Fan question, I was in a friendship for 10+ years. I ended this friendship because I got tired of all of the competitiveness. No matter what my husband and I did, these friends always tried to one-up us. Their children did wrong in their eyes. We had a play date set up for our kids, had it planned for weeks than when we went over there, the oldest child was allowed to leave with her grandparents. My child was hurt. Am I wrong for just ending the friendship? When I confronted my friend about her child leaving, she said she didn’t see the problem. Am I overreacting?
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I think it was the straw that broke the camels back!!!
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Why are we worried about a grown woman’s feelings, when she didn’t care about a child’s? Tell them to kick rocks.
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Yes you’re over reacting. You dont end a 10 year friendship over that. How did you even make it 10 years if you’re considering ending it over that is my question.
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Maybe not ending the friendship is the right step but definitely taking a step back from it and giving some time
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You obvious don’t care for the friendship seems very petty
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I would not have anything else to do with them. I mean who plans a play date and then let’s the child leave?? I would have left when the child left. I don’t disrespect ppl and me or my children would not be disrespected. Friends like that who needs enemies.
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Did the older kid want to go with the grandparents? If the kid wanted to go with the grandparents instead of hangout with you guys then they should be allowed to do that. It sucks you guys planned this all out and the kid left but I don’t really believe in forcing interactions with between my kid and others.
Ending a friendship over this might be a bit of an overreaction but it sounds like it’s been a build up of things, maybe just take a step back from the friendship, you’re really lucky to have had a friend for so long.
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I’d say it’s worth having another conversation with your friend abt the whole picture of the competitiveness and abt the particular incident. If they are your friends they will/would want to take into consideration your feelings being that it’s a mutual friendship. Don’t ever dismiss your gut or feelings blow them off as “your overreacting.” Validate how your feeling and have a constructive conversation with your friend, be honest if your feeling were hurt. Also do take into account your friends feelings as well. 10 years is a hard thing to walk away from without going the extra mile, but sometimes we do drift away from friends, especially when our own children are also involved. Good luck!
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Yeah that was rude and i would’ve left as well.
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If you don’t want to be friends with anyone, you are allowed. You don’t need approval or reassurance that it’s the right decision if it is what you see is best. You don’t owe anyone friendship and if you’ve out grown them, then that’s okay!
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Rude yes. But were the grandparents in from out of town? Hadn’t seen them in a while? The polite thing to do was to contact you as soon as they knew that child wouldn’t be available and reschedule. But it doesn’t sound like this is your first issue with them, just your last.
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I wouldn’t end a friendship over this but it definitely sounds like you need some space from your friend and just give the friendship a time out. Sometimes if you guys are to involved in each others lives then that person can start to get on your nerves. Its always best to just give some time between you guys and then when you reconnect you may notice a difference. Also she could be feeling this way about you as well and her behavior could be her trying to push you away because she feels she may need space as well
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Do they try to one up you or were they just trying to better themselves too? Seems like you are looking at what they are doing instead of focusing on your family. Also did the child want to leave or did she tell the kid to leave? Your child was hurt but you what about the other kids feelings of wanting to see grandparents.
However, if you don’t want to be friends then just stop the interaction. You’re an adult.
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I would end it especially if my child was hurt
Maybe skip socializing one on one and just hang out in groups where you can be with other people vs. being with her exclusively.
Remember, trying to one-up you likely means she feels inferior and is trying to boost her self-esteem. It feels personal to you, but really, it’s personal to her. Did she grow up with a sibling who was the “golden child”? See what happens when you build her up and give her credit for her successes. Also check yourself. Sometimes always sharing good news can feel like you’re boasting or gloating. Ask her if you come across that way to her, even if it’s unintentional.
Definitely sit down with her & have a deep discussion. Start with “I feel ____ when you _____. Can you please ____?” Then probe why she reacts the way she does. WHY is it hard to share your joy/success? Why did she feel it was OK for her kid to leave a play date?
Also, learn to detach a little. Life rarely turns out how you want. Letting your kids experience disappointment and showing them they’ll survive builds resilience. Practice taking things in stride. “Oh, well, maybe next time. Let’s go do something else.” If something happens one to three times, let it go, but make your feelings known nicely. If it’s a constant pattern, stop expecting a different outcome and act accordingly.
The less dramatic you are (and model for your kids) the easier all your lives will be. Find someone chill who rolls with the punches as a role model. Think of the challenges people have to deal with during a disaster or in a war zone or living under a repressive regime, or the stresses of the homeless in your community or the difficulty of raising a child with severe mental and/or physical disabilities or living with them yourself. It helps put our petty, middle class concerns into perspective. Practice being grateful every day with your family and look at the bright side. “Oh wow, it’s disappointing his friend had to leave, but it’s great you got to play together for half an hour/you get to have attention from __your friend __”
Also, does her kid like spending time with your kid as much as the reverse? Maybe her child doesn’t enjoy these play dates as much as you think.
Lastly, it’s OK to pull away, pause or even end a friendship after many years. We all grow and change, sometimes in different ways. So don’t feel guilty if this is what you decide.
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If you dont want her to be in ur life then dont . U dont need excuses . Do whats best for you
Not Over reacting, Was inconsiderate to just Dump Your Family’s Plans…
That was rude. It was not last minute. Envy is dangerous and you can do better than people like that
You sound very petty. You said their oldest kid left, so obviously there’s at least another kid for yours to play with. Let it go.
Do what makes you happy 
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I get your child was upset but maybe the child was having a bad day or just really missing her grandparents. I would say that’s overreacting a little bit. And are you sure they’re competing against y’all? Idk 10+ friendship and you’re barely noticing things? Kinda sounds like maybe you’re overthinking a little.
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I would communicate how you feel the friendship is going. About what you think or feel is going on. And maybe express how you felt about her daughter leaving when y’all had a scheduled play date but at the end of the day you can’t control what another person decides to do… Just make sure you think it through before you end a friendship… Sounds like your overreacting a bit…
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I mean if the kid wanted to be with her grandparents i don’t see a problem. Definitely sounds like your overreacting. You can’t force someone to force their kid to play with yours if they don’t want to play.
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Yes don’t make decisions out of emotions…use your intellect. Your child could be manipulating the situation.
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Either reschedule play date or keep child home to play with her friend. Never to early to start teaching manners, kindness and respect.
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Communication is key! If there’s something weighing on you its best to be honest and upfront. Same goes for her, if her child wasn’t going to be around for the scheduled play date a simple heads up would have allowed your child to make the choice if she still wanted to go.
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I think you are overreacting. But do what you see fit. Maybe grandma planned something special. They are only able to do things when can.
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If you feel better, that’s all that matters,a real true friendship is quite hard to find
I don’t see the problem with the child going to stay with grandparents, but I also see why that would upset your child. Maybe the other kid and the grandparents don’t spend a lot of time together or maybe your friend needed a break and didn’t want to pass up the opportunity! We often get wrapped up in our own emotions that we forget others have them too. While keeping that in mind, if you truly feel like the friendship is negative or competitive then it doesn’t make you a bad person for ending it but remember that the kids might still want to play/be friends so I would just talk to her and keep it open.
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I wouldn’t like to have something planned for our children and the day comes and then the child is leaving that was the point of a play date so she should have communicated that the child wouldn’t be home and reschedule you are not overreacting you have the right to be upset.
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Honestly I think maybe u over reacted and for some one “one upping you” seems like ur the one who gets jealous be proud that they accomplished something or did something, or finished something whatever it is. I understand u had plans for the kids to hang out and play but plans don’t always stay 100% sometimes kids enjoying going to their grandparents whenever they can. To me it seems like U get jealous of something’s so You ended the friendship on your own.
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I feel like that moment was your breaking point. You have wanted to back up from those friends. It’s ok to break away from an environment that does not make you comfortable and or happy. Friendship is not about competing it’s about lifting each other up and or being happy for each other’s accomplishments. Break away from anything that feels toxic. Do what makes you happy.
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If you don’t enjoy their company anymore just back away. Don’t need to end the friendship just limit it.
This whole post is a joke.
Sounds like a one sided friendship
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Yeah I think you are… about this situation at least, but no one needs competitive friends. Especially if it isn’t like a friendly competition.
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I’m confused…is it a competition issue or are they mad because they let their child go with grandparents instead of staying for a play date?
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I mean, you’re not required to be friends with anyone 
if it’s not good for you then end it
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Just because you friends doesn’t mean your kids are.
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I will be your friend. Did I mention always win jeopardy!!
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I guess I’m not fully understanding what happened?
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I know people just like this… i ended the friendship. Best thing i ever did. I have a cut off a lot of people in my life. Cause i aint with all the bullshit… ill work and hang out with my kids and my, sister, alone at my house. Fuck the rest
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Just dont b friends. Simple as that
If you have to be in competition with a friend then that isn’t your friend. She’s secretly jealous of you. And the fact that you both scheduled a playdate and she had her daughter leave with her grandmother was alittle odd too. I say end it because if not it will get worse.
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Your feelings are valid and I believe if being in this friendship causes you stress or unhappiness then you did right for leaving.
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Were there no other kids? Most kids would be happy to hangout anywhere other than their own house. I remember dinner meals eating tacos at a friend’s house while my own family ate tacos at home, and vice versa with friend’s. One child left…it isn’t the worst thing to happen.
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I’m sorry I don’t understand, how is letting her oldest go with their Grandparents one upping you?
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If it doesn’t feel right, end it. By doing so, you’ll be modeling positive healthy boundaries for your child. 
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If it causes stress, distance yourself
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I think your over reacting your mad because the child went with grandparent and your kid got upset… Grandparents ain’t around to long so what if she went. Sorry but i think your wrong.
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I ended a friendship of 21+ yrs. Peace of mind is better than history and that goes for anyone
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I think it’s a bit rude she could have rescheduled but I don’t think that’s a reason to end a friendship. Now the competitiveness I’m not about that right there would make me not want to be friends with them.
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Sorry but you’re over reacting. Friends come and go. Grandparents don’t! What I would give to have my kids Nana come over one last time!
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I’m confused… Where’s the competition at?? And you ended a friendship because she didn’t force her kids to stay and play with yours?
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Maybe it was a out of the spur moment and the grand parent decided to grab the child for the night of say your overreacting with that one, but if indeed it’s competitive friendship then id find new ones
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You can alway find friends but her kids grandparents will not ever be here for them forever tho just remember who was there for you
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You aren’t overreacting. Your feelings are more than valid. I say good riddance.
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Yes you are if this is the only reason for it
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Over the play date component I think you are overreacting as the child obviously wanted to go
As for the competitive nature of your friendship if this makes you unhappy then leave the friendship
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I think it was definitely rude of them but shit happens if your close friends than that shouldn’t have been more than an inconvenience for you that personally I wouldn’t have given a second thought about . But the one upping you all the time , that’s not a friendship it’s a way for her / they to feel better about themselves by constantly “winning” , just make sure before you end the friendship that it’s truly competitive behavior on their part & not jealousy on yours. ( I know that’s hard to hear ) but I had a friend that thought the same of me , thought every time I achieved something it was about one upping her & in complete honesty non of my decisions ever even had her as a thought that went into them . It was jealousy on her part about what I still don’t know but that was definitely a toxic trait she had with more than just me .
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So, you ended a friendship becuz a playdate didn’t conclude the way you expected it to? 
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I dont get why people think its not a big deal. It was rude to make plans and then not tell u they changed. If that is the main conflict definitely have a talk with her.
You might be reacting a bit extra but by the sounds of it that’s due to history between u. If she’s causing you nothing but stress it’s probably not worth it.
Beyond over reacting!
Not everything revolves around you. 
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Really guys!!! It’s not just the fact that the kid left with grandparents… it’s obviously a series of events that happened, occasions that was planned, vacations or weekends of gatherings etc etc that has lead her to just had enough on this specific play date that made her this mad or for her to decide she had enough. It really wouldn’t be just because of that. But i will also say, leave the 'friendship ’ if you feel like it’s a competion. You should never feel downgraded with a friend… that friend is then only a friend because she somewhere deep inside has a jealous tendency towards you
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You’ve known your friend for ten years. Those grandparents have known either her or her husband since birth. They should absolutely be a bigger priority than you.
Are you freakin kidding me? 
Sometimes we outgrow our friends. But they are always friends.
Years don’t indicate a friendship’s worth, but also friendships are worth saving
Have you talked to them about it? I get being irritated especially since the way i read it you didn’t habe any sort of heads up but plans are allowed to change especially when family is involved. I could plan a playdate for months but if she wants to go with grandma i wont stop her especially since we don’t get to see her much (at least not my mom) I’ll just reschedule the playdate.
I seriously think we dont have enough of the story but you if ended a friendship over their kid leaving and going to their grandparents that’s pretty petty… but I truly think if you think this said friend is toxic to you and your family than you did the right thing
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