They have no kids toegther and to top it off the ex has asked my partner out for lunch.
He refuses to delete her as a friend on fb and he also deleted their messages.
He says I’m cooked in the head and childish for acting the way I am, he just doesn’t care about my feelings at all.
My question is to you all, am I overreacting, and what would you do if you were me?
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Do you think it's okay for your partner to follow their ex on social media?
Ask him to put the shoe on his foot and see how he’d feel, your feelings matter now, not hers…
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I’d be off like a shot
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To just be friends on Facebook? Yeah I don’t see a problem with that but them actually messaging back & forth & planning a lunch date HECK NO! Very inappropriate & disrespectful. That’s a whole game changer right there.
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Deleting messages? Should tell you everything:pleading_face: I’m sorry 
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Did they have lunch? If so you may wanna move on
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Deleting messages should be enough of a red flag, let alone meeting up for lunch.
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If I approach my man about something making me feel uncomfortable and he doesn’t listen, then he isn’t respecting my feelings or respecting boundaries and that’s a BIG problem!
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If he’s deleting messages ask yourself why would he be deleting messages off his phone unless he’s hiding something from you… and I think you already know the answer
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He still has feelings for her. Dump his ass
Deleting messages is a no no , if he has too hide it he knows he’s doing something wrong…
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Red flags there. It’s not normal and there’s no kids so really they don’t need to talk. My fiance doesn’t speak to his ex wife
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He is gaslighting you. No you aren’t crazy. It is if nothing else rude and disrespectful. Your feelings don’t matter? Bet her’s matter. Dump him. If you don’t, sometime down the road, you will be heartbroken and devastated wishing you listened to everyone telling you to do it. Don’t let anyone disrespect you like that!
Even if he doesn’t agree he should respect your feelings toward it. He shouldn’t be fighting that hard to follow her on fb… what’s the point ? Idk I don’t agree w it.
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I would say your over reacting yes, not all relationships end badly and just because there are no kids involved doesn’t mean they can’t remain friends…
men and women can be friends
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Ask him would he be ok for you to have your ex on Facebook & message him & delete the messages and put it out there he wants to take you to lunch … there’s not a cat in hells chance he would be ok with that !!
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She is your competition. Beware. She’s asking to be in his life and spend time with him. Hes gaslighting you. That’s not a carnival boo boo, those are RED FLAGS!
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He’s gaslighting your feelings and deleting messages. Leave his ass
Hmmm each to their own I guess.
I’m friends with quite a few of my ex’s on Facebook.
There’s a couple that I still chat with and 1 I still hang out with every now and again.
I know there’s nothing between any of us any more and it is just mates 
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I don’t think it’s normal to go through someone’s phone to know they’re deleting messages.
Someone mentioned above about maintaining appropriate boundaries and when you request something and those boundaries are crossed, then there’s a problem. That I can agree with. You should be able to communicate your needs in a healthy manner and he should be giving you that respect to work through it together.
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Not ok. Deleting messages? Nah. Nope.
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No your not overreacting don’t let him play them mind games with you tell him you and your feeling come first and if not to kick rocks
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then just become friends with your ex
If he’s deleting messages, I’m sorry love but I’d let him go…
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Send him back to his exe goodbye
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Tell him to choose. Then be prepared to leave.
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Make him your ex as well.
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Too many red flags especially deleting the messages he is hiding and doesn’t want you to see them. If any man makes you feel uncomfortable he isn’t respecting your feeling. You need to move on and dump.him if you want any kind of happiness. How would he feel if the table was turned and u were talking to your ex how would he feel you need to ask him. Obviously it sounds like he still has feelings for his ex. Play smart
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Wow !
you already know what time it is between the two.
Leave him and see how he plays it…
Just might be your blessing in disguise
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Shoe on the other foot…Nope 
Ur not overreacting he’s definitely hiding shit and for her to invite him out knowing he has you is straight bullshit I’d put a stop to it or leave!!!
I’m friends with several of my ex’s on fb. Difference is we don’t message or talk. We are just fb friends that is it.
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Um no, your not over reacting. He clearly still has feelings for her. The fact that you are not ok with it and he’s happy doing what he wants with her anyway is a big Red Flag. . .move on
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Your most definitely not. 13 years ago when I got with my husband he was skipping work texting his ex calling her. They ended up sleeping together. I didn’t have proof for 5 years but deep down I knew. The signs were there. He wouldn’t stop texting her messaging her. He kept sneaking around erasing the messages and texts. And before anyone says anything about me looking thru his phone he was using my cell phone. I even changed the number and he gave it to her again. Eventually he decided to grow up and knew I was serious about leaving him. He stopped all together. I was even raising his 2 sons. It took us 5 years to work things out now we have 3 kids and 1 on the way.
If it is important you , then it should be important to him imho
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The fact that he is friends with her isn’t the issue. If she added you as a friend, if you were also invited to lunch, if they both made the effort to include you and not make it uncomfortable. If he had phone conversations with her in front of you, etc Instead
He is deleting their messages and being secretive. Big 
red flags!
Leave !
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He’s deleting messages. What do you think
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Make him your ex he will never change it should like he’s hiding something if he’s deleting messages. Does he hide his phone a lot? Or get devensive if you ask to play a game or whatever on his phone?
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he insults you over it and deletes messages. big no 
hes deleting the messages hes hiding something
Would he like it if the shoe was on the other foot?? If you don’t like something he shouldn’t do it.
What if I told you people CAN break up and remain friends?
Just because YOU can’t doesn’t mean others can’t 
It actually shows growth and maturity
I’d straight up delete and block her from his account 
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One of my ex’s is my best friend, and I actually introduced him to the partner he has had for the last 16 years. It’s only a drama if you make it a drama
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When you aren’t doing anything wrong, there’s no reason to hide or delete anything. In fact, you would share to show transparency and give peace of mind. It costs you nothing to ease your partners fears!
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Talk talk talk! Being fb friends with an ex isn’t a problem, messaging isn’t the problem, even lunch isn’t really a problem - making you feel unheard, insecure, upset & excluded is a problem and needs to be addressed ASAP. The fact he isn’t listening to your concerns and putting your mind at ease (& deleting messages, as if to hide them), and not caring about your feelings is the main problem!
Hope you can talk it through thoroughly and make the best decision for you.
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He’s deleted messages… he. Is. Cheating. Run.
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Im friends with my ex… and hubs is ok with it…
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Go to therapy and dump him.
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If there’s no harm in it why are the messages being deleted I understand not everyone is worst of enemies with their exes not all relationships end on bad enough terms that you couldn’t not be friends in the future ect but deleting the messages ect there’s obviously more to it than friends xxx
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It depends, I have exes on my FB and it’s nothing funky, one of my exes is my best friend, but deleted messages are a red flag
Just being friends still in Facebook, nothing wrong. Me and my ex have been friends since we was 5 years old. We are 35 now. Now as far as deleting messages no. That doesn’t sound good. The only other thing would be if the ex is constantly asking the other one to come back to them. Then no you can’t be friends on Facebook…
If he’s deleting messages, then she’s not “just a friend”. Also, the fact that he doesn’t respect how you feel is a huge red flag
Your cooked in the head if you keep him…
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Just tell him something that has nothing to do with you bothers you that much you shouldn’t be fb friends and go from there
It he’s deleting messages, much more is going on lol. I am married and have friendships with an ex BUT my partner is okay with it,& messages are NEVER deleted! That’s a huge red flag for me.
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Hahaha if you don’t have trust you have nothing. Communicate. And I see nothing wrong with being friends with exes.
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He is with you. If he wanted to be with her he would be. Jealousy is a great way to drive someone off.
Noooope. My husband and I early on got rid of everyone we had any history with. Regardless of if we dated or even just talked. Begone thots
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From my experiences, nothing good ever comes out of being friends with an ex. At some point somewhere, one of them always starts something again. I wouldnt tolerate it personally. If you aren’t happy with something, voice it. And if a solution isnt worked out and hes still talking to his ex and deleting his messages, you have your answer. Clearly you and your relationship isnt important enough to be put first.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Do you think it's okay for your partner to follow their ex on social media?
It wouldn’t bother me that he has her on Facebook the deleting of messages is strange though.
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Nope nope nope, give him an ultimatum and be prepared to say goodbye. You deserve better. No way do you deserve to sit there knowing he’s messaging an ex and being completely sly about it deleting all the messages. No one deserves to sit there and feel so insecure. The fact you’ve voiced it and he’s ignored it too? 
you deserve better.
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Yes you are overreacting, i have exs on facebook including 1 of their mums we chat occasionally. If its a normal friendship then your insecurities are going to ruin the relationship
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Friends is fine, deleting the messages and being a piss baby about it is very sketchy
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I have most of my exs on fb. My current partner has girls he used to see on his too.
Just cz the relationship doesn’t work out doesnt mean a friendship won’t. Hell im even mates with an exs new wife. My sons dad still occasionally sends me something inappropriate and my partner and I just have a laugh and move on.
It comes down to trust. If you can’t trust your partner and your relationship dont be on the relationship
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I have a bunch of my exes on Facebook, we catch up have lunches, talk about our lives and such no kids no other attachments we just left the romantic relationship and salvaged the friendship…its possible
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Leave. That’s gaslighting, in a relationship we compromise, if you told him it makes you uncomfortable then he should be working with you to find a solution that works for you both, not throwing insults at you.
The fact he is deleting the messages is very odd and obviously would raise suspicions.
You have to decide if it’s a boundary you’re willing to let go of, if it isn’t then you need to reevaluate if your relationship together can work.
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It’s a tricky one - the deleting messages isn’t right in any circumstances really, usually a cause for concern.
However, I was with my ex 6 years, now having a new partner and a child, I still meet my ex for a coffee every so often, I still see his Mum and we speak on occasion to keep in touch - actually he still works for my brother also!
I think when you’ve come out of a long term relationship, usually the ending is for a big enough reason to never go back on, especially if mutual ending but those people are a huge part of your life if a long term relationship, so even if it doesn’t work out, there’s no reason for them to be cut from your life. X
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Some people do stay good friends with their exes, especially if they split amicably, deleting messages is a bit suspicious though, I would confront him on why he’s doing that, but I wouldn’t be bothered about them being pals
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Im close friends with my ex we were together 4 years. My partners become friends too. In no way shape or hell do i want to date him again but we are friends.
Id say you need to do some work on the foundation of your relationship build the trust and understand where perhaps your own prev experiences might be impacting your situation.
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Lunch and deleting texts? Run.
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Ex being on fb shouldn’t bother you but the deleting messages is a big red flag!! Xx
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Leave your boyfriend look how he speaks to you. You deserve better let his ex have him
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Is it just the messages that they exchange that are deleted? If so, then it seems a bit like there’s something to hide, however, my husband deletes all old texts and messages as they are not important, maybe that’s why they get deleted?! We do have an understanding between us, that no ex’s on Facebook tho, it’s just something we agreed on when we got together.
Right or wrong is not really the real issue there. The real problem is being with someone who doesn’t respect you enough to have a conversation about your feelings and actually care about how it makes you feel. Even if the friendship means a lot to him he should be able to explain that and reach a compromise with you, but immediately dismissing and shutting you down when you have a valid concern or an emotion he doesn’t like it just gonna mean more problems when a bigger issue comes a lot. He doesn’t have to agree with you but he does have to respect you and clearly he doesn’t
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There’s a reason they’re exs right?
Not so much in the last year, but I’ve always continued to be close to my ex, we’ve also met up for a lunch a couple of times too.
I think the only difference here is that I’ve always been very open with my husband about it, I would never delete messages as that would make it seem like I was hiding something… but apart from that I don’t see an issue with staying close with exs.
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That is toxic behaviour.
Gaslighting.
Friendship with exes is possible
Deleting messages and making you believe it’s in your head is manipulative.
Leave whilst you can
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It’s strange that he has deleted messages between them.
Your not overreacting its wierd so na you need to tel him straight up no way this is happening the being mates on facebook is nothing…but meeting up thats fkd up x
His clearly cheating on you with his ex.
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The deleted messages make it look like he’s hiding something
I’m friends with all my exes on here… Deleting messages though 
nah.
Deleting texts? Not okay, I’d put him in the bin
Add your exes and ask them to lunch and see how he fuckin likes it
I have an ex on my fb. Not a problem. The problem is deleting messages. Id be gone because there should be nothing to hide. Me and my partner have eachothers passwords for everything. None of us feel the need 2 search through anything though
I am friends with my ex we dated as teens so nothing serious . But my husband is also friends with him his also the god father to our 5 children . At some point you have to separate the relationship from the person and realise they are two different things .
Tell him to shove a dildo up his ass.
If he doesn’t care about your feelings he isn’t going to care about his loyalty to you, already deleting messages…bet he keeps his phone super close to him as well like taking it to a shower with him or always in his pocket? Just check out all the little signs. Honestly it isn’t worth it
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Fucking leave the cunt. If he’s saying your cooked in the head (which is just fucking offensive and mean) and also deleting the messages then why the hell aren’t you gonna suspect shit. If he’s got nothing to hide he shouldn’t be deleting it.
Lots of exes stay friends and do so in a manner that isn’t suspicious as. How dare he make you feel like you’re the one overreacting.
And as for all the nobheads on here literally just saying about how exes stay friends and your overreacting. Maybe read the bit where she talks about how he speaks to her about it… Honestly. Bunch of bloody idiots. Sad that you’ve asked the opinion of a group of utter dicks.
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the only issue i see here is that messages are being deleted…
I have ex’s on my Facebook friends list. I think it depends on how they are. I personally would be suspicious if my husband didn’t let me see messages etc but I wouldn’t have issues if there was an openness between us all.
I’m saying that I know one of my ex’s who cheated on me made out I was crazy for thinking something was up when he was playing away. So I now trust my gut.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Do you think it's okay for your partner to follow their ex on social media?
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You only delete messages if you have something to hide and why would you want to go for lunch with your ex especially when there’s no children involved x
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Being friends I have no issue with, my partner is friends with one of his ex’s and I still talk to most of mine.
But the fact hes deleting messages shows he has something to hide x
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No you are not over reacting, tell him to go to lunch with her and never come back… good riddens to them both you dont need that !
Deleting messages, asked out to lunch… if he did love you in any way he would be getting her out of his life with the block button not keep chatting to her, especially about going for lunch???
RUN… there is someone better there for you
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As long as you aren’t comfortable with that idea your feelings are valid. Your partner should know the word “Respect” anyways not ur loss anymore.
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you’re definitely not overreacting here. the fact that he deleted their messages calls for a red flag. a big big big red flag! he’s hiding something that’s why he did that.
if he really loves you, he would respect your feelings. he would feel sorry/embarrassed for doing such a thing.
if you plan to leave him, please don’t ever look back.
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You need to leave him asap. If there is no children involved, there is no reason to keep contact or even take her out for lunch. It’s inappropriate and he won’t change his ways since he doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong
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Well the second that messages are deleted I don’t think you’re overreacting, there’s no reason to delete messages if there isn’t anything going on or being said that you wouldn’t like. & in my opinion maybe it could be that you’re overreacting and being insecure about it but at the end of the day that’s just an ex and you’re his girl now and if she really didn’t matter then there’s no reason he can’t just delete her.
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