Do I have the right to be upset that my fiance didn't tell me where our child was?

Okay, so I need to rant real quick. Idk if it’s just me being dramatic or a “helicopter mom” but today and my fiancé left our kid with her grandparents for the day, when I texted to check up on her, I was told that they were in the car on their way out of town. I didn’t mention anything about them NOT telling me beforehand. Well, when they dropped her off I forgot to mention it, as she was supposed to be going over there this weekend too I texted my fiancé’s mom and said: “next time y’all have her if y’all could please let me know before y’all go out of town that would be amazing.” Well, my fiancé’s dad calls me cussing me out, saying, “what the f*ck was that text about?” I said I need to know where my kid is, all I’m asking is you tell me before you go out of town. He went off on me saying how they were the grandparents and that he didn’t realize that they had to tell me everything they were doing with hazel. Then when I told him that I was the PARENT and that I need to know where my kid is because literally, anything could happen, he starts yelling at me saying that “You are living in MY HOUSE and engaged to MY SON and you have the audacity to tell us what we can and can’t do with OUR granddaughter” I told him I would gladly leave if that was going to be his attitude about it. Well, he said, “from now on, don’t ask us for help with her and she won’t be staying here anymore. They have their own apartment, they own the house we live in, but my fiancé pays all the bills.

50 Likes

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to know where your child is, but you could have at least been respectful about it.

16 Likes

Wow. He’s a POS and you have every right to know where your kid is. If your man doesn’t handle his dad do not let them watch baby again!!

11 Likes

This man clearly has no clue what a mom feels in her heart for her baby. Mine are grown and I still want to know that they get home safe etc… Your fiance should set his dad straight and he needs to apologize to you.

6 Likes

Oh hell no. That is YOUR CHILD. You make the rules and set the boundaries, not the grandparents! If they can’t respect your wishes as a mother then bye! Anyone who holds what they do for you over your head is not the type of person you want around, that is a control move. Do not back down, ever, or it will get worse.

20 Likes

What an ass. Went a bit over board with his rant. Is the child his biological

2 Likes

Nope nope nope, I’d snap!! U have EVERY right too, they are your kids NOT theirs. Why do grandparents think they can just do as they please!?!:face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

7 Likes

I mean I get it. I leave my daughter with my sister from time to time. Is going out of town hours away. My sister lives in a small town they are always coming to the next town over to go shopping and what not. About an hr away. But to fully take her away yeah i would want to know. I trust my sister and mom and whoever else I leave with my child that means to have her in the car as well. Depending on how it is. Because I trust my sister to take my daughter an hr away to go shopping or whatever she needs to do but to take her somewhere else would totally bug me. And I would say something. So it honestly depends on the situation to me.

The whole lot of them seem unstable. I wish my man would text me that, wtf was that text shit.

That was the worst written post. Grammar and punctuation would help.

8 Likes

The Father of my Children have to/must tell me where my Children are AT ALL TIMES… Grandparents are no different… He seems a bit entitled to me and I will pray for your MIL I could only image what she has to deal with…

Okay so what if an accident happened? What if they got into a car accident what if for any reason they had to rush her to a hospital. Obviously going out of town wasn’t an issue but just sending a simple text hey were taking her with us here or something would of been just fine. You weren’t making a big deal out of something so little cause by any means Imma do the same thing accidents happen anywhere. Human trafficking is at an all time high. There’s always a what if factor in my head with my child.

My parents even ask me if they can take them to the store when they are watching my boys .
They will not leave their house with my boys without checking with me first .
It’s just respect

Deal with your fiance not his parents.

6 Likes

Wow… hes an asshole!! You have a right to know where your kid is! …

5 Likes

To begin with your husband or fiance should have told you. You don’t even know if they were aware about you not knowing. Sounds like you probably bug them too much so they have had enough. Yes you have the right to know. You should have been told where she was and even have had a say on if she had permission on going but your fiance left you out so looks like the problem is with him not your in laws.

4 Likes

Well, your right, you have the right to know what & where your kid is. I would put a kibosh on their services (babysitting /visiting) that way, they are not being "inconvenience " in having to tell you anything. And if they have a separate apartment, you don’t have to be friendly with your neighbours, there is NO rules, just be pleasant. If they keep harassing you, move out. With or without bf.

2 Likes

I would have been furious honestly.

1 Like

First…your fiancée should have respected you and told you what was going on. Second- the grandparents should respect you as well and ask permission to take your child somewhere for an extended period of time. Third - there are ways to say things that can get the point across better. I personally would have called vs text. Texting can be taken a different way than perhaps you intend it to be. Fifth - they should have apologized for what they did.

Communication is key in any relationship. At the end of the day, the child is the most important. A parent should know where their child is. Grandparents should respect the parents. And the parents should also respect the grandparents. What will the child learn from this situation?

4 Likes

Your issue should have been with your fiancé who left child with them. Nothing wrong with asking them asking where they are but there is probably a better way of asking.

1 Like

I wouldn’t be happy either.
Hell when my ex takes my daughter out of town on his weekend I ask him to let me know when they leave and get there.
My priority is knowing my daughter is safe.
I’m not asking for an update throughout the day, I’m asking to let me know my daughter is safe.

You where not wrong and it didnt sound like you where being rude. That father in law was a complete asshole and has no respect for you!!! Dont let him bully you and dont feel bad for the text. If I went out of town with my grandbaby, I’d let the parents know. It’s not like you said, you need to ask permission to take her out of town

First off I wouldnt have texted. That’s a verbal conversation. Yes you have every right to know where your child is. I feel you being upset with your man rolled over to the grandparents. Yes be upset but be upset at the right person. Did pops overreact yes he did but I would too he was put in the middle of something that wasnt his fault. He spoke out of hurt. And before ANYONE just on me for my comment, I’ve done this and worse. I kept my sons from their grandparents over a similar situation guess who got hurt more?? My sons because they missed out on having grandparents. I now tell myself to respond not react…

Uhhh I would be upset if someone took my child out of town and didnt tell me. Let’s say they left town. You don’t know. An accident happens that puts them off in a deep ravine and they can’t be seen from the road. They are missing and you have to report it but have NO idea where to tell authorities to start looking because you didnt know about them going out of town. I don’t give a damn who you are…grandparents included…you have no right to take someone’s child out of town and not tell the parents. If they don’t get that, I wouldn’t leave my child with them.

You have every right to know, what if they had an accident? I think them not telling you is totally disrespectful

1 Like

I’d say granddad overreacted big time and was very rude to say the least.

3 Likes

Nothing wrong with it and fil needs learn his place

2 Likes

You have all rights to know where your child is, what your child is doing, and who your child is with. Don’t let people bully you out of the information. This makes me so mad. Grandparents should always let both parents know what, when, where, and who. You are so right in this situation. You are being a good parent.

1 Like

You could have waited to tell them till you saw them in person. Have a real conversation about it instead of texting if it’s that important to you. The way the text is worded, it sounds bitchy. To avoid miscommunication with feelings just do it in person.

4 Likes

Its sounds like the grandparents are way overstepping their boundaries. You are the parent and you have every right to know where your kid is at anytime

1 Like

I think the entire conversation was unnecessary. I mean, is there an issue with the Grandparents? I’m not sure why it is a big deal otherwise.

3 Likes

I guess they won’t be seeing her again then. I wouldn’t let that shit fly either. As the parent of the child you have 100% say on your child and if you want to know where she is at, then you get to know. Grandpa is overstepping and needs to be put in his place.

2 Likes

Yes you should know. If they are lost or in and accident you will know where to look. I don’t know why your future father-in-law felt it was ok to treat you this way. Hope you know you fircie

Sounds like a misunderstanding that can be resolved. Your text probably came off as aggressive to them instead of just a concerned mother. I used to say “Idc if God himself had my child, I want to know where my kid is!”

Starters grandpa needs to step back and check himself. Secondly they need to understand that you are her parent and you need to know where your child is at all times. 3rd your fiance needs to tell his parents where they stand. But good luck on grandparents because I’ve dealt with them too and trust me they can be quite stubborn to deal with

Well shoot. If was me I would have to kick my son’s butt. I think his fault. Not grandparents. I understand your point but I also understand grand dad being hurt a little. Bet they didn’t know you didn’t know

No no no and no!!! You are the mom. Telling him didn’t do any good. I’d just move out, but that’s me. And if he really cares, your fiance should stand up for you and not cow-tow to his dad.

1 Like

In my opinion
…that is her grandparents so therefore they do not need to tell you. Would you be upset if it was your parents instead of the inlaws

They were wrong to take her but the boundaries are all so messed up that roles aren’t clear. If you really don’t want them crossing the boundaries, which of COURSE you don’t(!), then you have to get your own place and child care. They were out of line for taking her but you’re out of line too for not cutting financial ties before starting a family and depending on them for free child care. They already raised their family. Let them just be grandparents. They aren’t being respectful bc they feel like you’re taking advantage of them. Things will improve if you don’t blur the lines and take responsibility for blurring those lines. You can’t change them but you can change you. Fighting won’t help. Everyone loses.

In neighborhood is one thing but anywhere out of state no way.My husband does not think some times i as Grandma speak up and let my kid know where their kid is.They are held to account if something is a miss.

Get out of that house and relationship ASAP. This is a sign of worse to come

I would never leave town with my grandkids unless their parents knew. I wouldn’t demand either I would ask. My stepson usually doesn’t mind us taking the little one but his oldest lives with her mom and we have always asked all they can do is say no.

Grandpa is right and you should be grateful that your child has grandparents who will take her and treat her as their own.

3 Likes

It sounds like both of you overreacted. Yes you should know where your child is but it’s not as if they are strangers. Tact from both parties would have prevented the blow up. The grandfather also seems hotheated. Probably not the first time he has tried to lay down the law. Maybe some calm discussion is warranted

You’re both wrong…Them taking her out of town and not letting you know mother to mother and you texting her. Important things like that need to be done in person when all emotions have subsided. Just my thoughts.

If it’s so important to you, how did you “forget” to mention it when you saw them in person? The fact that you didn’t mention it in person, but waited til later on makes it look worse
My grandparents babysit me when I was little, & if they needed to go anywhere, we hopped in the vehicle & went, & no one got mad about it. I think ALL of you overreacted. But your grandparents raised your fiance, & see that he turned out to he a responsible adult, that they have experience taking care of children

Grandparents are totally wrong. Move out of their house and if your fiancé doesn’t support you dump him

As a grandparent…I KNOW I should always tell my son/daughter where I am taking their kids (my grands) I even tell them when I am taking the grands to the store. I would never take them put of town without permission.
They are not my kids!!! I don’t make life decisions for the grands. Their parents do.
My job is to love them forever. Teach them a thing or two then send them home

Unpopular opinion:
You either trust the grandparents to look after your daughter or you don’t. No need to micromanage.

6 Likes

First he’s wrong for disrespecting you. Second, your husband is also is the wrong for not keeping you in the loop. You need to have a talk with him too. Your father in law is a dick, and I would have flipped TF out with him talking to me like that. There are many different ways to communicate problems and they suck at it. You may want to try and get a different house to live in.

Edit: yes, you should be upset with your fiance. No, you shouldn’t have come at the grandparents that way. And I don’t agree that you have to know every single step your child takes so long as the other parents has the knowledge.

So let me see if I get this straight. The father, your fiance, sent the child away with his parents. So, I assume HE knew the plans, which is why he let her go. So you turn around and give the grandparents attitude over something which seems like a last straw reply since the grandfather went off. Sorry, but sounds like you’re wrong. The argument should have been with your soon to be husband, who has every right to allow his child to go with the grandparents.

4 Likes

They should have let u know out of respect but thinks they dont have to bc u live in their house…get out of their house otherwise they will always overstep and hold that over ur head

3 Likes

well to be honest when my kids are with my parents I never ask what they did or where they’re going because I trust them.
plus I would have talked about it to my fiancé in the first place.
you could have saved your message and just ask them next time they have her what they’re plans are.

but to cuss you out… very disrespectful also.

What the heck is his problem.

1 Like

No, you have the right to be upset, he should have let you know where your child was. There is no such thing as grandparents rights. If they got into an accident on the road and you found out later that your child was seriously injured… I would have been extremely upset too. Grandpa needs to chill.

5 Likes

Sounds to me like things got out of hand. You should’ve talked to them in person, not over text or calls. There’s always a right and wrong way to handle people. It takes age, maturity, and practice to know how to say things correctly to avoid arguements. You should go talk to them, apologize for the miscommunication, and gently let them know that you prefer to know where your child is because you’re a good mom and you worry about her. Explain that there is no intended disrespect toward them in your request.

Grandparents are important to a child’s life. Even if you and the fiancé don’t work out, she still needs all her family for support all of her life. I don’t like my ex’s parents. We never got along, but I had absent grandparents and it sucks. I encouraged them to continue seeing her as much as possible. I may not like them, but that was about my child, not me. They have a great relationship and she loves them. Don’t ruin that relationship for your daughter. Fix it. Swallow your pride and fix it. She comes first and you may think you’re protecting her, but what you do here and now could ruin a very important relationship in her life.

Ugh, time to gtfo and make them step tf down. I sincerely hope you don’t Liv in an area where grandparents rights are recognized. You havr every right, and responsibility as a parent to know where your child is at all times regardless of other blood relation. And the cussing you out, is a solid no regardless of how they took the damn text. If they are acting this way before your legally married they’ll act that way after. Future hubs better nip that in the bud, or he needs to go. If he can’t respect telling you where the child is then you’re going to have ongoing issues going forward. He’s in the wrong fir not telling you, and Gramps is in the wrong for opening his mouth in that Manor and holding anything over your head. I’d be demanding your future hubs talk and get a damn apology out of the two of them. If not they can fk right off

2 Likes

Leave it be and let him come to you. Don’t ask for anything and line up a new sitter for when you need one. Leave them out of any normal get togethers until they apologize and understand why you need to know. Do they have the proper car seat for her? If they can’t see the reasoning then tell them no time with her, period. Take it as far as you have to with NO SEE and see if they get the point, YOU are the parent.

3 Likes

You were not wrong. Their is not automatic rights over your child. As the mother, yes, you must be asked permissions, informed of events and movements when it comes to your children. People don’t respect boundaries, rules and guidelines that parents put in play as these people think seniority is trump over the actual guardians/parents.

2 Likes

You have the right to know where your child is at any given time. Say they went two hours away to a place you weren’t comfortable with your child being at and something happened. The child is now, unexpectedly, 2 hours away and you had no idea. My child’s father lives an hour and a half from us. When he takes our son on his weekends, he always tells me where else he’s planning on taking him out of respect for me as the mother. It’s not a matter of not trusting them taking the child somewhere but a peace of mind of knowing how to get to your child if need be.

Him rude and bright if anything had happened my head would have lifted… he is crazy and that fiancé better step in and get his dad together real quick

You are right it is your child

  1. The child is also your fiancés
  2. He knew where she was and beloved she was safe with them (he was clearly correct)
  3. He is at fault for not letting you know so getting angry at them is wrong.
5 Likes

K his parents sound fucked. You should always know where your baby is.

3 Likes

If that’s the way grandpa speaks to you I would NEVER allow my child in his company again. If he can discard his grandchild just like that over the anger he has for you then believe me, he will do more than just leave the state with your child. I’m sure he will speak that way to his grandchild and his influence should be KEPT OUT OF YOUR CHILDS LIFE! Do not get married until you find an acceptable understanding with your fiancé over this. You need to start plan B. Think about where you will go if you need to. That old man is abusive and this is just the beginning. Screw him.

Wow that’s some erratic behavior on their part. I think you definitely need to have this convo with him too. Of course you should and need to know where your kids is. Idk why they wouldn’t want to tell you anyways. Wow.

1 Like

U have the right to know where ur child is but ur fiance should have told
U. Going after the grandparents because of it was wrong.

3 Likes

some commets so wearied

seriously.

whn my kids go to grandma house. i do ring and check if they ok
if they have eaten anything ,what do they doing and whn they take my kids to park or shop they do tell me

as a mother its ur :100: % right to be aware abt ur child wellbeing

Think twice,three and four times before marrying this guy. This is what your life will be and worse after the idos

6 Likes

I live with my daughter and son in law and would never take the kids to the corner store without telling my daughter. I raised my kids and my daughter has a right to raise hers her way. I stay out of it. Even living under their roof it is none of my business

This sounds like total lack of communication first off this is something your fiancee should have discussed with u first.the grandparents have every right to be with thier grandchild yes but very considerate not informing u about taking her first a weekend away.what if something happens how r u to know?? Tell them all out of due respect inform me of what your doing especially when it comes to my child that’s all I ask after all I’ am this child’s mother.thank you

Grandparents do overstep their boundaries and especially when they help you out a lot

So I would totally decide right then and there that it was time to change the status of the relationship quickly. I would have asked the same thing. If you have my child, no matter their age, please let me know if you plan on leaving town. I never take my kids’ friends out of town to the next one over (10 miles) without their parents knowledge. Or my nieces/nephews.

You have every right to know where your child is and consideration from the grandparents is proper n respect goes both ways !! They’re bieng defensive because they planned that n ate guilty for not telling both parents where the child out is taken of area - city- state !! In emergency where would you know to go in case ???

Really??? They are the grandparents let them be. My gosh.

I’d be moving out ASAP and telling the fiancé that they aren’t allowed to see her anymore after the rude behavior and the fact they don’t feel the need to explain where she is or what they are doing with her.

2 Likes

If your fiancé knew they were taking her somewhere & didn’t tell you your issue should be with him. I can understand them being defensive if they told him and thought it was ok. But the reaction was over the top. If they didn’t talk to with either of you about this some would consider it kid napping. I’m not saying that’s what they did but not to tell either of you was wrong. Who asked them to keep her? Did you/him ask if they had plans? They should have told one of you even if you didn’t ask. Asking them if they could watch her and then not telling either of you is wrong.

I would’ve cussed his ass out
Since when does a grand parent override a parent
Girl if you don’t get up put them folks house & tell them to kiss your entire ass (fiancé included).

2 Likes

There is nothing wrong with the way you handled the situation. Grandparent does not equal PARENT and out of respect they should run by you if they are going out of town with YOUR child. His father was so disrespectful and if your fiancé doesn’t have your back about it I would leave. Like I don’t know why these grandparents feel so entitled.

2 Likes

Well first by law, if per chance, something happens to your child while with them and you not knowing where your own child was in the first place, can get you sued by the state for parental neglect. Unlike your grandparents, you have legal liabilities over your own child. They could be sued for kidnapping the child, as you are the legal guardian and they are not. Tell that to your dumb in-laws. They only hold legal rights to the child if both immediate parents are deceased, otherwise, their time with the kid is a privilege, but not a right. They should know their place. They have a right over their own child but not their grandchild, that right is reserved for you as the parent. If it was me, I’d go right ahead and sue them for kidnapping, along with my partner as the accesory to the crime, as they both never informed you of taking the child nor respected your rights to be made aware of the fact.

Red flags all over this story. This is exactly how kids come up missing, dead, molested. And I would be concerned about the fiance not thinking it’s a problem.

1 Like

A parent has the right to know where the child is. You should hv spoken to your fiancee. His parents are just doing what he asked. Nothing wrong w/you asking them to inform you. That is not the grandparents fault!! You need to be angry w/your partners’ lack of communication & disrespect towards you. He has no right not to let you know b4 me making the decision w/you. Ge didnt make this child on his own. WTF!!

Yes …if I was in your shoes; I would be looking out for my child too!! Good luck!!

No questions about it, ask me tooo, if you know what’s good for all of you…

I think it’s the way you said it. You came off as rude in the beginning.

6 Likes

I would be pretty upset too but maybe would have approached it a little differently

1 Like

They blew it all out of proportion! As a parent we do have the right to know where are children are because anything can happen like you said. You’re not being dramatic nor a helicopter mom.

5 Likes

I’d be pissed so no ur not being dramatic anything could happen YOUR the parent…

3 Likes

You absolutely have the right to know where your kid is and to ask. I didn’t see your text as rude at all & if I was either grandparent I would be apologetic and explaining why I didn’t say anything to you about it.

7 Likes

Nope, f#ck that. They will be no longer taking my child anywhere.

6 Likes

I would never allow anyone to speak to me as such. Especially regarding your child. Get out of that home, get a new place. Cut off contact with them.

12 Likes

While you’re absolutely right you should have been told beforehand, maybe texting your thoughts was the wrong way to handle it. We all are guilty of reading “attitude” from a text where it wasn’t intended.

4 Likes

Nope you have a right when anyone wants to take kids any were I’ll ask were you going how long and they know to answer when I call to many crazy people in this world and I want to know we’re my child is

2 Likes

The text you sent was rude!! You could of said it in a better way tbh

4 Likes

I’d be pissed and I would have actually been rude. You weren’t do don’t let them try to make you feel bad. I want to know where my daughter is every second of every day.

4 Likes

You were definitely NOT wrong.

4 Likes

You have every right. I’d have been more rude than you were with your text. Your kid, your rules. And if they don’t like your rules then they will miss out

4 Likes

He sounds like a psycho that I wouldnt leave my child wity

4 Likes

I’d be pissed too. That’s my kid whom I birthed and you act like I’m wrong? Grandparents sure have changed since I was a kid. They would never take me out of town without my mom’s knowledge. Your fiance is a total jerk and set you up for confrontation. Be mad at him.

2 Likes

Thats just rude on their part . A child should never be taken out of town without asking a parent if its ok .

7 Likes