I have a bunch of my exes on Facebook, we catch up have lunches, talk about our lives and such no kids no other attachments we just left the romantic relationship and salvaged the friendship…its possible
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Leave. That’s gaslighting, in a relationship we compromise, if you told him it makes you uncomfortable then he should be working with you to find a solution that works for you both, not throwing insults at you.
The fact he is deleting the messages is very odd and obviously would raise suspicions.
You have to decide if it’s a boundary you’re willing to let go of, if it isn’t then you need to reevaluate if your relationship together can work.
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It’s a tricky one - the deleting messages isn’t right in any circumstances really, usually a cause for concern.
However, I was with my ex 6 years, now having a new partner and a child, I still meet my ex for a coffee every so often, I still see his Mum and we speak on occasion to keep in touch - actually he still works for my brother also!
I think when you’ve come out of a long term relationship, usually the ending is for a big enough reason to never go back on, especially if mutual ending but those people are a huge part of your life if a long term relationship, so even if it doesn’t work out, there’s no reason for them to be cut from your life. X
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Some people do stay good friends with their exes, especially if they split amicably, deleting messages is a bit suspicious though, I would confront him on why he’s doing that, but I wouldn’t be bothered about them being pals
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Im close friends with my ex we were together 4 years. My partners become friends too. In no way shape or hell do i want to date him again but we are friends.
Id say you need to do some work on the foundation of your relationship build the trust and understand where perhaps your own prev experiences might be impacting your situation.
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Lunch and deleting texts? Run.
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Ex being on fb shouldn’t bother you but the deleting messages is a big red flag!! Xx
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Leave your boyfriend look how he speaks to you. You deserve better let his ex have him
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Is it just the messages that they exchange that are deleted? If so, then it seems a bit like there’s something to hide, however, my husband deletes all old texts and messages as they are not important, maybe that’s why they get deleted?! We do have an understanding between us, that no ex’s on Facebook tho, it’s just something we agreed on when we got together.
Right or wrong is not really the real issue there. The real problem is being with someone who doesn’t respect you enough to have a conversation about your feelings and actually care about how it makes you feel. Even if the friendship means a lot to him he should be able to explain that and reach a compromise with you, but immediately dismissing and shutting you down when you have a valid concern or an emotion he doesn’t like it just gonna mean more problems when a bigger issue comes a lot. He doesn’t have to agree with you but he does have to respect you and clearly he doesn’t
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There’s a reason they’re exs right?
Not so much in the last year, but I’ve always continued to be close to my ex, we’ve also met up for a lunch a couple of times too.
I think the only difference here is that I’ve always been very open with my husband about it, I would never delete messages as that would make it seem like I was hiding something… but apart from that I don’t see an issue with staying close with exs.
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That is toxic behaviour.
Gaslighting.
Friendship with exes is possible
Deleting messages and making you believe it’s in your head is manipulative.
Leave whilst you can
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It’s strange that he has deleted messages between them.
Your not overreacting its wierd so na you need to tel him straight up no way this is happening the being mates on facebook is nothing…but meeting up thats fkd up x
His clearly cheating on you with his ex.
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The deleted messages make it look like he’s hiding something
I’m friends with all my exes on here… Deleting messages though 
nah.
Deleting texts? Not okay, I’d put him in the bin
Add your exes and ask them to lunch and see how he fuckin likes it
I have an ex on my fb. Not a problem. The problem is deleting messages. Id be gone because there should be nothing to hide. Me and my partner have eachothers passwords for everything. None of us feel the need 2 search through anything though
I am friends with my ex we dated as teens so nothing serious . But my husband is also friends with him his also the god father to our 5 children . At some point you have to separate the relationship from the person and realise they are two different things .
Tell him to shove a dildo up his ass.
If he doesn’t care about your feelings he isn’t going to care about his loyalty to you, already deleting messages…bet he keeps his phone super close to him as well like taking it to a shower with him or always in his pocket? Just check out all the little signs. Honestly it isn’t worth it
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Fucking leave the cunt. If he’s saying your cooked in the head (which is just fucking offensive and mean) and also deleting the messages then why the hell aren’t you gonna suspect shit. If he’s got nothing to hide he shouldn’t be deleting it.
Lots of exes stay friends and do so in a manner that isn’t suspicious as. How dare he make you feel like you’re the one overreacting.
And as for all the nobheads on here literally just saying about how exes stay friends and your overreacting. Maybe read the bit where she talks about how he speaks to her about it… Honestly. Bunch of bloody idiots. Sad that you’ve asked the opinion of a group of utter dicks.
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the only issue i see here is that messages are being deleted…
I have ex’s on my Facebook friends list. I think it depends on how they are. I personally would be suspicious if my husband didn’t let me see messages etc but I wouldn’t have issues if there was an openness between us all.
I’m saying that I know one of my ex’s who cheated on me made out I was crazy for thinking something was up when he was playing away. So I now trust my gut.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Do you think it's okay for your partner to follow their ex on social media?
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You only delete messages if you have something to hide and why would you want to go for lunch with your ex especially when there’s no children involved x
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Being friends I have no issue with, my partner is friends with one of his ex’s and I still talk to most of mine.
But the fact hes deleting messages shows he has something to hide x
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No you are not over reacting, tell him to go to lunch with her and never come back… good riddens to them both you dont need that !
Deleting messages, asked out to lunch… if he did love you in any way he would be getting her out of his life with the block button not keep chatting to her, especially about going for lunch???
RUN… there is someone better there for you
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As long as you aren’t comfortable with that idea your feelings are valid. Your partner should know the word “Respect” anyways not ur loss anymore.
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you’re definitely not overreacting here. the fact that he deleted their messages calls for a red flag. a big big big red flag! he’s hiding something that’s why he did that.
if he really loves you, he would respect your feelings. he would feel sorry/embarrassed for doing such a thing.
if you plan to leave him, please don’t ever look back.
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You need to leave him asap. If there is no children involved, there is no reason to keep contact or even take her out for lunch. It’s inappropriate and he won’t change his ways since he doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong
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Well the second that messages are deleted I don’t think you’re overreacting, there’s no reason to delete messages if there isn’t anything going on or being said that you wouldn’t like. & in my opinion maybe it could be that you’re overreacting and being insecure about it but at the end of the day that’s just an ex and you’re his girl now and if she really didn’t matter then there’s no reason he can’t just delete her.
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You are not overreacting, your feelings are valid.
Some people are okay with this, some people are not okay with this. No one is right or wrong, it’s a personal opinion of whether or not it bothers you.
If it bothers you, then you have every right to feel the way you do.
I personally think his past should be in his past. He should value YOUR feelings over a desire to remain friends with an ex. Him refusing to do something that he knows bothers you SO much, should be a red flag.
I personally agree with you and am not okay with it at all. It would bother me a lot, especially if she’s still asking him to lunch and stuff.
Listen to your instincts, they’re never wrong. 
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I would already be uncomfortable with my partner being friends with their ex on Facebook under most circumstances (not all, obviously) however, once messages are being deleted I know I am justified in feeling uncomfortable.
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Won’t delete her 
Hides/deletes msgs
Doesn’t care how you feel about it
You deserve much better! It couldn’t get much clearer, all the best xx
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The deleting messages is wrong, that’s what Ide be concerned with…. but I have ex’s on Facebook. I speak to my ex who I have a daughter with but not just about our daughter, we were friends first, and are friends after. Been with my current partner 3 years and he knows I wanna be with him and so has no issues. Not all relationships end badly 
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I guess I am the odd man out. He could be deleting because perhaps you made a mountain out of a mole hill. Idk this whole you can’t be friends with your ex feels childish . I will never understand it. Its 50/50 it’s something… but if it wasn’t it may be now
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If you are secure in your relationship, and have trust. Who cares! If there is doubt you shouldn’t be with them. It’s that simple….
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It depends on the situation. In your case, if you’re not okay with it, he needs to respect that. Why is he deleting messages? Something is way off. My husband went to see his ex gf at her house when she was alone and I thought it was inappropriate for her to ask him to come over, however, I understand she was going through shit, so I said he can go. Few days after that, he got a message from her wanting more than friendship and he cut her off completely. That’s the kinda trust you want in a relationship, there should be no protest.
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If someone is deleting messages that tells you everything you want to know.
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I definitely wouldn’t like it and if the table was turned would he be ok with you being friends with your ex and deleting messages…why does he need to be massaging his ex anyway
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Why the fuck are you staying with him? Girl leave. Save yourself from the headache.
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i was friends with me ex and my partner told me not to… i felt controlled and didn’t like that. where’s the trust??? everyone has a past… and some of us are mature and break up amicably. anyway his new relationship he’s friends with his partners ex husband… so moral of the story is… whatever u feel is right for you, stick to ur guns
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If he deleted messages and got defensive about it, you are not overreacting and something is up
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My hubby is friends with one of his exes that he was with for 8 years, no kids, but don’t think they’re friends on FB or talk.
She took us out to dinner and even bought our girls clothes. It didn’t bother me because my hubby never gave me a reason for it to. I never saw her as a threat. What this guy is doing, though? Total dick moves by gaslighting her and deleting messages. I’d leave.
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I have kids with my ex and would never friend him on facebook 
. We are exes for a reason. If my husband wants to friend his ex he would hear my mouth because of the way she treats him and i wouldn’t like it but would deal with it, however the first deleted message we would be getting divorced . Been there done that and will never do that again
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You’re not overreacting. Friends on FB, ok. Feeling comfortable enough to ask him to lunch when she knows he’s with someone? Not ok. Deleting messages, def not ok and a huge red flag. He’d rather hurt your feelings and have you feeling all kinds of ways, including disrespected, than to just delete this girl? No. Just, no…
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If he was friends with them prior to dating you and you were fine with it then, It’s hard to say he shouldn’t be friends with them now … But if he is deleting messages, I think it’s a big enough indicator that you aren’t the priority and are best to end the relationship and move on and give yourself the opportunity to find someone who values you. That said, Were the messages always deleted in an attempt to hide them from you? As in only this persons conversations? (I happen to clear all conversations every evening, Same with texts and emails as I feel cluttered otherwise, Weird I know)
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You’re overreacting completely.
He should be allowed to have friends. Exes can be friends.
If there’s no trust, there’s no love. 
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I’d say your not crazy. My husband always blocks anyone I get sketchy about weather I really have a reason to be sketched out or not because I have a past and tbh because of this way he is I have almost never asked him to block anyone except in the beginning. It helped me because he was so open and willing to help me not feel the slightest bit insecure over us. So the simple fact that he won’t do that is sketchy let alone deleting messages. That’s so bad red flags and then going to lunch hmmm yea I’d be very much pissed and packing my shit
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Move on, find a man that’s actually over his ex
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Everyone has different feelings on this. You have to go with your gut. I personally wouldn’t have an issue with my husband, or boyfriend being friends with an ex UNTIL there was a reason, i.e. deleting messages, not caring how i feel, etc. Once they showed me that, i’d tell them it’s time to hit the road. But, in the end, it only matters how you feel and what your gut tells you to do. I wish you luck and hope for the best for you.
It all comes down to trust at the end of the day… but deleting messages rings alarm bells to me!!
I was best friends with one of my exs for many years, we were together for 3years… stayed close friends for 6 years after, never anything more. He got into a relationship, his girlfriend didnt like it not that we gave her any reason to question our friendship, and thats when our friendship ended sadly, but I respected their decision…
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Trust your gut feeling. If you don’t have kids or friend groups in common then why would you hang out with an ex? And if the conversation was friends only conversations then why delete them?
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If the situation were reversed, would he have a problem with you and an ex?
If you don’t trust him, why are you with him?
If he doesn’t protect your weakest vulnerability and insecurity, why are you with him?
If this were my situation, I would enforce my boundaries about all these things and end the relationship and find someone worthy. But if you won’t hold your boundaries, don’t expect him to.
I have no problem with my husband being friends with his ex’s as long as there was respect for our relationship. I have a number of my ex’s as friends and one of his ex’s even came to our wedding. Now the deleting of messages is another story…if it is just an innocent friendship there is no reason that messages need to be deleted.
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An ex + deleting messages from them when he had prior intimacies & such with her is a big 
. Don’t let your feelings be invalid in your head because that is not normal to any person with a brain.
You deserve MORE. Keep your head up 
It’s okay to be civil and be friends with an ex but as long as both ends are respectful when one in a relationship .
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He should respect you enough to value your feelings. And I think the fact he deleted there messages says all, you only delete if you have something to hide. If I were you I’d be leaving. I’m sorry he isn’t listening to you qnd valuing you for the queen you are. I hope you do what you think is best
I think being friends with an ex is ok (kids or not), providing that ex is respectful of your relationship.
Going out to lunch together is kind of iffy, however some people are ok with that and although I’m not I recognise that can be innocent too.
But deleting msgs and gaslighting you?
RUN.
Massive red flags, and you may well regret staying if you do.
Something tells me that from what you’ve written here you already know in yourself this is not ok.
I wish you all the best xx
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Facebook message aren’t ever permanently deleted. There is a way. You can check his deleted messages. Not saying, go and snoop. But maybe ask. If you could use his phone. I know I’m allow to grab my fiancé phone whenever without questioned ask. Same goes for him.
No to both absolutely! Alarm bells would be ringing for me hugely. It’s disrespectful and sneaky and if he can’t see that deleting messages is cause for concern then he’s either very insensitive or up to no good.
If you trust him, you wouldn’t be going through his messages. Just saying, not trying to be mean. If you have to look for things, then seems trust may be an issue.
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I would be bothered, and concerned. Especially with the deleted messages and lunch invitations. I’d would begin to wonder what eles he is hiding. I would pray bout this fervently and try to have an honest conversation about how you feel and that it bothers you. I would ask if he wouldn’t be bothered if I was acting the same way with another man?
I’ve stayed friends with my ex but if he’s deleting messages then there is definitely something going on
I’m quite good friends with a few of my exes, sometimes people realise their friendship is worth more than the relationship, think this just boils down to how secure you feel in your relationship, you both need to communicate, telling you your “cooked in the head” for feeling some kind of way and then not explaining, will of course make your mind do evil things, it’s his job to reassure you, not call you crazy, but you should also feel loved and appreciated enough, that his friendships shouldn’t even matter or have this kind of impact on your relationship.
Deleted messages and your feelings don’t matter to him, doesn’t matter how much you trust him or her or any of that bullshit. He doesn’t care about your feelings, deleted messages are hiding the emotional and or disrespectful conversations to your relationship. There’s no talk to him see what he says, have more trust blah blah blah. He deleted messages and doesn’t care how you feel, it will be hard but it’s time to move on before his cheating becomes physical not just emotional
Well bottom line is he needs to respect u and your relationship enough to block or delete her, and ask him if he was in your shoes and you had the ex and deleted messages how would he truely feel…… either he stops now, or you’ll end up in one of the infidelity Recovery groups…@-@…… all starts with lies and deleted messages… keep digging you’ll find more. Believe me… and offer to go to lunch with them if it’s innocent
If the roles were reversed, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t like you going out with your ex, so it is wrong for sure. An ex is an ex for a reason. Especially no kids together like what’s the reason?? 
Yeah, I’d definitely kick him to the curb. They obviously shouldn’t be Ex’s, since they still seem to have lots of communication. Good luck
Deleting messages is a huge red flag if he were in fact not hiding anything he wouldn’t have the need to delete messages. Tell him he deletes her from all social media and any phone numbers or to kick rocks. Your feelings a valid and the fact that he doesn’t respect a simple request honestly should tell you all you need to know. I hope it works out for the best!
I come from a small town where we all kinda grew up together. Some of us dated each other but found out we just really don’t care for the other person more than a friend, and that’s okay. We were figuring ourselves out and trying to figure out what love meant to us. As long as there is respect for your relationship, I don’t feel like there should be a problem. Now some people cross that line and should be blocked ASAP, but not every person is like that. Personally I deleted messages often due to space on my phone, they’re one of the first things to go honestly. Work through your insecurities… because without trust you’ll never be happy in a relationship. You’ll always be looking for your let down.
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My husband has gone out to lunch with his ex. They had a deep friendship. But he was always extremely transparent about everything. That’s required in a relationship.
Leave him, but if you really want to know what is going on, log into his Facebook on your phone,then you’ll see the messages they’re having 
or just leave because something is going on for sure
Leave my ex did this…they was civil she had him blocked at the beginning of our relationship then friended him when she found out we was together. She was in a different state living with her man coming back here for valentine day and ask to hang out . Turns out he was saying different things to her and he sociopath narcissist…and 5 years and 2 kids in I fought 6 years in court against lies .we was Sharing legal and I sole physical but now he has nothing.
If he’s deleting messages, then theres something foul at play. Don’t let him play you like that. Tell him he needs to consider your feelings, and if he can’t, then you need to move on fo your well being.
I would mainly be worried about the deleted messages? Other than that I wouldn’t be concerned. But each person is different & has different level of emotions
Ugh! I’m not sure…but if it feels icky…don’t hide your feelings…that just brings more yuck.
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Deleting messages from her and minimising your feeling about it all with the “crazy” name calling is a Big red flag to me that he has something to hide
The fact he called you cooked in the head and childish for acting a certain way is gaslighting behaviour which is abuse. and also very degrading. Deleting messages is also not ok… guilty much?
This is the definition of gaslighting he’s dodgy as
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If he has to delete messages of their conversations that is a RED FLAG! You are not overreacting at all
It starts where they’re inconsiderate. Screw what else is going on, when the signs point to “I don’t care” you should take note!
He deleted the messages that’s what makes it fishy. I wouldn’t deal with that shit. Deleting messages means he’s trying to hide something (been there) 10/10 run before you get too attached 
No. Even when they have kids I think it can still be toxic to stay friends on social media depending the situation but if they’re literally not together anymore and there are no kids, there’s ZERO reason to remain friends.
You’re never going to feel like you have him 100% and that’s never a good thing.
I’d personally say go and Hope you choke on it, I wouldn’t dream of asking my ex out either knowing they had a girlfriend and if it makes you feel uncomfortable he shouldn’t be entertaining it xx
I personally don’t care if my husband is friends with his ex’s. Hell, I’m friends with quite a few of my ex’s. But there’s a difference in being friends with them & being more than friends. If you have to delete the msgs in hopes your SO doesn’t read them… Then thats a problem. I’d say they were trying to cheat.
I mean it’s no ones place to tell someone who they can & can’t have relationships with. One of my exes is now one of my best friends. That being said deleting messages is a huge no. Pretty simple if you ask me
Time to let him know this is not acceptable “RESPECT”
I was going to say yes , but now I’ll say depends on the person… deleting messages is a .
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I have friends…if we wernt meant to be together romantically then a friend isnt a bad thing…people need to grow up with these status’s…i understand if that person was awful or it ended bad or what ever…but you dont just go oh its over now lets just act like you died ha
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Well him deleting the messages and then going out to lunch with her is a little much it seems like he’s been messaging her for awhile and are maybe planning something and going out to lunch they got something up their sleeves and being very secretive about it I would leave the relationship your being played here
Im friends with a few of my exs… but i would NEVER delete messages especially if my SO was thinking something was up. That is shady as hell.
My ex was the same way, turns out, they were still seeing each other.
Well that’s gaslighting to say you’re crazy, and no he shouldn’t be deleting messages or going to lunch with her.
I just got out of a very similar situation leave him u deserve better they are never going 2 change
Trusting your own intuition is one of the hardest things to learn. It’s also one of the best.
No problem being friends with an ex
This is the problem nowadays people are so insecure if your relationship was genuine you wouldn’t need to worry daymmmm 
They both are being disrespectful of you and my guess is she is getting her jollies from this. Move on.