Do we let this go or tell?

Me and my husband help take care of my 11 year old sister in-law well tonight around bed time she was asked with household cleaning and stuff like that get the house ready for tomorrow well she wanted to get really mad and upset at everyone cause she didn't want to get off her phone so I ask her to give me her phone for the night. Well she does I'm setting here laying in bed and a notification pops up on her phone its Snapchat something shes not allowed to have at all so I start looking through it and I see all these messages where she is talking sexual with multiple older people like 15 17 yeah old guys while she is only 11 just turned 11. And then I go to another conversation with one of her best friend from school and she is sitting there telling her best friend she's going to beat my 3 year old because of something that happened days ago and wasn't even that big of a deal spilled water on her head phones by accident I want to go talk to her grandma cause she is legal guardian of her but my husband is sitting here telling me to let it go and it's not that big of a deal but to me it is for an 11 year to be saying the stuff she is and doing the things shes doing it is a big deal it has had me and my husband arguing for hours now. So my question is do I do what my husband says and just let it go or say something to her grandma
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You should absolutely tell someone, her guardian…counselor/therapist. Not necessarily punishment but dealt with before it gets worse, in my opinion. Unsafe for her, unhealthy(emotional-romantic) and is worrisome. kids are growing up faster it seems but isn’t as safe online as they presume. A better outlet for her frustration of the little one, her comment sounded worrisome as well.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Do we let this go or tell?

Time to call the cops and show them those messages so they can arrest the guys

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tell her grandma call the cops chatting up babies is disgusting, you need to get this child help before its too late

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Someone needs to intervene. Your husband is being complacent. This little girl needs some serious guidance!

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Say something. So she don’t get herself into something and her or those people lives get ruined cause she telling them she older the. What she is

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Grandma needs to know. The 11yo is putting herself in danger talking to these older guys, if gram refuses to deal with the issue then a call should be placed to proper authorities.

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100% tell. Grandma and police

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Please, do not let this slide. It is a red flag that she would even say those things, because (even if she didn’t plan on acting on it) she thought and stated it. She may need to speak to a professional of some kind, to help her deal with what she is feeling.

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I would tell her Grandma and the cops. Why would a 17 year old talk to a 11 year old like that.

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OMG…yea cause next u have a angry pregnant 11 year old. Shes 11 years old and she has a attitude and things going on like that. Id be seek that child help immediately. No 11 year old should be thinking about that sort of stuff. Thats seriously.big trouble there and if its not knocked on the head now then u have or her caregiver has serious problems coming up. She could be raped and killed enough child statstic coming up there.

Definitely tell and try to figure out who the guys are and find out if they know she is 11. They definitely need to know how old she is and they need to know never to contact her again! Nothing can happen to the 15 year old but I’m sure the 17 year old could get in trouble if he knew how old she was.

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Say something don’t let that slide

You have to notify the legal guardian of the child. What happens is one of those older teenage boys she’s talking to turns out to be a creepy old guy that that ends up kidnapping her?

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This is absolutely a big deal. :flushed:

She is 11 , she is looking for attention and love in all the wrong places !
She needs love !
I also
Agree to report the boy .

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Say something immediately

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Tell everyone. Including school. This can easily be a very serious situation!

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Definitely say something!

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Why would you ask her to start “household cleaning and stuff like that” at bedtime?!? :roll_eyes:

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Would u want to no of your 11 year old was doing that??

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You absolutely say something. You say something to HER & you say something to her main caregiver. You take that phone away & you take all of that garbage off of it & RESTRICT the ever living shit out of that phone. You model the behavior you wish to see in children & clearly this child has not been shown proper behavior & needs a little refresher course. Children need guidance & love, do it from a loving place but still GUIDE that child to where they need to be. No 11 year old needs to have tiktok or Snapchat. People have become way to lax about raising kids, nowadays. She may hate it & absolutely lose her mind over the new restrictions but you’ll be saving that girls future.

Bigger issue is why does your husband not see the problem? And 11 yo girl, talking sexually to teenagers and talking about beating up a baby? SAY SOMETHING. She obviously needs counseling.

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Definitely talk to the grandma.

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How do you know these boys are that much older? And are you just mad because your 3 year old ruined something of hers and she’s still upset about it?

What you could do is just block those boys she’s been messaging and delete the messages… if it happens again, then yeah, I’d bring it up to whoever is responsible for her… but arguing about it is pointless… especially if your husband read the messages and isn’t bothered by them… or maybe he’s just a lousy brother/man… :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Nip her behavior in the bud now
Especially with social media as chatting to older guys about sexually explicit things
Is not on
That’s even if they are the age they say they are
This is how sexual predictors groom young girls
Even though she is only your sister in law
You still have a responsibility of keeping her safe
Screw what hubby says
Go with your women’s intuition

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She’s 11 why is this even up for discussion???!! Tell the grandma. If that’s your child would you like to know things like this? Ya need to take action asap about the talking to this 17 years old

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Someone needs to do something. Before it’s too late. She has absolutely no business discussing sexual things with boys at her age especially when they are that much older. This could get bad fast if nothing is done.

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Sounds to me like snapchat needs to be deleted and some serious child restrictions need to put on the phone… if she can’t be trusted with it she needs a kids mode lock on it… and yes I’d tell grandma. That’s some serious stuff for both her and the boys she’s talking to. (She could have lied about her age or they could be creeps or both)

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11 is way too young! You gotta tell.

The fact your husband isn’t as concerned as you are, is a concern also. anyone in their right mind should be EXTREMELY concerned about this situation and this needs to be handled immediately.

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You should definitely say something about her messaging guys who are that much older than her. But it may cause problems because you went thru her phone…not sure how grandma is but I know grandparents who are legal guardians and allow the children to do whatever they want and actually get mad if another adult does anything like going thru a phone. Regardless she needs to know about the older guys!!

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Have a good serious talk w her about what happens to young girls on line. Maybe watch a informative doc on sex trafficking AND your husband sounds like he needs some education on the subject as well. And Yes talk to Grandma so she can be on the look out when shes w her. Kids these days are easliy influenced by these pedofiles…i understand these ‘guys’ claim to be teens but could be old dirty men!!! Prayers for you all, hope she stays safe.

Nah that’s not something you let go… It’s sister though if he’s not concerned then so be it. Now about the child that will definitely be talked about

I would confront her about her saying she would hurt the baby. That’s not okay at all. I would alert grandparents of all of this. And I would take her phone…she is 11 for God’s sake. A baby herself…

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This is too much to just be “let go” and shoved under the rug. She is practically a pre-teen an very well knows (or should know) better - tell the Grandma before it gets worse and spirals out of control.

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Do whatever ur gut tells you to do. The only way she will learn from her consequences is tell on her. She 11!! So this is a good age to start taking responsibility for her self.

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You are legally obligated to do something about it. I was that 11 year old girl talking to older men. Some men said they were teenagers and turned out to be in their 50s and such. If she meets up with them, she could die. You can’t just sit back and say nothing.

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If you see something, you say something.

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Tell the legal guardian

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You should definitely say something.

Your husband is not being very bright… do not let that go. It’s absolutely ridiculous for her to be doing such things and especially her saying that about about 3 year old child! I wouldn’t take that lightly.

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You absolutely should speak out. She’s too young to have a phone that has full function and doesn’t have child protection. And she may end up one of those girls that get abducted, raped, trafficked, or killed. And then you’ll think back of that one time you should of Speak up. Do it for her future self. And do it because you know it’s the right thing to do.

Better nip that it the butt now , or she will be pregnant and out of control by the time she is 12 !!!

She’s a literal child, she shouldn’t be having those conversations AT ALL.
Definitely tell her legal guardian.

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Say something. It’s a big deal, for her own safety. She could easily be groomed.

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Say something before it gets worse. Trust me

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Do the boys know she’s only 11? If not… not really fair to them if they don’t actually know her. I’m only stating that bc my daughter was caught on a chatting app and was talking to a 16 year old ( she also just turned 11) after I took her phone I went though the messages and this boy was under the assumption my daughter was 14 (as that’s what she told him) no sexual messages were exchanged but none the less the boy had no idea how old my daughter actually was. Calling the cops may be a bit much but she definitely needs discipline and I’d start with talking to grandma.

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Girl! Give me her grandma’s number and I will call her myself. :woman_facepalming:t3:

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Oh Fuk no u make sure everyone is aware and the phone to be confiscated until an older age clearly she isn’t old enough or mature enough for the responsibility.

Omg tell grandma and as soon as possible

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It’s a child protection issue she’s underage!
You have a legal and moral obligation to tell her grandma or child protection services
Your husband is wrong and I find it very concerning he doesn’t want to act! What if she goes on to meet one of these guys???
She is a child you are the adults there to protect her… Do the right thing

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Tell her! My youngest daughter started having sex at 11. It’s been 1 guy after another

Say. Something. Immediately. Her innocence is obviously not being protected by anyone. I have a 10 y/o brother in law & I treat him as if he’s my own. Especially because my mother in law sets no boundaries for him. If I’m the only person in the world that will protect his mind, body, soul & spirit then so be it. I will be that person for him, every time.
Also, if I found out he had said something like that about my 2 y/o, he wouldn’t be allowed around her.

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Ask your husband how he’d feel if his little sister was to eventually end up sneaking off to meet one of these guys and the worst case situation happened to her?

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Stop this now could only get worse

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It is a big deal. Absolutely tell.

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She’s a CHILD that needs guidance & love. That’s just a messy situation to be in & could have been avoided all together by not allowing her to have Snapchat/a phone to begin with… These issues will only get bigger & bigger the older she gets having early access to the internet/social media. I would definitely be bringing that up to her guardian.

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She’s showing signs of aggression and being over sexual for her age , these are red flags and ur head is in the right place !

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Tell. It’s BIG creepy your husband said not to.

Why does an 11 year old have a cell phone??

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speak up, her grandma doesn’t what’s going o

Lol if uts not that bug of a deal to him that his 12 year old might be having sex then no wonder she is in care… go to the police so they can at least have a talk to her.

Say something n show proof case that poor young girl could meet one these men one day n get hurt

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Say something, it may make you unpopular but you may save her from a worse fate

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Omg I can’t believe he’s saying let it go. If this was my 11 year old. He would be going mad more than I would. Disgusting

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Say something ! It’s also a huge red flag that your husband thinks it’s not.

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Since it’s his side of the family you should respect his opinion. Decide together on a boundary if that line gets crossed “again” the HE needs to fill the grandmother in on what she is doing,
Can the two of you have a talk with her? Her reaction may convince your husband to speak up.

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Tell her! Ask him how he would feel if she ended up getting picked up by a grown man while her grandmother is sleeping never to return! Something should be done!

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Do u want custody of her? I mean by the sounds of it u don’t. But calling cops or telling the guardian isn’t going to do much unless u go to court and say she’s not being properly watched for.

U said she’s not suppose to have the app yet someone isnt monitoring it. She’s threatening to beat a 3 yr old.

If you aren’t willing to fight for custody and get her proper care and therapy u need to pack your bags and go. That husband doesn’t care

Ummm can we also not forget the mention of abuse towards YOUR baby?!? Hello??? No way!! Say something and NEVER leave her alone with your kids

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If you aren’t allowed to parent her just send her home to the guardian! The child needs a whooping and her phone taking away indefinitely!

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I think you both need to sit her down and talk to her and decide if you need to tell Grandma. Also take pictures of the conversations, that way you’ll still know the players names after she deletes them

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To me this is a huge deal what if she met one of these boys and they actually turn out to be grown me. I’d tell your husband straight either you tell her grandma or I will do it for you. As for a question I saw about an 11year old having a phone that’s when my son had one as he started walking home from school. He was banned from social media and even asked me to have WhatsApp and I wasn’t sure for a while but I’ve drummed it into his head if anything is said that he’s not comfortable with he tells me right away. I am lucky tho he doesn’t use his phone much however my niece was threatened over social media so I’d take everything seriously with her for her safety.

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Say something! An 11 year old should not be talking to 15-17 year olds, neither is should and 11 year old be saying those things regardless if it’s his side of the family this girl is screaming for help either counseling or something

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Hmm where do you live?

Go with your gut. Your husband will get over it. Better you speak up now than for something terrible to happen and you have to live with the guilt of knowing you could’ve done something to have prevented it.

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speak up on the issue, and insist on getting the girl counseling. for a girl that young to be seeking sexual attention from older men is a gigantic red flag, so be careful in case there is s3xual âbuse involved.

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Your looking out for her safety in long run
I’d say something
But then step out of it from that point. Unless your truly needed.
Online theirs many predators she’s just (11) a little girl those supposed 16-17 year olds could be Older… not hard to lie age on internet… theirs alot of sick f*ckers in the world…

One of you guys should hook Grama up with a app where she can track her activity on apps an block those that aren’t allowed!

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Go to settings a put a parental code on her phone

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You tell now. I have daughters, he doesn’t understand because he’s thinking like a man. It’s certainly not ok for a just turned 11 year old.

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I’d tell the grandma…
Cause if something happens …oh my…
Especially talking bout beating your 3 year old…An the sex talk with 15/17 year olds…
I’d tell myself…

Say something. She is clearly becoming out off control

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Talk to grandma. Your sil needs help. Sounds like she needs to make herself look cool to her friends. Talking about sex & expressing power over someone younger makes her feel cool. But she’s going to get taken advantage of & hurt. Please get her help.

If that was your daughter would your husband want someone to tell you guys? I’d hope so. Speak up. Screen shot the conversations so she can’t delete and deny later.

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Unpopular opinion: The husband sounds like he has either already abused her or has been grooming her if he doesn’t find that to be a problem. I said what I said. Tell her legal guardian! If she hasn’t already been abused, she’s being groomed by someone. At 11, normal kids do not even think about anything sexual. You’ve seen something, now say something!

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I’d definitely speak out when it came to one of mine but it wouldnt just be the grandma…her little ass would be hearing what I had to say about it too…unacceptable!

I would discuss this with her, and then I’d give her these options: 1. I will go with you to speak with grandmother or I will tell her myself with you there. 2. You will tell me those boys names and you will tell them your age if you lied about it and delete snap. 3. You are not allowed around my small child ever for saying you wanted to hurt him/her. Also I’d let her know you love her and care about her and you want to have open communication with her and let her know you’re there to help and protect her and be in her side but explain consequences of certain situations etc. I wouldn’t attack her over this because she’ll resent, shut down and go against everyone out of anger. But I would make sure regardless legal guardian is aware

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That is ur child to so protect child and get sil help

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Say something to her grandma. Things have changed from the time she has raised kids and she might have no idea how new phones and their apps work so your niece could have easily lied about having Snapchat and also it’s something you may also need to talk to her about with the grandmas permission, of course.

Also say something because if she’s talking to 15-17 year olds what’s stopping her from then talking to 18+ olds.

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Do not let that go !! That is a very big deal and the phone needs to go now !! Gone bye bye

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Helping is good.Share chores.Too much time for phones for 11 yr old is not good for her.

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Dear abby guestion but I’ll tellu I my self would look into it she is to Young

Somethings seems off… why was she seeking out men. How does she know all about this? Is she going through something? Something else happening to her? Just off to me…

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Why wouldn’t you talk to the child ? Then the guardian?
They need to know this is NOT okay !!
Maybe better monitoring tools, or no phone :thinking:

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Say something right is right

Definitely say something
Start by talking to your SIL. Never know these days. No one is to be trusted.

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Say something, your location is given to all those she’s messaging. My mind goes to trafficking. Save the child. Tell

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Say something! Unless u want to be an aunt to a 12yr olds daughter

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