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QUESTION:
"My partner and I have been together for just about 4 years, We have a 14month old daughter. His ex just recently messaged him, saying she's overwhelmed about the way she treated him and feel like she needed to apologize. She says she happy he found someone. But it sounds like she's hurt..could she want him back or looking for closure?"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"It could be either, honestly. If she continues messaging him then she most likely wants to reconnect, but if it was just that message then maybe she just wanted to apologize."
"For me it doesn’t really matter what she wants, especially after 4 years? She can apologize through a message and move on he clearly has."
"Either way I would be telling my man to block her. It’s been over 4 years, what closure does she need."
"It’s probably for closure. She is probably working on herself and trying to do the right thing and sincerely apologize. I’ve had people (ex partners and friends) reach out to me years later as they were working on themselves (like with therapy) to apologize because as they learned about their own issues, they realize that they hurt the people around them. Even if she DID want him, be more secure in your relationship and trust he wouldn’t even entertain that."
"It could be either. I’d suggest he send a quick reply saying something to the effect of “thanks for the apologies. I’ve moved on. Am happy with the person I’m with. Best wishes and good luck, and goodbye.” This way it leaves no room for her to wonder. He’s made it absolutely clear that he don’t want her. IF she continues to message him about wanting to talk, be friends ect…again then you both know that she’s trying to get him back. At that point he needs to promptly remove himself from that situation."
"It’s both — she’s fishing because she wants him back and/or closure. Since she was able to apologize, I’d make sure to tell him how you’d feel if they keep communicating. He should say something along the lines of “Thanks for the apology but since we have been broken up for years I wish you happiness in your life.” She presses more communication, she should be blocked. Good luck."
"Most likely closure. I’ve done that where down the road I have matured and realized what I may have said done or acted was wrong. If she mentions she knows he’s in a relationship and happy for him then she most likely is actually happy for him."
"I’ve talked to several ex’s from years ago just to apologize. I didn’t apologize for them, I did it for me, and I didn’t want them back."
"Could be exactly what she said it was. Some people work on themselves and feel the need to do that."
I think she simply wants to clear her head from guilt. 4 years is a long time. I wouldn’t worry too much.
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