Feeling defeated as a mom, do you ever feel this?

Do you ever just not want to be a mom to your kid? I am feeling extremely defeated and I want to throw in the towel. My child acts so much like me at times, but then when she doesn’t get her way or is mad, she acts just like my narcissistic ex (her father). She tells me she hates me, that she doesn’t love me, that I’m not her mom and that she wants to be with her dad.

She is three. I want to breakdown so bad.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Feeling defeated as a mom, do you ever feel this?

Yeah I get that way sometimes too. But then I shake it off and remember I am the parent and I’ll be damned if they’re gonna rule me.
Don’t despair, she’s 3, at this age they act that way to get a rise out of you to see what they’ll get away with. Put that foot down mama and remember you are the queen of the house not them.

Who teaches her that bad behavior

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Sounds like she’s being coached. That’s an awfully young age to be expressing that type of behavior without seeing or hearing it from someone else.

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Look her in the eyes and tell her “its ok to feel that way but believe this I am your mother not your friend what I say goes until you are capable of doing things on your own.” If my kids havent told me they hated me I failed in my eyes I just tell them that and their attitude changes. Behavior is learned by watching others thinking if they do it and get away with it that it is ok. My ex got an ear full from me about the same bs and he has been out of the picture for almost 4 yrs now. I have 6 kids and I feel defeated the moment I wake up but there is no such thing as throwing in the towel because it is my job to make sure my lil azzholes are decent human beings.

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3?!?! Better get a handle on that before she becomes a teenager.

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Shes learning that from someone. 3 is a little young however when my 7 year old told me he hated me the first time I looked him in the eyes and I said “thats okay because I still love you. Your allowed to be upset with me but I will always be your mommy” and then he will take a minute in his room until he’s ready to talk. It might not work for you but it seems to work with mine so try that? I try to make sure my kids know they are people with feelings also that are valid and just always remind them im mommy and I love you

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Have you ever heard of the time out thing. When that behaviour starts just tell her that she’s being put in time out and explain why. Put a time limit on it, 15 minutes or less depending on how poorly she reacts. It has worked on my Granddaughter and believe me she gets pretty nasty.

My daughter did the same thing after her father and I separated, she was 5 though. Turned out he was teaching her to say these things and making her hate me for wanting a divorce

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I’d say I’m sorry I love you and keep it moving do not let her see it gets under your skin. Stick to punishment and follow thru never let her slide. My son used say that and I’d say i love you he’d say he wants go live with dad I say sorry mommy will miss you and he stopped once he seen guess what momma ain’t upset

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First - know that it’s ok to feel that way, parenting is freaking hard!!! Second, gather your self and breath. I can be a hot head and say crappy things when I lose my cool. However I have come to realize that I only act that way with those that love me and will love me even when I’m not the nicest person in the world. I would say, I love you and I’m sorry you feel that way. I don’t appreciate the way you treat me and until you can speak to me in a way that’s not rude, I would rather not speak with you right now. I know that sounds crazy but telling her you love her and setting boundaries are important. You got this, praying for you

Both of you need to see a psychologist

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You can do this! If you ever need to talk or vent i am always here! You arent ever alone! Hoping things get better for you💛

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3 is the worst age IMO. I mean none of my girls have reached being teens yet so I may change my mind. But for now 3 years is the worst. It does get better.

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Sounds like yall need family counseling. And thata okay. Seek the help thats needed.

Just 3 years, spare the rod and spoil the child.

Tell her she can say all she wants behind the closed door in her room where you can’t hear it. And when she wants to behave she can come out.

The mom needs to get that curve out of her before its to late a good spanking would help matters

She’s just pushing boundaries. Keep breathing deeply, take a minute if you need to, especially before trying to correct the behavior. Don’t let her see you frazzled by her hurtful words. Stick to your boundaries of what’s acceptable and what is not. But try to guide and correct from a calm, loving place. Easier said than done when we are in the moment. Peace be with you.

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My 3 year old step son is having attitude issues too. Discipline goes a long way. As does talking.

Its a difficult age. Read parenting books, talk to friends and hang in there. Parenting always has its challenges but kids are worth it. She also is mad and doesn’t know a different way to express it. She doesn’t actually mean it when she says she doesn’t love you. Try to get some “me” time when you can.

Three is to young to act out like that without having seen someone act that way. Maybe she senses you feel defeated and resentful toward her? You need to take care of you so you can be healthier for her. Find a hobby. And In the mean time, Time out, taking hints away whatever it takes to put your foot down with her.

I actually came across a note I found from my daughter to me from approx 12-15 years ago. It says ‘I’m going to hrut you, love Em’. She is 20 now, when I showed her she was like oh God, throw that out….

But at 3 it’s just a phase or her testing waters. The real fun comes at 17-19…. Two years I wish I could erase. Felt worse than my divorce.

Terrible 2’s and 3’s. It’s a real thing. She’s just frustrated because at that age they can’t express themselves properly. Cut out ALL PROCESSED FOODS. No junk food. Only real food. Cut up fruit. Veggies. Chicken. No crackers and cookies or chips. That food makes them crazy. And no sugar! And take her for walks and the park every day so she gets fresh air and has fun. And so will you. Join a mom group so she can play and you have adult time. It does get better. Just keep her busy.

Don’t focus on her acting like you, your ex or ANYBODY. She ISN’T you, your ex or anybody but herself, A CHILD. You sound like you’re suffering from PTSD and depression, and you’re projecting it onto your CHILD. She needs your support now more than ever. If you see her through the toxic lens of “she’s acting like her father!” you will not be able to give her that support. You both need therapy.