Do I tell my husband my daughter wants to get on birth control?

Needing some parenting advice. My teenager came to me and told me she is thinking about being intimate with her boyfriend of 3 years. We have always had this talk and I always told her she could come to me and I would never judge her. I am super happy that she did come to me but I still feel iffy about this whole situation and wish she would wait…she wants me to take her to get on birth control but doesnt want me to tell here dad…do i tell him or keep this between us? she is 17

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Do I tell my husband my daughter wants to get on birth control? - Mamas Uncut

Either way keep her protected.

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I would keep it between the two of you

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It’s not up to your partner
It’s up to your daughter it shouldn’t even be a question
It’s her body not yours
She does not even need your permission.

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The fact she even came to you is amazing ! At 17 most are sexually active and havnt told their parents but if he found out you didn’t tell him they could cause you problems maybe encourage her to tell her dad she’s being mature and didn’t go behind your back

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Get her on the birth control because if she’s ready she’s gunna do it. And you should tell her dad as y’all are parenting her. Even though she doesn’t want him to know. It’s better for all 3 of y’all to be on the same page on the birth control. And she is 17 almost an adult.

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She confined you in and I think you should respect her trust. Keep it to yourself. And get her on the pill. If she wants to have sex she will. And better safe than pregnant.

Depends on how is your husband… If you share everything , maybe it is ok to tell him… She is his child , too…father react different, I know, but you know your man better:)

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She’s 17 she’s more than capable of making that decision for herself & that’s an acceptable age I think so keep her confidence and help her out I say

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Would he rather have her pregnant at 17 or protected at 17???

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If you think her dad is going to react negatively or dictate that she can’t I wouldn’t. She’s going to have sex regardless and I’m sure you don’t want her to have an unwanted pregnancy. She came to you in confidence I wouldn’t betray that, she won’t ever again

I was on it at 13… not proud of it now but at least if I was being dumb which I mean I was sexually active but with one guy even though he was cheating on me… it’s a long story anyways… she’s almost 18 and at least she’s coming to you about it, i don’t think it’s good to keep secrets from your husband but I get it too, she’s trying to be safe and I would just tell him, they have been together for 3 years and she is almost 17. It’s always a rough situation but I think being honest is the best thing yes will he be upset because he is aware his daughter might be sexually active yes but she’s made it to 17 without messing things up and she’s wanting to be safe about it

You can explain to her why she should wait but I would absolutely get her on birth control. She will do it if she wants regardless of anyone’s wishes and for right now, I would keep it between you and her.

Firstly… keep her confidence. She has come to you trusting.

Secondly, she is old enough to make her own decisions on who she wishes to know about it, that includes your partner unfortunately.
I would leave it up to her to tell him when she is ready, however still encourage her to do it as you don’t like keeping it from him.

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Don’t you ever break that trust! What a great kid and what beautiful trust she has in you

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She probably already has been intimate with him if shes been seeing hi for 3 yrs…if i were you i would put her on birth control…
If your husband wont make a big deal of it Iwould tell him otherwise i wouldnt…

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Show her that in the Bible it says premarital see is a sin

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Keep her secret. She confided in you. You can’t break her confidence.

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Id let him know its about time she was on birth control just leave out the bit about her partner and her being ready to cross that line. That way if he finds out and your not there (walks in on them etc) there’s no awkness regarding birth control (as in him not thinking there being safe).

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She came to you in confidence. She could have just went and gotten it without your knowledge or consent. If you break that confidence then next time that’s exactly what will happen. She will handle things on her own.

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You and your husband should have had this conversation before this. Before you even had kids. And if your husband was going to try to control your childrens’ sex lives by withholding birth control, you never should have married him. That has literally never worked. Ultimately, neither of you have any right to impose a lifetime consequence on her, as well as an unwanted pregnancy, as a punishment for sexual activity.

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go get her on birth control. she’s clearly ready. and you should tell her dad, you’re both the parents. he may react very different to you, but it’s her choice, and she’s wanting to be safe. i went on at 15… if she’s ready then she will do it, being protected is the best thing.

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Shes 17 in my country she can just go get the birth control and wouldn’t have to tell you anything, i wouldn’t break her trust by telling her dad just go with her

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I would keep it between you guys, I don’t expect my husband to tell me he bought our son condoms…or vice versa for our daughter. If they feel safe enough to come to one of us that’s all we can ask💖

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Be real. Her dad can throw a tantrum all he wants. But right now if you don’t help her she WILL find a way to get BC anyway. Or at least you hope. And you can wish she would wait but again…she will find a way. It’s your job to make sure she’s safe (because she’s asking for the help for now) and fully informed.

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That’s a toughie. You don’t want her getting pregnant, but birth control pills don’t stop sexually transmitted diseases. Also, there’s the religious considerations of not wanting her to be fornicating. Whatever you decide, keep her confidence. She trusted you. Personally? I’d get her the birth control. Life is hard right now. You don’t want her to struggle to raise a child on top of everything else. And you don’t want your first grandchild given up for adoption. Keep her confidence, get her the birth control.

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Yes.When I went to my mom and told her I was ready, we discussed birth control and she talked to my dad (stepdad but who I consider my dad) and gave him the heads up. You need communication between all of you. That’s just my opinion though.

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Be happy that she came to you and help her out and have a good discussion about being safe. As a dad with a daughter, I would say some things are better kept between mom and daughter.

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No matter what u get your girl ! I will but I just had boys

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Don’t tell him. It doesn’t matter what he thinks anyway. It’s her body so it’s her choice. :woman_shrugging:

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I’d say don’t tell dad yet as if you do then she probs won’t trust you and go get something anyways. Even 13 year olds can get birth control without parents permission so don’t tell dad yet

Can’t they go to the doctor by themselves at that age anyway and doesn’t matter what dad wants it’s her body and if she wants to do it then at least she wants to do it the right way

Is it her father ? If not then no way lol that’s weird as. If it’s her father you’d hope they have a good enough relationship for her to be comfortable with him knowing. My dad was aware of most things I was doing growing up

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If you ever want her to tell you anything again keep her confidence. Father’s are never comfortable talking about their daughters having sex.

They’re going to do it anyway so would you rather her be protected or have her be pregnant?

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Don’t tell him just continue tp support her she sounds sensible

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My oldest is only 6 so I hope she comes to me when the time is right but I would definitely keep it between you two dad don’t need to know

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Anyone saying don’t break her trust I’m sorry that’s wrong.
Am I not as significant a parent as a mother? I have every right to know what my wife does as we parent together. I’d bring dad into the conversation of course! Otherwise you break the trust between partners who are a United front for children not divided.

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No, just keep it between you and your daughter.
Be thankful that she’s switched on enough to come to you, in confidence, to help her. She is a young woman who doesn’t need the embarrassment of her dad knowing that. It’s perfectly ok for women things to stay between women.

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Go ahead and tell him. There are multiple reasons someone goes on birth control. I’m on it to regulate my periods. :slight_smile: He doesn’t need to know the reason, but I think it’s better to be mostly transparent so he isn’t surprised if he catches her taking it.

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I would take her and I wouldn’t tell him. She’s trusting you with this information and specifically asked you not to.

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Keep between you two. She came to you. If u don’t help her, she will find way to get bc…

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If she has asked you not to say anything I wouldn’t personally.
She didn’t even have to tell you.
It’s her decision at 17, especially with a long term boyfriend.

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You wishing she would wait won’t make her wait. She’s coming to you and that’s huge. She could’ve gone around you. It all depends on her relationship with her dad. Would she want him knowing? She came to you in confidence I would ask her if she feels comfortable with you sharing her female business with him

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It’s not keeping a secret from your husband so much as keeping her confidential chat you with you , between you two !
You have told her she can confide with you and if you break that trust she won’t come to you again . At 17 she is able to go to a dr on her own (can have her own Medicare at 16) so support her and be happy she is comfortable coming to you with these decisions ! You have a wonderful relationship - don’t lose it mama
(Ps I’m in Australia - if your not the law may be different )

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Keep it between you, if you tell your husband and your girl finds out she may not trust you again in the future and really why does he need to know?

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Don’t tell him just keep it between u and her

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Honestly I got pregnant at 15 bc I couldn’t come to my mom if she’s coming to you guide her in the correct way she’s trying to be responsible and as much as I love my son being a teen parent is so hard. Please don’t set her up for that. So if you think it’d be an issue don’t tell him.

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Your Daughter is 17…she actually does not need your permission to do so. She is able to make that decision for herself at the age of 16…however you should feel proud that she came to you and discussed it with you. However her Father should not be left out of this coversation. It would be worse if he finds out from someone else…and yes it does happen and can you imagine if it happens to be in front of you or your daughter, somehow I don’t think that would go down well. Best coming from you first. Make him aware that she is being responsible In the fact that she is protecting herself against an unwanted pregnancy. In saying that her boyfriend should still wear a condom and safe guard against STI. You can never be too safe or cautious.

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Only tell him if you never want her to ever tell you another personal thing ever again.

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I remember when I was a young girl and I would have very personal conversations with my mom and ask her not to tell my dad. Mainly because it was hard enough to share with her, but because I was his little girl and I was embarrassed about him knowing. I never though that he’d be angry with me or love me less but there are just some things that a daughter needs to be able to trust her mom with. Especially topics like this.
You should ask her if she’s ok with her dad knowing what y’all discuss.

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I mean technically she can go get on birth control herself at 12 years old, have it fail, get pregnant, go get an abortion and then get back on birth control without you ever knowing (where I live anyways) so I’d count your blessings that she trusts you and accept that at 17 it’s amazing that she’s not already sexually active (assuming she’s telling the truth, not that I wouldn’t trust her but still) and you go get her on birth control before she does it behind your back anyways. As far as telling her dad, what’s her reasoning for him not knowing? It is her body and she has a right to ask for it to not be common knowledge but at the same time is he going to freak out or can he accept it and keep his mouth shut? I’d probably tell her you’re uncomfortable keeping it a secret from him so she’s not shocked that he knows but make sure he’s not going to freak out and make a big deal about it.

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Why does he have to know? It’s a mom/daughter thing!!! Your girl is entitled to have a moment with her mom without dad being involved!!!

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Why does he have to know? It’s a mom/daughter thing!!! Your girl is entitled to have a moment with her mom without dad being involved!!!

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Maybe a discussion on how keeping this from a partner within a relationship can be damaging…

Good on her for being proactive and open with you.

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Honestly depending on the state you are in some states will let teens 12+ be seen medically and make some of those decisions on their own (such as birth control) without the knowledge of their parents. Even std testing and being that she is 17, I’d just keep it between you tbh.

I’m in a similar situation but my daughter is almost 14, not having sex and doesn’t plan to in the near future but has heard about acne benefits as well as hormonal regulation, lighter periods etc and also says it doesn’t hurt to be prepared. She’s always been open and honest with me about her activities with her bf when they progress to different levels(so far they have only gone under the shirt and over clothes rubbing below the waist) she hasn’t asked me not to tell her dad but I’m wondering if I should even consider getting her the birth control and don’t know how to approach the convo with her dad lol

I wouldn’t tell him but I would encourage her to talk to him about it too because your gonna need your husband to trust you when he needs to back you up on certain issues with the kids.

He doesn’t need to know until she’s ready to tell him. Get the girl her birth control

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She trusted you , if you tell him she will not trust you with anything never again .
She is 17 and seems very mature and responsible, I think that you should take her to the doctor so she can start with the birth control method, she is already thinking In having sex , so I will do it as soon as possible.
Beside the birth control you should also talk to her about STD and how to have safe sex .
Tell her to always has condoms

No be glad she came to you and support her.

I would absolutely respect her wishes. She’s less than a year away from being an adult. Also, if you break her trust, she will most likely go ahead and be intimate with her bf anyways…and without bc, she could very well end up pregnant.

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I wouldn’t tell him until she’s comfortable telling him herself.

Sounds like you and your daughter has a special bond. I would keep it between just you two.

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He doesn’t need to know. Her body her choice

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Probably Dad is going to be footing the bill for her birth control pills so he will probably find out. For the Mother and Father it is hard to condone promiscuity at this age but don’t want their daughter having an illegitimate child either. Sad. Children used to be children for a lot longer. I wish more parents took their children to Church and taught them to not rush into adulthood.

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Put her on birth control. You aren’t betraying your husband. You are protecting your daughter. This is solely about your daughter. Your husband doesn’t need to know that she’s having sex. Be glad she’s comfortable enough to come to you. My girls talk to me about this stuff and yet I wouldn’t even tell my mom what I ate for lunch at that age. You did a great job, mom :heart: be proud of yourself

She’s 17, she doesn’t want him to know so he doesn’t need to know until she’s ready for that. She’s nearly an adult and could go an get it without either of you knowing, but she came to you for a reason. She trusts you, don’t break that trust

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I wouldn’t tell him directly that she asked but I would bring up a conversation like you know such and such has been together this long and I want to get her on birth control to be on the safe side or something along those lines and see how he reacts…

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Nope I wouldn’t tell him … she obviously does not want him to know so I wouldn’t break her trust. Be happy that she told you.

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When my teens asked for birth control I did not share with my husband till they were ready then they told him. It’s not secret but she needs to be the one to say something

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The answer is what the daughter said. She doesn’t want you to tell her father…

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I agree…mom and daughter thing…

Shes being safe by asking for help id go through everything with her condoms/female condoms/ spermicide /risk of std ECT. If she has a question you cant answer have her write it down to ask the drs…most health departments, and gynos offer free condoms as well …keep it between you and her shes very confident in asking you when she doesnt have to she can get it in her own at her age …keep communication and trust open things are akward when you’re still “daddys little girl” and you dont want that akward interaction …

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It’s really not his business, & if she wanted him to know she would tell him. She will be an adult and n less than a year, so you go & break her trust now, you can bet she won’t look back to often when she leaves home.

It’s really sad that she can’t feel proud enough of her choices to say look what a smart move I want to make by protecting myself :sleepy:

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Keep it between you 2, he doesn’t need to know.

Fuck sake at 17 let her go on birth control!

Fathers are not second class citizens. They are in fact a half of that child. Set aside that when the daughter is 18 she can do whatever she wants, they both, mom and dad, have parental rights to raise their child. All this keeping secrets does nothing but keep distance between mom and dad. It also sets up future scenarios to deprive the dad from the opportunity to be a father. He may actually want to be involved. If his take on it is a negative reaction, then she can wait till she’s 18 and do whatever anyway. The relationship between mom and dad should never should be questioned, or challenged by mom this way. She should absolutely tell dad, only if in confidence.

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Keep that between you two only. Trust me you don’t want to break that trust between you two.

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I will absolutely not let my girls take birth control. Not after reading the book “This is your brain on birth control.” We are encouraging our girls to wait until they are married to have sex. I would tell your husband though. We don’t do secrets in our house.

Respect her wishes and her trust in you

Being 17, she could have went behind your back and you wouldn’t even know. Be grateful she trust you enough to come and talk to you about it. Betraying her trust will cause her to be hesitant or never come to you again. We always tell our children to come to us for guidance when it’s needed and they can trust us… well, try not to break that.

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Most kids are having sex these days before 17, she’s almost an adult and I think that the fact that she came to you is a good example of the trust she has in you. I would tell her what another’s user commented, lying can be damaging to a marriage for you and your husbands trust. You don’t want to break one trust, and strengthen another. However I don’t think her sexual activity necessarily is fully anyone’s business since she is nearly an adult. maybe present that she’s at an age that birth control is needed and let her decide what she chooses to do with it. As long as she is ready and is being safe I think that it’s ultimately her decision. Be there if she has questions or concerns, but allow her to make the decision. As far as your husband Sometimes as a parent knowing more than necessary can be more damaging than not knowing. it’s a good boundary to have with kids I think allowing them to make their own adult decisions, having enough trust for them to tell us stuff, while also not knowing too much that it makes us lay awake at night stressing, specially when it’s out of our control, and everyone is taking proper precautions. Your job is to make sure she is safe, you are doing that. So good job mama.

She’s trusting you. Until she wants him to know don’t tell him or she’s going to start not trusting you with things :woman_shrugging:

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He’s her parent as well and deserves to be involved and knowing in her health. If something happens, she has a reaction, a blood clot, and he’s not aware…that’s not fair to her, him, or the er physician. It’ll blindside him and he won’t know how to care for her if they can’t get a hold of you. Neither will the physician and that could make the situation worse.

He’s been a teenage boy. I understand this situation is difficult as a parent. But she should be practicing safe sex if she’s going to have sex, and he should be encouraging that no matter what age she is. If she can’t be mature enough to talk about it, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable, then she shouldn’t be having sex.

Dont matter what you wish. Give her that BC asap. & condoms. If not, Then you risk it & you’re gonna wish she isn’t a teen mom if she ends up doing it anyway. At least she told you before acting on it & wants to do it the safe way. Don’t break her trust!! Give her the proper tools and knowledge to Navigate sex safely, safe sex in every aspect. she is going to do what she wants & will be 18 soon. Best to be protected!

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No need to discuss with Dad until she is ready.

U want the trust and the bond she is giving u, think if u tell daddy she might not be able to get on birth control and be in the back seat of car despite what daddy says

That’s a moment just for you and treasure it not all kids turn to their parents for birth control and she did, that is called being responsible a testament to you and your husband, don’t ponder over it her and her dad probably have their own secrets too that he can’t tell you but she was comfortable to ho to him only!

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I say no. She is trying to be responsible about it. She came to you because she felt safe to. Telling him would betray her trust.

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She is 17 almost a legal adult. She will always be your baby but she will have sex if she wants too and its developmental appropriate. I would get her bc and keep it between you too. Strongly encourage her to tell her dad.

If she’s specifically asked you not to tell him then I don’t think you can betray that trust.

I would encourage her to wait to have sex until marriage.

Does he need to know ?

If you break her trust this time - she will never trust you again. Personally, I want my kids to trust me. Even if it means it may cause problems with their Dad at some point - I would rather deal with that than lose my kids trust.

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She is 17. She WILL do it with or without your permission. Just trust her and ENCOURAGE birth control!! And speak to your husband about it FIRST and let him feel safe with his feelings about it with YOU first before you talk with your daughter TOGETHER about all her options.

I’d tell my husband but ask him not to say anything. All medications including birth control come with risks, I’d want him to know what medications she is on… You know him best, talk to him when he won’t forever react and think rationally.

And how would you feel if he kept it from you?

What a responsible young woman. Sounds like she’s set on the idea and is asking for support which is so grown up of her. Either way she will do what is necessary, supporting her and being open is so amazing of you. She trusts you enough to talk about it and that’s wonderful!

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That’s between you two, I wouldn’t say anything.