Do I tell my sister about her boyfriends bad past?

My sister is in a relationship with someone I knew in the past…he was not a good person when I know him and I fear he is down the same path now and I am worried for my sister…do I tell her all of the horrible things he did to all the girls i knew…including me…or do i let her find out the hard way and hope he changed? we are not close so i dont even know if she will believe me or not…he used to steal, lie, do drugs…i am scared for her

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Do I tell my sister about her boyfriends bad past?

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People change…especially if they’re sober

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I would tell her she may not believe you

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Mmm tell her duh !!! Why would you not tell her . Before things get worse for her maybe he can ruin her life and the you will regret not telling her on time

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My friend’s guy was a male prostitute; I never told her.

Drugs don’t make someone a bad person, but being a addict can make u lie and steal , people change tho, that could just be the past

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Tell her even if she doesn’t believe you at least you have a clean conscience

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I would tell her that you have concerns about him and encourage her to talk to him about his past. If she does and he lies to her then I’d share more with her.

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It’s not fair of you to do that, it’s their responsibility to learn about each other as they go and figure out if it works for them

She’s not close to her sister… sounds like she won’t believe you amyway

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Tell her what you know then leave it at that

Tell her. In everyday please tell her.

I’d tell her…
It could go one of 2 ways: She believes you and keeps her eyes wide open throughout the relationship or she doesn’t believe you and learns the hard way

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Are you kidding me? Lol you absolutely tell her everything and let her decide if he’s worth pursuing. If he was a cheater would you just sit back and wait patiently for her to maybe find out? It’s your sister for god’s sake. Don’t give him more respect than your own blood

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You can tell her but it’s her decision what she does with the information you give her. Don’t be upset if she chooses to ignore your words. Most people choose to find out themselves and there’s always a chance that someone has grown.

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It’s either tell her and make her mad or don’t tell her and she’ll still be mad asking why you didn’t warn her. If you need if off of your heart, give her the information and let her do with it what she thinks is best for her

I say tell her but be prepared for her to either not believe you or say he is changed. Maybe he has changed and you will have to see for yourself and if he hasn’t changed then at least you let her know. Be supportive of her either way

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Here’s what I do I’d get a couple of the girls that is involved in the things that he did I would go to him right in front of her and front him out don’t go behind his back and then whisper in her ears cuz she’s less likely to believe it if you front him out in front of her and she sees the reaction on his face he’s more than likely to just leave her alone because he knows he’s guilty but also people can change but if you feel salty about it you need to do what’s best for her being your sister and let her know

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I’d tell her. If she believes you then great, if not then we’ll at least you tried.

Tell her and tell the others to tell her ad well

Is this even for real?? WHY WOULD YOU NOT TELL HER?

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I would tell her and then she can make her own mind up but at least you warned her.

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No! it’s fresh. Allow her to go out with him until she questions herself to you. Because sometimes the right help could not be the right kind of help when not needed :woman_shrugging:

Tell us you hate your sister without telling us you hate your sister :woman_facepalming:t2:

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10000% tell your sister and save her the heartache.

This sounds exactly like something my sister would post, but my sister and my fiance don’t know each other. My fiance and I have known each other since we were 5 years old. We are 30 now. As we grew up we grew apart. He got into trouble. I got into an abusive marriage with someone else. After I got divorced from my ex husband, my current fiance and I found each other. We got sober together. Got my kids back together. Fiance and I have been together going into our 4th year now together and three years clean and sober. He is proof that by the Grace of God, people DO change. People CAN sober up. People CAN do better.
You’re not close with your sister, you said. I’m not close with mine either. For all you know, your sisters man could have sobered up and changed for the better like mine did. Don’t make assumptions based on hearsay and the past. I’m speaking from experience.

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I would definitely tell her. If something were to happen, you’d never forgive yourself.

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I feel like if you tell her now she will feel more attacked than like you’re looking out for her. I would just wait a bit. If she brings up any concerns, fill her in politely. Try and become more close if you can so you can keep an eye on the situation rather than coming at her with information about her significant other when you’re not even that close.

If she doesn’t receive the information well she may make excuses or hide things that he does later so she doesn’t have to risk hearing any “I told you so.”

There is always the possibility that he has actually changed. I used to steal, lie, and do drugs but now I’m a boring person who just parents, works, and watches Netflix lol people do change! I learned my lessons and moved on. There’s always the possibility that he did too. So that’s my advice, pay attention but don’t come at them because he used to do some bad things.

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She is your sister you have to look out for her. I would tell her but also put in there he may have changed his ways. Let her decide what she does from there she may surprise you by telling you she already knows about all of it. Just make sure you tell her you love her and are looking out for her that you will always be there for her.

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Wtf. This is a no braner. He did it to YOU as well as other women? Why are you even asking this.

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You can tell her and risk your relationship with your sister
For all you know , he may have changed in that time

:man_shrugging:t2::man_shrugging:t2::man_facepalming:t2::man_facepalming:t2: Hell yes!! Absolutely tell her!! Like why is that even a question!?!? If she doesn’t believe you, THEN that’s when you let her find out the hard way… but you always look out for your sisters, dude. “Sisters before Misters” :man_shrugging:t2: geez

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I’d tell her because wventually she’s going to find out qnd cause q bigger drift until it just blows up in your faces you guys aren’t already close but maybe telling her can show her your trying to be a sibling to them

She won’t listen…and will think that you’re trying too hook up with him yourself…been there and no from experience.

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Just someone has a bad past doesn’t mean they are the same person people do chang

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If it were my sister, she would know all I knew

She may already know if you knew him first.

If he wasnt hurting girls and women—leave it alone and trust that your sister will handle it her way. Or they will rebuild and change together and be good for eachother. Everyone deserves multiple chances to get it right.

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I’d tell her. Ain’t no way would I allow my family to be treated the way I was by some dude.

Why tell her? everyone has a past hunny… i would let it go

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If you don’t know that he’s still living that lifestyle then I wouldn’t say anything. I would be so upset if I was clean and living life and someone told my SO that I used to do drugs and steal. Let him do it on his own, unless you’re completely sure he’s still like that.

I’d say definitely tell her, but know she might still want him around and you have to respect that. She’ll eventually see who he really is.

So did I. I’m now 2 years clean. I pawned my dead moms wedding rings for drugs. I stole large amounts of money from various employers drugs. I’ve changed. People change. It is possible :heart:

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I would approach it this way… several years ago, this guy was into drugs. He stole stuff, lied to people, and he wasn’t any too nice to some of the girls he was involved with. I went out with him and he was nasty with me. It’s possible he’s changed since then, but I thought you should know.

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Hell yes you need to tell her

Tell your sister. Sisters need to be honest.

A rare occasion to learn from a movie. 10 things I hate about u. Just tell her. But be delicate.

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I think you should absolutely tell her! If she doesn’t believe you, at least you can say you tried. Hoping for the best for you and her! :crossed_fingers::pray::heart:

I think you should tell her.

It is possible for people to change that’s why it’s called the past. You shouldn’t assume

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Always tell the truth

Tell her, he could be worse!

It can go a few ways

  1. Your sister doesn’t believe you and think you’re jealous and cut you off and finds out for herself.
  2. You don’t tell her, she finds out you knew, get mad at you.
  3. She tells you to mind your business
  4. She believes you and thanks you for telling.
    I really don’t know

Tell her, better to say something now, rather than something happening and her finding out you knew and said nothing. Plus he knows that you know, does he know she’s your sister?

Ask her if she wants to know.

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Tell her and let her make her choices from there.

How far in his past? I was a shitty person 4 years ago. Drugs and all and You couldn’t tell today. 4 years of continuous sobriety. I mean, you can tell her he had a colorful PAST sure…but is that who he is today? People change.

My husband had a shady past as well. But, a lot of people and him ,told me. He promised me he wouldn’t go back. We been together 30 years.

The question is would or should you tell. …yes.
I’m glad I was warned. It gave me a chance to give him confidence and pride in himself and honor. I am proud of how far he has come and I would definitely want to know if he went back to it. I know you said your not close but, that’s ok. Tell her you love her and care for her future even though you don’t talk to each other much. Your not trying to cause trouble but to be honest and true to her. If she gets mad tell her that’s ok. Getting angry was expected and now you can walk away knowing she will be wise enough to make a decision to stay with him. God bless.

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Let me put it this way…if that was my sister, I would give her a heads up…period!

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Not gonna make a difference if she choose him she will probably cut you off and have to learn on her own

Oh I didn’t see the part about the him doing things to girls…TELL HER!

You will be the asshole. Hard lesson learned. Keep it to yourself.

He did things to you?! Oh no! Good Lord tell her. :flushed:

Man wtf kinda horrible things to girls are we talking about?? And to you?? Like… that sounds super sketchy n concerning and she needs to know.

Mind your business. It’s his past . People change . But if u think he hasn’t then inform her but it’s judging someone without even knowing

I would tell her the things you personally experienced, but leave out anything you heard from someone else…and I’d also start out with something like “I know people can change and I hope that’s the case here, but I feel like you should know who he was when I knew him”.

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Tell her there’s some things you know about him from the past and if she’s interested in knowing then tell her it all :woman_shrugging:t3: if she gets mad, well you said y’all aren’t really close, and atleast you gave her a warning

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People change. However I’d still talk to her.

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Yes!! I don’t play when it comes to my sisters.

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How long ago was it ??? I’d tell her in a nice way about you and the other girls and whatever else without dictating so at least she knows and leave her to make her own mind up. You have then covered all bases. If the shoe was on the other foot what would you think ??? I think you’d rather know….

It’s the past. You tell her anything especially since you’re not close she’s going to say you’re saying all that bc she’s dating him now. Best to just say hey he’s not a good dude I just want you to know that and leave her to figure it out.

It’s the past. You tell her anything especially since you’re not close she’s going to say you’re saying all that bc she’s dating him now. Best to just say hey he’s not a good dude I just want you to know that and leave her to figure it out.

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If it was stuff like domestic violence etc then yes you need to tell her if it was stuff like he was into drugs or did bad stuff like stealing was this a long time ago? He might have changed but prohbstill still tell her

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Tell…Tell…Tell…please

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Yes, I’d tell her. It will be her choice if she chooses to listen.

Tell her and if she doesn’t believe you then that’s on her

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Yes, I’d tell her. It will be her choice if she chooses to listen.

Key word USED TO. Stay in your lane

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If he’s still doing the shit with her that he did with you, she should be told. Or just wake the hell up?

You should definitely tell her ( to get it out of your system,because if something happens to her you will feel guilty if you had not ) but just tell her about your experience with him and not what you heard.
And be prepare to lose the little relationship you have with her because she may get mad and will push you away

You are her sister.
At least offer to talk to her about it.
Some of the precomments on here good to use.
Don’t have regrets later.

I mean I would, you don’t want something to go wrong & her say “you’re my sister why didn’t you tell me” & hey if she doesn’t believe you that’s on her, you did it with good intentions!!

To be honest he could have changed or maybe it was that he wasnt ready until now a man will change when the right one comes teust me my hubby was a very bitter person in the past according to others and even things hes told me but the truth is even if he has not she won’t believe you she will have to see it for herself I honestly think you need to let them be don’t try to ruin something that might be good for them she deserves happiness just as much as anyone else and if it goes south then u can choose to tell her but admit that u didn’t want to to begin with bc u didn’t want to ruin her happiness

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She deserves to know. What she does with the information is her choice.

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Don’t, especially since y’all aren’t close enough for her to believe you. Plus some people have to find out in their own time.

Stay in your lane …The truth comes out in the end …

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Does this guy not know who you are? Tell her in front of him and see how he reacts? Ask him if he’s still doing

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I would probably mention it for her information but add that I just want you to be happy and safe, I know we are not close right now but your ny sister and I will always love you, you can do and say whatever with this information but I just wanted to let you know. Honestly if roles were reversed I would want to know and make my own judgments about him now and who he is as a person now, get to know him better ask questions, etc.

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Tell her just like you told us.
Hey Sis I’m not trying to start anything, but I’m worried about you so I’m going to let you know what “Jack” has in his past. I love you and support and whatever you do with this info is up to you, but I just felt like you should be aware of it.

Tell her whatever it is and then let it go. Don’t bring it up again unless she does. You did your part as her sister.

Keep in mind, people do learn, grow, and change a little everyday. So it’s possible that the guy has changed some over the years. But you have no way of knowing that for sure or not, so all you can do is let her know what you did know about him and let her figure out the rest for herself.

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Why would you ever keep that from YOUR SISTER!?!

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I would tell her but people can change if she believes you are not at least you know that you told her and if she gets hurt by not believing you it’s on her not you. You’re only trying to do right by telling her. Let her know that people can change but you felt needed to tell her so she’s aware of it.

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A lot of people do stuff in their past they don’t Do now. It’s called growing up & lessons learned.

Some people never change but if you aren’t close to your sister I don’t see you being close to him so is this just judgement?

However you said he didn’t things to girls and that statement only makes me think of 1 thing…if that’s the case maybe mention it but don’t point fingers and allow her to do what she wants to do with that info

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I would sing like a canary! She shouldn’t even know someone like that let alone be involved with him! Save her!

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Absolutely… Tell her

You are her sister at least sit and talk with her about it. If she doesnt believe you that’s on her. If he’s changed then great but she deserves to know at least

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I would just put it out there for the universe to know. And she can do with that information what she wants

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Did he clean up his life ?

Tell her, expect a fall out but tell her that’s fine but as her sister, you thought she should know how he was. How many years ago did you know him? If his poor behaviour was a fair few years ago, he could’ve changed, grown up, be embarrassed and ashamed of his past, so don’t go in all guns blazing ‘he did this, did that, he’s a bad person’. Just ask her if he’s spoken of his past to her, how he knows you? Say he had a reputation for this that and the other and just wanted to let her know. Leave it at that

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Tell her,if it’s my biological sister,I am singing like a canary