Do I have the right to be upset at something my husband did years ago?

Hey y’all. I just need y’all’s opinion on something. Me and my husband have been together for 5 years. We have 2 kids together. I just now found out while we were separated about 2 years ago that he got drunk and his ex had to pick him up & he stayed at her place. He denies it happening, and honestly I’m hurt. I know it’s been years ago but to just find out about it has crushed me…


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Do I have the right to be upset at something my husband did years ago?

Do you have a right to your feelings? Yes. Should you hold what he did during a time you weren’t together against him? No. Do you want everything you did prior to him or when you weren’t together held against you?

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Unpopular opinion but I would be upset. Why did he run to her of all people?


The lie is the part that is hurtful. Is he a good man or a narcissist? A narcissist continues to lie and “triangulate” you and other women. A good man made a mistake while separated and you will need to work through this issue to rebuild trust. A narcissist will gaslight, abuse, triangulate.


You were seperated at the time. He needed somebody to pick him up rather than drive drunk and possibly killing somebody or himself. I’d be happy that he actually chose somebody to pick him up. You are absolutely entitled to be upset but look at the big picture. He possibly saved lives by being responsible.


You were separated. I understand being hurt but you can’t possibly be angry.


I know thr lie hurts and he probably barely remembers. But all I’m thinking is you’re saying you weren’t together at the time. So as you have a right to your feelings you can’t hold this against him.


I hate that people are saying just get over it. If it hurts it hurts. My ex husband admitted to cheating days after I married him. This came after I suspected it but he reassured me countless time it never happened. Regardless of when it happened it still did. Lies hurt. You have the right to feel the way you do.


If he denied it, how do you know?
It was probably a pity call. :woman_shrugging:

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You were separated and years ago what does it matter?? Are u happy or are u finding something to argue about. Try to let it go or talk to him about it

How do you know it’s actually true? You have the right to feel upset because you’re entitled to your own feelings. However, you should not hold it against him because you two were technically not together. If you weren’t together it isn’t a crime and not really his problem even though it hurts. If said ex called you how do you know it’s not a her trying to be petty? I WOULD be very upset if I found out with proof that it was true and he was lying to my face. It’s the lie that hurts not the act itself.

Why let ancient history affect the here and now? He was drinking and did the responsible thing by calling for a ride. You weren’t available at the time, so he called a friend. You got back together and now you’re going to cause more discord over something that’s done and over with. Can’t change it now.

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it happened Years ago. I Wouldn’t Hold it against him But I would be annoyed he lied and basically saying it didn’t happen when you know it did.

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You have a right to your feelings. By your words, you two were separated, which means you are still married, and the vows still exist. So, yes, I’d be crushed too.

You were separated so that’s basically saying you or him can do whatever with whom ever


You have the right to be upset about whatever you want.

You say he denies it happening so how do u know it happened. Before I can even give an opinion I would need more information. Maybe he is lying or the information you are going off of is wrong.

shoulda asked getting together again

I wouldn’t be upset about something that happened while the two of you were separated, but I would be upset about the denial. The lie is what would get to me.

Him lying about it is an issue but you were separated. So it’s all fair game. :melting_face: you’re pretty much picking a fight at this point I feel. 

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You have the right to be upset, to him it’s old but to you it’s brand new, you deserve to feel however you feel about it,.and you deserve time to process it, he should be understanding of that


Well yall were separated soooo. He gets a free pass on that one, imo

No that was before your time together. Unless he killed somebody then get rid of him

You were sperated .so…:woman_facepalming:You can feel however you want to feel about it but it doesn’t mean you can legitimately be upset.

Don’t go looking for problems.

It happens …you were separated.

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You were separated how can you be mad about that

Y’all were separated so it’s not even really your business

Does getting mad now change the past? There’s your answer.

If nothing happened …Why are u just finding out now

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Really? That happened years ago. Get over it

You weren’t together. He doesn’t have to explain himself about a time when yall weren’t together

I’d honestly be so put off by that! Like, what else ya been up to when I’m not around….

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You have a right to be upset but honestly it was years ago while you were separated I say sit down talk with him get your closure and move on from the situation don’t dwell on the past all it will do is cause pain for you if the relationship is good now focus on the future not what happened years ago people grow learn and we are all just humans after all with our own feelings and flaws

Get over it. Y’all wasn’t even together at the time. So would you rather he walked drunk or drove drunk and something happened or would you rather his ex came to pick him up and he got somewhere safely. How did you find out even if he didn’t tell you? Did his ex tell you if so maybe he’s telling the truth.