Does my friend have to come clean?

My friend has come to me for advice but I'm unsure of what to say.

She was with her (ex) for 23 months, they broke up due to her mental health being at rock bottom. She told me she slept with someone else 2 weeks after they split to try and feel normal again but it did the opposite. She has slept with her ex last week and wants him back. She is wondering if she has to tell him about the ‘hook up’ while they’ve not been together.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Does my friend have to come clean?

No they whernt together but if she expects him to tell her what he did then she should.

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No. Stay out of it. It’s not your relationship!!

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Does my friend have to come clean?

No . What would be the point ?

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No, they weren’t together so it doesn’t matter.

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Yes … be upfront and honest…

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Nope. They weren’t together. No reason to further cause tension.

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I’d say yes, if she wants the relationship to work out you’ve got to be honest. Would get tested as well. Especially if she’s not gonna say anything just in case.

She left for a reason…

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Nope, but getting back together with an ex it like putting your poop back in your butt.

Nope. Unless it was unprotected sex and she hasn’t been tested

These situations I usually think about what I would want if it was the other way around. If he slept with someone else during that period of time and he didn’t tell her, how would she feel if she were to ever find out?

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They weren’t together so no. Just like he doesn’t have to tell her anything

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No there’s no reason to do so.

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Seems to me she should not be in a relationship at all for a while and work on herself. I think she is probably confused and as you said is having mental health issues. She should work on those then reconsider the relationship. Also if honesty in a relationship is important to her she might want to tell him and let him decide what he wants when it’s time.

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Your friend needs to focus on her mental health, thats more important.

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She must not say anything…honestly they weren’t together had nothing to do with him then

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She needs to leave an focus on herself

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Personally I would, but that’s just me…I wouldn’t want it coming out a year down the line and causing unnecessary trouble.
But I don’t think she HAS to, they weren’t together soooo :woman_shrugging:t2:

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No. They were not together. As long as she practiced safe sex there’s no need . …if there’s a chance she may be pregnant or suffering an std then of course she must tell him

Nope. She left for a reason. Her mental state will be at rock bottom again. They were NOT together. He probably have did the same or worse.

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No unless it was agreed at separation then yes but no it doesn’t come up and don’t ask you wouldn’t want to know either

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No reason to say things now unless they are moving forward into a relationship again.

No, she doesn’t have to tell him as they were not together.

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If she wants to be upfront and honest then yes she should tell him and he shouldn’t get upset about it if yall wasn’t together but the most important thing is to always be honest no matter what the situation is

Personally I would tell the other person. These things always come out eventually and it’s always so much worse then if a person had just been honest and upfront in the beginning.

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Better to tell him now rather than him find out later down the track.

Why would she have to tell him they were not together

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She left for her mental state and slept with someone two weeks later :roll_eyes::woman_facepalming:t4: she needs to work on HER!! Don’t tell him and leave him alone!! Work on HER!!

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It’s non of his business if they were broken up. :v:

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He doesn’t need to know there were not together

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Has she never seen FRIENDS (TV Show)?? We know how this ends. :grimacing::woman_facepalming:t3:

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My man and I had a rough patch with mental illness and he left for 2 weeks to go stay at his parents to give space to see what he wanted to do and neither of us went out and slept with another person. Seems to me she’s only going back because she has no one else. When I truly love someone you don’t go out and sleep with other people. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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If I were you, and that were my friend, the first thing I would do is tell her to stop hopping from bed to bed because that, in no way shape or form, is going to benefit her mental health and will in fact most likely cause more damage. That aside, ultimately she doesn’t have to come clean. No one ever HAS to come clean about anything and it’s not really a lie, it’s an omission, unless he comes right out and asks her “did you sleep with anyone else while we were split up” and she says “no”. With alllll of that being said… tell her to tell him the truth. If she wants to be with this man and she wants a future with him, honesty and communication should be the foundation they build their relationship on, not secrets. If he doesn’t take it well and chooses not to be with her, it’s better that it happen now rather than he find out on his own in a year, after possible marriage/child(ren) and the secret ruin a whole family.

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Thats nothing to talk about…. What she needs to he concerned with, and possibly you as her friend is if she is even ready mentally and emotionally to be with anyone

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Just tell him. Doesn’t matter if they “weren’t together.” If your feelings were still in murky water, but still there then you should tell them.

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It’s none of your business!

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If they weren’t together and weren’t planning on getting back together then she’s not ‘obligated’ to say anything, unless she finds out she’s pregnant and doesn’t know who the father is. Mentioning it, however, is the decent thing to do.

If she thinks she needs to, fine. She’s under no obligation to though.

I would stay out of it. I would tell her that’s her decision and that you will be there for her no matter what

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1: (most important) She shouldn’t be rushing back into things with her ex
2 : They were not together, she doesn’t have to say anything. However, I always think of “Would I want them to tell me vice versa?” And my answer would be yes, so I’d do the same for them. Always treat your partner how you want to be treated.

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none of his business what she did when they were split up!

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I would.Would she like to be told if her ex slept with someone else while they were split? Truth always comes out & id rather he heard it from me than someone else if it ever did come out.She did nothing wrong.

Why? They were not together. That’s just looking for hurt feelings

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This is all I can think of when I read this.

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She is not obligated to say anything but if he asks her later and she truly wants to work on the relationship sure hope she doesn’t lie :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Yes because I tell my vegetables about the cake I ate at work so I dont feel bad. Single is single wether its for 1 hour or 1 year

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Doesn’t have to, but would rather just be upfront about whatever cause if someone else tells him he might think she is hiding stuff from him

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Absolutely not his business.

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Not unless she expects to keep the hookup in her life. Otherwise no. They were broke up.

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No no no no no. None of his business

If he asks her she should be honest. They weren’t together anymore so if either of them slept with others that’s their business. I think they should’ve had a conversation at some point before they resumed sexual activities though so they can both be tested /be safe.

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No. Why would she???

Secrets like that don’t stay secrets for long. Be honest and tell him.

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Will cause future problems if he finds out another way

If he asks if so, then yes. If not, no reason to tell him.

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No she was single… hes probably done the same.

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They’ll find out, too many women are aware…

Feel like this person who write this is still in high school

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None of his business

No…they were NOT together…so she had adult time…she’s allowed and wasn’t cheating!!

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Dont lie about it, if he asks if she slept with anyone when they weren’t together then yeah be honest otherwise I wouldn’t volunteer the information.

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You should tell her she should work on herself and getting her mental health better before even considering being with anyone else at this point.

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Yes tell about the hook up because if he finds out later done other way it will be bad! If it were more than 2 weeks I’d say no but 2 weeks is not that long after 2 years!

if he asked she should be honest but otherwise no

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Yes… At least if she wants a strong and truthful relationship built on trust :woman_shrugging:t2:.
Wouldn’t she want to know if the roles were reversed

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No. They weren’t together
However, if she were to have been not so safe with the hook up and there’s a strong chance of pregnancy or STD/STI, then yes. She should tell him

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No,this will cause problems. You were broke up.

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These questions get dumber by the day. Good luck in life.

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Nope. She doesn’t have to tell him. They were done. Im sure he has slept with the entire back up system he has in place. Single is single, shit don’t count. And rule of thumb , it’s 100% a mistake wanting your ex back and going back. They promise you everything but its a temporary patch. Everything goes back to shit quicker than it did the first time, it goes back to neglect and abandonment and lovelessness later. It’s better to be alone or start from scratch with someone else. I promise you, a new broom sweeps better.

If he asked I’d be honest otherwise no

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ACTUALLY I think he does have a right to know only to make sure she didn’t catch any STDs and passed it to him. He just needs to go get tested. Other then that it doesn’t matter.

No. They were on a break.

I mean she’s not obligated but it’ll eat her up if she doesn’t & it’s harder to start fresh if you don’t start w honestly.

She should leave him alone didn’t she do enough damage already. She should seek treatment for her mental health and work on loving herself before trying to love someone else

For STD purposes, she should either come clean or at least get checked and expect him to do the same. But they were broken up and both had rights to sleep with whoever they wanted. However, it’s absolutely none of your business. The fact that you’re more worried about HIM than her, isn’t really a good friend.

My advice to her would be, don’t go back!

Yes, cause what about stds. And the whole honesty thing

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No if they was single & had no intention of originally getting back together only if it led to issues down the line :baby:

Nope! somethings are better left unsaid

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I say yes. I’d wanna know if it were reversed. Also stds?

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I would want know , if he found out some how then it look bad on her she hiding it bc if she really felt she did nothing wrong they just be truthful , hey b4 we get bk together I need tell u something , I Sept someone else , this way he can make choice start over again w Whole true or walk 🚶‍♂️ way , it be worst if he find out on his own later on

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They were broken up so it’s really none of his business. :woman_shrugging:t4:

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They weren’t together so no

Nope. She didn’t do anything wrong. Over explaining yourself is a trauma response.

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Hell no! The broke up. Meaning they were single. What they did in that time is their own business.

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They were on a break!!!

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Isn’t it enough to try and rebuild and make healthy - without going into the past ???

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Honesty is always the best policy.

Nope. That’s her business. Why sully his mind with pictures of her negative experience & mistakes? I’m sure he’d rather just not know. Boundaries are important. If she doesnt know this yet, maybe she shouldn’t be in a relationship at all until she heals & grows.

I wouldn’t expect anyone to volunteer that info but if the other person specifically asks if you’ve slept with anyone else then yes you need to be honest.

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Tell her to go get therapy

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They weren’t together and if I were you, I’d mind my own and stay out of it.

I wouldn’t tell him unless he asked. She shouldn’t lie to him.

No.
They weren’t together.
So, unless she’s pregnant or maybe caught something, it’s really nobody’s business… And it damn sure isn’t your place to say anything.

No they weren’t together… she doesn’t owe him that and she doesn’t know that he didn’t go get some strange too :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Would she want to know if he slept with someone else?

It was during a break up. No need to give the guy free ammunition :woman_shrugging:t5::woman_facepalming:t5:

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