I have been with the same man for over eight years and there has been talking about marriage. However, nothing has come of it. We have a 13-month-old son together, and I’m currently on Maternity Leave, and he’s working full time, and I do 90% off everything with no appreciation shown to me. I constantly thank him for what he does for our family, and I rarely get a thank you back. We have had sex only about eight times since our son was born. He seems repulsed by me. He never asks me how my day went, he’s not affectionate in the least anymore, and my heart is aching. Basically, what I’m rambling about is… ladies, do you think things can change? Do you think he honestly ever wants to even marry me, let alone be with me? I don’t know if I’m crazy, paranoid, or both. Please help!
It’s been 8 years if he wanted to marry you he would’ve done it by now. He really doesn’t need ro since you guys are playing house. But you really need to talk to him and tell him how you feel and what the plan is.
You still want to marry him?
Talk to him about how your feeling
Me and my husband were together 10 years before we got married but talked about it alot prior. We’ve been together 13 years now, married for 3 of them.
Instead of making assumptions of why your husband is like this, talk to him. Go for a walk and express how your feeling. He could just be overly stressed or has his own issues.
Honestly who gives a crap if your not married yet… work on the relationship before marriage
It’s been 8 years if he wanted to marry you he would’ve done it by now. He really doesn’t need to since you guys are playing house. But you really need to talk to him and tell him how you feel and what the plan is.
Are you that desperate that you would actually marry a jerk?
I wouldn’t marry him. Especially if he is showing no appreciation to you.
People has to want to change, it can happen but the got to put effort into the change I’m currently going through the same thing I’ve told my SO how it bothers me he still hasn’t quit watching porn or looking at naked pages on Instagram, and I asked him why he hasn’t quit and his response was they look better than me.
You’ve obviously gone off track somewhere as a couple which happens a lot after the birth of a child. Normally people dwindle for a few months whilst they’re trying to find their way as parents and after a while they realise that they still have their own identity and are not just simply mammy and daddy. To me it sounds like you’ve both forgotten who you are and you need to remind each other that your not just mammy and daddy. Put the baby to bed or if you can have someone to have the baby overnight, out phones away, have a nice meal, some drinks (if you drink) and just talk. You need to find out if your still in the same path. We all go through lulls in relationships but pulling yourselves out of it together is what makes you stronger. Good luck
8 years together and hasn’t ask you to marry him ! You only had sex about 8 times in 13 month. You basically have a sexless marriage. Why do you still want to marry this guy ? Leave and find someone that is attracted to you. This guy obviously is not.
Jimbo here I’ll give you a man’s perspective of it he doesn’t sound like you ever wants to marry you he doesn’t treat you right he’ll be treating you like a queen my wife gained weight over the years I’m sick 64 she just died recently I want to to have as much intimacy as with my wife as I could and she was 61 when she died I love her just the way she was she turned me on the whole nine yard and I did anything I could for I would tell him to straighten up and start treating you like you should be treated or you can damn well find someone else and he can pay child support Jimbo
What do you want? If you’re not happy within yourself marrying him isn’t going to do it either Goodluck
Why would you want to marry him?
Ladies, stop wordying if he wants you - do you want him?
I can’t imagine why you would want him at this point. 
He has the whole deal with no commitment first. Talk to him and tell him what you’re feeling. By his answer, you’ll have yours.
Honestly just talk to him and try to get to the root of the problem
Why WOULD you want to marry HIM?
Still on maternity leave after 13 months?
I mean… I dated my boyfriend for 5 years before he proposed. We also had two kids together before he asked.
Some take longer than others, but we didn’t have a sexless relationship and we show affection frequently.
It sounds like he’s adjusting to the life of a parent+working and not realizing he hasn’t shown affection. It can be stressful. Just like being a mom is.
Before you assume things, just try talking to him.
If that doesn’t lead anywhere. Then maybe you should rethink your relationship.
In my opinion you’re giving him wife benefits without getting the title. A man knows within about a year or so if he wants to marry and something is off with this guy. Seems to be taking advantage but I’m only an outside point of view
Was the baby planned? If it was a surprise pregnancy he may be feeling likes he trapped at this point which is why the marriage talk stopped
Nope.
No marriage lana.
He has no intention of ever marrying you and he can only treat you as badly as you allow him to treat you
Doubt it sounds like you need to dump him.
If you’ve been with him all those years. He hasn’t married you yet. I doubt if he ever will. Drop him like a rock., Move on to someone else.
Ugh leave and find someone that knows he wants to marry you within a year MAX. THEhe right man will know very very soon.
Why don’t you two get a baby sitter and do date nights. Just you 2.
Definitely talk with him and see if you both want the same things and if not I’d end it. I’ve been with my man for 14 years and this year we just planned our wedding for this summer. A marriage won’t fix the problems and a piece of paper don’t mean he loves you.
And YOU still want HIM?!
Ever heard this saying… “Why purchase the cow if the milk is for free”
That’s why, but it seems that something deeper is going on if you’re noticing all these changes.
Get the baby minded, have a date night and talk to him. When you have a baby a lot of things change. Some men feel pushed out slightly. Others are scared to have sex for fear of hurting or upsetting you. If you don’t sit down and talk it out you will never know. I wouldn’t be so quick to just up and leave him
I don’t get a thank you or a hows your day lol… it doesn’t bother me because I live by expect nothing and you won’t be disappointed 
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I would work on the relationship for a while before asking anyone about marriage.
Why marry someone like that?
I didnt know there was a specific time frame on when someone was supposed to get married 
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You need to sit down with him and communicate your feelings, your concerns, your life goals. And if your goals dont match with his then you have your answer.
Ma’am, do you want to marry HIM!?
I personally would not marry someone who doesn’t fulfill my sexual needs that’s just me
Sit him down and talk.
My hubby said he wouldn’t get married agian it took 10 yrs for him to finally do it . So it is possible.
Have a talk with him. Maybe he has depression that he isn’t realizing is affecting him. Having a child is hard work. It adds a ton of new stresses to a relationship. Maybe he doesn’t know how to communicate his feelings for you and tell you how much he appreciates you. I’m sure there is more to the story. Nobody here can answer fo him. He needs to do that himself. Sit down and have a serious talk. Take a date night and discuss it.
Pretty bad. Dump his ass.
Question: I’m not being nasty but why do YOU want to marry HIM? Answer this weigh up Pros and cons then you’ll have your answer…Good luck in making the right decision…
He want change take or leave him he wantchange inless the Lord does it
You’ve been together 8 yrs 1 baby so why get married. People change
The real question that needs answered is why would you want to marry someone who shows no interest in you. Is this the kind of relationship/marriage you want. A life long partner like what you explained? You can’t make some love you more by loving them harder. Figure out what you want and go from there and don’t settle. 
Talk to him and ask him if everything is okay, that you’ve noticed a change and wanted to check in with his well being.
No cause if he wanted to he would of
I dealt with the same thing, I was with someone for 8 years had two kids, and he never discussed marriage even though he knew it was something I wanted. What he didn’t give me, another man did! If he can’t even appreciate all the things you do now, can you imagine how it’ll be when married? Talk to him about it, if nothing changes i would say leave.
Why are you asking strangers rather than sitting him down? Random internet strangers won’t do you any good but ruin a good thing for a person or put the wrong ideas in their heads. I’m waiting to hear he must be cheating on you because some many jump that for absolutely no valid reason. Sit HIM down and talk to HIM. That’s the only way you’ll get a honest answer.
You will not change a man. And I feel like you are the one unsure of marriage. You and your man need to talk.
Why buy the cow, if the milk is free!?
Marriage won’t change that sadly x
Let him go. Co parent. He’s not interested anymore. He’s complacent. He still loves you but doesn’t want you as a partner anymore. Be honest with yourself and do what’s best for your baby. I’m sorry the relationship changed. You deserve someone who treats you amazing. Don’t settle for less.
You just had a baby and your hormones are all messed up. Now isn’t the time to make big decisions. Breathe and have a serious talk with him. A child is a big change for everyone.
Don’t cut him loose just yet - too many people want to drop the man and run without first trying to find out what’s going on.
If things changed after the baby was born, it could be a form of depression on his part. See if you can get him to sit down and have an open, honest conversation with you about things. Try not to make it sound like you’re putting blame on him for making you feel bad as this will get his defences soaring, but perhaps say you’ve noticed things have been different between you both for a while and you can’t work out what’s going on, ask him can he think of anything rather than something like “You’re making me feel like crap, what’s the deal??” Tempting as that may be, it’ll get you nowhere. If you really can’t work it out, do not stay for the sake of the child. That never works for anyone and will become toxic, but do see if you can work out a solution first. I wish you the very best of luck with whatever you decide to do 
8 years is along time. People grow and change and go through phases. Sometimes they’re tired and stressed and want to be left alone. Communication is key. Maybe start out with “hey is everything okay? I’ve noticed U have been distant” I would definitely try to change the mood before u bring up marriage
Sit and talk to him he may be feeling overwhelmed or depressed but just hasn’t voiced it to you maybe because you have enough on your hands with baby or he could even feel ashamed to be struggling
You both need to communicate to know what’s going on with you both
Best way to know the answer to any of these questions is to talk to him. A group of strangers that know nothing about you or your boyfriend couldn’t possibly give you any accurate information. You must communicate to have a successful relationship with him.
Communication is key… Communication WITH YOUR PARTNER not strangers that are not in your relationship. That’s where almost ALL relationships fail. Everyone else knows their business. More then they know it. Talk to HIM. Not anyone else.
Let him go. He wants his son? Great. Right now he knows you take care of the crap he doesn’t like, so he’s staying with you so you don’t have to. I would let him know that you are looking for a place to live, you are interested in 50/50 custody, but that’s his choice (and your son’s, because he is 13). But you’ve realized you want more from a partner than this.
Just sit down and talk to him. Communication is key to any relationship. Yes there is others but if u don’t have communication then there is a big problem. I sometimes feel the same way with my husband but we talk about it all the time. He may not realize how u feel.
Also, could he be seeing someone else, sadly if he has lost interest 
I think you deserve better, than to just settle being a girlfriend. He has been getting marriage privileges, without marriage. Also, this is not good for the kids, he should not be having kids, if he is not invested 
to raising them & being with the mother. The way things are going , one of you will probably get tired of this kind of relationship & end it.
Sit down and talk to him! Tell him that you will like to know what he’s feeling and if he still loves you enough to marry you. Give him an ultimatum! Relationship gives and takes but your partner shouldn’t let you do everything all the time. Some days my husband does more and other days I do more. We are a team! You have to communicate! Don’t give up on hope until you know for sure. If he tells you he doesn’t want to marry you ask him why? Lots of people don’t want to commit to marriage. But also lots of people don’t fight for there marriage as well. Unless he’s abusive or cheating people just give up so easily. Just remember life is short and hard. You need to do what makes you happy! Good luck!
Personally I would ask? Like this that you wrote. Show him it. And see his reaction. Me and my husband have honest is the best policy. If he wanted to go out and cheat on me - I want him to tell me first , obviously he won’t. But he’s like my best friend we tell each other everything, I hate being angry coz I always need to tell him something just who we are. Ps the sex thing doesn’t mean anything before we got married the year before I mean - we had sex like 4 times the whole year. Now we have two beautiful kids - are sex life is back on trackish
I suppose you could always ask him, leap year or no leap year. Sometimes a man gets comfortable in how things are, and doesn’t think anything further. A bit of a push to make him realise, things need to move forward, or some change needs to happen.im sure your child as he moves on toward school etc, would love to know his father is also his dad
Sadly he is not going to marry you. After the first child, he showed you he was just using you! I am sorry but he got the honey moon & kids before the wedding. If you are doing 90% of everything, then he sounds worthless!
Some people are afraid of marriage or just don’t want to get married ever, which is totally fine and doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t love you and want to be with you, he may have only mentioned marriage because its was what you wanted. Also, a new kid, working full time, he’s probably stressed. You really should talk to him instead of strangers on the internet and figure out what he’s thinking. Guessing when you feel down on yourself will only make you see bad outcomes
Communication, communication, communication!!! Post-partum depression can affect guys too. If you truly love him then don’t give up. So many people are so quick to give up easily.
That’s a conversation you need to have with him. My husband loves me dearly but shows it in his own way. You need to sit down with him and talk to him. No one here can tell you how he feels and what he thinks.
I’m more concerned about whether or not you should want to marry him! If you feel he’s repulsed by you, isn’t appreciative, etc, is THAT the type of man you wanna marry?! A talk definitely needs to be had - sooner rather than later. See where you stand and go from there. Good luck!
Well you could buy him a ring and ask him to marry you there’s nothing wrong with that and see what his reaction would be
Why do you want to get married if your relationship already is not good enough?
Work on things,talk about how you feel a d if nothing changes then it’s probably time to leave.
MY Ex Husband Was actually jealous of the Children _"They took too much time he had to SHARE ME WITH THEM "He said well I’m not sure how long i can Be ignored So I basically just said Don’t let the DOOR KICK YOU ON YOUR WAY OUT " AND HE LEFT …
Idk. It’s been 18yrs and 4 kids with mine. I’ve waited a long time. I no longer feel comfortable bringing up marriage. I also wonder why after all we built together he doesn’t want to marry me. Sorry you are going through that too.
Have you told him how you feel? Open the lines of communication? It’s hard to give advice without knowing that part. Maybe he’s tired or doesn’t realize what’s lacking?
I say talk to him and express your feelings. Get on the same page. Good luck
Communication with him goes a long way. Don’t corner him and don’t go in ready for interrogation. My theory: You know how after you have a baby, you go into mom mode? Like primal instincts kick in? Well his are kicking in too. He’s now the full supporter for the family. Extra weight on the shoulders. He’s also making adjustments.
I could be very much wrong. But I also could be right. The only one that can validate his feelings and thoughts and where he stands, is him.
Well, if you haven’t already, sit him down alone just you and him. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel and what you’re seeing. Explain, you can’t live your life feeling like your partner is repulsed by being with you. Lay it all out on the table. His response will tell you what you need to do. If he comes off concerned and empathetic with apology and solutions, then work together to fix it. If he seems more unbothered, annoyed, gives excuses, or says some form of your wrong speech, then it’s best to just separate. Separation doesn’t have to be hateful. It will hurt and take time to adjust, but you’ll feel better in the end having done something about it then to live this way longer. Do what’s best for you and your little. That’s not the type of relationship you want your little to see and not one you deserve. I hope this works out they way you’d like it to, good luck 
p.s I’d not bring up marriage in that conversation. You want your relationship to be straight before you talk about that. You don’t want to be married to someone that doesn’t truly appreciate you anyway.
Sit down and talk to him. To me your flipping out over something that may need to be flipped out over. Your home on maternity leave, is the one working. He works very high percentage of the time. My guess he is working his but off. Quit worrying, flipping out and have conversation with him.
8 years? How long are you willing to wait if you want to get married? Does he want to get married or just telling you what you want to hear to string you along for his selfish reasons?
Simply put …Actions speak louder than words
Move on Dear lady Unless this is what you expect out of life.
Communication is the key talk to him let him know how you feel
Talk to him not us. We have no idea how he feels.
I agree it’s a conversation you should have with him. Communication is very important. Maybe He’s content and loves what yall have and loves how everything is. Sometimes people don’t get married, but spend the rest of their lives together
Parenthood is an adjustment. And he’s the only one working. Men can also be weird about sex after their partner has a baby. Don’t be so quick to dismiss him without talking to him.
Ask him. Be prepared for whatever he says. Make your next move your best move. Dont let anyone treat you like the red thing around bologna no matter the history or the love you have for them
Don’t marry. It’s not going to fix anything.
You don’t have a boyfriend, a fiancé, or potential husband.
You have a roommate that you share a child with.
As I read your post I can’t but think… this is me right now!! But our baby is 26 months and I’ve been feeling this way for the last several months.
Did you have a conversation With jim??
My opinion…you’re living with a narcissist…Google that…
Is this is joke post?
Dads can get postpartum depression too. Just a thought.
How so we know? We’re not him. This is why relationships fail cuz people talk to social media over each other.
Ask him if he plan or even want to get married. Don’t tiptop around him. Say what you have to say. Your have two children. Don’t take crap off him. A mother does more than a man. We have the children.
It could be the stress from being the only one working at the time or he could just be uninterested. Have this talk with him and see where it leads. Give it some time to change and if it doesn’t, you have to leave. It’ll hurt but being in a loveless relationship also hurts.
Nope to marriage. You gave away too much milk for free. As for the relationship … here’s the thing…we become mothers and our lives and identities change DRASTICALLY while most men’s do not. There are exceptions where some men are very hands on with their children but usually still not saturated as we become. No sleep no showers the same pukey shirt for days … we go through a really tough time which to them looks gross but they don’t understand how EXHAUSTED we are! Hopefully that gets under control but by the time it does men have begun entertaining themselves and adjusted to the idea that THEY are no longer YOUR BABY cause you’ve got a BABY! And they set themselves adrift. Some cheat. They feel neglected. We know men are CHILDREN and need positive reinforcement if they hang a picture on the wall. You’ve got to figure out a way to still fill his needs even with a baby!!! I don’t just mean sexually but in EVERY way you did before! He got USED to it ! Keep up with your hygiene your looks your clothes your usual demeanor with him in the bedroom and out…find a way! Sadly this particular relationship has hit the disaster zone. Turning back is a big task. Counseling and if not that…areverdechi! 
Sit his ass down and ask him what he wants! Period
Hell your not even a booty call to him time for you to do some window shopping
Talk to him! Communication is what keeps a relationship strong
the first year with a baby is the biggest and most complicated change. Talk to him, but if it continues further than another year despite talks (and even maybe some therapy because therapy can be a miracle!) a trial separation may be needed