You need to stop.Your post oozes jealous and her behavior is completely normal even for a kid who hasn’t lost her mom and doesn’t see her dad much. 11 year olds can be bossy and self centered thats a fact and you will probably be accusing your younger child of all this when she is older too 
You need to work through your jealousy over a child especially if you truly want to connect with her in a meaningful way.
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People saying she sounds like a typical girl 
I have 2 stepdaughters (8 and 13) and they never acted that way, even at the beginning of their father’s and I relationship and I met the girls when they were 3 and 7.
Mini wife syndrome is real and I think you should talk to your husband about. Just because you’re the step mom doesn’t mean you need to lie down all your feelings and emotions like you don’t have any.
Too many folks make step moms villains and act like they aren’t human and aren’t allowed to have human feelings.
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I’m afraid your diagnosis is unqualified overreach at best, and outright resentment at worst, parental abandonment is a horrifying thing for a child to endure and the remaining parent should expect to be “clung” to
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You are disgustingly jealous and the daughter is very right to keep you at Bay. Dad needs to pack her up and leave. Hunny, he is a dad. You will absolutely never come first. Kids and their needs always ALWAYS COME FIRST
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Some of you are way to quick in jumping to assumptions that she’s just completely wrong…maybe the daughter does behave inappropriately and cross boundaries or insert herself into adult situations that children don’t belong in…if that’s the case then her father needs to talk with her and explain these boundaries, why they’re there, and that she needs to respect them. I also think it would be good for each of you to have one on one time with her to remind her that she’s important to BOTH of you but at the same you and him need alone time, your two year old deserves alone time, and most importantly time together as a whole family. She needs to understand that everyone has a role, the roles need to be respected, and each role is important in its own way. Also yes therapy never hurts especially when you’re trying to blend families. Good luck mama.
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Is this real? Like what the… joking right?
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You mean your jealous because his kid is and SHOULD BE more important to him. You are almost certainly the problem.
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Join The Unapologetic Stepmom for this kind of question. The best group for questions like this.
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Remember your his his choice not hers ,she his just along for the ride and she needs to feel validate. I am not saying you should indulge her behavior but try to give her a little grace .
My ex boyfriends daughter had this. She is now 21, when him and I were together, it was from the ages of when she was 15-18. I always said they had a weird, incestual sort of relationship. Like she would go up to him and rub on his hair and on his belly and all. They were both hardcore narcissists as well. Thank god I’m out of that relationship.
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Despite the mom’s in here saying you are jealous and that how dare you put this all on her shoulders and that the father should be offended, etc… you need to take those comments and completely dismiss them. Yes, Mini spouse syndrome is real and can cause several problems in a relationship. I am not sure how long he was a single dad before you came into the picture, but with dad working a lot and mom not in the picture, I am guessing he is responsible for the lack of parenting, often referred to as Disneyland dad or guilt parenting-- It’s not going to be an easy conversation to have, because his little princess will always be the number one person in his life and that’s okay, but it’s not about placement, it’s about feeling like you aren’t being replaced and that you are being included. Speaking as a child that had mini wife syndrome, I can tell you that at one point in my life, (I was 12) that no one was ever going to be good enough for my dad. I was that child that did everything in my power to be the center of my dad’s attention. I didn’t care if I hurt my step-mom’s feelings (at the time) because I felt that she was trying to get rid of me and take my place and that my dad would forget that I was his daughter, I was his priority, the whole nine yards. I thank my lucky stars that my dad married a woman that cared as much about me as she did my father. She made it a point to include me in child appropriate decisions, she made it a point to make most of our plans family plans and at the same time, she made it a point to let me spend time with just my dad, she also made plans for just her and I. When I’d start to whine to my dad, with her help, he’d make me ask again but this time using my actual voice without the whining or baby talk. It wasn’t an easy shift and I hated her for it but she never gave up on me and she loved me and she got me to see my behavior wasn’t healthy. Her and my dad got me a counselor and my dad had to come to terms that his parenting style wasn’t healthy for me and the changes were rough at first, but by the time I was 15 I could tell you that I loved this woman more than I ever thought possible. She loved me enough to fight for me and it just took me a while to see it. Stress to your husband that parenitfying children is not okay. They aren’t equipped to be responsible for their parents emotion, they have enough of their own that they are still learning to express and navigate. Get her help and the number one key, don’t let it bother you, redirect her negative behavior to something constructive and positive. Work on building her trust with you directly. Show her that her importance hasn’t diminished. Good luck, this is a tough battle, but I can tell you this, I have the greatest step mom in the world all because she loved me enough to fight for me.
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Ima just say you should get her a therapist and you also need a therapist and that’s all I’m gonna say about this…
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As much as people are like “this is normal”
No. It’s not. I’m a step mom and my 12yr old stepdaughter does NOT act like this whatsoever. She is aware of being #1. She was here first of course, but the rest is not okay.
I seriously think she needs therapy and family therapy sounds good. The dynamics seem messed up for her right now.
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Have a conversation about the behaviors she displays with just him. Don’t put labels on anything. You two need to come to a united front on how to respond to inappropriate or line crossing behaviors. Once that common ground is accomplished with your SO, you should have a conversation with her TOGETHER. No labels again. Say your concerned. Mention the behaviors and explain why they are inappropriate. Ask her what is going on and how she feels about what you are saying. It seems like she has a lot of feelings that she does not know how to process or display. She needs you and your SO to help her find a way to express her feelings appropriately. Validating her feelings are important as well.
Talk to you partner. This is actually a real serious thing which can get worse over time if not addressed right away. People assume that the step mom is being jealous, but if you have not seen it first hand, then you do not know what she is talking about.
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Has anyone mentioned that this woman just wrote that the mother was a drug addict and never contacted her daughter?? Maybe this child is clinging to her dad because she doesn’t want to “lose” another parent too, I think this is way over the line to assume she has this “syndrome”
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Add you jealous ?? And what’s wrong with a daughter spending time with her dad with you ?? It’s actually very important that she gets one on one time with her dad
And she does come first in her dads life, you will always come last , if he’s a good father , his kids will always come before you, I can’t imagine trying to come between my husband and his kids
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What magazine did you get this from? 
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Or maybe…. I was taught it when I was in school and psychology. They say that you’re naturally attracted to your opposite sex parent.
Or at least until you become of sexual maturity and realize.
Ppl laugh not realizing this is real. I never experienced it. But sure enough seen it. It was weird and awkward. She and the parents need to go to Therapy
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Sounds to me like she’s jealous and unsure of her position
I would speak to your partner he shouldn’t be encouraging 1 to 1 plans for a start without talking to you, he shouldn’t be allowing to cling constantly and instead finding ways to reassure her.
Could she be included in some decisions? Given some special rules with being older and compromises so she feels more in control but it’s less of a battle?
I’m disgusted that you call her cuddling and baby talking flirtatious behavior.
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Wow. That’s all I can say. If you’ve never been a step parent, you don’t have a fucking clue. I came into a relationship with my husband who had a 9 year old. He did a lot of these things because his mom too was a drug addict and never came around. My best advice to you is to do things with her, just the two of you. Leave dad and little one home and make HER feel special and let her know she’s number one to you, too. It’s so hard, but she needs to know you’re not going anywhere and she’s just as special to you. Take her to get her hair done, nails done. A dinner/movie date. Going to the grocery store, tell her to get her shoes on and take her. Running errands, take her and buy her something dumb, like a drink from Starbucks tell her it’s your little secret. They need to know you love them. It gets easier, and better, I promise. But you must step up and take the roll of mom. Good luck momma. If you think I can be of help, just reach out. If not, you’ll be fine. I promise. 
Shes used to being the so called “woman of the house” and probably thinks ur excluding/ taking him away. It’s common among divorced parents and single parents. I’m my experience, I had the same issues.
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First of all, you don’t come first. She does. Before you came along they probably did everything together and now she feels threatened by you occupying her father’s time. Before you came along she probably was in the decision making with him. I have a 11 year old not but it was me and her for like 6 years before I met my husband. She was and still Is very much in the decision making because she is my life… you should try bonding with her one on one and reassure her that you are not trying to take her spot.
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This sounds like more of a you problem. You come off as jealous. Accusing her of flirting with her dad when she uses baby talk? That’s mind boggling.
I think you need to take into account that this child has a drug addict mother that is not in her life. She basically abandoned her. That can affect a child on many levels. And she’s likely feeling threatened (rightfully so) that you may take her dad away from her.
Stop making this a out your feelings and talk to this girl like an adult. Have a serious conversation with her. Try to let her know that you care about how she feels. Maybe you can all try family counseling!
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I think many people have already covered my concerns about how the post was stated…
But I definitely think FAMILY counseling is needed/a good idea, so all parties feel heard, and get help sorting out any issues, their feelings, and how to go forward in a positive/healthy manner for all involved.
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This is a lot to unpack, so let’s go one article at a time.
•Sense of entitlement that she should always take first place in her dad’s life: I do believe that the needs of the partner trump the wants of the child, but she absolutely deserves at seat at the table. This is normal adolescent behavior (referred to as NAB from this point forward).
•Constant attention-seeking behavior to maintain that position: NAB. You admittedly want her to play second fiddle, of course she feels threatened by your presence and doesn’t want to change the status quo.
•Control-seeking behavior, such as creating her own household rules: NAB. She’s trying to assert her independence and exercise some autonomy. She should absolutely have a say in the management of her household, albeit in minor and inconsequential ways.
•Engages in “flirty” behavior with her dad, like fawning or excessive baby talk: We are talking about an 11 year old child, not a sexually forward woman. This is also NAB. She does it because it gets her attention and in her mind, negative attention is better than no attention.
•Competitive with me, including competing for physical affection 
: Also NAB. You’ve come to take her place as dad’s number one lady. She probably isn’t worried that you’re trying to replace her mom, but that you are trying to replace her. She needs to know and be reassured that her forms of affection are acceptable and valid forms of expression. Yall are not in competition with each other.
•Using physical affection to monopolize her dad, such as constantly clinging to and climbing on him: Also NAB. Young girls look to their fathers as examples of how men are supposed to treat them. The more secure she feels in her relationship with him, the less she will cling.
•She’s always expecting of being included in adult decision-making: Also NAB. And she should be included when it’s appropriate.
•Expectation that her opinions & preferences should carry the same weight as adults in the household: NAB. And they should when it’s appropriate, just like above.
•“Parenting” her own Dad & me— telling us what to do or not do: NAB. She does this because she feels very out of control. Let her take the reins on some things, and this will likely vanish. If it doesn’t, she’s 11 and not the boss of you anyway.
•Making 1-on-1 plans with her Dad that deliberately exclude me: Super NAB. One on one time is critical to her development. The fact that this makes you insecure is baffling. You both fulfill different roles in his life and you both deserve quality time with him. The nuance of this may be lost on her because she’s a child, but as an adult, you should know better.
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Oh yeah it’s totally a thing because google said so🙄
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Poor thing has never had a mother to be a child to. She has been the “woman of the house” for 11 years and the only person she had was her dad, whom she sees rarely. Give her a break. Go fun places and sit down and play with her.
She was robbed of some childhood experiences, so ease her back into letting her just be a child. Tell her, “you don’t have to worry about (transportation, dinner, cleaning, finances) but what is something you’d like (for dinner, seat location in car, you could pick up your toys or put your clean clothes away, put your allowance in your piggy bank and we’ll handle the rest). Sit with her as she writes a letter to Santa, play with dolls and hair and makeup, ride bikes, make snowmen, go swimming, have a pillow fight, build a fort, bake cookies with her—what were some fun memories you made with your own mother? Help her with homework, invite her friends over for play dates.
Encourage Daddy-daughter dates when possible to keep their bond as he is the only constant in her life. I’ll bet she feels you are trying to replace her. She already lost her mom, she’s probably terrified of losing get dad too. Do what you can to reassure her you’re an addition to the family, not a replacement. You sound jealous of a little girl. I hope that’s not the case. Presumably you get to sleep with him all night, every night and she hardly gets him at all. Don’t begrudge her time with dad.
And individual and family therapy is almost always a good thing, so take advantage of it if y’all have access to it.
One day as a teen she won’t want much to do with either of you! 
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First of all. You need to be an ADULT and have a conversation with your fiancé. Second. I definitely wouldn’t say any of this to him. You sound extremely immature and jealous of a child. This child is going through a lot not having her mom around and you stepping in as step mom. Your fiancé needs to make it clear to her that she is a child and you and him are the parents. Any behavior that isn’t acceptable for a child should be addressed and corrected. You need to stop looking at it as some mini wife syndrome and put yourself in her shoes. The most important thing is to make this child feel loved and accepted. Two years to you might feel like a long time but it’s really not. It takes a lot longer especially for an older child to adjust to a new bonus parent. Have one on one girl days just you and her and let her have some activities with just her and her father. A counselor is a great idea. And time. Lots of time and patience
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This is fucking gross. She’s a child.
And reading all these comments in support of this post tells me a lot about where/why all the wicked stepmother stories came about over generations.
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Um his daughter does come first. And will ALWAYS come before you idgaf. Get in your own lane, weirdo 
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Yeah that baby needs to be in therapy. & you guys separately to learn how to support her feelings
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For starters she is his DAUGHTER therefore comes first always, regardless & for two you sound very bitter and jealous, quite an embarrassing read tbh, your suppose to be her stand in MUM but you sound like the evil STEP MUM… he needs to up an leave you.
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I feel so bad for this kid😕
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For the love of God, PLEASE stop getting medical diagnosis’ from the internet. 
This is an 11 year old girl who has had ONLY her dad. Her mom is gone and hasn’t contacted her for years. So all of this sounds like a little girl that’s afraid to lose her daddy. You’ve been around for at LEAST 3 years and you’re just noticing this behavior? Or has she been acting like this? If this just started then it’s probably the 2 of you getting married that scared her. She sounds like a daddy’s girl to me. Now one thing that bothers me is that you said she uses “flirty” behavior. Are you serious? Do you really think this little girl is flirting with her dad?
If that’s what you think she’s doing then why aren’t you giving him side eye for allowing it to happen. Maybe you need to seek counseling outside of the internet or social media. TBH, it sounds like you’re jealous of their relationship.
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This is something yall need to talk about as a family and have her in therapy this could be the fact he raised her alone and doesn’t want to share child be the fact she a dadds girl, rules should be set for her written and displayed
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You are disgusting. A child does not compete with you for HER father’s attention. You’re the new třįçķ of the wəək, at best. You don’t actually compare.
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- These women saying that she comes first have never been a part of a split family dynamic such as yours.
- “Mini wife syndrome” does exist and is acknowledged by therapists.
Just because these women havent experienced what you are going through, it doesnt mean they have the right to degrade you or call you names.
You and your opinions/experiences are valid.
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Yes she should be first before you or anyone and the rest i didnt care about reading after i read she flirts with her dad. This is just nonsense and you need a therapist.
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You sound just like my ex not liking that my child comes first.
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You sound jealous tbh lmfao it’s his DAUGHTER. His kid should come before you.
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I would HATE to have you as a stepmom.
Kids ALWAYS come before you, get over it.
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Wtf did I just read 
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Wow is this a real thing? Even if this is all true (not saying your lying) but think about why its happening. Why shes doing it. Personal and family therapy id recommend. She needs healthy boundaries. How long was it just her and dad before you and dad got together? Do you spend alone time with her? Do you let her and dad spend alone time together? It seems shes worrying about adult things. She needs to be a kid. 
i hope you guys can work on it all together and figure it out.
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everyone sweatin u ain’t gotta clue. mini wife syndrome is real. it’s not the daughter’s fault she’s acting that way tho. she needs someone to talk to about her feelings towards her stepmom.
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To all you women who are insulting this woman and in support of this child, I hope that one day ALL OF YOU are in the same boat!! I experienced that exact same thing with my husband and 1 of his niece since she was 14 years old, and went went on until he passes away in January this year. Shes 38 was almost 38 at the time of his passing, so you see how many years I put up with this djit!. My very close friends, I used to tell them that if you didn’t know they were uncle and niece, you’d say they were in a relationship, in their older years. But since she was 14, she was a blasted thorn in my side. The thing about this is that because it’s family, the wife cannot say anything because, just like all these nasty comments from these women who don’t understand, the wife votes off as being jealous and nasty minded. Again, to all you women who are insulting this woman, I sure hope you get that in your nasty asses VERY SOON!!
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I dont like the name of that. Mini wife syndrome. Ugh it realky bothers me
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You need to encourage her Dad she needs therapy. And quick
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Coming from being this kind of child myself and then having to deal with it as a step mother i can only suggest that you gradually ease her out of her role. As my step daughter got older she was wanting to do her own things more anyway but until then be patient. Get her to help you with things her dad. Maybe baking him a cake or helping you with chores around the house. If she is like i was she will be more mature then other children her age and shes used to helping look after dad. She is used to this and it will be hard to give it up. Its hard to feel like you are competing and technically you are. Give her some her time with her dad and make sure you have you time with him to. Just gradually start easing her back into the child role as she has been in an adult role for a while she wont know how to just switch that off and become a child again.
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Yall really on here bashing this woman. I hope this happens to yall cuz if it did yall would probably shut the f*** up.and agree with this woman. Idc if thats his child, children need to be children and that means not inserting herself in adult situations, making rules for grown ass adults, she needs to be an eleven year old and an eleven year old only, yall need to get over yourselves and step off those damn pedestals you so proudly put yourselves on.
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I feel this is a very real situation. If anyone on this chain including the original poster would potentially like to come on Dr Phil to discuss the topic and possibly get advice, pls PM me. I’m the senior story producer on The Dr Phil show and after reading this, I’d potentially like to put a show together on this topic. Warmly, Jennifer
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So I think she has some kinda weird crush on dad. Definitely need to get her some serious help
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You need to go see a psychologist love. She just needs some one on one attention from dad away from everyone else in the family. Do that and she will be okay, just love her okay. She’s gone through enough!
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ummm mini-wife syndrome is an odd name… definitely ummm not accepted by the apa or DSM5… but either way definitely encourage therapy. it seams as if she has a problem with attachment and therapy can adress this or any codependent behavior that developed by the mother abandoning her at such a young age.
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Y’all really don’t get the mini wife syndrome shit is actually true 
I suggest speaking to your fiancée and family therapy
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The wicked stepmom syndrome.
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I say as a step parent to another video tape her and the way she acts so dad can see what you are talking about. With all different points you have. Then show them to him in a matter of a outsider looking in to your family. Also a family therapist will also help so much if nothing else you would of tried your best to help her and your family. Good luck and stay strong mamma you got this. Prayers 
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I don’t see anything funny about this she may need some help and her dad may not notice it because he is always overcompensating to make up for the absent mom.
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Eeeeeehh… so, bottom line, your partner has allowed this behavior to go on longer than it should have. Has your relationship always been like this? Has the behavior been brought up before?
Yeah, she WAS the female of their relationship, and as a single dad I’m sure she DID get to make a lot of the house rules, but that likely would have changed when you and (the dad) got serious. Is this new behavior?
That being said though… you’re dealing with an INCREDIBLY touchy age. He could, rightfully, put his foot down, and she could take it as rejection from yet another parent. You could bring it up and then be dealing with detachment to yourself and her dad. Childhood trauma is real.
My 6 year olds biological father left when she was 2, and now any time her dad (step dad) even tells her something she doesn’t like, she shuts down. Adjustment disorder sucks.
I honestly would recommend family therapy, all together. You could bring it up to your partner, but he likely already knows. I’d REALLY reccomend getting an actual medical diagnosis though…
Prayers Mama💕
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I think this post is out of line. First off, this child has lost her mother. Before you came along, her dad was probably who and all she had. She was his world, she did come first in his life… & just because he has a wife now doesn’t mean he shouldn’t treat her the same. She can have some abandonment issues. Treating his daughter special isn’t wrong. Wanting one on one time with her dad isn’t wrong. Expecting to always be his number one isn’t wrong. You’re calling her flirty, that’s fucking weird. Maybe she’s a daddies girl. He has probably been the one who cuddled her growing up, esp if she didn’t have a mother doing it. There is nothing wrong with them being very close. The only thing weird here is you. I think you are jealous of an 11 year old girl & the attention she gets from your husband, that’s what weird as hell. She might desire a bit more attention from her dad, maybe more than a normal child… but clearly she didn’t have a normal upbringing being the circumstances . 11 year olds also tend to have attitude at times, they are in a weird pre-teen stage & being outspoken doesn’t mean something is wrong with her. I think you have a syndrome for even getting the slightest bit bothered by an 11 year old girl’s love for her dad. If my fiancé ever got this bothered with how close my daughters and I are, (who by the way were here BEFORE him & will always be my number ones regardless of my love for him), I’d probably be offended. I think you need to rethink this, stop diagnosing her on the internet, and possibly realize that if she’s feeling loved & thriving despite what she’s gone through, her dad is doing something right in her life & so are you.
She needs time with her dad , just them too! I used to have daddy daughter days with my dad but he got remarried and I lost any and all one on one time with him! Even as a adult I can’t even speak to my father alone. Don’t be the reason they don’t have their own special bond
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Ummm what? Flirty with her dad? You probably should get into therapy or get a mental check up on yourself, and her.
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My mom always was threatened by my dad & me being close when I was a teenager. Honestly you sound like you might be the one who’s threatened & seeing things the wrong way because YOU are jealous of them having a relationship. This comes from your own insecurities. Flirting with her dad? That’s a reach. Come on. Little girls love their dads & he was all she had. You gotta seek some help
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Oh my gosh, she’s 11! She came before you and her entire world changed. She got a new mom and a new sibling. It’s not flirty too baby talk…you just had a baby and she probably is confused where she fits into all this. Stop trying too “title” her, she’ll be bi polar soon ADHD and mildly phycotic once she hits puberty…it’s all normal and it’s your job too make her feel normal or it’ll get worse. Her dad works alot …why wouldn’t the poor girl want too spend time with him. I feel like you might have some jealousy issues. Check your place mama, she’s not a wife YOU are and your seeing things with eyes closed. You may love her and want the best for her, but the way your interpreting her behavior is unsettling. You should consider counseling and have a professional discuss how too help your family. I’m sure you mean well, but no 11 year old who has went thru what she went thru needs too be labeled for seeking attention. You invaded her safe place. It’s your job too make her feel secure and safe again.
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Kids come first. End of story. But if she’s showing some behavior that’s alarming, talk to dad or even to her. But kids come first always
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Your a horrible person. You are not ready to be a step parent.
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You do realize you said, HE has full custody? It should be, WE have full custody! We are only getting one side of the story here but it truly sounds like she needs therapy and you all as a family as well. She was abandoned by her mom, her dad works all the time and now she’s being raised by a woman who see’s her as competition. You need to find a way to SHOW her that she is just as important as her dad’s “new family”. In her eyes, as a young child, you and your child are replacing her. Of course she wants attention from her dad! She’s stuck with a woman everyday who sees her as competition and not as her bonus daughter.
The only problem I see is her expecting to be included in adult making decisions. She’s 11 and needs to know her place and that she’s still a child. Other than that it just sounds like a little girl who had her dad to herself and now someone else came in to the picture and she’s threatened. I don’t think kids flirt with their parents. She lost her mom basically so is probably really attached to her dad and is trying to maintain some type of control. Maybe try outings with just you two and no dad to bond a little better. I’d say the worst thing to do is label her or interfere with their relationship unless she is actively trying to be harmful
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Tell me you’re jealous of an 11 year old without telling me……
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Welcome to a pre-teen daughter from a previous screwed up relationship. It’s all typical behavior for a child that has experienced what she has. Stop trying to slap a label on it. It seems like, you as an adult, are more jealous of her relationship with her father than anything! Grow up and be a parent… not jealous “Sister Wife.”
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His daughter should be first in his life and if this threatens you then you have no place in this family and it’s best to be on your way 😮💨:wave:t2:
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‘‘Engages in “flirty” behavior with her dad, like fawning or excessive baby talk.’’ You need to seek therapy.
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She needs counseling ASAP
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She is 11! And sounds like she has some insecurities and just wants plain attention off her dad. How is it flirting to baby talk? Smh no wonder kids are so messed these days so many expectations on how she should be and feel. She probably has anxieties and much more for her to feel this way. Not every damn kid needs a God damn label. She was there before you.
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While yes some of the behaviors are normal to see in an 11 year old, some do seem concerning. Like climbing or flirting. I would speak with her dad and pediatrician to see how to go about handling the situation. It could be the case with her bio mom where she saw what her mom did with other men and does quite have the understanding between right and wrong when it comes to parental affection. Maybe even a family therapy will help her to figure out where she belongs in the family.
You should be able to talk to your partner about anything especially his own daughter. Before approaching him I would have all the information ready for him to see or himself. Tat child should NEVER be flirting with her dad. I hope you are not making nothing of something that’s innocent because it can ruin your relationship with him and his daughter. Good luck to you.
You lost me at thinking she is flirting with her dad.
You need to think about how long she had her dad to herself and didn’t need to share his attention. Kids will do anything they can or need to in order to keep the attention to themselves.
In the end, it feels like she just doesnt like you.
You and dad are going to have to sit down and discuss her attitude and how she needs to find boundaries. She needs to see who the adults are.
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if you do this right that girl will love you and appreciate you one day.
If u do this wrong and keep thinking and feeling the way you do now. You will loose both him and her.
I was very close to my dad who raised me also. And had a jealous step mom problem. That only made me worse. I ended up calling her on it and my dad could see she was trying to make herself priority over me which as a kid did make me feel like I had to compete for my own dad’s attention which is sad. My dad told her he chooses me over her so she can make that work or walk. This sounds like a jealousy issue from step mom.
Grow up. That little girl loves and NEEDS her daddy and you do make her feel like she has to share her dad with you and she wants just daddy and daughter time without everything always having to revolve around you! BUT ALSO DO GIVE HER FUN DAYS OF JUST YOU AND HER TIME, AND DONT MAKE HER FEEL LIKE SHES DOING ANYTHING WRONG BY WANTING HER DADS ATTENTION. don’t even talk about it. Just have fun with her and make the day about her. Laugh, smile, be silly!
When she has secrets or dilemmas…BE THE PERSON SHE CAN ALWAYS CONFIDE IN CONFEDENTIALLY!
(By the way… this is what my step mom did, she lost the idea I was doing something wrong, and she finally started realizing that she needed to give her head a shake and realize I needed my daddy and I needed to feel like I came first in his life… I’m 36 now and she Is my mom.
I love her more than I could ever explain.)
Plant the seeds of love and Understanding so they can grow into a beautiful tree of love support and shoe her you always got her back just like he does.
Instead of planting seeds of jealousy and making her feel like somethings wrong with her.
She’s going through a lot!
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You are talking about an 11 year old? Of course she should be first. I hate to say it but it seems as if you are jealous of your 11 year old step daughter 
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If he works a LOTTT then she needs time with her dad. But put her in her place about the adult talk and decision making.
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You lost me at the very first “symptom”
SHE SHOULD ALWAYS COME FIRST IN HER DAD’S LIFE
The rest is just a laundry list of why you don’t like and are jealous of a freaking child
Please for the love of God break up with him ASAP because neither he nor his daughter deserve having a POS like you in their lives
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9 years she had her dad to herself now for the last two she has to share her dad with her sister. At first not to bad but the baby is getting bigger. Do things with her like a big girls spa day. A luncheon with her or her and one of her friends. Take her Christmas shopping so she can pick out a gift or two for her sister and a gift for dad from her. Have dad take her out to get a Christmas gift for you from her. Bake Christmas cookies , make Christmas ornaments together. Ask her ,her opinion on what her sister should wear for the day. Try a little harder to make her feel secure , she’s already had one mom disappear on her. Do your best to insure your not gonna leave her through actions. Her father has always been her constant. Dad has and still feels for his daughter having to go through her mother’s bull. Stay strong and keep an open heart
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Kids always come 1st no matter what. Sounds like you feel you need the attention more than his child. Stop finding fault with her and instead be supportive and encouraging for her to spend time with him…even without you. If you are confident and sure of your relationship with him this shouldn’t be a problem. Most moms would love for dad to take the kids.
Before you all jump down her throat google mini wife syndrome. It’s a real thing and doesn’t mean she’s jealous of an 11 year old. The fact that you all assume it’s jealousy of a kid is sad. I wish the best for you ma’am and you should be able to talk to your husband about anything and everything.
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Just be a Mom. Avoid labelling your Stepdaughter as having Miniwife syndrom etc. This is her Father and she needs to feel loved by him. She is a child and will soon be a teenager at that. The phase will pass. A girl’s first love is always her Dad. Don’t compete with that, but rather support her and show maternal maturity. The phase will pass.
She should be number one…wtf is wrong with you…woman jealous of a child ….that is a you issue and not a her issue… if you are that insecure you need more than therapy lady
That kid should not be included making decisions for the household. did you people read the whole thing or just skip around what was written.
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I have seen bratty kids ruin relationships, the person should talk to their partner and sort it out or it will cause friction between them probably spiltting them up.
Grow up she’s 11 and stop dr googling!. I’m concerned for you to be honest and think you should seek some help.
I think you’ll come to realise this is just a normal child-parent relationship when your child turns 11
As his wife, you come first. I think that’s a given. You both need to be happy & working in unison for the household to function & for you both to have a healthy marriage.
Decision making revolves around the good of the children & the household anyway so your daughter (regardless of the additional ‘step’ title) has to respect that she’s not going to have a say on decisions that the parents of the household make.
Aside from that, I think you need some time out of the house or on a hobby that will keep you happy & your mind occupied. Your husband is a father & it’s okay for them to love their Dad & yes, even feel a bit possessive of him at times, coz that’s what kids do. I saw that in my step-daughter who finally came to stay with us at 3yrs old. She just needed reassurance that her Dad would not leave again & sometimes that takes time. I’m sure your bio-kids also cling to you both?
Best wishes with your family.
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Seriously if you’re not a step parent with a similar situation you won’t understand how this woman feels.
Please talk to your husband and make sure your family is taking time to have one on ones plus doing things together as a family. Even if that is just movies and popcorn or board games. Even if you’re limited on time, the littlest time counts. Talk to your step daughter, try to get her to open up to you about her feelings… and find other step parents to chat with because they’re the only ones who will understand.