Do I have a right to be upset that my spouse purchased a car without asking me?

I would smack tf out of him :eyes:

My husband works but I manage the finances and the bills. Thereā€™s absolutely no way he would have done that. We discuss ALL purchases

3 Likes

You always have a right to your feelings. I am a SAHM and I am always up to date on our financial situation/purchases. Youā€™re opinion does matter.

1 Like

Eh itā€™s a car. Let him have his toys. So long as the bills are paid and the family is good, fighting over money is just a waste of time that could be spent supporting each other.

11 Likes

Should have definitely been a conversation where you decide together but seeings he already went and got it Id ask him whatā€™s he buying for me

1 Like

Yes but I donā€™t think he or you have to ā€œaskā€ each other. I think you should have a conversation about big purchases together.

My husband doesnā€™t always consult me. He talks with his parents before me!

6 Likes

Being a SAHM doesnā€™t mean shit. Itā€™s a partnership. You guys share 50/50 regardless of someoneā€™s work status.

4 Likes

My husband can spend his money how he wants but he does always let me know what hes buying.

I havenā€™t worked in over 8 years now, and no way would my husband ever do anything like this without us discussing it. We are a team and make financial decisions as a team. You have every right to be upset. I also couldnā€™t live with him constantly throwing it in my face that I stay home. We both appreciate each other and what we each do for our family

7 Likes

We have an ā€œanything over $100 must be discussedā€ rule. Period.

4 Likes

Seriously ?? Yes, you have a right to be mad. You need a new husband. Yours is BROKEN :woman_facepalming:t3:

3 Likes

Yes :+1: you have a right to be upset.

2 Likes

Absolute bullshit. Youā€™re supposed to be partners. Your piece of the puzzle is NO LESS VALUABLE .

4 Likes

Kara Villwock read this shit :man_facepalming:

1 Like

Iā€™m at SAHM and my husband manages the bills but we make every single financial decision together. He always says weā€™re a team. So yeah Iā€™d be really annoyed if I were you!

6 Likes

Long as bills are payed food in cubbards and roof over your head šŸ¤· if he thinks itā€™s affordable well itā€™s already done now anyway but yeah pretty crappy,I wouldnā€™t be annoyed this sorta thing happens to me all the time and I do what I want :joy::relieved:

1 Like

What do you not working have to do with basic courtesy you should be giving your spouse? I would be upset. Taking care of your most valuable assets shouldnā€™t mean he gets to treat you less than.

8 Likes

You most definitely DO have a job. Being a stay at home mom is hard as fuck!

Unless itā€™s stuff for the kids, I run all purchases by my husband and he does the same. Itā€™s a respect thing.

5 Likes

Are the other bills paid?

Is it worth the fight?

Do you have to ask to buy yourself things?

3 Likes

Yes you do have a right to be mad.

1 Like

Not if youā€™re allowed to do the same thing and make purchases without telling HIM. šŸ¤·šŸ»

1 Like

He shouldā€™ve discussed it with you. And if you not working outside the home bothers him that much, yā€™all need to discuss that too. Maybe he would feel better if you were bringing in an income as well.

3 Likes

You do work thoughā€¦raising kids is like 2 full time jobs. He needs to get a taste of what thatā€™s like. Not a good move on his part smh

7 Likes

You guys are a team regardless of who works or notā€¦ you do work, at home with kids is hard work. If you guys canā€™t afford it thatā€™s one thingā€¦ did he do it as a surprise or as a nice gift to himself?
Obviously you two need to discuss things but at the same time it depends on if yā€™all can afford it or not, etcā€¦
if it really is financially no big deal then maybe you feel upset over something deeper like if he makes you feel unappreciated or less than, since youā€™re a stay at home mom, then something like this could trigger those deeper feelings.
Idk, Iā€™m just giving you an idea lol

My husband better have a discussion with me before he spends more than about $20! He knows Iā€™ll turn around and sell it behind his back :rofl:

1 Like

You do work. You run the household and raise the humans. You have every right to be pissed as you should be. He sounds selfish. Not very kind or considerate. Time for a serious sit down chat.

5 Likes

He could of at least told you or had a talk with you. Married couples generally make most decisions together especially financial ones. Itā€™s a courtesy and respect thing that he could have at least talked to you and got your opinion on itā€¦

1 Like

You work the equivalent of 3 jobs all at one timeā€¦ so yes you have a right to be upset and downright pissed off about it

1 Like

All large financial decisions should be discussed. My husband once went and bought a vehicle for $1,000 and didnā€™t tell me. Someone else actually did. He hadnā€™t brought it home yet but a coworker of his told me about it. I was not happy. We live paycheck to paycheck so any extras really need to be discussed. I always ask him if he would be happy if I went and did that. Being in a relationship and married means you work together and decide together.

3 Likes

Yes you have a right to be upset. Anything that is over $100 or requires monthly payments is discussed in our household. Iā€™m a stay at home mama to, have been for 15yrs.

4 Likes

I donā€™t think him getting a new vehicle and having to discuss it should be a issue. The only real issue here is he constantly reminds you of being a SAHM, if financially things allow him to get it, then he can have it. As long as Billā€™s are paid, and heā€™s a good father and spouse let it be.

2 Likes

:100:you have the right to be upset! Regardless if you work outside the home or are a stay at home mom, when you get married you agree to be partners and partners donā€™t make huge financial decisions without each otherā€¦ PERIOD! The fact that he seems to rub your face in the fact that he works and you donā€™t is a whole other topic!

When i stayed home an didnt contribute financially then i didnt get a say in how he spent his money. As long as bill were paid i honestly didnt care either because i wasnt working :woman_shrugging:t2:

3 Likes

Do you guys share a car or do you have a different car? If he had his own car and you have yours and he traded in hisā€¦no big dealā€¦if you share then host definitly at least should have let you have some say in what vehicle to getā€¦not necessarily that he should or should not get oneā€¦

2 years ago, I texted my husband telling him I thought about going to trade in ā€œmyā€ car that day. He thought I was jokingā€¦drove home in a brand new SUV and he thought it was hilarious. :joy: His truck is his baby so he doesnā€™t care what I drive, though. :woman_shrugging:t4: We switch vehicles out when we travel, too.

My husband and I discuss anything over $50. I feel like itā€™s just common courtesyā€¦ we both work and both take care of things. We share a bank account so yes, Iā€™d be mad over that!

Why should he have to remind you that you donā€™t work? Please watch that remark ,youā€™re a couple yes he should of discuss it with you before the purchase!!

1 Like

Depends on your state. If he has a loan it is called marital property or something like that. They consider it yours too

I mean that is a huge purchase wtfā€¦
He shouldā€™ve told you about it you guys could have been shopping for it together so yes Iā€™d be pissed

I would be livid! I work from home but still anything like that we talk about first! We donā€™t just go do it

I personally wouldnā€™t make a big deal about it, as long as itā€™s not going to put you into financial hardship. Yes he probably should have consulted with you first, but itā€™s not the end of the world.

3 Likes

Wow, that wouldnā€™t happen in our house, thatā€™s a big purchase.

You DO technically work donā€™t sell yourself short. All large financial purchases should absolutely be discussed with you. Youā€™re married and youā€™re a team. Even if youā€™re perfectly fine with his purchase, he could at least respect your input on the matter. My husband and I discuss anything over $500.

7 Likes

Girl, you already know the answer! If a marriage is based on love, trust, honesty and respectā€¦where is the trust, honesty, and respect? Oh, and Iā€™ve always been taught that, without those things, the person doesnā€™t really love you either! (Can you tell it really pisses me off, that he rubs your nose in being a stay at home mom? More importantly, that loving and taking care of your 4 children, taking care of your home, cooking and cleaning, but especially the loving and caring for your children, is something he feels is to have a nose ā€œrubbed inā€? Itā€™s a beautiful thing! I applaud every single woman, who is able to, and chooses to do it! Be proud of yourself, mom!! And most importantly!!! PLEASE COME BACK AND SHOW US PICS OF THE NEW CAR YOU BUY!!

2 Likes

Iā€™m a SAHM also and my husband and I always ask each other before buying anything (we have a joint account) so heā€™ll yeah I would be upset if he bought something as big as a car and not tell me!

Youā€™re his partner not the nanny. You should be included in any decisions that affect the family

9 Likes

I stay home and my husband calls and asks if he can even purchase a new tool for work if itā€™s over $150 he knows Iā€™d tell him to take the car back if he ever pulled something like that.

4 Likes

On another note, You need to demand respect from him. He donā€™t need to be talking to you like that for real. Put your foot down on how youā€™re spoken to. :heart::heart:

2 Likes

Woah my husband would piss his pants in public before doing something like that without telling me

1 Like

1- the subtle reminders that ā€œyou donā€™t workā€
Go on strike for a few days and letā€™s see what he is going to have to do to care gif the children and the house while he covers your absence.

2- A expense that will bring monthly payments is coming out of the householdā€™s income and yes thatā€™s your business.

3- You totally have the right to be upset!
He should have asked you, and should have been part of that decision!

Good luck on your journey!

6 Likes

Tbh I wouldnā€™t even of bothered asking if I should be pissed or not. I wouldā€™ve done told him to leave. No joke. And I wouldnā€™t even feel bad cause he has a beautiful new roof over his head :woman_shrugging:

7 Likes

Me and the person that I am seeing donā€™t even live together yet and we discuss our financial decisions and budgeting because we are working towards a future together that we will both be happy inā€¦ Itā€™s called working together instead of against each other. I would be pissed if I were in your shoes.

We have a 200 dollar limit without asking. Anything above is a joint decision. His decisions affect the household therefore you have a right to be included in things that affect you as well as your children.

1 Like

He makes the money but he says my opinion matters. We discuss purchases over a certain amount

can you afford it? was that money for something else?

1 Like

Wow this would be a massive insult to me if my husband didnā€™t run it by me. And honestly Iā€™d go absolutely insane if it was higher purchase and 700 more per month Iā€™d scream Iā€™d be so angry. Unless u guys are very wealthy Iā€™d be so pissed.

4 Likes

This is absolutely ludicrous! Heā€™s backed you into a corner so that you cant work or provide for yourself, and then acts as if itā€™s his money to do with as he pleases because heā€™s the only only lucky enough to get to bring in an income and contribute to household expenses. Heā€™s controlling and has a very ā€œold fashionedā€ (thatā€™s putting it nicely) sense of marriage. Some women can tolerate it. I could not. Youā€™re completely justified in being upset with him, and murder is probably where Iā€™d drawn the line on whatā€™s considered an acceptable response. Lol
Stand up for yourself! You work your ass off staying at home. Heā€™s not ā€œlettingā€ you stay home. And, if anything youā€™re doing him a favor. Nothing about this is okay as far as Iā€™m concerned.

2 Likes

Your rights arenā€™t granted to you by employment gods.

1 Like

Yeah there should of been some sort of discussion. Or at least a mention tht it was happening before hand. Im a stay at home mom also. And we have a joint account and basically if weā€™re buying something over $100 (tht we donā€™t necessarily need) we at least mention it first.

2 Likes

can he afford it? he is the money maker so if he can afford it after making sure his family is housed, clothed and fed then itā€™s his hard earned money.

7 Likes

Id be pissed. A marriage is a partnership.

4 Likes

Girl, get real mad because you deserve a say just as much as him. My fiance and i donā€™t spend a penny without talking to each other.

2 Likes

So after reading the comments I think I have an unpopular opinion. I donā€™t know you or your family or your financials. If you staying at home was a joint decision based only on the cost of child care then it is a 50/50 decision on financial decision. But if he wanted you to work and you both pay childcare then I think itā€™s a different story. I dont know how much he earns to support a family of 6 but it is still his money. As long as he has enough to afford all of the essentials (food, bills, childrenā€™s things etc) then I think whatever money leftover is his. BUT. He still should have consulted with you

4 Likes

Iā€™d be raging at the you donā€™t work crap, book yerself into a hotel for a few days and let him see how rearing children and keeping a home isnā€™t working :thinking: at one my ex and I swapped and I was working film time and he stayed home with one young, the others were 13 and 16 so at school all day, and he admitted it was much more work staying home and that going to work was definitely the easier option. You are supposed to be a family unit, that to me means ya both put in 100% whether thatā€™s money, time, emotional support, itā€™s not a pissing contest, maybe ya should remind him of that.

11 Likes

I would definitely be upset more just at the fact that he didnā€™t say anything my other half knows I will lose my lid if he did that because I respect him and also talk to him before I spend anything really and so does he :grimacing:thatā€™s a big oops

1 Like

I would be very upset!

I go through the same thing! My bf wants me to stay home with the baby and if I did find a job it would have to be in the hours that heā€™s home, which is minimal, and he controls the finances cus heā€™s the one that works. I wouldnā€™t care accept for the fact that he doesnā€™t know how to spend responsibly smh. He just spends and spends like he doesnā€™t have bills or a family to take care of but itā€™s a big blowout when I get upset and say something about it. I personally feel that even if heā€™s the only one that works, his decisions donā€™t just impact himself anymore so big financial decisions should be made as a couple and not individually. You want to make decisions on your own with no one to answer to or worry about then be single!

1 Like

I would totally be upset! For the most part me and my hubby almost always talk about anything weā€™re purchasing. Or weā€™ll say that weā€™re going out shopping and leave it at that. A car purchase is definitely something that needs to be talked about. Yea heā€™s making all the money right now but he still should talk about it with you! Thatā€™s a major purchase

2 Likes

Girl, do not beat yourself up for ā€œtechnically not workingā€ā€¦ in all those hours you put in while ā€œnot workingā€, I can almost guarantee is way more then he puts in. Most people do not realize how much it takes to get children up dressed, fed, sent to school or do e-learning with. If I had four kids, I would probably pull my hair out. Moms do a LOT of work for their children and that doesnā€™t include cleaning the house, doing laundry, taking children to appointments and everything else that we do. I would be livid of my man spent that much money on a new vehicle without saying anything. Yes, it is his money but you guys should have a budget of what can be spent on thi gs like that so you both know that the Billā€™s will be taken care of :slight_smile:

1 Like

I personally wouldnā€™t be but thatā€™s me.

I would be concerned. Itā€™s a partnership. At least have the discussion about it. If he can afford the extra then I wouldnā€™t worry but he for sure should have said something

3 Likes

Also you DO WORK! Being a stay at home is a full time job. I was a stay at home mom and now am able to work full time and pay child care, let me say this, being at home with the kids is just as exhausting if not more. You do that so he can go make money. But please do not say you donā€™t work. He should be thankful you do that so you guys donā€™t have to pay for another expense with childcare. You guys are a team and he should have talked about it with you and come to a decision together. Thatā€™s just respect

3 Likes

Sounds like a midlife crisis to me. He should absolutely have discussed it with you. The issue here is really his poor communication skills. If he thinks this is okay, he will think he can do whatever he wants without talking to you about it. Thatā€™s not how a partnership should work. It doesnā€™t matter if he makes the money. You take care of the kids and Iā€™m sure him too. Donā€™t let this slide. Would he be okay if you made a major decision for your kids without discussing it with him because thatā€™s your primary job? I donā€™t think so. He sounds like an arsehole.

Whether yā€™all can afford it or not doesnā€™t matter either. Itā€™s about trust and mutual respect.

1 Like

Yeah, itā€™s not okay.

2 Likes

I would be upset if my husband made that kind of financial commitment without discussing it with me first. God forbid he lost his job & that huge of a car payment was then looming over their heads.

3 Likes

Yes you doā€¦plain and simple!!!

Not even talking to you about it first is definitely wrong.

1 Like

Charge him daycare every weekā€¦ since itā€™s his moneyā€¦ and you only stay at homeā€¦ which is by far the harder job

8 Likes

Was the title for the car he traded titled in his name, or both your names? If both, and you did not sign over that title, that is considered fraud. Check with an attorney.

2 Likes

Iā€™d be mad. Unless it was a surprise for me and then I wouldnā€™t be mad. :joy: Like was he trying to surprise you or was he just like. I bought myself a car? I dunno. I think big purchases should be discussed, I think thatā€™s just part of a marriage. My husband will ask me if itā€™s in budget to make a big purchase. And Iā€™m a SAHM, heā€™s the one that works but Iā€™m the one that does the book keeping. And honestly, even when he bought his truck, he discussed it with me and I was a part of the decision making process. But like. If he went out and bought me a new car and was like ā€œhow you like your new ride?ā€ Which heā€™s done beforeā€¦ I was like, hell yeah!

2 Likes

He should have talked to u about it, but if thatā€™s the worst thing he does, I wouldnā€™t worry too much.

5 Likes

He didnā€™t respect you enough to discuss it first. Yes he earns the money. But he wouldnā€™t be if you wasnā€™t raising his kids :roll_eyes:

3 Likes

I think every marriage works in a different way for what fits their relationship. My husband and I have never combined our finances in any way. He has his account, I have mine. He now stays home with our son because it doesnā€™t make sense for the cost of childcare compared to what he makes and I am the breadwinner and carry the household. I donā€™t ask my husband what he does with his money and he doesnā€™t ask about mine but the bills get paid. I recently bought a bigger vehicle as I am due with our second child in a few months and while my husband did not contribute financially to the purchase or choose what I bought, I did tell him I would be buying a vehicle out of courtesy. I didnā€™t ask permission or for his input. I went to the dealership alone, made the purchase alone and brought it home. So to each his own I suppose.

8 Likes

I would be upset too. Thats another 700 dollars a month out from groceries, kid stuff and house hold bills. And being a sahm is 2 full time jobs and a part time job.

4 Likes

Thatā€™s a really big purchase. I think you should definitely be pissed.

This would be a breaking point for me.

2 Likes

You do work - the equivalent of 2.5 jobs and for zero pay - if you are a stay at home mother.
You should be consulted over things like this especially if it impacts you months to month and your children

3 Likes

Wait ā€¦ an ADDITIONAL $700 a month? Good God. Iā€™d be livid. Debt is a disaster. There is no good financial debt, especially a $700/ month car that depreciated in value the second it was driven off the lot. You have every right to be upset. Heā€™s making a dumb financial mistake with your family money.

6 Likes

If he knows yā€™all can afford it, I donā€™t see the problem. But thatā€™s me personally.

I would be upset if my husband didnā€™t talk to me before making that big of a purchase.

Ya Iā€™d be pissed. Car payments suck ass especially if theyā€™re going up $700! Iā€™m hoping he makes enough that it wonā€™t effect your life style. Thatā€™d be the only way I wouldnā€™t be mad is if he was made of money and it wasnā€™t a big deal.

Tell him, you divorce him and put him on child support for 4 kids.

He wonā€™t be able to afford that car or anything else !

2 Likes

After reading most of these comments, itā€™s no surprise the divorce rate is so high! Itā€™s a damn car!!! As long as he can afford it without compromising the family I donā€™t see the issue. Yā€™all need to chill

9 Likes

Get a job and hand him the daycare expense.

1 Like

Youā€™re feelings are valid. Obviously it depends on the relationship like if my man did that Iā€™d be like ā€œoh okā€ cause it is his money (and he canā€™t drive so Iā€™d be the one using it).
Did he get it to have an extra one maybe? Like is he using the one you already had and wants to make sure you have one home for if you need it or was he just like ā€œimma buy this carā€ for no reason? I feel like that would really determine if I personally got mad or not.
Regardless itā€™s kinda dumb he didnā€™t talk to you about it.

1 Like

$700 MORE than your other car payment? Iā€™d be livid but Iā€™m assuming our finances are different. If you can afford it without it making a huge impact than I wouldnā€™t be too mad about the car itself but the lack of discussion about it I would address. He may feel like he can make those decisions because he is the one bringing money into the home but marriage is a partnership regardless of who is paying the bills.

2 Likes

When I bought my car it was a surprise lol
I kinda knew my husband was buying his but not 100 percent
I did buy him an suv and dropped it off to his work.

If he earned the money and is meeting his other financial obligations then why would you care?

If I was ever married I would have 3 accounts:

  1. Family
  2. My spending money
  3. My partners spending money.

If he ever brought something like this with heā€™s money thatā€™s in heā€™s account then the only thing I would be upset over was that he didnā€™t talk to be or give me a heads up first.