Had a parent reach out to me yesterday because her daughter was concerned that mine has started talking about hurting herself…
A little backstory, she’s recently “came out” as not only gay but transgender, and a lot of our community is just not ready for an 11yr old to be announcing that kind of information. Now she’s getting bullied at school but she REFUSES to talk to me (or anyone really) about it…
I have her waiting to start group therapy but now I’m wondering if she needs inpatient help? I’m a single working mom of two & the stress of what she MIGHT do while I’m at work and she’s not at school is already giving me heartburn.
Just try to find your daughter a good child therapist. Someone she can relate too. Be sure to reinforce your acceptance. Even though she is not talking to you, she needs to know you are there for her 1000%. Best of everything for her, you, and the rest of the family dynamics.
Get her into therapy. It will help if you find the right one. Group therapy might be too much unless she’s requested it. Also look into home school if she thinks school is too much to deal with
Ask her flat out if she has a plan of hurting herself. If she does, she likely needs inpatient help. If she doesn’t, then you can probably wait to see a counselor. Make sure anything she can readily hurt herself with, is put away where she can’t access it. Think anything from belts, push pins, extension cords, knives, etc. Basically look around you as if you are trying to kill yourself and remove anything that you think you could do it with. Kids are extremely impulsive.
I mean no disrespect when I say this but using his proper pronouns when talking about him or talking to him would help a lot also. He already has a lot going on at school. He might just have hard time trusting you support him due to not using his pronouns.
Don’t commit her ive been threw it with my daughter she is 30 now but from 17 years in and out of mental hospital it made her worse seek help first support group I wish back then she could of gotten more help I didn’t commit my daughter she did it her self every time but saying that she has intelucal disability bipolar bpd but saying that my 15 granddaughter as come out trangender and her parents are selfish ppl only worry about xbox etc she thought she was gay but she says now trangender just be supportive to her and get counselling head space is good
Inpatient facilities will usually have your child to talk to your child first to see if an inpatient stay is necessary. Some places may keep the child for a 48 hour hold to see if more time is necessary. I DEFINITELY wouldn’t wait on group therapy. You child needs to speak to someone ASAP. You should also look into therapy or a group for parents with gay and transgender teens because you will need to go through adjustments too.
From someone who has suffered from suicidal ideation since childhood, yes, if you feel she is an immediate threat to herself she needs to speak with someone immediately in my opinion.
Sounds like she needs therapy now. I would not even consider waiting another minute. I wouldn’t leave her alone for her safety. If it were my child I would have more than heartburn, I would be a complete wreck mentally and emotionally until proper help was found, the issue is addressed and significant progress was made.
Call a hotline, 211 in most areas .and complete a phq9 assessment at home ! Make the conversation flow so that it doesn’t seem forcefully asking questions . Sometimes inpatient care seems the best route, but if there’s no plan for self harm , or harming others , you maybe causing more trauma .
I’m not sure about group therapy. She may need individual therapy so she’s not influenced in any way and can be honest about her thoughts without judgement
I would talk to her & ask her what she needs. Say you understand they don’t want to talk about it but you as their mother, needs to know they are safe. You care so much & love so deeply that it’s really effecting you & you need to know because you couldn’t bare anything happening. If you don’t think the school counselor is a safe place I would call the therapist and let them know this is urgent, they will find a way. Committing them is not the way to go only because knowing ppl who were - it made the situation so much worse. They say there, alone, with no one & nothing & got in a worse place mentally because at least around here, they are so full & understaffed & I live in a pretty big city. Also, “check ins”. Let me know you got home, call me at these times, and call to check in as well. That way if you have a time they do not answer - you know that there may be someone that should check in. I used the they/ their ext. Pronouns just because I’m not sure their identification at this time but hopefully this can help in someway. Hugs, momma
Get off your butt and get her therapy and psychiatrist. Some kids wouldn’t open up in group therapy she may need one on one.You don’t necessarily need to put her in an institution. Why don’t you ask her if she has self harm thoughts. Not even sure why you haven’t gotten her help yet.
Committing her will leave a record permanently and they don’t even help. My parents did that to me. Get her in therapy specifically to her needs and now!
I have seen this in young kids even my own and it’s a cry for help. I have 3 kids 2 of my kids have been into a in patient hospital. This child has come out and explained her true self and no one wants to except it. My son is gay and knew at a young age I kinda thought it myself I also experienced some of my children’s friends going through same issues cutting wanting to kill themselves in many ways. You need to get her in therapy for herself not others you need to make school aware of what’s she’s going through so she’s not bullied.
If u go to he hospital or therapy and u say that they will commit her asap. I’m a nurse and have seen it. It can be very scary to a teen . So be sure before u do it. If she needs help tho it might be for the best. Suicide rate is high among the LGQBT community for this very reason. Have it thought ab transferring schools? Even if it’s not zoned for where u live u can go to the board of Ed and request it stuff like this they will grant. Transportation would be on u. Virtual school is also an option . All these ppl saying wait for therapy no don’t do that. Go to the er they will hold her until they find her a bed at a facility. She will go on 15 min checks and they take everything. Group therapy is not they way to go she needs one on one. So she is comfortable to say what she needs to. Even one on one will have sessions w mom and dad and family , when the time is right. If she has made a threat ab self harm she is asking for help. Don’t be that one that doesn’t see it and something happens. She needs to be accessed by a physician asap! Listen to her friend. Reach out to a local organization for LGQBT community they r everywhere . U can check fb pages for local or googlem I guarantee they will get her in w someone fast. My mother worked in those organizations this is a cry for help. They will help at no cost and get her in w ppl like her. They will do activities like go places and stuff they have open door policies . It’s a way for her to meet ppl like her and get help. Their counselor s are great and often times are also a part of the community.
TALK TO UR KID!!! Ask them how they feel tell them what they are going through is a bit out of ur league u want to help u just do know how but u know of way to get help they need explain the options explain ur fears and make a decision with ur child!!!
Psychologist ASAP! If they are uncomfortable talking about it, a group setting might not work for them. Talk to the principal about the bullying or look into a new school if it’s really that bad so they can have a fresh start. Reach out to the LGTBQ community in your area so your child can meet other people like them. Support your child the best you can with using the correct pronouns, and helping them to socially transition (take them to buy clothing, haircut, etc).
Have A Gay Day is a Facebook page I follow that’s ran exclusively by people who are a part of the LGBTQ+ and also have resources for kids like your daughter. You could reach out to them too.
I bet it would help for your daughter to know that she isn’t alone. I get it. I live in a very conservative town. They’re not very accepting.
She is only eleven and should not be left to make that kind of decision. Put her in the hospital and let the qualified talk to her and assess her situation. Try to explain to her before you take her your reasons why though feel the need to do this.
If she is talking about hurting herself she needs to go to the hospital, but I’d research them because some will just stick you in a room and not do anything and some will just medicate and nothing else. There’s a lot of really good ones you just got to look.
Inpatient is a good place to start because she can get on meds (if need be) get a diagnosis and start on therapy. They’ll stabilize her while you’re able to get a care team for her. Start with individual therapy and move up to group.
If she’s saying she is gonna hurt herself it isn’t the time to wait. You need to take action now.
If it was physical health I would assume you’d bring her to the ER. Mental health is no different. She’s sick. She needs a doctor.
I’ve tried many times and almost succeeded because I wasn’t taken seriously because I said I wanted to hurt myself. I’m 23 been dealing with this since 8. I still don’t have a proper diagnosis because I wasn’t ever able to get the proper treatment till now. It only gets worse if help isn’t given.
Children’s hospital therepy is amazing with working with kids. They have inpatient and a intensive outpatient. If you are concerned, go to the er and have her evaluated. If anything they have loads of experience, expertise and can guide you in the right direction. Go with your mommy gut, it is hardly wrong.
A little disgusted you’d make this about you and not your child…“giving you heartburn”… your child is SUFFERING.
One on one therapy should be your first step, but shipping your kid off because you don’t know how to handle what they’re going through is going to do nothing but make things worse and they’ll probably resent you instead of seeking help.
Have you even spoken to your child about how they feel? Or are you just jumping on what someone else said…
I think you should ofc do the individual therapy. But also maybe keep reassuring them that you fully support their decision and youre there for them every step of the way. I think freaking out and sending them to therapy will make them more upset tbh. They just want love and support from the ones who are closest. And the bullying at school, my advice is don’t ignore it, raise hell at the school and see what they can do too. Because it’s truly traumatic. And instead of worrying if they are gonna harm themselves, like I said reassure her, maybe suggest to her things to do to let off steam or different emotions. And they are only 11 so maybe they are being influenced by something to not want to talk to you or wanting to harm themselves. You need to look further into it. But I think a hundred percent that they really truly feel that way. And never tell them that being gay or trans is probably a phase.
Please get him in asap somewhere. Usually you call and they will have you get an evaluation and decide from there in my experience with my daughter. Don’t wait for group therapy however once she has been seen by a therapist do the group therapy also. It helped my daughter to do both. Made her realize that others struggle with things as well.
First off please reiterate to her (or him depending on their pronouns) that you accept her. You love her. Let her know that you won’t judge her for anything, and no matter her sexuality or her gender you love her just the same as the day she was born. Im sure you’ve done this but keep saying it. Keep letting her know that she can always talk to you. If you think it will help, create a word. A word that, if she says it, no matter what she says, you won’t judge her, you won’t get mad, you will listen. Also when she does tell you things, ask if she wants to just get it off her chest, or if she’s looking for solutions. Sometimes as mothers we always try to solve problems and sometimes it makes it harder for kids to talk.
If you feel it won’t put her in danger, let her know that you’ve heard that she may want to hurt herself and you want to help her in whatever way might help.
Second, get her individual therapy as soon as you can. If you can’t afford it (I couldn’t for my child when she had extreme anxiety) reach out to your local family services. They might help find therapists for her at little to no cost. Also, if she is being bullied at school, see if its an option to transfer schools, or once she is in therapy, home or online school. If she wants it of course.
Don’t put her in a mental hospital. It’ll only make her more angry, depressed & suicidal. She might see it as punishment for the way she is she will despise you for doing it. Get her to a counselor that works with transgender children. Not group therapy. It’s hard enough for her to talk to you. You expect her to talk to a group? That’s not logical.
As a person from that community and have alot of transgender friends…Use their proper pronouns make them feel accepted and love (buy the right clothes, toys ect) one on one therapy would be good get them a diary of some sort tell them if they can’t tell you how they feel wright it down tell them to help you understand so you can help list goes on mama… alot of them just want to be accepted…that probably why they are thinking about this. I’d even go as far as going to the school or having them be on an online school.
Yes. Get her into therapy NOW.
She can start a journal to take so she’s able to truly get help to guide her path.
(Whatever payh it ends up being)
Sadly, the research regarding the trams community and suicide isn’t positive. Please don’t wait.
Realistically, your child may be going through a phase. They could end up just being gay. Or, they could just out grow these emotions. Regardless of their path, please don’t wait.
