I think you get back what you put out.
Of course he over reacted and never should have spoke to you that way, regardless.
My in laws would never!!
But now that he said what he said, I would be moving. Asap.
Time to move out and get your own place and a different care giver!
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You shouldn’t have texted his family you should have been upset with him for not telling you, but also I don’t see a problem with them taking her for a day and hanging out with her
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If you trust them with your child it shouldnt be a problem. 🤷 If you don’t, quit sending her over there.
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How old is said child?
You’re not being a helicopter mom. Like you said, anything could happen. I’d like to know where my kid is, too.
Your soon to be in-laws sound manipulative, using the house you’re staying in as leverage to have things their way. Your request wasn’t unreasonable at all and would take 10 seconds for them to shoot you a text letting you know they were going out of town. They really blew things out of proportion.
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If your living in their house, and you’re using them as free baby sitters, then they should be allowed to take her with them when they have places they need to be…however they should have told you they needed to go somewhere with her and given you notice and grandfather should never be cussing or threatening to kick her out. Clearly has anger issues.
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Oh hell no. I don’t care if you’re going to the store down the street. You tell me. I trust everyone who watches my daughter and they ALL respect me and let me know where they’re going with her at all times and usually ASK before they go, even if they have her all day and/or night. That was soooo disrespectful and the way they all reacted was blown way out of proportion and I would not let them take my child again based on JUST their reaction to the boundaries. Fuck that.
I think it sounded mean depending how old your child was I would have said. "Hazle said you guys were out of town town today, next time can you just let know if you’re taking her out "
Yes you have the right to be upset unless your Fiancé new where your daughter was then no
As her mom you need to know where she is in case of an emergency
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Ur snarky text didnt help matters any…
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The tone may have been misinterpreted but that doesn’t give the grandparents the right to go wherever with YOUR child without your knowledge. I would have been frustrated too. Whenever I babysit any kids, family members included, I always ask their parents if they can go, if it’s more than a grocery run.
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The text had the potential to come off hella rude. And honestly something that’s a important subject like that shouldn’t be a conversation to have over a text message 
BUT I’d be damned if I’d allow someone to speak to me that way . I’d cut all communication off to them if it was me, Until a apology or a conversation happens .
Does the dad have anything to say about any of this…sounds to me like maybe he needs to let them know their behavior is out of line. Its not like you said they had to tell you their every move just if they are leaving town, being a mom, i wouldnt be okay with that either!!
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How is you bf reacting?!?! Not only would they never keep her again, (if we didnt have a face to face about this, beginning and ending with him apologizing) I would completely shut them out. A simple hey, we were thinking about going out of town, just wanted to run it by you and let you know, is not only, not too much to ask it is what should and will happen with mine! And they CERTAINLY wouldnt talk to me like this. She is your child not theirs!
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You always need to know where your child is at. He was way out of line.
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After that last sentence he said I’d be off out the door and they will come crawling back but … do you really need to know everything they are doing where they going if you trust them to look after your daughter then …?
I would have been mad to. Parents have a right to know where their child is, no matter who they are with.
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I would have expressed that to my fiance and let him handle it. Yea maybe you could have said it differently but in reality they’re wrong. Its common decency to let both parents know before taking them somewhere, especially over night. What if you had plans? They didnt even care to ask. That tells me they dont respect you. I also wouldn’t live somewhere they can hold over your head, especially if you’re paying them to stay there.
Yes, you are being a helicopter parent. Your fiance is the child’s FATHER. He left HIS child with HIS parents. He should have told you but you were out of line with his parents
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Oooh totally should have told fiance this lol. If you guys are paying rent in the house they own who the hell are they to behave that way?? You have every right to know where your daughter is buuuuut hubby should have been the one to tell them.
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So your fiance’ knew they were taking her out of town and didn’t tell you? Maybe you should be mad at him. If they took her for the day, then no, you don’t have a right to be mad, especially being they were already keeping her for you. Now if you dropped her off for the day, and they stayed gone overnight or longer, then yes be mad. But if they’re already keeping her for you, and that seems to be the case, you don’t get to dictate every move they make. If you feel like you need to dictate that, then you need to find another sitter who will agree to that.
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Your text was very passive aggressive. They were out of town but still came back the same day? So like a day trip somewhere for a few hours while they were watching her? That doesn’t seem like a huge deal but you are the mom. So, Your rules go. I think you need to work on your communication because this should have been discussed and not texted and explained. You made them feel like shit over something that was never communicated to them in the first place. You and your hubby need to be on the same page about these things or this will be a constant issue.
Her text didn’t seem rude at all. He might be the grandparent but he still had no business. And then to get mad and shout that she is no longer allowed there is bs. Who cares if you’re engaged to their son? I’d be angry if my mom took my child and didn’t tell me where they went. If that’s the attitude he’s going to give off then I’d just cut him from taking her anywhere in the future.
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Nope. Girl move tf out with your child. I would have laid hands on that man wanna come at me like that. These hands are rated E for everyone. Square up mf!
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Yeah, and you’re still planning on marrying into that shitshow?
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You deserve to know where your daughter will be if they get pissed oh fucking well. Boohoo. if I’m with my son and I don’t see first thing that comes out of my mouth is wheres my kid at.
ESPECIALLY if they’re going out of town. First off my son won’t be going anywhere out of town unless it’s run by me. Usually the furthest my nana would go is alabama for the weekend getaway and I know exactly how to get there if I ever need to. Last summer she brought up taking him with her when she went and I wasnt comfortable enough to let him be that far away from me.
But long rant short. My child WILL NOT be a anywhere unless I know where he’s at when I ask. If said person can’t respect that then you only get to see when and not take him anywhere.
I think you approached it wrong which is probably why he reacted the way he did. Yes, we as the parents do have the right know. Sometimes grandparents these days think they do whatever they like. They are the grandparents, not the parents.
I think you were being a bit dramatic she was with her grandparent what’s the point of them taking her out for the day if they have to tell you every move they make you need to try an relax sounds like you have separation anxiety from your daughter
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You have a right to know where your kid s is at all times. That being said, your text was a bit sarcastic… Very passive aggressive. If you would’ve worded it like, hey, I know she’s your granddaughter but I do tend to worry, I would appreciate if you let me know whenever you’re going out of town with her to ease my mind… Yea it’s giving them a bit much and kind of brown nosing it, but what have you got to lose, really? He obviously wants his granddaughter in his life, he’s just pissed at you. Fix it, for your kid.
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This is very confusing. I’m sure you were aggravated when writing it which is why it’s confusing because the wording and grammar is throwing me off. I understand your upset that your fiancé parents (*Your daughters grandparents) didn’t tell you they were taking your daughter out of town. That is understanding. What confusing is the part you said she was suppose to go there this weekend too. And the part about your fiancé not telling you where your child was. So did your fiancé take your child to his parents without you knowing? And when did he tell you after he dropped her off or did you find out after? Idk I understand being upset that the grandparents took child out of town with out letting you know I understand that and would be a little upset but would just make sure they know to tell you next time. The rest I’m unsure about.
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I would have spoken with the fiancé about it. It’s incredibly important to know in case anything happens and your future father in law sounds like a controlling jerk.
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Nope. Not dramatic. I’d want to know if my child was going out of town. He was disrespectful. You are the parent. I honestly wouldn’t want them around her. They obviously don’t respect you.
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I wouldn’t dream of taking my grandchild out of town without the permission of the parents. Is it possible your fiance gave them the o.k. and just didn’t tell you because he knew the answer would be no? You have every right to say you aren’t comfortable with other people driving your child around in the city or especially out of town. Your request for them to tell you was a bit snarky. They obviously took it as so. I would have waited until my fiance got home and ask if he knew and why he didn’t he tell you. On the other hand, your fiance’s father should have apologized to you and say that next time they will make sure you know, and then add a smiley face so you will know he isn’t upset for you requesting to be notified. A smiley face on your text would have let them know you would like to be told but aren’t angry at them. I think it’s probably your fiance’s fault.
My MIL knows to keep me updated on my childs where abouts as if they are going somewhere big fancy ex; Concord mills mall ,I dont care if they are just running to the store tho.
She knows my child does not go out of state with out me.
They are overstepping. What if they were in a car accident? You should know where and with whom your minor kid is.
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I do think you have the right to know, I also think it was your man’s responsibility to tell you what was planned with your daughter. I don’t think your text warrants the freak out the grandfather had. It tells me he has very little respect for you and your wishes as the parent. Me, I’d at least consider moving out with child after talking to my fiancé.
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Yep. You need to be informed ahead of time from all relatives, and even fiance! Period.
You are the parent. They are not. I would never take my grandchild anywhere unless I told mom or dad where I was going in case something did happen. If something happened everyone would blaming mom and dad saying what parent doesnt know where their kids are. You would catch hell. Just because you are living in their house does not mean they disrespect you. And where the hell is your fiance allowing this in the first place and y’all should have your own place and not under mom and dad’s roof to begin with. Put your foot down to them all and stabd your ground that its your child your rules. Move out and teach them either respect your wishes or dont see your child. Dont marry someone that wont stand by your side and be there and support you unless he’s a basement dwelling mamas boy then you better run fast.
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Texting is not the way to handle that. Direct communication and set expectations should be established. Personally, I have never required my family to alert me to my son’s whereabouts if they were going out somewhere, but these days it is literally nothing more than a phone call to find out. I would think about why you are so bothered by it. Do you not trust them or are there other circumstances that are making this a problem for you? Are you this concerned while your child is at daycare/ school/other times she is not in your presence? The risk of harm to her in those circumstances is probably much greater than when she is with her grandparents. Yes, your fiance may pay all the bills, but you are still living in his parents home, not something they are required to do for you. I would probably be a bit upset if I were your fiance’s parents, too. In their eyes, you are probably coming off as rude, accusatory, and ungrateful.
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I think the whole issue of the fight is miscommunication…you came off as crappy trying to put your foot down which caused his irrational reaction. Lets be honest…you didn’t forget to mention it during drop off, you felt more comfortable sending a message, but that right there should have told you you should’ve let your fiance deal with it. I would’ve confronted him more than the grandparents if he knew and didn’t tell you.
Your wording couldve been better… BUT I totally agree with you as a mother… we have the right to know where our children are regardless of who they are with. If theyre going out of town Anything can happen… and knowing their wereabouts would save alot of lost time… if something does happen. (Example… theyre in an accident out of state… and they havr none of ur daughters id… so it would take an extra amount of time to contact you… even IF they have all their id) and at the end of it all… its just a respect thing!! And for him… noy even her yo call and lose it like that… thats mental abuse ( basically saying ur in our house with our son sp you have no say and we can do as we choose with your daughter)… id be choked and very upset as well!! I would definitely not be ok with any of this either. All it took was them to text… hey hope you dont mind, we were hoping to take (your daughter) here as shell enjoy it… anything besides saying nothing than snapping at you for being worried… just ridiculous of them!!
This is exactly what happens with me. Everytime my kids are at my in laws they take them places without ever telling me where they are going or anything… if I text to check on my kids if they answer It can be several hours later. I have voiced this to my husband on multiple occasions but he doenst seem to care how I feel on this. So I feel for you and what your dealing with
You definitely have to know where your child is 100% of the time. She’s YOUR daughter not theirs! They’re extremely rude and if I were you they wouldnt have get unsupervised again
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You have every right to be upset I think
Your fiance need to find you a new apt. And move forward
If my mother watched my children I would fully expect a text “hey we’re going here” as simple as that. I’m there mother and what if they got in a accident or one of them got hurt and I didn’t know where they were ? It’s just simple communication and you shouldn’t have been yelled at for it. I completely agree that you should know where there are no matter who they are with. Me personally can admit I’m a helicopter mom. Sense my son was born in May I’ve been away from him once and that was only a couple hours for a Christmas work party. But I knew where he was and what he was doing. I get extreme anxiety being away from them because I’m always with them. So your not in the wrong at all
Oh, hell no! They are overstepping their boundaries, and he clearly doesn’t understand that. They are the grandparents. He’s going to try and defend that, shut it down! You are the parent. End of story.
I’d of gone off on my own parents if they took my kid somewhere without letting me know. It’s a courtesy…
I’m a mimi and would never take my grands anywhere without telling my kids… it’s called respect
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You’re not wrong. You absolutely should know where your child is. It’s not like you told them not take her anywhere, you just want to know about it. They may be the grandparents, but mom trumps grandpa every time. Personally, I would move out ASAP. If he’s going to use your living in a house he owns against you like that, holding it over your head to act like you don’t have a right to go against him when it comes to your daughter.
That being said, if they told your fiancé they were taking her out of town, it’s on him to let you know. Grandpa still way overreacted tho
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This whole interaction was ridiculous. You are that babies mother, you NEED to know where she is at all times.
You’re the parent, you need to know where your child is at all times. As the PARENT they need to respect your boundaries.
I don’t give a dam if the message came off rude, pushy or polite! No one calls me, cusses me, and gets away with it!
I want to know where my child is a 100% of the time. No way, no one even grandparents have a right to take my child without letting me know exactly where they’re going.
Time to move on out of house because I’ll be dammed if any disrespects me in such a way. fiance better handle his parents or we ( me and our child) won’t be seeing them again!
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Just start sending him news articles about car pile ups and house fires every 15 minutes with the caption “this is why” til he gets it.
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Ok your fiancee is the childs parent too. If he gave the ok, then I truly feel you were out of line.
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Stand your ground and let them see where they’re wrong. You don’t want to get a call saying they were in an accident god forbid or something worse and your stuck wondering why your kid was where they were and not knowing where to go.
They are using the fact you live with them as an excuse to be jerks. The fiance should of told you what was going on but their attitude about it is out of line. They could of spoken with you about it instead of blowing up. I would not allow my child to be around adults who wish to act like kids just because things were not explained properly and there was miscommunication.
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These people really have no respect for you! I wouldn’t let them see their grandchild ever again! You need to put your foot down they have overstepped the mark.x
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Did the fiancé okay it? If he okayed it or was okay with the situation I think you and he need to talk and get on the same page.
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I’d leave that house. I would save money for a place instead of paying their bills.
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You should of had your feancee say something the grandfather prob wouldn’t of been as upset. But I do agree with you they should tell your fiancee and you when they are taking her out of town
I don’t know I mean, What does out of town mean? In many case by us you go out of town to go to McDonalds or the grocery store. I would not expect a text in that case. if they are traveling two hrs or something- then yes…Your text did sound a bit snippy but they still shouldn’t have blown up like that.
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Ok I want to know where my kids are at all times however this is bs the way he reacted period but your fiancé is the one to blame here he should have told you he okay it but the fil should never in a million years said what he said period
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I think you should’ve told the fiancé this instead of the grandparents and taken it out in him instead.
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Yes they are the grandparents but YOU are the PARENT!
Tbh id be findong somewhere else to live so he cant keep holding that against you.
Id be pissed if someone was watching my kid and took her abywhere especially out of town without telling me. Hell i watch my friends kids and i always tell her if im gonna take them anywhere. I even let her know if i plan on taking them to the park that day so she knows. What if something had happened to your kid.
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You and your SO need a lesson in communication. Did his parents tell him they were going out of town? Because if so then you texted the wrong person.
You’re 100% validated wanting to know if she goes out of town but if 1 parent was notified then it was his job to inform you.
My SO and I separated for a few months and we still asked each other for “permission” to take our child out of town or at the very least communicated about it before hand.
Your intentions were good but you need to talk with your SO and if they didn’t tell him either then he needs to back you up and let them know that her parents need to know if they go out of town with her out of respect.
Oh hell no. I don’t care if my MIL takes my daughter, because she respects me enough to tell me “hey I’m taking Marie and going to x, x and x places” you’re her mother and they need to respect that. It’s not being a helicopter mom to want to know where your child is
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Fiancé’s fault not the grandparents. He should have communicated with you. He is as much parent as you are, so unless you consult him on every decision then it’s unfair for you to expect him to do differently
If u r biologically the mom u have every right. If it escalates and they try to kick u out…depending on the state u r in they must legally evict u so ur safe for a min there on retaliation. Gl
You overreacted a little bit, however he showed you his true colors (grandpa) when he overreacted and had no right to yell at you like that he sounds misogynistic and disrespectful!! Move out before it gets worse. It’s really stupid to start drama with your grandkids parents! Your fiancé needs to have a talk with them!
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Get over yourself! At least the grandparents want to be apart of your kids life. Quit being over dramatic
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Your text did seem bitchy and your fiancé did approve it so really that’s on him and you should have taken it up with him not the grandparents. Yes as mom you absolutely have the right to know where your kid is but it’s also not like they just up and took her and no one had any idea of where she was… she was safe and your fiancé was well aware of what was going on. So now you have no where to live? over something that was not something that deemed a blowup or really even needed any confrontation.
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Well, since you are marrying into this family I would smooth it over sweetly and fast. Family problems are a complete nightmare to be in the middle of. You are totally in the right. I just would have handled it differently. I think I would call them up and explain that you always like to know where your child and boyfriend are in case they are ever in an accident. Tell them you are sorry your message sounded a little bit crappy when you read over it, but you really didn’t mean to sound that way. Tell them you are sorry you texted instead of calling, because texts can be misinterpreted. Tell them you love them and are grateful for all they do for you, but you were just worried because if something happened you wouldn’t know their whereabouts. You can even edit my message, and send it to them if you want. If they are nice people it will smooth things over. 
If you don’t like your child in cars with people though I would suggest getting a stay at home babysitter, and just visiting the in-laws as a family.
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Never text because the emotion you send it may not be the emotion someone receives. I would call and clear up the misunderstanding. Both handled it wrong. But I agree as a parent no matter who or where we have every right to know where child is. Don’t.let this situation go for long because it would be terrible to lose family over a simple misunderstanding on both sides
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I’m confused with all of the pronouns of who is who but the issue is between the parents — not the grandparents. If my spouse left our kid with his parents or anyone for the day without telling me I’d go postal o. Him and want to know wtf is keeping him from being dad for the day he lead me to believe he would be. I’d be checking phones and credit cards and on and on - probably even vehicle mileage. This is weird but it’s between the kids parents and that’s where instruction or reprimand should be directed.
Grandparents are in the wrong
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No I wouldn’t have said anything. The father dropped her off, its also his child, it’s his parents, have him deal with that. Of course you have the right to know where your child is. But this isn’t strangers, it’s her grandparents, the FATHER left her in their care. Your man dropped the ball on this and you come off looking controlling and like a micro manager mom. Next time have him deal with his parents.
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If my parents were leaving out of town with my kid I would definitely want to know. And you can let them know that that’s your kid so if they can’t abide by your rules then they can go on somewhere else 
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Yea. I would be mad teaching children to be sneaky sad
You handled that way better than I would have! I will unleash hell if anybody ever takes my child somewhere especially out of town without talking to me first lol you weren’t telling him what they could do with her you just asked that they let you know which isn’t unusual and should be done anyways.
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No THEY are wrong. If my parents or my SO parents took my daughter out of town without letting us BOTH know I would’ve reacted the same but less nice. It needs to be ok’d by both parents not just one.
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Yes, you have the right to know where your child is and they should let you know before taking your child anywhere.
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I don’t think it was even remotely rude or inappropriate for you to ask where your child was going, I would NEVER allow someone to take my kids out of town without my knowledge. It’s super odd to me that they wouldn’t just answer the question!!! I’d just very carefully let them know you’re just more comfortable with knowing where your child is (insane to me that anyone would even have to articulate that).
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Fiance’s dad was being a total ass. That reaction was completely unnecessary.
You may want to examine if you should marry this guy. If he forgot to tell you something like that and then his dad treats you like that. I would say bye Move on with your life. You will save yourself heartache in the long run.
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I trust my parents and in-laws with my kids no matter where they go. I let them know ahead of time my plans on pick up or what I’m gonna be doing while they have my kid so they know about what time I will be there to get them or what not. But never would I care if they were taking them somewhere. I see it as Grandparents just wanting to spend time and give the grandchild memories with them.
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You massively overreacted. Texting like that came off horrible. It was dad who did it. He left LO.He is the father so no I wouldn’t have cared. If you want him to let you know anytime he drops off or leaves LO you should have just spoken to him about it. It isn’t the person fault who ends up with the child to let you know ffs. You have a right to know were LO is yes but not like that. He isn’t in the wrong unless you and him
consult each other about everthing with LO. Should have just spoken to him about it. Dont cause drama when it isn’t needed
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If this is a start of this …definitely reconsider your situation. You let them know 1st you are the parent and you have right to know when and where she is at all times!! If something was to happen you would not know cause you didnt know where your child was!
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As a human who lost her mom an brother in a horrible car wreck, then 3 month later an aunt then 2 months later an uncle, if you have my kid I need to know their location!!! I was 8 yrs old when I lost all my loved ones, in a 6 months time frame. My kids are teens now and they know they don’t leave everywhere they are, without texting me and letting me know. I don’t care if it’s to the gas station I want to know.
Maybe the texting them about the issue wasn’t okay BUT just revisit the conversation with your mother in law and explain your side. As for the father tell him to go fuck himself!! And ur husband should have ur back!!
If this is a child that is from a previous relationship then yes, you have every right to be upset. But if this is a child that is from your relationship with your fiance then idk what the big deal is if she was supposed to be going over there anyway and if you knew of the plans before she was dropped off.
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I think your problem should be with your fiancé and not his parents. Personally I don’t need to know where my children are all the time if they are with the grandparents. I trust them to take my child wherever they want.
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Your father in law overreacted don’t let anyone tell you otherwise you and your fiance are the only parents if they can’t follow rules where they can only see the child supervised if my husband’s family or even my own family took my son out of town without my knowledge I would be pissed shit they can have their house if they want I’m the parent and what I say goes and that’s final a emergency can happen and you don’t even know where your child is
Idc who it is… if you have my child I need to know every step of the way… what if something happens? It’s not that I’m going to say no, I’m just worried cuz this world is crazy
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I’m a grandparent and I think what you did was absolutely correct - they were in the wrong by not informing you of the situation of going out of town - but your finance may have known and just forgot to let you know - men are just like that sometimes.- but the granddad was actually being a jerk in my opinion - it all boils down to common curtosity to the parents. Stand your ground momma you were right.
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I wouldnt leave my children with someone that has anger management issues like that.
I think maybe asking in person would have been better but I also think grandpa is psycho and I would make that clear.
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It sounds like you were passive aggressive from the doors, so I can understand the grandfather being upset, that being said, you do have a right and a responsibility to know where your children are at all times. I can see how they wouldn’t think they need to ask permission though. People need to learn that it’s all in the delivery. A better way would have been to say “I love that you take … places, in the future if you could just keep me in the loop so that I know where she’s at I would appreciate it.
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communication really should be clear about out of town with anyone. i even let my brother next door know if my self or son and i are going to a nearby city (north or south)…just in case he hears of an accident, he would know which way we were headed
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I would definitely be upset. What if something happened to your child and no one told you where she was?? They were wrong for not telling you, and if I were in your position, it would be a VERY long time before they got unsupervised time with her again.
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I’d be upset with fiance.
Grand dad really showed true colors though.
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