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"My husband and I got married in 2019. I'm completely in love with him BUT I'm a photographer by degree and passion and I'm trying to make it a living but when I want to go out and do a photoshoot even at the zoo he thinks I'm cheating on him because that's a date place. It hurts because I feel like I have to choose between my passion or the love of my life and I don't think it's fair. I've tried to include him but it's boring to him and he just ends up feeling like my pack mule. We also work opposite shifts making it even more difficult to find the time to be with each other. I work 10 pm-7 am and he works 5 am-2 pm so by the time he gets home I'm asleep already. I either have to choose to try to lay down and go to sleep immediately after I get off work so we can have time together in the evenings OR I go take pictures after work and sleep in the evenings before work and he feels like I'm ignoring him."
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"He is the one with a problem. He should be able to trust you no matter where you are going. Ever heard the one who blames is the one doing? Also I’ve never gone on a date to a zoo so that’s just bologna. Don’t give up your passions to accommodate his insecurity."
"He sounds ridiculous. Typically the one blaming/accusing is the one cheating. Do what you are passionate about, please, because you’ll hate yourself if you give it up"
"He needs help with this insecurity. Plus that is a control issue. Tell him if he wants to make this work he needs to get over it"
"Danger danger. Don’t let him take control of your life like he’s trying to do. Abusers isolate people and make accusations of cheating."
"It’s coming from a place of insecurities and he needs some sort of validation that this marriage will succeed. He’s obviously mirroring his worries onto you that he’s also neglecting you. You both will need to make changes to get this to work, find different hours to work, plan time away together, etc etc. You’re a team so you both need to find a way to voice and work through it. He needs to grow up a little and learn to be better at communicating his issues instead of belittling you and accusing you of cheating … that's ridiculous and childish."
"Run far away from that toxic relationship. Married or not it will never get better and you will waste years of your life being miserable in a small bubble of “safe” people/places that you’re allowed to talk to and go to if you’re lucky."
"Unless you have cheated on him while taking pictures and he knows this, I don't see how he would think you're cheating while working? Is he insecure and weird or are you a cheater? Either way, a therapy session would probably do wonders for you guys"
"He has issues. Don’t let them become your issues. Right now it’s photography, if you give it up it will be something else. Don’t lose yourself because he is insecure."
"Sounds toxic maybe you should move on don’t give up your dreams for someone else you need to take care of yourself first"
"You need to get creative with your time. Dedicate 3 or 4 days a week to your husband and 3 or 4 days to your passion. It is important to care for your partner, but if you are not allowed to do the things that bring you joy then resentment will build between the two of you. If things continue seek out marriage counseling. You need to learn to compromise and so does he. However, compromise means something different to everyone."
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