honestly she doesn’t even acknowledge me most of the time. i personally find it rude and my baby gives cues shes just not happy. i just don’t know how to approach the situation next time she does it, any advice will be great. I really hesitant to send this post so please no judgement.
I have a family member on my partners side who will literally pick my baby up without asking, my baby could be asleep or in my arms, due for a feed literally anything and she will just take her, half the time i’m just in shock and don’t know what to say.
98 Likes
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/do-you-think-family-and-friends-should-ask-permission-or-wait-for-you-to-offer-for-them-to-hold-your-newborn/13896
Don’t allow anybody to pick up your baby that you don’t want to especially if the baby is showing signs of uneasiness !
You’re the mother
That title comes with authority…
Next time pull back and say I would appreciate it if you would give us some space and we need to talk about you always being grabby… I appreciate your help but there’s a better way to do this
9 Likes
I had this, I let it get to me an was to much of wuss to say oi back off it led to arguments with my husband an 2 years of hell 
. So my advice is nip it in the bud now be honest and straight forward. Explain your the mother and you aren’t happy with this behaviour so could you please back of a little bit.
3 Likes
Oh hell fucking no. I had a lady like this she was my dad’s “girlfriends” mum I didn’t want visitors the first week but she just came around and demanded to hold the baby. I put her in her place straight up, my baby my rules. Say something now or it will never change. And if she doesn’t like it well tough luck. Good luck mamma, your baby your rules. And congratulations on just giving birth 
Oh no ma’am. Be straightforward. This isnt going to be the last time where you may possibly have to hurt someones feelings on behalf of your daughter. To hell w what this woman wants. This is YOUR baby. I personally feel this could become a much bigger problem down the road if it continues to go unaddressed
9 Likes
If your uncomfortable then say it. You need to be happy with what’s happening with your baby.
When my daughter was born I used to go on the school run with my sister. Alotta the mam’s used to be trying to touch her face etc. It drove me nuts. So I started saying “you wake her and she’s going on boob” they soon got the idea.
Maybe the family member doesn’t realise it’s bothering you. My love language is hugs, hair stroking, reassuring touches and helping. So I’m somebody who would need to be asked to back off.
My sister’s nearly 2 yr old. She’s said a few times it’s lovely when I’m there because it’s a break. And I’m the only one who isn’t a parent who he will stay with now. Which is so helpful for them with working etc etc.
NO ONE SHOULD TAKE YOUR CHILD OUT OF YOUR ARMS!
Yes!!! They ask or they don’t get. It’s called RESPECT.
Your husband should be correcting whoever is doing this. Even if it’s his own mother. That’s just wrong.
Stand up for yourself. Take him back. Let them know" this is MY baby!!". If you see them cone at you with arms stretched out to take him. Put your hand up and say NO. You didn’t ask and he’s just been fed. I need to take care of him. After I fed mine. I burped them and cleaned them and then would offer if someone would like to hold him. They need to learn to respect you Don’t back down. But, you need your husband to back you up as well. He needs to make sure they respect you. It’s his job to protect you. In doing this they will respect you because HE respects you. Talk to him about this before you go back to his family events. God bless and congratulations. 
16 Likes
If not the parents the person should always ask 
it’s RUDE AF to just grab someone else’s child
Speak up before you get angry and say the wrong things
3 Likes
Especially if you are already holding him, I’d personally pull away and be like “no thanks“… Like baby is literally in YOUR arms. Due for a feed, could just say until he needs to be fed, if baby is sleeping elsewhere other than your arms, simply say no thank you. When baby is sleeping that is your time to decompress, not only does it disturb baby but also lessen the chance of you getting some rest if he wakes up. But others shoukd always ask to hold or wait for you to offer.
2 Likes
Your baby, take her back
Your baby your rules. I say no all the time.
He’ll no ild say something…that’s rude asf…should have some consideration 4 u and baby
Your baby. Not the family members…
Say something. What you say goes. Period. They don’t like it, well deal with it.
Do not feel afraid to speak up when it comes to YOUR baby. Voice your feelings.
Stop being around her.
You are the mother. You are the protector. You are your child’s voice. With all these viruses and flu season coming up, theres so many good excuses you can use to respectful tell people you don’t want your child held. I’m glad my son’s dad was the brave one who told everyone not to hold our son until he got bigger. Cause I’m not brave enough to
1 Like
YOUR baby, YOUR rules,if they don’t like it, they don’t need to be around
2 Likes
Mama bear that shit! We’re in a pandemic! F their feelings
I had this happen with my son when he was a month old. It was Christmas eve and my husband, newborn son and I went to a family members house for a holiday get together. I was exclusively breastfeeding and all of my family knew that and didn’t have a problem with it. There was family there that was only related to the adoptive parents of my half sister, so I hadn’t met them before. Majority of them were kind. But Karen (no joke, this Karen was really named Karen lmao) decided she wanted to hold my son and came over and plucked him up and out of my arms. I immediately said, “Hey, we have absolutely no problem if someone wants to hold him, we just respectfully ask that you check with one of us first.” She said, Okay. No problem. I’m sorry. Well a little while later he starts getting fussy and my boobs start aching so I knew he was hungry and as she’s trying to shoosh him I say, “He’s hungry, I need to feed him.” Reaching my arms out to pick him up and she does this football maneuver and swings him to the side and says, “Well just get a bottle and I’ll feed him.” At this point I’m ready to punch her just for refusing to give my son to me. And not to mention we had just talked about how he was breastfed. When I reminded her of this she stood up and scoffed, “Well I know Mel has baby formula in the kitchen for her niece, I’ll just go use that. It wont hurt him.” And I stepped in front of her and literally got right in her face, just about nose to nose, and quietly said, “Give. Me. My. Fucking. Son. Now.” And took him from her and sat back down next to my husband. She stared at me and said, “I’ll pray for your son for the fact that he’ll have to deal with your psycho ass.” I laughed and said thank you lol. Any other time if I had been in a heated moment like that I would have normally laid the person out. But something was different, I surprisingly wasn’t as hot and enraged as I would have been. Besides the fact that my newborn son was right in the middle of it all of course. 
It’s that motherly instinct.
Hold your ground. You are the mother. If necessary, show whomever you mean business when it comes to your children. Let the Mama Bear come out.
Tell them to keep there hands off the baby. Don’t be afraid to say something. It’s your baby, you are the voice for your baby.
1 Like
Id flip the fuck out
With all this COVID stuff my granddaughter and granddaughter in law both have baby’s and they tell everyone even me that they don’t want them to be held no offense but COVID is real and won’t take the chance they even spray any visitors before entering their house with Lysol
1 Like
That is just rude! No way!
Put a list of baby rules on door due to covid most will respect those rules. My daughter makes everyone wash hands sanitize and put something over their clothing and mask up! He was born early and doesn’t want a set back and end up back in NICU ! INFACT Rule #2 only if you are close family and been approved thanks for understanding as we all get through this!
2 Likes
I can’t stand someone who lifts a sleeping baby. It’s so selfish
1 Like
Put your foot down and don’t let her walk all over you.
2 Likes
You’re the mother, your baby, your rules. No one is going to pick up or take my baby from me without my permission. Out of order.
This is such a controversial question.
Some don’t care
Some care too much
Some just want to be heard
Some are bitter towards certain people
Either way it’s all up to mama
2 Likes
Don’t let anyone disrespect you or your baby, by waking them or disturbing them while sleeping, an this is your time to rest while baby sleeping, let her know what time or when she may visit if at all, you must speak upo
I’ve never had anyone do that. They have always asked me. Im a bitch and my now ex in laws knew better than to ever take my baby from me. They have always asked. I mean the dad may have but I didn’t pay attention to that or mind it cause well hes the father. Your the mom speak up and tell them no or not at the moment.
1 Like
I tell all my family that I’m not letting anyone hold her due to covid. Except for the people she is consistently around every week, like my parents, and siblings.
2 Likes
Your baby your rules if that was me I’d pull her aside when she doesn’t have baby and tell them to stop if they says somethinb rude back to me I’d say my baby my time learn to ask
Oh momma, you need to speak up! This is your child! Don’t let others do what they want with your baby! And don’t be afraid,or feel bad to tell them no! She would take your baby from YOU? Nope, never, stop that now!
My Family has always asked me if they could hold my daughter, as a newborn and even now. She was born in Dec, and I made everyone wash their hands before touching her to. 
Shes 9 months, and they will still ask me for the most part.
But Especially if you feel like this certain family member doesn’t acknowledge or care about you, then definitely don’t worry about hurting her feelings. — When someone has my daughter, and she starts getting fussy, I don’t even talk to the person holding her.
I literally talk to my daughter and say, “awe does someone want mommy?” “Someone’s ready for mommy to feed her.” “Come see mommy”. And I go over and take her from that person.
The second she starts fussing and they can’t calm her, I take her back.
Or if she’s sleeping, and you see that family member going over to get her, just say “oh ___ she’s sleeping, I don’t want anyone holding her right now, she needs to rest”. If they have a remark, you reply with “I’m the mom”.
Put your foot down, You’re the boss, you’re the mom.
5 Likes
Anytime my baby is upset with someone else, I just walk over and take him back. The baby is yours to parent, don’t let anyone interfere. You have to speak up for your baby because they aren’t old enough to speak for themselves. If that family member gets upset they’ll get over it and go bother someone else
4 Likes
That person need to back off
1 Like
Tell her she’ll catch your hands next time she tries to pick your child up without permission.
I wouldn’t have any outside visitors with a newborn, problem solved. We’re due soon with #2 and won’t have anyone outside the household for at least 3-6 months
3 Likes
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/do-you-think-family-and-friends-should-ask-permission-or-wait-for-you-to-offer-for-them-to-hold-your-newborn/13896
Me, personally, if I’m sitting holding baby and see her walking over I’d stand, turn baby away from her and hiss like a cat lol fuck her feelings the baby comes first…that’s just me tho lol
27 Likes
Don’t allow anybody to pick up your baby that you don’t want to especially if the baby is showing signs of uneasiness !
You’re the mother
That title comes with authority…
Next time pull back and say I would appreciate it if you would give us some space and we need to talk about you always being grabby… I appreciate your help but there’s a better way to do this
12 Likes
You’re going to have to stop people that do that…obviously your baby cant speak up so you need to. Don’t let anyone disrespect you and your baby. Just tell the person or persons that it’s not acceptable. You’d prefer them to ask you. There’s nothing wrong with simply saying “I’d rather you not disturb her/him right now” or “please don’t pick up my child without my permission”…theres nothing rude about looking out for you child and your comfort.
5 Likes
Stand up for yourself and your baby!
Its a privilege to hold someone else’s new baby not a right. Make sure hubby is on the same page and stands up for you.
Remember, your feelings are valid and it may not seem like a big deal to this person but it is to you and they need to respect that.
7 Likes
Just say it, you’ll find out a lot about the person by just politely saying “oh just leave him/her because ____” eg she/he needs to rest etc. I said this to my babies paternal grandmother once and she looked at me with such shock and disgust but she left the baby where he was, that once. I just stopped going round/inviting her as much. You’re a mom before you are anything else to anyone else, rustle those feathers and don’t be sorry for doing so. Good luck!
5 Likes
Your baby 
next time say I’ll let you know when you can hold her. She’s very brazen to just think she can take your baby from you so don’t feel bad about setting boundaries!!! Tell her your being very cautious due to viruses going around.
8 Likes
Uhhh no. I would keep it simple and just not let go. Say no. If she gets weird about it explain. My baby don’t touch. If you don’t try and set your boundaries now she will push them all over the place forever. I had the same issue with my sons paternal grandmother. Snatched him up out of his stroller in the 2 seconds I was speaking to someone else. I snatched him right back and told her that if she couldn’t keep her hands to herself we wouldn’t be coming around again. And she couldn’t follow my rules so we haven’t been back. She’s literally only seen him once and he’s 3 now.
2 Likes
You and your guy need to have a talk… tell him how it makes you feel, then talk to her, if she’s gets mad, dont let her come around anymore.
7 Likes
This exact same thing happened to me nonstop with my son’s paternal grandmother.
I promise you it only gets worse if you don’t say anything. She would literally pull my newborn out of my arms, she wouldn’t give him back if I would ask, and would secretly give him formula behind my back just so she could feed him because it “wasn’t fair” I was the only one who “got” to feed him.
It really messed me up emotionally. I was so angry at myself for so long that I didn’t stand up for myself or baby. I will NEVER let that happen again.
Bottom line is there is no “easy way” to say it. You have to just be very firm with your boundaries and say no and tell her to stop.
You honestly just need to tell her that she needs to ask next time before taking your own child out of your arms. Don’t sugar coat it, just be extremely straight forward about your needs for you and your baby.
5 Likes
Okay so hear me out… get a empty spray bottle and fill with water. Anytime she approaches without permission you hit her with the Aht Aht and spritz spritz. She will learn REAL quick lol. This method helps in so many aspects of my life really 
5 Likes
Yeah no I’ve had five babies and people held them when I physically handed them over, otherwise, hands off.
If the relative barely acknowledges you then the disrespect present when they so brazenly interfere where they’re not welcome is astronomical
3 Likes
Is she doesn’t acknowledge you I’d be telling he NO! not now dear Im having my mummy time, get up and go to your room lol… yes I have done it 
I would never pick up a baby or take baby away from mum or dad. But I will always ask if I can hold baby
Your baby! Just tell her that you need her to start asking point blank. I would legit fight someone if they touched my son without asking but I’m crazy lol
Definitely ask if they don’t offer
Next time she goes to take the baby from you turn away from her and say I’m feeding the baby or I want to hold my baby.
If she goes to lift baby from her sleep step in and say let baby rest. If she doesn’t like it just tell her that she needs to stop picking the baby up when it’s not necessary!
1 Like
This is not ok! U need to tell them and stand up for yourself and ur baby! I used to have ppl like that around my baby but I never said anything and I regret it so much!
This post hit home for me. I hope you find the strength to stand up for yourself and ur baby x
I think they should say can i hold him/her
The fact she picks up your baby when they’re asleep just shows she’s a shitty person!
I’d be telling her and anyone else straight that if they want to hold baby they ask permission and you decide if and when is an appropriate time! She either respects your boundaries or she doesn’t come to your house for a while if ever. People that overstep the mark massively piss me off and I’d struggle to bite my tongue! xxx
2 Likes
In our family when you walk into a house, expect not to see your baby the entire time. The baby will be held by everyone the entire time your visiting. First-time moms sometimes have a hard time with that but second time mons appreciate it:joy:
5 Likes
I’d be and was annoyed , you really have to set boundaries , your baby your choice ! Your still bonding Xx my ex partners Aunty was like this when our boy was born , it wasn’t the best relationship , he was abusive an to be honest I think it’s a family trait in my case , were not together now they bought clothes for their house , nappies , a car seat for ’ them ’ to take him out without even asking me ! Did a bedroom up in they’re house talking bout cots and when they ’ have ’ him not asking … telling me ! He was 2 weeks old an I was breast feeding ffs ! I flipped in the end and told them to f off ! Not the best result but some people just need to be told xx
How does your partner feel ?
Maybe dont invite that person to your home for a few months.
Should definitely ask!!!
Hell nah, say something.
Time to get the momma look and say excuse you next time she attempts to pick up the baby you going to need the mom look perfected anyway once the baby turns into a toddler 
2 Likes
I would tell her off. My mom tried that crap an I told her off. If she has a problem then you tell her to not let the door hit her where the good Lord split her.
2 Likes
One thing I’ve always had a problem remembering is I’m momma. My family had the same issues till I blew up and threw it all in their faces they wouldn’t allow half the shit they do to my kids.
You are momma. That is YOUR BABY! what you say goes for their entire childhood and teen years mark the boundaries now or you’ll forever be behind hun. Good luck
Tell your husband to say something
2 Likes
Boundaries! Especially if that child just went to sleep. I’d lose it if someone just grabbed my baby like that, especially after being put down to sleep
1 Like
If baby is sleeping or getting ready to be fed no need for anyone to be holding baby except parents. You don’t wake a sleeping baby for anything unless it’s an emergency. And I surely hope before they are picking baby up they are washing their hands prior. If not don’t even touch the baby
4 Likes
Someone loves your child it take a village.
I assure you no damage will come of it
5 Likes
Let me ask this, down the road when your child is asked for a hug and they say no, are you going to be able to back them in support of their decision by speaking up for them? I find that it’s a really good tool when they are infants to start verbalizing your thought process so that way when they are old enough to say no, you as mom, can have the will to say no right along with them without fear of stepping on some toes.
3 Likes
Tell the family member not to touch your child or your gonna touch them in a not nice way that will surely get your point across & dont try a new mother… thats just stupid…
Just say it’s be really great if you could ask to hold her.
1 Like
They absolutely should ask you to hold your baby regardless. If they can’t respect you and your baby, they don’t come around. Period. Especially if your baby is giving clues she isn’t happy. Speak up!
Umm take your baby back. No explanation needed!! There’s covid and everything else out there. You don’t need to explain your self.
2 Likes
I would say some thing. That is so rude. You should walk up to her some time and take her purse and start rummaging through it and when she gets mad you can say some thing in reference to her taking your child from you at inappropriate times lol
Always ask before you try to pick up baby when the mom wants you to hold she will let you know
Set your boundaries. Some people might think your a “bitch” for it but it’s our job now as mamas to set the rules and boundaries for our children whether people like them or not
No family member has the right to grab a child without asking , they have no right to touch, hug or kiss without permission.
1 Like
Put ur foot down. Absolutely not!
1 Like
That’s when momma bear comes out and says hey ask to hold the baby ok??
1 Like
You could hold tighter to the baby, if baby is in your arms, and say, “I’m not done.” And leave it at that. Or if she picks baby up while sleeping, don’t say anything, grab baby back, and say, “she doesn’t need to be disturbed while she is sleeping.”
1 Like
Conflict is so hard! Especially with people who cross boundaries like that. Do you feel comfortable asking your partner step in? It works for my family, but doesn’t work for everyone.
Sometimes saying something like, "well, the baby is asleep, when she wakes up you can DEFINITELY hold her. She loves her “insert family member name”. Or, “She’s hungry right now, so after I feed her, you can for sure have her.”
1 Like
“I am holding her now”
You are your baby’s advocate. Speak up.
2 Likes
Now is a good time to install boundaries for yourself and your child. All you have to say is: “No, I will hold the baby.” Period. Let your “no” be your “no.” An explanation isn’t necessary. The sooner you learn how to do this as a parent the better.
4 Likes
No one should touch a baby without asking, no one.
2 Likes
No one should be picking up your baby unless you say so…I wouldn’t have that at all…they should respect the fact that it’s sleeping and your having a break or wanting to shower and have some self care after having a baby…you need to state very clearly you don’t want it happening unless you say other wise.
Some people just don’t realize it’s an issue unless you say something about. Make sure you approach it appropriately so you don’t seem like you’re being petty. Some people were raised differently and just assume it’s their family and why not give the baby some snuggles can’t hurt. Just explain she just laid down snd that it gives you anxiety and to just ask. Or honestly just hold her yourself while they’re around so they have to ask
3 Likes
I’m too nice. If I say no, I feel like I will hurt their feelings even though mine would be hurt too.
Never wake a sleeping Baby! I’d push that so hard on anyone around your baby. It messes them up down the line…
A simple “Give me my baby back now”, would be good. If she doesn’t, threaten to call the cops. Nobody should touch your baby without permission. Nobody touches my kids without mine, and they are 4 and 2.
2 Likes
Very simple. Dont pick up MY baby please! That’s extremely RUDE
Just say to her “I’m sorry, but if you keep picking up name while she’s sleeping, feeding, in my arms or just because you feel like it, we’re going to have problems. I’m saying this now, so I don’t lose my mind later… please respect me AND babies name and simply ask if you can hold her… will be much more appreciated”
11 Likes
If your not confrontational it may be easier to send her a message and let her know that you want to be asked next time. If she puts up a fight, tell her she’s not able to visit unless she listens to your request.
3 Likes
Should ask . It’s easy to forget how those first few months are and how tired/exhausted mum is . As unless it’s changed dads life doesn’t change . It can effect the baby . Nicely get the dad to explain to visitors before they come . Xxxxx.
When you know this person is coming over grab your baby carrier or wrap or get one and wear baby.
She may think she’s being helpful and giving you a break. She may just love babies. She may think she’s closer to you than you think she is. She may be socially awkward and shy but has found helping with the kids gives her comfort. You’re the momma and everyone knows it. Pick your battles. Say “no thank you, not right now, but thank you for offering. Maybe later?” It’s nice to have an ally in the momma trenches. Don’t alienate her.
8 Likes
She has no right. So… I would just say, leave her be if she goes to pick her up. Or avoid them like the plague. Lol
She needs to be put in her place. Just be blunt with her and tell her don’t pick my baby up without asking me first don’t kiss my baby or get in my babies face. PERIOD.
1 Like