Can you make this anonymous? I’m looking for advice. I’ve recently had my second child, but this is my husband’s, first baby. He has no idea how to calm her down or what to do with her if I’m not right there with him telling him what to do. Do I let the baby scream and cry while he tries to figure it out, or do I just take the baby from him when she cries? I hardly get to spend one on one time with my other child until he’s home, so I’d like for him to learn but the baby crying stresses all the rest of us out to the point of my other child helps the baby cry, so I’ve then got to calm two kids down instead of one
Take the older child on short outings for just you two time. Maybe an hour at. Time.
He will figure it out before long.
You were a first parent once too. Nobody is given a “how to parent” handbook before having a baby. That baby is his baby too, he needs to build a bond. Let him figure it out and! Be patient with him and breathe Momma.
You had to learn what cries ment and how to calm down your first baby, so he has to learn too. Let him go
Dont take the baby off him… hes trying… maybe try explaining in a nice way “this usually works for me when baby is crying” or “baby usually likes this maybe give it a go and see if it helps” i know with babys some men find it alot harder to adjust to and parent rather than when theyre at the toddler playing, talking etc stages
Let him get to with put you doing this. Calm the fuck down unless he’s hurting her. Jesus. No one likes a Nancy pants on their ass trying key work TRYING and your putting him down. Why?
I agree with above if its just a cry and not a cry for pain let bub go its nice to have a small list of what helps you settle bub and stick it to fridge so maybe until hubby gets used to the bonding then he can slowly rule off what is on the list…if all fails allow him to give bub a bath if baby enjoys bath time as thats a great way of them bonding and you still being within arms reach but don’t stress… (my sons father became a father again after 18yrs so it was like starting all over again too)xx you got it mummy give him credit for trying took my sons dad 3 yrs before he would bother in the end…
Our son was my first, his 4th. I thought I knew what my baby needed when dad did not fix it right off the bat. And I did. But Now dad blames me when son (now 4) won’t listen, mind, only wants me for everything. I feel now that I didn’t let them get enough bonding time. I will definitely back off with the next one!
Teach him itll take time but he’ll learn. Mine was like this but i had to be patient and teach him slowly but surely he’ll learn and be more helpful for sure.
When the baby is upset and you are holding her, tell him what do to, and pass her to him. Teach him what you know. Then once she calms down, walk away. Give it a few times and they will be good to go♥️
You don’t have to take over all the time especially if he’s doing his fatherly duties. He will figure it out because he is that father, instincts will teach him what to do, besides, the more he spends time with the baby, the more they will develop a bond. Just be there to support and assist him if you think he’s not doing it right.
You each have to find your own way to soothe your child. Every parent is different. Give him time and let him figure themselves out. If you take over for him all the time then he won’t grow together with the baby and could begin resenting you for feeling distrustful.
I’d say give him the chance to figure out what works for him to calm her down. And give him some pointers if you want.
He is just learning. If you make him feel bad. He will turn into those dads that the woman complain about on the page
I would give him a few minutes. If he doesn’t know what to do then tell him and let him do it
He needs to figure it out and your daughter needs to bond with him in order for his soothing efforts to actually work. Take a deep breath. They’re figuring eachother out.
Let him learn as long as he is patient with the baby but if he isnt patient with the baby then take the baby. That’s most important as long as baby is safe he will learn it just takes time.
He’s learning…let him learn. Don’t take the baby from him. Remember that you were a first time parent once too…how would you have felt if someone took the baby from you because you didn’t know it all?
You’re helping nothing by micro-managing his parenting. He’ll learn and figure it out. Babies tend to gravitate toward mom, so it will take a little while for baby to adjust to dad.
Let him figure out things to do and ways to soothe baby. We don’t learn what holds, techniques, e.t.c. work until we do them.
Tell him you’re there if he needs you and to call, but otherwise leave him to it and do what you need to do otherwise. He’ll get there in time. He’s trying and that’s all he can do for now. Babies cry. Tune it out if you know the baby is cared for and being tended to.
If you keep intercepting, he will never learn. Babies can cry. As long as your baby is not in pain, give him a chance to learn. Could be as simple as you always stepping in is not allowing dad to bond with baby.
Maybe make a routine to go for a walk with your older one for 30 mins a day when he is there to keep the baby. Then you wont have distractions from older one and he can really get close to baby being alone completely too.
You need to let him figure out his parenting method his baby ways. the best way for you to do that is to leave the house. Take the other kid run to the store leave the husband home with the baby. Take your other kid to go get a snack to go get ice cream leave your husband home with the baby that way you cannot intervene I’m not saying be gone for hours but long enough that he has to figure things out.
He will get the hang of it. He may need some help to do so, but he’ll get there.
Ask him if he’d like some advice or ideas to try first.
It depends on the age of the baby. If they are 3 months or younger they are naturally clingy to mom due to something called the fourth trimester. Basically, our hips are too narrow for our big brains, and so we give birth earlier than we’re naturally supposed to. If we weren’t bipedal we’d be pregnant for another 3 months, so it’s during this time the baby just wants the closeness of mom and a mimicked womb environment. Dad can bond in other ways, like changing diapers, bottle feeding, singing to baby while mom holds them, etc.
I let my husband figure out our first. He will learn. It will be bonding time for them as well. Of course if it goes on for a certain length of time try voicing what to do and let him do it. He won’t learn if you always take the baby. I know the overwhelming feeling of “give me my baby you’re not doing it right” but mama you need your time, your one on one with the other child and your sanity. You’ll go crazy trying to do it all alone not to mention frustrated towards him that you’re the only one who can take care of and calm the baby.
Why don’t you go for a.walk with the other child and let him be for a little while obviously you don’t want baba screaming all the time but he should try. My other half has 5 and then we had one together he still has no clue lol its a mum thing too they only want you and if they can hear and sense you they will cry out more x
Instead of taking over, give him advice and ideas to try, and let him know what works for you, once he’s tried, ask him if he would like you to show him what you mean, then give baby back so he can try it, work together, and be patient, hes doing the best he can, and will already feel stink that you have more experience and can soothe the baby.
Don’t you remember when your first was tiny and it took time to figure out how to calm them? He has to learn too. Especially with him being the working one while you stay home (based off “until he’s home”) he gets less physical time there so needs more learning time. Remember he loves them too and needs to bond too. It will happen.
Depends on his temperament with the baby. If he seems to handle it with grace, give him the chance. Also maybe send him some links for dads with new babies. If you don’t let him try, you will develop almost an anxiety about others around your baby. This happened with me with my first son. I didn’t trust his dads temperament, he could be a bit of a hot head and my child just wasn’t something I was willing to put at that risk. Eventually, we divorced. However I had anxiety any time he was alone with him, when I took showers etc. it was awful, baby steps. If he has really good temperament you have nothing to worry about, if anything, he may surprise you with how good he does. Xoxo
Let baby cry let him figure it out as you dod with ypur forst
Let him firgure out what works for him. I did that with my boyfriend it was hard because as a mother when the baby is crying its so hard not to take the baby and calm them. But he is going to need to figure it out. I communicated that if he feels overwhelmed or wants my help to let me know that im not ignoring them. But hes a wonderful dad and I know hes safe and you can do it. He would communicate “hey babe any pointers our spawn is fucking with me right now” but he got it down and hes amazing with our son
I personally wouldn’t just take the baby away from him and I also wouldn’t just leave him to handle the baby by himself if he’s struggling to soothe the baby. I feel the best approach would be to help teach him and give him pointers. Parent together always. Every child is different and every parent is different. With you being a first time parent before I’m sure you remember what that feels like and you can be a great help to him while he finds himself as a parent.
He’ll get it. You take a break.
Let him figure it out! He will only learn by doing so himself! And it’s okay to step out & go on a walk, or shut the door & stay in the room. I know it’s hard, but You need your mental space too! If you keep intervening, hubby won’t learn, and he will constantly rely on you for help. He’s got this, and you got this. Good luck
I would let him try to figure out on his own so he can build that bond unless he ask you to step in and help. Being a 1st time parent isn’t easy but he will catch on. Just be patient with him.
Let him figure it out and build his relationship with the baby
If you keep taking the baby from him then the baby is only going to want you. He needs to figure it out and he will. Its harder for them than it is for us. Leave the house with your other child so the baby knows you aren’t home. They will survive. It is harder on you mama
Don’t take the baby. Just explain to him and show him what works. If he works a lot and isn’t the main person taking care of her he won’t just know unless he learns. Taking the baby will prevent him from learning and he won’t be able to help you out.
My husband tries but apparently my children (16,2,1, 1baking) are mama baby’s. He tries to calm them down but normally it just irritates me. He normally just calls their name like 30 times and their cries just get loader. So I juatvtake over. ( it’s not right , but I have addressed the issue with him getting up and getting the kid instead of calling their names 30 times, didn’t work)
He’s a first time dad. They have to figure some things out together. Give it time.
Always step in if it been a while, but give it time.
Give him a few minutes. Or him and the baby will never learn each other.
But honestly I wouldn’t let it go past half an hour.
My husband once tried to put our daughter to sleep but just cuddling her and rocking her.
She was fighting the cuddles soooo hard and was screaming.
I gave it half an hour before I stepped in. But be prepared for him to get offended if he’s that type.
Mt husband took it personal.
But as a mom you can only hear your baby cry for soo long.
Just give him a chance or you’ll be parenting all by yourself.
You show him and help him. By not being there for him isn’t going to help anyone
Dont just take over or he wont learn on his own. Reminding him what to do would even be better but dont just take the baby. I would be pissed if someone did this to me when I had my son because I never would have learned.
The more time you spend showing him the ropes the more free time for you in the future joking apart…he is a first time dad…he is already feeling helpless…so jus give him some tips and let him deal with it in his own way…jus keep an eye but don’t hover…maternal instincts tend to override us
Why don’t you ask your husband if he wants you to help instead of a bunch of strangers?
The baby probably feels his anxiety. Maybe have him put one of your worn shirts over him so the baby can smell it. It’s supposed to be soothing for the baby. I’m not saying him wear the shirt, just on top of him. Good luck mama…
Let them both learn
If you keep grabbing baby from daddy they would get used to each other
Let the man figure it out if he ask you for help then step in
Let him figure it out…there may be time you won’t be around 24/7
Try giving him tips while he’s trying to calm the baby, and let him know he can ask for help if he can’t get her to calm down. This way he gets the chance to learn, but you’re also there if it’s too much and he can’t get her to stop. There’s a learning curve as a new parent, (for moms and dads) and it’s great that he wants to try. It might just be the baby sensing him being nervous so give it time and be supportive, he’ll get the hang of it!
Let him figure it out, he needs to learn his own ways of dealing with the baby. Let him know you’re there if he needs you & leave him to it.
He’s not comfortable with the baby because his parents & society taught him not to be comfortable with babies & as a caregiver from toddlerhood. We need to change this. Let your boys play with dolls, doll houses. Let them re-enact their lives & solutions to issues. Let them be compassionate & show them compassion. Baby is uneasy with your husband because it feels his stress & uneasiness. The damage is done to him. Prevent it with your sons. For now support him. Don’t take over or leave him stranded with baby. Find a middle ground. Give him the tools & confidence that were deprived from him. I know it’s hard. Not only are you having to parent your 2 children you’re also forced to mend the damage your husband’s parents did to him.
To be honest. When my Husband and I had his first child (my 3rd) he actually took all responsibility for the older 2 because the baby only wanted me and he couldn’t settle her, purely down to the fact I was breastfeeding but it worked for us. The 3 weeks he had off he had the boys and took on all the house work and cooking, I didn’t have to lift a finger except with the baby. Don’t get me wrong he still did all the normal dad stuff, cuddles, baths, changing nappies etc, but we both took charge of the parts we were confident with. 4 years on… baby doesn’t want to know me, she’s all about her dad
Straight up ask him would you like A few tips on how I calm them, if not let him find his own way to sooth baby, everyone has their own way of doing things.
If not let him find his own way to soothe baby, everyone has their own way of doing things, It doesn’t make it wrong just different.
Honestly, don’t take the baby from him, that doesn’t teach him how to help the baby. Teach him, help him. It’s his first child and men don’t tend to have those quick instincts moms tend to have, men have to learn. Which is harder if they’re working and you’re the primary caretaker for the baby. You learn your babies cries and he has to also. So don’t just grab the baby from him, tell him “why don’t you try this he/she really likes this” he has to learn and find his grove
Try to teach him what to do
No. Unless he asks. Later or if he seems overwhelmed maybe say “do you mind if I mention what I do and learned it helped…?” So then he doesn’t feel small
If he’s trying let him figure it out if he is sitting there letting the baby scream step in.