Does she want him back or want closure?

My partner and I have been together for just about 4 years, We have a 14month old daughter. His ex just recently messaged him, saying she's overwhelmed about the way she treated him and feel like she needed to apologize. She says she happy he found someone. But it sounds like she's hurt..could she want him back or looking for closure?
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It could be either, honestly. If she continues messaging him then she most likely wants to reconnect, but if it was just that message then maybe she just wanted to apologize.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Does she want him back or want closure?

Could be either way cause there’s not much to go on except what u told us. I would tell partner to block all ways of communication from her

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For me it doesn’t really matter what she wants, especially after 4 years? She can apologize through a message and move on he clearly has.

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Could be either, there is not enough information

Either way I would be telling my man to block her. It’s been over 4 years, what closure does she need.

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What Closure does she need after 4years. sorry But she wants him back… thats my opinion anyway

It’s probably for closure. She is probably working on herself and trying to do the right thing and sincerely apologize. I’ve had people (ex partners and friends) reach out to me years later as they were working on themselves (like with therapy) to apologize because as they learned about their own issues, they realize that they hurt the people around them. Even if she DID want him, be more secure in your relationship and trust he wouldn’t even entertain that.

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It could be eather.

I’d sagest he send a quick reply saying something to the effect of “thank’s for the apologies. I’ve moved on. Am happy with the person I’m with. Best wishes and good luck, and good buy.”
This way it leaves no room for her to wonder. He’s made it absolutely clear that he don’t want her. IF she continues to message him about wanting to talk, be friends ect…again then you both know that she’s trying to get him back. At that point he needs to promptly remove himself from that situation.

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Mmm some things are better left unsaid in this case she should’ve just left it at that and not messaged. Hope your partner blocked her no need to rehash the past or message.

It’s both — she’s fishing because she wants him back and/or closure. Since she was able to apologize, I’d make sure to tell him how you’d feel if they keep communicating. He should say something along the lines of “Thanks for the apology but since we have been broken up for years I wish you happiness in your life.” She presses more communication, she should be blocked. Good luck.

Possible both. How he responds is key to the outcome x

It could be either.

If he’s a good guy, she could be realizing what she missed out on and is reaching out saying she wants closure when in reality she’s just trying to get a feel for how his relationship is going to see if she has a chance to get him back.

Or it could be that she’s working on herself and genuinely wants closure.

Either way, you need to stay out of it. If his ex is messaging him, for whatever reason, you need to let him handle it. That will show you where you stand with him. If he entertains her and engages in full blown conversation, you have cause for concern. If he acknowledges her apology and that’s it, then you have nothing to worry about.

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It’s possible a bit of both,

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Most likely closure. I’ve done that where down the road I have matured and realized what I may have said done or acted was wrong. If she mentions she knows he’s in a relationship and happy for him then she most likely is actually happy for him.

It’s wanting closure! Unless she’s making moves. Still 7 years after my divorce I am begging for closure. I know who the guy is now and have no interest in him

It could definitely be for closure.
I messaged my ex husband after 7 years to apologize for the wicked way i treated him.

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I’ve talked to several ex’s from years ago just to apologize. I didn’t apologize for them, I did it for me, and I didn’t want them back.

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I’m not saying for sure either way. But I do just want to say that I, too, feel awful for how I treated my kid’s dad, leading up to our divorce, and I’m constantly looking for ways to make our co-parenting go as smooth as it possibly can.
I was going through alot of depression and anxiety back then, I know that’s no excuse, but I really became a monster. I never thought I was capable of acting the way I did.

Now, over two years later, I’m sick to my stomach with guilt and I often cry about it because he was a good man and didn’t deserve any of it. I constantly tell him how sorry I am.

But I do not wish to get back with him, just that I could go back in time and handle it differently.

I hope this helps❤

Could be exactly what she said it was. Some people work on themselves and feel the need to do that.

I’ve had an ex reach out for closure and try many times over the years to be friends. I consider us on good terms but don’t try to be his friend to not cross boundaries.

I also did apologizing on my end to one of mine because i felt so guilty how i ended it. My current partner said it would be a great idea to reach out and get it all out & i definitely felt way better & was glad he didn’t reply back to that

If you’ll been together that long, then theirs no need for her to hit him up.

Could be both tbh opening a door for “closure” to test the waters to see if she can get him back.

You women really got self esteem issues you need to address… one word. Therapy

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Step 9 of the 12 step program is about making amends to those you have harmed except when to do so would do harm, either she wants to rewrite history or its a test balloon to see how receptive he is to her inquiry, otherwise she would have apologized not said I feel like I need to

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Does she want him back or want closure?

I think she simply wants to clear her head from guilt. 4 years is a long time. I wouldn’t worry too much.

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Sounds like she’s making an amends. But it doesn’t matter what she’s looking for it’s hour your partner reacts to it♥️

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All that really matters is what he does…

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I wouldn’t worry about her, you have to worry about how your partner responds and whether he uses this as an opportunity to reconnect or just moves on as if she never said anything, which is what he should do.

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This happened with one of my exes - his ex started messaging him at random apologizing for what she did when they were together (she repeatedly cheated on him). I figured it was sincere and innocent. Nope. They ended up hooking up behind my back one day. She then sent me selfies of herself in his house to “prove” he cheated on me.

How your partner chooses to deal with his ex should tell you his character.

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Yep I sure wouldn’t trust it. She probably dated someone and wasn’t treated as well as your partner treated her and now she’s probably regretting it ended

Nah, shes trying to be sneaky…

I wouldn’t worry. I’ve made amends a few times with certain exes - I’ve been ignored, blocked, and told “Thank you, I’m sorry too.” And that was that!
Unless she’s trying to meet up with him alone I wouldn’t worry. And if he’s being open and honest with you, I really wouldn’t worry!
:white_heart:

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I did this with my ex husband.
We got married young, I was super selfish and inconsiderate not happy to say but I did cheat on him.
A few years after our divorce, he was with someone (they are married now and we get along great) I realized it was eating me up for the way I did him.
So I apologized, not once did I have the intenof trying to get him back, we weren’t meant to be but I did a good man wrong and needed to make my apologies.

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Honestly, why does it matter? Wither she tries to get him back or not doesn’t matter. What matters is how HE responds. If he is devoted to you other women won’t turn his head, he won’t even go there.

It’s mercury retrograde. Exes come out of nowhere. He needs to block her. There’s her closure.

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I personally did something similar to this about a year ago. It was for closure for me. If he really wants to know he’s best of asking her directly. You can’t just guess someone else’s intentions. There’s a 50/50 chance you’re wrong.

I messaged my ex after 4 years for closure. She could just be feeling really badly about things on her end and wants to reach out to apologize. If your man isn’t entertaining her, why care?

After 4 years? Absolutely not.

Depends, what does ur gut say? Usually female intuition is right. If he leaves it at a phone call or text as proof there’s nothing more than apology then u have nothing 2 worry about. If he starts acting different, hiding things from u, and being finicky I’d start investigating. 4 years is a long time but if u haven’t made commitment after 4 years it says alot. I wouldn’t go off in the deep end assuming somethings going on and making something of nothing if nothings there.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Does she want him back or want closure?

My husband and I got together 6 years ago. He had just had brain surgery and wasn’t suppose to survive. And was recovering mentally and physically. Him and his ex were maybe broken up 2 months when we got together. (She literally left him in the hospital on his death bed because she couldn’t handle it). My husband was really hurt. And hated her. About 2 months into our relationship she asked to meet up with him to get “closure”. Long story short, she sat and yelled at him in the library parking lot because we were together and she was mad that he moved on. Granted, we moved fairly fast into our relationship. But she was drama starter. 2 years into our relationship we had our first child, she of course was pissed. And tried to get us to break up. ( we were in Vegas for 5 days and she called me on day 5 and told me they slept together the night before. It obviously wasn’t true because we had been Vegas for 5 days) the day he met her to get closure, he told her off. Wanted to make things clear that he was happy with me and didn’t want her. I personally think 4 years is to long. There isn’t any reason she can’t say she’s sorry over the phone. I would make that clear to him. Otherwise he is entertaining her and her feelings and putting those above yours.

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It’s been four years, she must want him back. He should not be keeping in contact with her, why is he accepting her messages?

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Dont necessarily think the worst right away if possible. If yall have no issues in your relationship, why cant he say thanks and then go on about your guys lives ? This may be a part of therapy or something for her to get closure like suggested but… Might not even be closure over them per se. Maybe just guilt for being a bad person at one point in life and if he was unfortunatelythe victim, on the other side, hell yeah I’d want her to apologize to my significant other for doing them wrong… idk. Just my opinion ! Good luck !

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Kindness always works especially when this person is going through a problem :v:

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Does she want him back or want closure?

I think it’s mature for her to apologize & move on. If she is constantly messaging him maybe that’s different. But I don’t see anything wrong with just wanting to apologize.

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She is looking for closure. She needs to be able to make that peace so she can forgive herself. As long as she not keep messaging him then it should be fine.

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I don’t trust her. You and partner have a family together. She needs to move on. If it starts happening more you may need to be blunt. Your mate needs to know how much you value this family. She needs to stay away and go find new friends. Especially because you have a toddler. He doesn’t need to get the idea that you are sympathetic. I speak from experience, don’t let her get a toe in the door.

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I mean he should ignore it. It’s her problem not his

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She could be going through the recovery process. Amending past wrongs is part of that process.

It very well could be closure, sometimes you can’t move on if you can’t forgive yourself and part of the process is apologizing to the person you hurt. Regardless it doesn’t matter what her intentions are, all that matters is how he responds to her. She may want him back but that’s irrelevant if he is happy with you. She could be in a recovery process. Try to trust your man and your relationship and not concern yourself with it too much.
If my husband’s ex reached out to him, I would totally understand, my husband is a great man and she missed out on him, sucks for her but I wouldn’t hold it against her for trying, always respond with kindness. You can’t control others but you can certainly not allowed them to lower yourself.

Tell her to get over it

I had an ex from high school 10 years after the fact message me and apologize. After I said I accepted, it ended there. People aren’t always out to ruin others.

I feel her. I’ve been life reflecting and owe a few people apologies. Pretty sure she’s doing it for herself. Her conscious

I messaged my ex who married while we were in a long distance relationship and it was for closure still didn’t get it but that’s kinda what it sounds like she wants

I personally have been through this with some of my ex’s. Sometimes it is just then apologizing sometimes it was them wanting to try and reconcile. The minute they try bringing up the trying again i stop them dead in their tracks and say sorry i can only offer friendship. If they can’t accept that then they get cut off again. Its pretty simple to do especially when there’s no feelings left for them, not everyone is a shit starter… sometimes people do grow into a better person and want to apologize.