Dreading Christmas, what do I do?

I brushed it off last Christmas. My boyfriend didn't get me anything for Christmas then ruined Christmas because he felt bad and had a fit.... then got me something a week later. Valentines day he had a fit because he waited till last min. Mother's day he didn't get me anything.(but we went flowers to his ex wife's mom and I bought his ex wife something for his kids to give her.) This Christmas same stuff is happening and he admitted last night he will be upset again since he didn't get me anything. We forgot to send his ex mother in law flowers and asked me if it was to late. I'm trying not to let it bother me. But it now hurts. He was supposed to help my daughter pick out a gift since she was bummed last year and she been hurting seeing his kids give their mom a gift.... but he put it off and I took her yesterday with his kids to pick out something little. I have explained to him even a little card would be nice but it's no care. And now that he is worried about his ex mother in law with flowers I'm hurt. Usually I don't care but it's just the fact he hasn't even thought about me is what hurts. Am I just overreacting. And yes we had a Christmas budget this year and I got him stuff in the budget range. I love Christmas but I am now dreading it.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Dreading Christmas, what do I do?

Doeshe have adhd? It really sound like that is a possibility.

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There’s really no excuse for his behavior. If he wanted to he would. Period.

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Sounds careless and selfish to me

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Tell him to set an alarm a week or two before the event to remember to go shop. Maybe this will help him remember.

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I think it’s nice he does that for his ex and their grandmother… But there is no excuse not to do it for you.

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Get him one small present. Do Not shop for any X. Go buy what YOU want wrap and put it under the tree. And when he’s upset because he didn’t get you anything, smile and say that’s ok I’m leaving up to Santa because I know how busy you are. Don’t make a fuss. Enjoy

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Sounds like he’s playing games

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Your not a priority I’m sorry to say he’s a jerk shows his true colors won’t change until u demand som respect for yourself get rid of him you’ll be better off

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Don’t buy him anything… and don’t buy his ex anything either. Take your daughter shopping give her some money and tell her to pick you something out.

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Okay he procrastinates in hopes maybe you’ll just buy the stuff . And The fact that he is still buying his ex mother in law ANYTHING :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post: he don’t buy for you don’t buy him shit

Tell him to grow the fuck up and stop buying shit for the ex in-laws. You and your/his kids come first

At this point I wouldn’t even do a gift exchange.

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No you are not overreacting

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Sounds like he is still hung up on the ex and does for ex’s family more than for you…I’d say it is time to really have a sit down talk about it. Stop buying for him and don’t buy for any ex anything of his period. If he can’t be thoughtful to his current WHY is he so focused on his ex and ex’s family??

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Idk if this will help. But it REALLY helped my husband and I. We went through something similar. Now I have a wishlist on Amazon. A month before Xmas I send it to him. Then 2 weeks before I send it again and say “it is 2 weeks until Christmas. Please don’t forget to look at this” it’s worked 2 years in a row now. I know it seems like extra work but it’s better than being disappointed, and this year my husband even went off list and got me some awesome stuff I didn’t request. He said my list gave him inspiration

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My husband never got me a gift for any birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas and mother’s day etc. I usually cried everytime. Until finally he surprised me yesterday with two lovely gifts. Although he wrapped them like 2 minutes before he gave them to me haha. Some men are like this, I am not saying that as an excuse though it just is what it is. I know my husband loves me, he just doesn’t like doing gifts.

Sounds like you’re an option not a priority…

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People treat you how you let them treat you. You are not a priority.

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Leave…actions speak louder than words.

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Why do women stay in these type of relationships…if your not happy…get out!!! Or are you just desperate to have a man, which he is not!!! Or money, should be adult enough to be making your own.

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Probably why he’s an ex in the first place!

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Don’t give him anything so he can see how it feels…

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He a dickhead and a straight up wanker.

You’re not overreacting. Put in the same effort that he puts in which is nothing! Don’t buy him anything and do not buy his ex anything.

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I’m sorry you’re hurting!! You have every right to be upset. Christmas, birthday, Valentine’s Day, ect alllll land on the same day EVERY YEAR!! There is no excuse for him not to get you something, he’s had an ENTIRE year to get you a gift (even if he has to save, plan it out, or buy it early and hide it)

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Sounds like your his side piece and he’s still in love with his ex.

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The dude is a dumpster fire. Send him packing. He can hand deliver those goddamn flowers to the ex when he moves back in with her.

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Married 30 years been together 33 years and have 3 kids. My husband and I have never really gave each other gifts at first it did bother me a little but the way I look at it is he works full time (I have never worked) pays all bills does things around the house and for me so that is my gift year around and I keep house clean cook etc for him and that works for us. So maybe look at what he does or how he provides for you instead of looking for a gift?

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He sounds like a class act. He’s not going to change. Either you do something about it finally or you continue to tolerate his behavior and quit complaining about it. Quit sitting around and letting the man make you feel like crap. There are plenty out there who won’t do that

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He’s just cold and uncaring!!! It’s not the ‘presents’ ….it doesn’t have to break a bank… but people think of the other people they care for most!!! Find yourself a better partner that is into you and your family not his ex anything! Unless it’s ex AND everyone else!!!

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The fact that he gaslights you and makes you feel guilty and in the wrong for his carelessness is honestly the biggest issue. Gifts aren’t important to everyone, but him being abusive because they’re important to you is NEVER ok. This behavior in particular should never be tolerated, especially repeatedly. He’s extremely emotionally immature and this pattern of behavior won’t improve until he is cognizant of it and ready to change. He’s being toxic and emotionally manipulative.

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I don’t get the whole thing that you allow this. He shows you every single time that he has no care for you or your feelings but too many times you said he threw a fit if you mentioned it and he verbally and emotionally Acts like a child. So just throwing a fit is to make you feel like you have to back off and allow him to act like a boy. Then to throw salt to the wound he has to get something for the ex-mother-in-law and you force yourself to drag your kids with you and buy her something or you were considered a horrible person. You are allowing yourself to get hurt you are allowing yourself to see your children get hurt only you have allowed all of this and participated in it all. The only way to change it is to quit participating and find a man not the boy you’re with. Try to make it your New Year’s goal to show your kids that they will not be subjected to that type of behavior or you will be looking at your next generation of men throwing a fit as a boy man doing the same thing. Good luck making better decisions for yourself and for your children.

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I think you need a better boyfriend. He puts no effort into you and your needs. Back away and leave the relationship.

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Just my opinion but you should stop putting in ANY effort to get the ex something or the ex mother in law flowers or even your husband… Stop expecting things also. Invest your energy into buying yourself things or experiences that fulfill your soul and make you happy. Period. You need to match his energy.

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My husband and I Do not exchange gifts once in a while we will get eachother something we really need but that’s it. We get his parents and our kids gift

You mean “his kids’ mom and grandmother”. It’s more than likely for the children to have something from them to these people in their lives. Unless he’s handing it to them personally then that’s a problem.
Also, narcissists ruin holidays on purpose. If it’s a pattern, it will continue unless you do something drastic. Otherwise, I’d cut my losses and move on.

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You have been Lied too Disrespected & Hurt by this Selfish person who is also the cause of you dreading something you Love yet you choose to stay with this person??(??

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Leave, he is more worried about his ex mil then you, says it all

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These day fall at the same time every year. So it’s no surprise that Christmas came. He can by for the ex but not for the woman he lays beside everyday. Say shoo fly, dont bother me and move on.

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Ur boyfriend sucks!!!

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Some people just aren’t good at giving gifts…me…i am terrible at figuring out what to give people…itd be easier for me if they just said what they wanted.

My husband would ask me what I wanted.Id say what ever.So now every occasion I buy my own gift.Usually diamonds.Then I tell him thank you.Look what u bought me.Hed say do u like it.Of course silly.Then hes happy.

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You’ve got a full blown narcissist on your hands. He ‘forgets’ and then has a fit? And tells you he’s going to have a fit because he did it again? Once is an accident, any more and it’s a very obvious choice. Also, by getting stuff for literally everyone else, he’s really making sure that you know you were neglected. But that’s an excuse for HIM to have a fit? GIRL!!!

RUN.

It’s only going to get worse and do you really want to be around for this bullshit in 10 years? Waste your time, money and beauty on this joker??? You deserve the world. The bar was on the floor and he STILL couldn’t bother. I’ll tell you a secret - it’s because he doesn’t want to.

When you finally realize what they’re not bringing to the table youll walk away from the table

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Heck no ! No man would be doing that with me especially an ex anything…

It sounds like he has some anxiety around the issue of maybe picking and buying a gift. Do you give him clear, concise ideas? Some people just suck at shopping and being around crowds.

Well not sure why you guys care about the ex and the in-laws just send a Christmas card. He need to let them go and why would you help with his ex??Stop buying him shit and have a friend or someone else take your daughter shopping for you. However do realize men don’t care how we feel about the holidays. I used to love Christmas but now I don’t and it’s not about the gifts. All I get is attitude just because he hates Christmas it comes out in everyone else. I’m done I give up. Hugs

Why are you still hanging around this tool… you are taking care of all his needs and he is complaining because you expect some attention and love and caring from him… YOU WILL NEVER GET ANY KIDNESS FROM HIM… Geezz woman kick him out…

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He sounds like a Narcissist! Basically blaming you and purposely Startin an argument! He is your choice and you are complaining? Get rid of him

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The onley way you can put a end to it is STOP BYING. hem aney thing. Don’t by hem aney thing. In tell he byes for you. FRIST. !!!

Wait so he buy his so called ex mother in law flowers and not u yeah no ur feelings are valid

He would be living with his ex MIL!!!

No, I would be livid. It’s the actions that matter. He seems to be more concerned about his ex than you. My husband isn’t perfect. He gets me a bunch of gifts, they aren’t pricey. They aren’t like “OMG guys He went to Jared” like the commercials, but he gets me a bunch of things that he KNOWS I love. Like this year it was mostly Harry Potter themed. He knows I’m a geek so I geek out and I’m fine with it.
It’s the intention and thoughts behind it. That dude is doing minimum effort.

yes you have a right to be upset. My husband never got me any kind of gift for any ocassion. It does hurt. Through and through. Don’t get him anything else, ever, for any ocassion. He needs to know how it feels.

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Why does he feel and you except that he gets flowers for his EX- MOTHER - IN - LAW for every occasion? The word is " Ex" meaning done and over unless he’s keeping good graces with the mother - in - law to get back with the daughter. He acts like a child but he’s mastered manipulating you. Your children see this, is this how you want them to act when they get older.

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I am going through the same thing. I am always put off and always cancelled on by him. But he has time 4 his ex’s family his kids and the rest of his family but me and my kids are always last on his list guys do not think the way that we do. They don’t think about their actions or the consequences of their actions. Women are different we think of how our actions will affect other people. Guys just are not built that way. So from me to you going through the same stuff I want to tell you Merry Christmas and you are important

His trying to stay on good terms with his ex mother in law in hopes of reuniteing with his ex wife…

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No! You’re not overreacting! Even getting his ex MIL something and not you?! Seems he is trying to impress his ex in my opinion. Idk if it’s to make her jealous or to get her back, but you know.

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Girl he is gaslighting you! Are you gonna keep letting him run this game on you in 2022

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Stop buying for him & his kids…. As for your ‘lil one, take her shopping & tell her to pick something (in your price range) & when she finds something, don’t look at what she picked, go to the register & have her pay for it, while you’re still not looking. Take her home, give her wrapping paper, tape & let her go all out for you. It’ll be special for both of you :heart_eyes_cat::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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My question is when he gets mad because he “forgot to get you a gift” does he leave for the evening when he acts like this?

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I would find a different boyfriend

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Don’t get him anything

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I’ve been with my SO almost 12 years. He’s NEVER bought me a Christmas gift, birthday, Valentines, Mothers Day (we share 2 kids). I use to go all out his B-day, Father’s Day, Valentines, Christmas. Now I don’t do anything. I got sick of it. It’s just the thought of him not even considering me. Doesn’t have to be anything big, but he doesn’t even consider me. So I stopped. I also stopped buying for his mom. He wants her to have a gift he should go buy it !

I wouldn’t buy him a damn thing ever again and ignore his birthday too. 🤷🏻‍♀

If a man wanted to he would. He has you where he wants you and if he’s doing stuff like that for other people then he’s trying to find his way back in their life

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Red flags :triangular_flag_on_post: stop buying him anything. Treat yourself. Take care of the gifts for your Children and yourself. Don’t wait for anyone to celebrate you. Meanwhile he needs to take a hike. He’s gaslighting you, making excuses. That behavior of caring more about gift for an ex-in law than gifting you something, it is odd.

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That’s his way of staying in his exes life. She has probably told him to stay the hell out of her life and her mother is a way to keep tabs on her if he stays friendly with her mother. I would question why he is buying her flowers to begin with.

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Stop buying his bs. If he wanted to get you something he would have. He is fake mad. Stop doing for someone who will clearly never change and do for you.

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Wait! What!, if he can’t be bothered anytime of the year with what he has in front of him then GOOD BYE.

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Some people are terrible at holidays and then project it on to you . I say dont let it ruin your holiday. If he tries to gaslight your gift giving or his lack of just move past it , then later explain your basic expectations, if he doesn’t get it then move along.

Definitely with the wrong person. :pleading_face: Drop him like a bad habit

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It’s really not his job to help your daughter get you something unless he’s her dad…
You seem to really care and also seem to have shared it with your daughter. My girls make me pictures and cards on their own, and have since their dad and I got divorced (they were 3&4 at the time).

You should probably take a deep look at you and be honest about the fact that you are upset about not getting gifts and then move forward from there.
If you’ve told him you don’t care about gifts, he’s not going to get you something. And then he’s going to get upset when you say something about it when he doesn’t (which is what looks like happens).

It kind of sounds like he’s still in love with his ex wife.

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Tell him to go back to his mother in law and baby mama,cause right now it does not seem like you are any priority of his, let him go

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Your man is not treating you or your daughter right. And if it’s been going on this long it’s unlikely to change. So sorry :disappointed_relieved:

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He gets mad at you because he didn’t get you a gift? Just run. As far and fast as you can.

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Why is it women get upset if they don’t get a damn gift
Really suck it up

Get rid of him his actions speak louder than words

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Why let him hurt you any longer? Dump him and someone will come along way better. He is weird.

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He’s only acting like that so he can pretend like he cares . Just stop getting him stuff I’m not gonna say leave because that’s your decision but he should be putting you & his kids first not anyone else he doesn’t owe a gift to no one but you & his kids & should be on top of that stuff if you are instead of throwing a fit like a child

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Im guessing this will be an unpopular opinion but Christmas is not about getting gifts… Christmas is about giving to others and being with family and friends. I’m not saying the thought isn’t nice time to time but I think we need to stop gauging other peoples love by what they buy us.

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Who the fuck buys stuff for their ex in laws hello , and there is no way that I would help his kids buy stuff for their own mother , it seems like he cares about everyone but u , I would of taken my kid and leave until he learns to apriciate u the way u do him .

Girl if he wanted to, he would. Period.

:triangular_flag_on_post:

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If he wanted to, HE WOULD. And apparently the only one who seems to be priority is ex baby mamas mother? :woozy_face: weird. :triangular_flag_on_post:

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I don’t know why your even with him. You have no self worth. Wise up and move on until you find someone worthy of you.

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He doesn’t even like you. Leave.

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Give him the boot and don’t look back

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Nope he cant bother to get u a gift on special days then he doesnt care about u and isnt worth your time what kind of man doesnt buy his gf a gift on valentine’s day or Christmas drop him and find u a real man who cares enough to buy you something even if its just a card. My first Valentine’s Day with my husband boyfriend at the time he couldn’t afford to give me a gift so he just got me a Valentine’s Day card and it was a thought that count I was happy with the card because it showed me that he cared about me and even if he didn’t have the money he found a way to get me that card. Also same goes for women because I know a few women that do not buy there s o gifts on special days and the man always buys them gifts but they never even get anything on their birthday Christmas or Valentine’s Day from them

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He seems more concerned with another household so let him go join it.

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That’s really weird he’s getting his ex mil something and not even a card for you. Kinda gross tbh

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Why are you still with him???

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He cares what they think, and what about what YOU think??? Let him worry in his own. If he has the time to worry for them then that means he needs no help remembering you. And if he forgets, well that should tell you enough of his priorities.

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Okay, I am still very close with my ex’s family. And if his mother was still with us (rest her soul) damn right I’d give her gifts for holidays. She was an amazing woman (and a second mother to me). And so, my current S.O. we have been together 9 yrs. He genuinely hates the holidays (holidays were not kind to him as a child) I ALWAYS try to get him something regardless of how small or trivial it may seem to other people. I do not ever ask for anything in return. My parents always made sure we were well taken care of for any holiday growing up, and I am well aware not everyone is that lucky.
The smiles and laughter from my kids and hubby are all I could ever ask for on Christmas morning. :two_hearts:

It’s sounds like you are with a loser that’s still wrapped up on his ex. You could find someone who treats you better for sure.

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Why in the hell would you stay? Serious question… If you aren’t valued by him, then you are undervaluing yourself

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If it was me I would be going all kinds of crazy on his ass. I no it’s hard to hear but if he don’t consider your feelings now after multiple attempts of you expressing how you feel then you got to leave xxxxx

First of all, the only people who throw fits and ruin Christmas are bratty ass children and intellectually immature adults. Second of all, he has proven how he truly feels about you year after year. Listen to what he’s “telling” you and leave him.