Does your man make you feel appreciated?

I’m a stay at home mother, who runs a small locally own business. My husband works full time as a diesel mechanic. He pays the bills, I take care of the children and things we need for the home, food/household items. I surprise him with things that he hints at wanting such as hats, shirts, knifes, etc. Basically cool dude things... I never get surprised with anything but a bang and a vape! This man makes good money. He’s forever and a day buying him things he wants/thinks is cool! No thoughts about me whatsoever really. He knows I’m a simple girl, who loves flowers, movies, books, etc. Why doesn’t he surprise me? What do I have to do? I’ve beat myself up to the point of “am I good enough?” - I’ve seen old messages of him sending girls he was chasing years ago and was literally going to the end of the earth by showering them with things that’s I’m wishing for... It literally tears my heart into pieces because I’ve done everything and do everything and man could ever, ever, ever, wish and pray for! I stepped up to be his two children’s mom when their own bio mother walked away. I feel like I’m being taken for granted!!!
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Mine doesn’t make me feel appreciated most of the time. This weekend he did buy me a book.

However, he won’t help with simple things when I need help.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Does your man make you feel appreciated?

Idk i kinda feel this

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Is the the kind of man to sit and listen if you talked to him? Or is he the “she’s just moaning, ignore her” type? I think depending on him is how you go about dealing with it.
But sometimes we are just better at being loving than others are. Best of luck.

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Have you expressed this to him? My experience is that men are pretty clueless and even the ones who have a clue aren’t well versed in love languages.

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Surprise yourself with gifts and stop getting him things.

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I’m confused, are you a SAHM or do you run a business?

Sometimes they just don’t know how to speak that love language. He may be totally oblivious to how you feel. I don’t know how I would word it, but I would mention it somehow if it really bothers you :purple_heart:

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You need to talk to him, but not right after he’s disappointed you again.

Maybe he’s not good at picking up on your hints? You should definitely mention it to him, and maybe he would be open to talking about it and coming up with a way where you both spoil each other :green_heart:

It could just be a difference in love languages as well! I’d check into that book.

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My hubby is that way too. But I just let it go

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U sound exactly like me

Have you told him how you feel?

Leave hints around the house or everywhere.

My husband and I went through a bad time because of this. My love language is gifts his isn’t. So his brain isn’t wired like that. Show him your love language and have him read it. There’s a free quiz online and it really helped my husband understand how to make me feel loved

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Have you TOLD him any of this?

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Simple… stop shower him with gift. And treat urself… stop be that doormat for him to wipe his foot… at times actions speaks louder than words. Grown ass men acting like little boys. I mean we raise our sons we still have to tell big men what to do… Darling treat urself to the nice simple things…

Communication is everything! He won’t know how you feel unless you have that conversation with him. How he reacts to that conversation is when you know.

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My husband is a diesel michanic too and also sucks at the gift part. Don’t stay wrapped up in that. I’m cool with a nice meal out the house as a family. I work 3rds and I’m often too tired for sex as it is lmao.

Sit his ass down and tell him he’s not supporting you, you’re supporting his career.

My fiance doesn’t have a love language, isn’t romantic doesn’t buy me gifts. Doesn’t really do anything for me but it’s not a bad relationship. He takes great care of the kids and what not. Its sad sometimes but when I’m feeling down I just buy myself stuff.

Give him the same energy he gives you

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Stop asking if you’re good enough and start asking if he’s good enough. If someone loves and appreciates you, they’ll show it. They’ll give as much effort as they get. You can’t have a relationship where one person is constantly taking

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Tell HIM!!! Communicate with Him!!! Praying for your happiness!

Maybe you should be direct. If more women were then there would be less confusion and less complaints like this.

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Ask why just be blunt he may realize it and start doing it…or you will get the answer you need at least

Alot of times once they get ya they stop doing what they did to get ya in the first place such as the nice gestures and such! It’s not every man but I’ve found several. I’d be straight up with him. Communication is key I any relationship, and let’s be honest, they sure as shit aren’t mind readers!!!

Communication and understanding. Maybe he got those gifts to show them he wanted them but wouldn’t if they were already together. You two are already together. So maybe he doesn’t think he needs to or maybe he really doesn’t know what you really like.

Some men think that because they come home every night and pay the bills, that that’s all they need to do! Does NOT make it right by any means. It’s just the old school mentality and it’s NOT okay!

Been there done that (still am :cry:) and a friend told me recently that “it’s not you who he wants to do these things with” and that’s why he doesn’t do them guess we are just a “consolation” prize as harsh as it seems :woman_shrugging:t3::woman_shrugging:t3:

My husband is like that too doesnt mean he dont love yea . Some just arent romantic. Dont get me wrong he does try sometimes . We have been married 33 yrs. Ps just send yourself flowers and buy gifts for and leave on table

Talk to him I promise men do not think like women. I have to tell my boyfriend small things or it just doesn’t click in his head

Create an Amazon wish list. Some people are just so wrapped up in everything else they don’t pay attention to details and are terrible at picking out gifts. and/or don’t pick up on hints. If he still doesn’t shower you with deliveries after having a list of specific items, he’s probably just selfish.

My husband doesn’t surprise me, doesnt buy me presents for birthdays or anniversaries. But he has no objection to me buying myself whatever I want. I am also a SAHM and he is the bread winner. Some men just aren’t great at it…but make up for it in other ways. :woman_shrugging: I could make a $500 purchase on so.ething for myself (I wouldnt do that) but I could and he wouldnt bat an eye. Even tho we are not rich…or even middle class. Lol he trusts me to handle all of our money…even tho he makes it. It is still that…ours

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One day you’ll wake up and realize you are doing all the work in the relationship.

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Read the 5 love languages and have him read it too. Tell him what your love language is, highlight parts you feel strongly about and pertain to your feelings before he reads it.

Learn to treat yourself on occasion. You are worth it.

Getting comfortable in a relationship means that things tend to stop. The chase is over because he/she won. You’re it! You’re the trophy!!! Does that make it right? Of course not. You get won over by all these things and then suddenly (or slowly) the little things that made you fall for them do not happen anymore. It sucks. I know from experience. Try talking to him. Explain to him that you want him to think about you sometimes and surprise you with gifts. Make sure to let him know also that this isn’t just you nagging or fussing because you notice and appreciate all he does for you. If it doesn’t work, you then need to decide if that’s something you’re willing to deal with, or are you going to separate and look for someone else. Sometimes the little things that bug us are really just that…little things. All the things my husband done in the beginning have withered away and all but died. It’s very rare that he does any of the things that made me fall. If I mention it to him or we discuss how I’m feeling less than worthy, he tries to up his game for a little bit but slowly falls back into the same old ways he is used to being. After nine years (almost ten) I have learned to accept that he picked me :woman_shrugging:t2: He takes care of me and our kids while I stay home and tend to the house and kids. We cuddle and watch tv together. We go fishing and things of that nature. The dates (dinner and movies) are over. Hun popping up to surprise me are over. Extravagant valentines are over. And that’s ok. Because I’ve learned to appreciate what he does now. Grilling on the weekend. Taking care of the yards. Things change after time goes by. You either work on it, accept it, or move on :woman_shrugging:t2:

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He can’t read your mind so tell him in plain simple language what you want and need from him. Comparison is the thief of joy so stay out of the past, what he was saying or doing to win someone over years ago has no relevance here.

sometimes you have to actually tell them what you want to their face lol. Men are dense quite a lot, and just don’t pick up things like we do. His love language might be different from yours and that could be why🤷🏻‍♀️

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I was dealing with the same thing. My man & I both work. There was a time when he use to surprise me with things but one day it all stopped. I’ve tried to communicate with him & nothing changed. I use to spoil him like crazy till one day I woke up & decided that I’m finally going to be selfish. I do for me & my kids. I NEVER want to give a man the chance to say “you wouldn’t have that if it wasn’t for me”. He makes his own money. He can spoil his own damn self :blush: You can only give so much. Prioritize yourself

please tell me you didnt get this emotional without saying something a few times first? lol

Relationships aren’t about “things” if your definition of being cared for is about being showered with gifts you may need to straighten out your priorities a bit.
Yeah.
I’d take a step back and look at the other things he does for you to show you he cares…and start trying to appreciate that.

Been in the same situation. I don’t get birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s, or anniversary gifts and haven’t in years. I have talked and cried till I just got to the point I didn’t care anymore. I use to go above and beyond for him and I got tired of not getting anything in return. So I don’t know what the answer is because everything I tried to get through to him did not work. Best of luck to you.

Sounds like he doesn’t know your love language

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People have different love languages- don’t take it personally! And sometimes men need you to be very straightforward with them, not hints (even if you are very good an picking up his :slightly_smiling_face:)

On top of that, buy yourself something in place of what you might get him next time! Sounds like you deserve it!

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Let me be blunt: men are idiots.
I promise you, it has nothing to do with you. He is just dumb. My husband was dumb too! Most guys are dumb! But also, they can’t read minds. So, you have to tell him, make it clear, & keep reminding him. Eventually, he’ll get in the habit of considering you, but he won’t get there on his own because a) he’s dumb, & b) he can’t read your mind. Do not drop hints. Be clear. Communicate!
(& I totally get the feeling “I want him to think of me without me telling him to because it doesn’t feel genuine if I tell him”. I went through that for years & it resulted in nothing but resentment. I HAD to communicate to my husband exactly what I wanted.)

My husband provides fresh flowers weekly for me, because I like to have them on my table. That didn’t occur naturally through his kindness & adoration. I had to tell him I want flowers, & then every week when he stopped at the store, I’d include flowers on the list. Weeks & weeks of this before he started just grabbing flowers when he noticed them & thought I’d like them.
Another, more recent thing: my husband kept stopping at the coffee shop across from his work when he was off & getting a coffee to bring home for himself. I was getting increasingly annoyed because he isn’t even the coffee drinker, I am! After one afternoon of me pouting, I finally realized I hadn’t TOLD him that I thought it was rude that he was treating himself to something in front of me. That I’d like a coffee too. His dumb ass said that he didn’t know. But now he does, & I get an afternoon coffee whenever he does! Problem solved.
Communication is key.

Talk to him if you want. And stop doing all the extra for him, when he notices calmly talk to him about it. And start doing special thing for yourself because you deserve it.

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Some people arent good at buying gifts :woman_shrugging:t2: youve known that for a long time since you married him.

Dr phil says You Train people how to Treat You by what you accept…

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I would tell him how your feeling and what would be nice for him to do. Some guys seriously just don’t get it. I have had to tell my Boyfriend “do you like when I do nice sweet things for you? He says yes, then I say… me being a girl likes things to. It’s not about the money. It’s about the thought. Pick me a flower, write me card etc. “ I’m a lady that wants to know I’m special.
So I say talk to him and help him out a little.

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Have you voiced things you’d like? Men aren’t mind readers and if you have a conversation with him, you’d be surprised to learn that he may not know you like those things. Especially if you’ve emphasized that you are a “simple” girl. Maybe he thinks things like that are out of the scope of simple therefore, he keeps his gifts simple. It sounds like your problem can be corrected with a little more indepth communication.

Communicate that to him…. That’s what you do. Men don’t take hints like women, they’re wired completely differently.

Start using the money you get him things with and get yourself the little things you love. You deserve to have a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a new book when you want them.

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Maybe you should talk to him and tell him how you feel
To him what you just told us
If you can’t tell him write it in a letter

hell NO it’s all about him

Is he caring and affectionate tho does he build u up and treat u right? U can’t buy that ild rather have that over material crap

Direct yourself to the five love languages. For real. I’m dead serious too. Sounds dumb but you’ll realize he is showing you his love in the way that HE shows love. Not how you WANT him to.

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Flat out tell him. I told my husband he hurt my feelings because he didn’t buy me a birthday gift,card or even go to breakfast with me. (He has always gotten me a birthday gift,card and this is our second year in marriage, not sure if he got comfortable or what) but I flat out told him he hurt my feelings! He apologized and wasn’t aware at how hurt I was. I’m also pregnant and extremely hormonal :sweat_smile:

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Communicate to him…remind him if the reasons. You two fell in love about.

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Talk to him about it. Tell him those tokens of affection mean a lot to you and that you want him to be more expressive of his love.

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Are you married…maybe he was looking for exactly what you are, a baby mama, …quit comparing yourself to other people, go get what ya want, or quit complaining about what ya got.

Quit buying for him and buy for .you

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Let him read this! Especially how it makes you feel when you realize how he used to go out of his way for other women in his past, but not for you. I’ll never understand how people can’t just talk with the most important person in their life. I couldn’t imagine not feeling like I could openly communicate exactly how I’m feeling with my partner.

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Going through a divorce with a narcissistic psychopath husband.
2 & 1/2 years going!
He kept his word by saying that if we get a Divorce there would be no money left to split!
I don’t mind.
I find that I am really happy being by myself!
FREEDOM!

:sunglasses::innocent:

Use your words! Tell him ! Talk

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It probably never visit his mind, don’t take it personally and just tell him how you feel(in not attacking way, bc sometimes we do that without realizing we are doing it)

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My husband does. He spoils me with time and gifts. Maybe he’s become complacent. I think it’s important for everyone to continue to do all the things they did for one another in the beginning. Maybe he just needs a reminder. If he didn’t do these things in the beginning of the relationship, it could be that he’s not as into romantic gestures.

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Girl some men are just not made that way mine is not an affectionate lovey-dovey but he will work his ass off so just take the money from him and go buy yourself something

Why don’t you tell him that

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You are totally being taken advantage of. Go get yourself a job and make him do 50% of the house stuff. He can pay childcare for his children

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Buy stuff for yourself and not him

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Maybe he is afraid. Look at it this way…he showed those girls and they left, no longer in his life, multiple times gives “proof” for his reasoning. Talk to him about it. Ask him why. Tell him how you feel. Just ask, don’t assume.

Guys are stupid af, he may need reminded or sent ideas you want with a strict “hey ya big dummy. I want this” type thing

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Tel him all of this and if he doesn’t change then clearly he isn’t worth your time. Stop buying him stuff too. Treat him how he treats you.

Go ahead and tell him that you want the mushy stuff. Have that talk. But appreciate that he works hard and comes home to you. Not out running around.

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COMMUNICATION :exclamation::exclamation:
Go directly to the source, not all of us can say we have been in your shoes. My husband goes above and beyond for me weekly BECAUSE a year ago I brought up the same thing you’re asking and thats all it took. Yall have to be on same level/page if you want anything to change… Js :relieved:

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No one can take advantage of you unless you let them I agree with the person performing that said be honest with him about your feelings

He is just lazy and needs a swift kick in the a$$ as a reminder that it’s a huge mistake for guys to stop dating their spouses. Marriage takes a lot of work and commitment. If you ask older people that are still in love with their spouses and are still really happy, many of them will say the same thing. Never stop dating, never stop trying to win your partners love , it’s the little things.

Simple stop doing too much.

Do you. Ignore his requests for gifts and spend the money on yourself. You’ll see a change

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Had this discussion yesterday with Mr4 although he has figured out how to loosen his straps and had taken his arms out trying to reach a toy on the floor……
I was honest and told him he needs to keep his arms in the straps keep him safe if we crash

Tell him. If he did that in the beginning, there’s no reason he shouldn’t be doing it now. And I think you should stop buying him stuff and see how he reacts

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Tell him. They are not mind readers.

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Talk to him. Thats the only way he is gonna know. I like to bottle stuff up but it just hurts you in the end. If he is good with communication it shouldn’t be a problem. Im 31 weeks with my daughter. I broke down the other night because im so exhausted from doing everything. I told my boyfriend i needed help. He will do laundry but not fold it or put it away unless its his… You just need to talk to him

Honestly, sometimes you just have them tell them. Just communicate how you feel with him. I bet it will help’

Communicate that your love language is gifts and attention! But also look for love in his language, it is not going to be as comfortable showing it in your love language because his is different.
Alot of men’s love language is providing, professing and protecting.
But he needs to learn and respect that you have a different one and you need those things to feel his love for you.

Don’t be petty and do it for tat. Men really are stupid and need to be reminded of simple things. Just tell him what you are feeling and what you want/need

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I’d let him know how you feel.

Set your boundaries. I had to do this when I was in this same situation with my boyfriend of 7 years… I finally set boundaries and limitations for myself as a stay at home mom and as his partner and I seen a change in him! You also have to understand that you can’t expect yourself out of others and gift giving may be your love language but it might not be his

At least you get a bang and a vape. I get nothing

Have your let him know how you feel? I have been with my husband for almost 11 years. I went through something like this about a year ago and he had no idea I felt that way. He expressed to me that he does it in other ways….which I failed to notice. Such as bringing me back a iced coffee when he runs errands early in the morning on weekends, he built me two planter boxes, which I didn’t ask for but I have picked up gardening since (never was a green thumbed before) he maintains my dirt bike and my car without being asked. Basically my thoughts of showing me appreciation were different than his and I missed his messages because I was looking for something else. :two_hearts: it’s worth the conversation

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Y’all speak different love languages. Read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Life changing!

If he wanted to he would. If he did it for someone else u shouldn’t have to tell him shit. Get real!

Start buying your own presents and stop buying him stuff… They don’t think like us… Never will

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Yes just tell him what’s going on. My man is very good about making sure if he gets a new pair of kicks, then I get a new pair of kicks or a coach purse!! Lol but he has always been like this. If he wasn’t I would definitely tell him what I need.

Buy your own…I don’t ask or hint …if I want I buy

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Oh honey… They are just not tuned in. They need written down instructions. Try to calmly express the small things you need.

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Use your money for yourself. And when he asks why you stopped getting him stuff, tell him you are following his lead.

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