talk to him and y’all can come up with a dollar amount that y’all would not want to go over without a discussion. My husband owns two businesses so we made the decision any business purchase over $15,000 we discuss and any personal or home purchase over $1500 we discuss. That’s a massive purchase just because it sounded good at the time :grimacing: not to mention the difference could have been invested in something and then the profits used to pay for a more expensive vehicle.

There’s no way either one of us would do that.
We don’t spend more than $100 without talking with the other.
We have 6 kids( one is 20), he works outside of the home, and I work at home.
We are a team, and we make decisions together, big or small( but especially big).
What your husband is disrespectful in my opinion.

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Of course u have the right, he is acting like you have no say when you do, like your opinion doesn’t matter, f…k that!

u say its not worth working, mayb give it a go.

If he provides for your family and you can afford it let it go.

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I’m not even married but my boyfriend of 3 years has always discussed large purchases with me.he bought a car and we discussed it, what we thought we could afford, did we want an suv or car. Same with the boat and house he bought, all discussed before hand and a joint decisions we aren’t engaged or married, just in a commuted relationship, living together, raising our kids together. It’s really a respect thing. I mean, why wouldn’t you want to include your significant other in a big decision like that?

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I personally wouldn’t be upset as long as he can afford the payment

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Definitely have a right to be mad.
My husband and I always consult each other about anything over $20 unless it’s a necessity.

You work
For free
24/7
Us moms get it
N we also get the lack of respect!
Which is exactly what this is!
N that sounds like a huge car payment- a selfish decision by a man… not surprised there
N if the show was in the other foot?! Don’t even get me started!

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I mean it’s his money really . But also could have had a discussion about it before doing it

That man needs to drive that attitude back towards the lane that has the big neon sign saying “$4000 of your monthly wage belongs to your children’s caregiver - YOUR WIFE!”

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My fiance and I discuss everything!!! I am a SAHM to our 2 children but I am also the one who pays the bills. He .makes the money but I am the one to budget and pay bills. I think it is important for a healthy relationship to discuss things like that.

That being said I am aware all relationships have their own dynamics that work for the people involved and I feel after venting it all out, it would be best to discuss how you are feeling with your SO. Good luck Mama :heart:

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U have every right to b mad and hurt. Decisions like that need to b thoroughly discussed between the 2 of u

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If it’s not going to hurt you financially I wouldn’t care. But if it will be a struggle to afford it then there should have been a conversation. My husband and I don’t necessarily discuss our purchases. We both know what we can afford and we aren’t here to parent each other.

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I feel like you have every right to be upset. Big financial decisions should be discussed with your significant other.

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All three of my car payments together are 850 a month…I couldn’t imagine one car payment over 700. I don’t understand the people saying to just let it go. What happened to discussing things with your partner before doing them, or mutual respect? Do real people actually live in a world where they can afford to have their spouse spend thousands of dollars without discussing it? Hell no. I’ve been a stay at home mom for years now, but I can tell you that he’d have better bought a pillow and a blanket when he got that car, cus he’d be living in that bitch :woman_shrugging:t3:

I am a working sahm (I have a tumbler & things business). I do the budgets and bills. I do bring in money but it all goes to our savings where my husband technically pays the bills. He would NEVER do something like this without discussing it first. Hell he even asked to buy ME a pistol he thought I would like. Always discuss. That’s a big purchase. Minor things. Eh. He bought me a van this year. Nothing wrong with my car but the room in the van made more sense with 3 kids. I told him no I like my car :joy::joy::joy: but WE decided ok fine it’s a good thing.

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If I’m spending more than $100 I let my husband know… I don’t care if we make the same, I work and he doesn’t or vice versa. That’s your spouse. You need to communicate. That’s a lot more than pocket money he spent

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His attitude towards you is shit. And he has zero respect for you. That is an obscene amount of money to be blowing without even discussing anything with your partner first.

Honestly I did it …
Because hubby’s car was 2 small and they took his old car in on trade …and we got a 2018 mitsubishi outlander for a low rate …and got $ for the car 2 …
He was so happy …and thanks me daily …
He works full time
I’m a stay home mom

We aren’t married but we’ve been together 10 years and have always discussed big purchases.

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Yes you have the right to be upset. You and your partner should have discussed buying a new car.

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I work right now and daddy stays home with the kids. I would NEVER buy something like that without talking to him. Everything is a team effort here though. He pays bills and sits on hold with utility company and makes sure everything is running at home and kids are happy and healthy (which is just as important as the job!)

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You do “technically” work! I paid 150 per week for child care years ago. $600 per month. Multiply that by how many children you’re caring for and then you’ll realize how much money you’re saving your family.
My husband and I have been married for almost ten years as well and he would never do that, not would I. That is extremely disrespectful. I would be furious.

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Yes. You’re a partnership. That purchase affects you and your children as well as him. You should be consulted with anything that huge. Me and my husband always discuss purchases over $100… We sometimes even consult each other about smaller purchases. “Baby, would you care if I spent $40?” It’s just a respect thing. There is no his money or my money, even when I was working. Even for the period of time my job was bringing a little more home. It’s always been us and ours, not mine and his.

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I would be upset. Durango isn’t even that good of a vehicle.

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You are supposed to be partners so yes you have a right to be upset. The payment is insane because of negative equity. Basically you are paying off both cars now in the new loan.

I would be upset. We discuss any spending in our household that isn’t absolutely necessary. My husband actually was upset that I spent $350 on his birthday gift. I was REALLY upset when I found out how much my engagement ring cost. The only time we don’t discuss prices is when it is a gift for one another.

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I don’t think you do but I’m not in your relationship or have been around the conversations regarding finances. I’m married, we both work, we have separate accounts. We each pay half the bills and decide what to do with our own funds at the end of the day. Sometimes we discuss those purchases, Sometimes we don’t. We decided we wanted a camper so we made the choice to buy it. He decided he wanted to upgrade from a smaller truck to a full size he did. I decide I want to head back east to visit family, I do. I know what our dynamics are and that wouldn’t make me mad, but again, not my relationship. Ours works for us.

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I’m the one working in my relationship and I don’t even make small purchases without bringing it up, never mind a big one lmao. I respect him and I expect the same amount of respect back

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My fiancé n I been together for 8 years separate accounts. As long as all bills are paid and we put some to saving each pay we don’t really care what the other spends

I would take it back to the dealership without him :joy:

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Why do you say or let anyone say you dont work ?

  1. Add what child care would cost .
  2. Add what a house keeper would cost.
  3. Add what a food shopper and food prep would cost .
  4. Minus the value of any chores he does in any of these areas .
  5. The total is your financial contribution.
    Now IMO couples should make or at least discuss any large financial decisions together.
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Damn I just wanna know what car is 700 PLUS the at least 1sum the last was monthly🤔 especially after 5k down wtf is the shit 100k w dirt credit? Anywho his money his choice. He got rid of the last one to get the new

Yeah I’d be pissed. My other half and I have been together 13 years. He knows what I’m like and even though I know he wouldn’t care if Id gone and brought a car without asking, I never would. And neither would he even if it was just to keep the peace with me. Poor barstard lol. And at the moment, I’m more or less a stay at home mum to our 1, primary aged kid :sweat_smile:

I can’t believe people are actually saying it’s his money so he can do as he pleases? That’s got to be a joke right? Maybe she should start invoicing him for cooking and cleaning services, also 50% of child care. They are both equally responsible for the children so 50% is fair. She is his partner, not his damn slave and he should have more respect instead of bitching at her for being a sahm.

Ppl that comment about separate accounts and not caring what they spent with their money…I bet ya would if ya had 4 kids together

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Yes .you work harder than him

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I agree Kelly, I cannot believe in this day and age that anyone thinks this way still. We are not in the 1950’s. Just for that I would be getting a bloody job and getting him to pay the childcare bill.

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You are a team… he sucks

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Yes, you guys area team, partners and that’s a pretty big deal. Would he be mad if you did? I’d assume so, quite the financial decision.

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Yes I would be you are a team and already have 1 vechile on payments I would not deal with it I’m stay at home mom My husband would not make a big purchase with out talking to me not to get permission but to talk about it because that is what you do when your a team

Past upset. Super pissed. You are saving $400 per child a month on daycare by being home. You don’t “not make money” you save money by being a caretaker. Throw the whole man out and start from scratch.
But seriously, marriage counseling.

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You have the right to be angry. He may work for the money but you both made a decision for one of you to be a stay at home parent due to the cost of child care. So it’s not like you’re just mooching off of him he’s doing his part and you being a stay at home mother to four kids at that is amazing. Don’t let him act like you don’t have a say! If that’s how he wants to be go out and get a job and let him pay for childcare

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I’d be pissed!!! I’m a sahm mom too and there’s no way in hell my fiance would do that. He knows better. He would be afraid to come home :joy::joy:

I would be pissed he should have talked about it with you

$700 MORE than your other car payment? Uh, no sir. I wouldn’t even spend $700 a month on a car payment.

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If the man can pay 700$ more then the last car payment plus 5000$ down with four kids he’s making damn good money! I agree he should of talked to you first" but at the end of the day if you’re household is not suffering then put a little faith in the man that he was looking out for the better of the family! But if you’re bills and household are suffering then he’s an Ass hole!:hole:

I’m a sahm and my husband will always come to me to discuss what he’s buying with bigger purchases

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Stay at home mom or not, you’re supposed to be a team. Big descions/purchases should always be discussed. It’s a matter of respect (in my opinion).

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Yes you have every right to be mad and upset. In my relationship we discuss everything.

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I’d be pissed. It’s as if just because he’s the “breadwinner” he can do what he likes. Doesn’t work that way, I’m afraid. You do something for you, girl. Get a part time job, and get him to do more with the kiddos whilst you work. He’ll sharp change his tune.

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it is his money but he’s also your husband so i feel like it’s a partnership for a reason and it should’ve been a sit down discussion first

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If it were a true partnership, it would have been a decision made together.

If you get no say, than he can start to pitch in on watching the kids and you can get a job as well. You shouldve been consulted. Its a partnership.

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Yes u have a right to be upset. Ur supposed to make decisions together and he’s an ass for “reminding” u that u don’t work! I’d tell him off! Ask him if he wants to stay home with the kids so u can work or he can pay for daycare!

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I was upset when mine did. But then I went out and got one too without him Mua ha ha ha

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