Do I have a right to be upset with my childs father?

Do I have a right to be mad at my child’s father for lying to me and pretty much using me? So my child father lied to me about having his girlfriend around my child I had right to not wanting her around my child till I meet her and did a back ground check on her well Everytime he pick our child up he would say he wanted me back and love me and try kissing me and hug me and so on well I told him no bc he had a girlfriend well Everytime my child father got our child he would message me saying his girlfriend was talking shit about me and saying I was a bad mom and so on so I told him that I never want my child around his girlfriend and that if I find out he did or ever does he won’t be getting him back over night again well he said they broke up and was still trying to get back with me kiss up on me and say he loved me and week after he left the state for his job I was going to tell him i wanted to try to work it out again well come to find out he never broke up with his girlfriend and had her around our child after me asking him not to have her around our child bc of the fact that she was talking shit about me and calling me bad mom well she messaged me asking what me and my child father was talking about that they was still together and that she was around my child this whole time well he apparently lied to his sister and girlfriend that I was the one who was wanting to get back with him that I love him and kissing up on him and that I was talking shit about his girlfriend and so on and day after i found all that out I find out that his girlfriend had herpes and no one would tell me if she had type 1 or type 2 and If she ever kissed on my son with and out break so I messaged her asking her about it and said called me stupid for even wanting to get myself and my child test for it bc no one Will be honest with me about anything and my child father is getting mad and saying I’m over reacting and that I’m just using this as another excuse to not be with him bc I never loved him or wanted to be with him but I do love him and want to be with him but idk after all this so idk if I’m just over reacting or what? I’m sorry for the long post and also it’s probably all over the place. I’m just really upset and Idk what to do bc he’s acting like what he did was okay!


You cant dictate who is around your child, unless she is harming the child.


Please use full stops


You cannot control what the other parent does during their custodial time. If you restrict access of the child to the other parent you can be in contempt of court and possibly lose custody


You didn’t want your son to meet the gf until you did and checked her background (a bit much with the background check of you ask me) but he already did, it’s done
YOU still have not made arrangements to meet or and YOU still haven’t don’t the background check
You can’t take back their introduction because it’s already happened
Does dad get to control who you bring around the child?

This entire post sounds like a bitter ex (you) that wants her baby daddy back…


Drama much, only responding to the things that actually make sense. 1. you can’t control the other person’s household or choices unless the child is in danger and you have proof of such. 2. The herpes part, you should be aware of. The rest is just drama… Drop him and worry about your kid and only communicate about your kid unless otherwise needing to. Jeepers creepers… :woman_facepalming:t3:


Sounds like he is trying to play all of you. And who knows if what’s he says about his girlfriend is even true since he told her lies about you.


He’s treating you like that so he can come back and hit… or he’s trying to get you not to put him in child support… or trying to get you and the new gf to feud so you don’t tell on him. She probably hasn’t said shit about you.

Do a background ck that’s what I’m doing if it’s clean you have to but if not you gave problems in my situation it’s a person she met online and I’m doing everything to make sure my daughter is safe he could be a pedophiles or murderer so go the extra mile for your child

Leave. Walk away. Let him be the dad and move forward. He sounds like he is never gonna change.


Do you run background checks on every person around your child or just baby daddy’s GF’s?


Unfortunately you can’t do squat and even if she was a druggie social services would cattlecall
You for even asking them to check it out. Hugs. Avoid his drama if possible. That’s all you can do. The rest make you look bad even though your only trying to raise your child in a mentally and physically healthy place. People have different ideas of what’s right and now adays nobody will speak up until it’s too late and the. You’ll get blamed anyway. Keep records with dates of anything your worried about like a diary. Hugs

It doesn’t matter if you like her or not. You don’t get to decide that.


Bloody hell so much drama

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They both sound narcissistic :face_vomiting:

Train wreck! Hes a narcissist playing games with you and you’re playing and being stupid. If she has herpes and is sleeping with your ex stay the hell away from that nastiness. If you dont want your kid near her for legit reasons take it to court. Grow up and move on and please get some self respect. You can’t control who he has around your kid unless shes a threat.


That’s way too much drama


For one. Stop being creepy…you want to do a back ground check, do it.
Two, you want to get tested for herpes…do it.
You have the freedom to do both.
Sounds like drama and control issues to me, stop telling a grown man who you aren’t with what to do.
If he’s playing you both, you should probably tell her what he’s doing, then distance yourself to just contact about your son…if thats who your concerned about.
What she believes is on her. Let her deal with the mess if she chooses.
Your choosing to deal with the mess, if he’s lying to you about one thing, he could be lying about the rest.

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You can’t control what he does on his time. Move on. Too much drama. co parent and that’s it.


One word-Punctuation, for the love of God, use it!


i couldn’t even finish reading this, honestly. i got maybe 20 seconds in and was like nope.


Sounds like he just wants to have sex with you and then go back to his girlfriend. Don’t get back together with him. It’ll just be a roller coaster of emotions. Honestly, you can’t control who he has your child around if it’s his time. You can deny overnight, but I really hope you have this all legal. Without it being legal he might be able to take the child and refuse to give your child back. If I were in your shoes, I would request to talk to him alone about everything, explain your view on things and what you want, and then maybe bring in the girlfriend for another conversation. If she wants to date him, she has to realize that he has a child and obviously you (the mother) comes along with that child. So y’all must work together to give the best life possible for the child. That’s it. Simple as that. Even if you still have feelings for him and love him, why would you want to put yourself through anymore of that nonsense? Tell him y’all are done. You want to move forward and work on coparenting the best you can for your child.

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If hes a responsible father whom loves his child you should trust his judgment! Has nothing to do with you:(

Background check? Wtf? Lol. Girl you need to get a life lol.


But you do not have any say… y’all are playing games. And you know it. Either leave it alone or continue but you have no say.

As much as u don’t want to hear this the father has rights. U can’t keep him from his child because you don’t like his girlfriend. The first and most important thing you need to think about is the child. If you take that child away from his father that’s doing more harm to the child he needs two parents and to see those parents get along. It sounds like u should not be together it would not be a healthy relationship and you would break up over and over and the child does not need to see that. He just needs to see the love from you both. Just think of the child first not the drama.


You cant control him. Smfh. He has a girlfriend get over it. His time is his time.


Good lord…way to much drama!.. walk away!

Just tell him that his gf needs to not talk shit about about you in front of your kid. That’s what would piss me off.

Yeah you sound crazy


Sounds like your bitter bc hes with someone else now and trying to keep you as a side piece which is fucked up you shouldnt want that for yourself you should respect yourself mlre than that. I also believe your using your child as a pawn you cant say do what I say or you dont get to see your kid like that is so fucked up your hurting your child just to get back at someone. Unless they are doing drugs or a child molester or an abusive person they have a right to their kids just as much as you do and if you feel they dont take them to court and let court decide because your too hung up on your feelings for him to make a rational decisssionon that

Dear god this is too much. Stop messing with that man. Stop threatening to take his child over petty adult bs. Set up a strict visitation plan that you both can stick to and do not speak to him at all unless it is about yalls child. And lastly please move on. This man sounds like nothing but drama.


I think maybe you need to re read what you typed here.

First, it’s your own damn fault for entertaining that man knowing full well he had lied to you or tried to stir up fights between you and her. You’re obviously continuing to entertain the idea of being with him even after all of that.

Way too much drama. If your child has a rash or outbreak take him to a doctor. The dad is going to what the dad is going to do. You can’t control what someone does at their own house or time. Sleep with him if that’s all you want you don’t have to be in a relationship will him


Why do you feel you have the right to anything he does??? Want child support??? Then he’s got a right to be a father. If you want to check her out, why don’t you? Why do we sleep with someone then when we make them a parent and then think their not good enough to be one? Unless he’s unsafe personally with you child, let him be a father.

Do whatever makes you happy :sunglasses::sunglasses: your feelings always matter

he just sounds childish as fuck.

I honestly couldn’t read all of this. After the fifth line of text I just had to give up, so props to anyone who made it through. I’m not one to correct someone’s grammar, but there’s gotta be some punctuation in there somewhere. From what I can make out it seems the issue is with the child being brought around the ex’s girlfriend. I’d say it depends on how long they’ve been dating. If they are established (6months+) then you have no say. If this is a new thing then I would agree it’s not responsible to bring your child around someone you’re dating. They should only have the privilege of meeting your kid once y’all are serious.


OMG !!! Whether type 1 or type 2, they still can be passed. That’s number 1. Number 2 - He know what he is & how he is. Your choice with anything

The run on sentences


Typical baby daddy baby mama drama just do you and stop giving him attention. The more attention you give him (by getting angry, or messaging him back) the more drama there is, telling you from experience.


Sounds like, from the bits I read, that both of you are not mature enough to have a successful co-parenting relationship for the sake of that child.


I’m sorry but honestly if you don’t listen about bringing guys around your kid then he doesn’t end of story.

Sure you can be upset but you have no say who’s around when he has the child


It’s in my custody agreement that we have to meet new partners before the kids do but that’s all. We don’t get to say no you can’t see that person or whatever. It’s really not your business. H obviously doesn’t want to be with you if he has a girlfriend for going forward only talk to him about your child and leave it alone. As for the herpes, I know very little about it but I think it typically stays contained to it’s point of origin unless it’s spread during an outbreak via oral sex so if she’s got genital herpes her mouth is most likely not infected. On top of that the strain of herpes that’s the std I’m pretty sure only spreads during an outbreak. The cold sore form of herpes is very contagious but if your son was exposed to it there’s nothing you can do now.

Yeah you have a right to be upset. But not just with the father and his girlfriend. You should be upset with yourself also for what all of you are putting that child through. I am not being mean just honest. That poor child is the only one that matters. All those childish games are just ridiculous! That man is trying to play games and you are waiting impatiently for his next move and waiting for your turn! What you three are doing is very childish and unhealthy! You can say what you want about the concern for your child but all your post showed it your concern for what your ex and his new girlfriend are doing and saying. From your post it’s easy to see you are confused and hurt but you have to realize your child is also very confused and hurt by all your actions.


Way too much drama dont get back with that man also sounds like you may need help co parenting. The child is what matters

  1. You don’t get a say in what goes on at dad’s unless there’s abuse or something that way. It sucks he’s messing with you and lying about who he’s around but you can’t dictate how he lives his life. I agree it’s irresponsible to have someone who seems to be in and out of his life interacting with your child but there really isn’t anything you can do.

  2. If you’re stressed about the medical stuff you can definitely get tested or whatever you want to do that way.

  3. Without knowing why you broke up or history I can’t give much advice about the relationship but it sounds like you both have a lot of growing up to do before I’d jump in again. He’s not being serious about getting back together if he’s still with other women.

I stopped reading because of the lack of punctuation.


You sound crazy. Mothers who say shit like “i dont want my kid around your gf and if they are you dont get to see the baby” thats so wrong and so immature. This baby deserves better parents you BOTH seem toxic

You don’t get to decide when your ex introduces his child to his girlfriend. That’s none of your business. He isn’t a loyal person, don’t chase him, it sounds like that’s the problem. Herpes requires the lesions be tested. Unless you or your child develop lesions, no test is going to accurately determine if you have herpes. In the modern era, unless it is spread to the eye, or in a person with specific compromises to their immune system, herpes isn’t really a big deal. Annoying, contagious, but not a big medical concern.

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Herpes is Herpes. Regardless get tested. Dumb af for not goin straight to doc. Where tf are the adults in all this? Grow up, too much kid shit really! Get out of your feels about who thinks what. Only one I feel any type of empathy for it the kid. Stuck watching supposed adults behaving more childish than anything.

I’m sorry but most ya moms on here are being ass wholes!! She is ask for Advice not for ya to bitch at her damn!!! She is asking if it is okay to be upset not to take his child from him!!! If she doesn’t know the girl of course she would have a problem with her child being over there!!! Meeting the girl and checking up on her isn’t bad!! I’m pretty fucking sure since he is lying to fucking everyone then he is lying to her as well!! Girl you do have the right to be mad don’t listen to the damn stuck up the Karen ass whole all becwuse they think they know what’s best for YOUR CHILD!!

I’m sure you can do better. Get your and your son tested and go for emergency custody because the fact she’s going around kissing children when she has herpes is fucked up and I’d get her in as much shit as possible

Sounds like you need a 3rd party to do your drop offs. Lol
You can’t dictate what he does when it’s his time or who he sees. You can request but he doesn’t have to do that.
That’s really all I can say… I’m interested though how you plan to do a background check :thinking: unless you’re a cop but I doubt it lol

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Very long sentence ehhhh :laughing:


You both sound childish. You sound like your holding the child over his head, it’s not okay to do. As far as everything else. Make a parenting plan with the court. You can make it at least so she can’t spend the night with him there unless they are married. Whatever standards you have for him, you also need to have for yourself while your son is in your care


I couldn’t finish reading this because the lack of punctuation. A simple period at the end of sentences would help tremendously. From what I did read, I think it’s a bit excessive that you feel the need to do a background check. Even if they have a record it doesn’t mean they can’t change their lives around. And you don’t really have any say


What in the hell lady. Figuratively speaking everybody has type 1 herpes from a cold sore at one point or another. And anther, that’s none of your business what she has. If you’re not sleeping with the guy then it has zero to do with you. You sound like an uneducated teenager here. Your attitude towards the whole thing comes off very petty. And you can’t stop him from seeing his kids just cause you don’t like the gf. If there’s an actual reason, she’s legit saying bad things to your child about you or if there’s danger then ok but not cause you’re jealous.

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Don’t control what he does. Get yourself and your child tested for type 1 and 2 explain to the doctor that no one will inform you if she’s been kissing your child or not or what she has they will do checks. Also distance yourself. My ex is like this so I always make sure someone is always around when my ex sees my son because my ex doesn’t care who he plays/messes around with and lies about it a lot. My ex only has texting that way I prove when he has completely ignored me on days he’s supposed to see our child and also so I have proof on what type of person he is because he can be very charming at first.

Move on with your life. Your ex is a worthless piece of sh*t. He is playing games and you are falling for it. Put you child first and tell him to keep his hands to himself. Start having someone there when he picks up and drops off. Dont be texting him unless it’s about your child. Yeah you dont like the girlfriend but she doesn’t like you either. And that’s because of him. Call her and ask her out for coffee. That is the only way you can get to know her and she you.

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Herpes 1 and herpes 2 are the same virus…location, location, location!! Understand? Once you have never goes away,only dormant. Good luck!

Drama for sure.
Another foolish female chasing an idiot of a male.
Poor child in the middle.
Grow up.

Ewwwwww he sounds like something you should scrape off the bottom of your shoe…like the living equivalent of bad breath… you have every right to be pissed at him, hes lying to both parties in this situation so what u and the new gf should do is get together and sort out his mess and see what hes been lying about and how far hes run his mouth…be the better person here and sort it out

Dude. You should cut him off. Get you and your kid tested. Talk to someone who can help you get this handled like your divorce lawyer or a child care worker. At best right now it sounds like he needs supervised visitation if he’s gonna let his kid be in danger of getting a freaking std or whatever. Sounds like someone your better off without

I would talk to someone who is trusted. And figure it out. Sounds like he is gaslighting. That is hard to depict most of the time

It sounds to me like you want him back and are looking for a reason to keep his kid from him. If he is not a threat or danger to his child then he has every right to be in that kids life. Your child is not a pawn to use against the other parent that will only hurt the child.


What your agreement say ?
I never sign anything allow random strangers around my children- this why you need detailed agreements. See an lawyer- not Facebook.
I highly recommend therapy if do not understand your own feelings or wonder" if :," have the "right " to be upset -

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Sounds like he is playing games. Does he actually have a girlfriend? Or is she made up. He could be doing it to make himself look good to you.

Drama. And in a few short years it won’t matter anyway …:+1:

That’s to much drama. You need to make concrete decisions for you and your son and stick to them. Your relationship she is child only, anything doesn’t get a response. Yes get tested and fine more information about fro an actual doctor. As long as your child is safe, who he is with is none of your business. And if he is texting you about the gf. Tell him to stop, that’s not your problem. If he was a real man and ask his gf not to say those because that reflects on his child. Black and white rules. No grey and no drama. Nobody had time for that crap.

Oh dear God. Why don’t you women get a cat instead of having kids??


No wonder you are single

Unless you have a court order , keep that fucking baby at home Moron. Its not that hard. And come at me for the rudeness I dont care. I have no patience for ignorance. You want someone like that? Really?