The best thing you can do for your son is get him away from this situation once and for all. He needs stability, not the on again off again situation you describe. I hope you can work with your counselor and find the strength to give him the structure, security and love he needs. Best of luck
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Iâd probably put him in counseling also. Itâs very confusing for him and he needs an outlet to sort out whatâs going on in his head in a healthy way.
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Sounds like your son needs to go to therapy also. To help better manage feelings. Even if he could see the school counselor
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He wasnât cheating??? But he watches porn a few times a day?? And finds random reasons to leave you for months??? Girl, I hate to break this to you⌠HEâS CHEATING!! Just because you donât find the messages, you have come to the conclusion he isnât? He can hide the texts, delete the texts, have another phone⌠Men are very creative.
Family counseling for you and your son. TBH, children often become products of their environments â do you want the example his father and you have given your son the one he continues with? Everything here on out should be solely focused on just the two of you. Your child deserves to see a happy, stable mother who is treated well by her spouse. We only have one life to live, make the rest of yours a happy one. You can do it. 
He needs therapy. All heâs known is toxic behavior his entire life and now things have changed. You need to work with his therapist to undo the damage.
Talk to your son and make plans with him before school. Tell him whatâs going to happen in the day and try to make something âspecialâ for him. Like tonight after school we will play your favorite game and you can pick dinner so he has something to look forward to. Try to do little bonding events with him to show youâre his person and will always be there for him. Let him know itâs okay to feel sad and mad and hurt and always reassure him that you love him and you are going no where. If you have any positive male figures in his life such as a grandpa or uncle or someone else have him spend time with him. And if you feel therapy is needed for either of you do that as well.
Love addiction has never been qualified as an actual diagnosis.
So shut the fuck up.
Love addiction? Never head of that. Codependency- yes narcissist that too! but love addiction??
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Get your son into therapy! They may just do play therapy for now due to his young age. He has seen how daddy lives his life and is using negative behavior now himself. It will take time to get him back on track.
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Therapy is good. Get him involved in a good church with lots of activities for kids and extra activities with classmates. If he has a grandfather, uncle or friend to fill in the void and add stability to his life that would be awesome
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Remind him that dad loves him. Dad being away doesnt change any feelings for son. Ask if he wants to call dad, keep the communication simple and open for son.
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Been there done that. My son took it much harder than my daughter. Counseling for your son. Definitely helps
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So heâs a narcissist and youâre trauma bonded. Leave him
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Your son needs to see a counsellor too. Does his school have 1? With him acting out at school, do they know whatâs going on at home so they can support him?
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Get him into counseling! He needs it too
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Your son will be fine⌠go to court and get parenting plan and restraining order if nessasary
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Everyone in the household needs to look into counseling.
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âDaddyâs sick and he has to get better before we can see him again.â Stress to your son that itâs not his fault that yâall are not together, itâs just that Daddy could make yâall sick.
Therapy for your son. Yes to martial arts; stress reliever, teaches self-discipline and respect for self & others, boosts self-esteem & teaches self-defense.
Find other men who can be a healthy, positive part of your sonâs life like relatives and/or friends who are like family. Is anyone in the dadâs family involved and a good role model?
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Youâve accepted that itâs not good to be with your husband? Itâs time to divorce him, get custody of your child and show your son some stability with you. Donât take your husband back thinking it will help your son because it wonât. Your son needs to talk to someone, he feels abandoned from his father and is acting out, ( it could be heâs getting attention even if itâs negative attention by dumping drinks, ect) good luck to both you and your son, youâve been through a lot but you both will be better off in the long run with out this person in your life.
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Let your son realize that his actions have consequences just like his fathers actions had the consequence of losing his family, explain the best you can, age appropriate
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Talk to the school Counselor
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Sometimes we have to be honest with them even though they are young and if you have a brother or something of such try to ask for some male help if possible
Iâd tell him truth not safe environment for either tyou
Put your son in counseling
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I can relate. Havent left but hate I fell for an empty man. Who feels nothing. Doesnt love his children nor me. They always leave a void leaving YOU with the mess. I wish I could give advice on how to cope because Im not there yet. But I worry my child will be the same. Youre not alone.
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Sounds like you son needs counseling himself.
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You need to get him into some intense therapy. Heâs acting out what heâs been taught about how to relate to others. Work on it now before he gets older and carries on this pattern of relationship
There is Abundant life after these heartbreaking relationships. You have to let go and stand firm in your decision. There has to be a better manly example for your son- and counseling for all is a smart move. Children tend to repeat the cycle of violence as adults when this trauma is not addressed.
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You already know whatâs best. You need to be strong and move on. Your son will eventually understand
Kids act out over big changes. You know his dad is toxic. Keep him away and get your son counseling.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/finally-breaking-away-from-abuse-and-my-son-is-upset-what-can-i-do/13188
Really the 5 year does not have a job and cannot take care of himself. Sit him down or snatch him up and explain that Dad is not coming back and you are not going where Dad is, when gets his act together and can be trusted around he will see him. Enough with the sugarcoating the 5 year old has not had any consistency with this man around. Accept it and move onâŚ
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talk with school counselor for your son; does he do end time with a grandfather or uncle to have done positive mske role models, pray
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Whatever you do, donât say bad things about his father. Running the other parent down to the child harms the child, not the other.
You and your husband need to figure out what to tell your son, and while you canât get along (for good reason, it appears), your priority should be to protect him. Saying his father has to live away for work takes the blame away from either of you and is something a child can probably understand.
It sounds like you and your son could benefit from counseling. It helped my daughter and me in the same situation.
Wishes and prayers for strength and happiness.
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I used to tell my siblings that there dad does love them in his own way, its not the best way but the does love them. I would tell them that he was an alcoholic and battling his own issues that it wasnât anything they did. Therapy is a good idea and if he is a narcissist run because even if he got sober it still wouldnât be good or health for either one of you. He would just use you and your son for his convenience and what he could get out of it. Take your son far away and start healing. Donât look back.
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Tell your son the truth his father isnât going to change and itâs his fathers problem. Unfortunately alcohol addiction is a disease and they canât help themselves. Tell your son his daddy is better on his own
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I left with my 3 & 9 year old. It was not my job to please them. It was my job to protect them and thatâs what I did. They knew he wasnât safe to be around. My son started having meltdown tantrums and even seizures. We worked through it while living in a domestic violence shelter. We are blessed now and my grown children are healthy and strong.
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Your son needs counseling, he is a victim of abuse as well. Emotional & mental, or physicalâŚabuse is abuse, this includes abandonment. Please get him help too
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Do not stay with him it would be a big waste of your life and time. Think of your son if he grows up seeing what goes on in your life he will think thatâs what life is. If you love your boy him and your self out of the night mare. Find a shelter go to a church get help wher you can. Sometimes police know where a safe house is.
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The only thing you can do is talk to him!! Let him tell you HIS feelings!!! Realize he is going to be confused, scared, and bitter!!! Do your best to address them one at a time!! Let him know he is still loved!!! And try to find some things you can both do together!!! Just some advice from an old dad!!
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You said to be nice ,here goes straight up ,what is confusing your son is the swinging door ,since this man canât grow up and be a Father. Chooses booze over his wife and child , Then itâs time for you to step up to the plate for yourself and Son. If donât want to for yourself then do it for your son. Sure heâs confused heâs 5 all any child wants at that age is to be loved and feel secured , Ask yourself this question Could you live with yourself if something happen to you son if with this man? Yes I didnât call him his Dad. As a real Dad would never choose anything first then his child.Itâs time for you lay the law down. And he only loves himself as again a REAl Man wouldnât do this to. His Family
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Your son also needs counseling in this matter.Get him help while heâs still young enough.
You also need counseling together as a family.
Leave this man for good before he totally ruins both your sons life as well as your own!!
Stay in your own counseling too.
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Not just individual counseling for you and your son, but also family counseling for you both
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Explain to your son that his dad is sick and needs to get better . Tell him his dad loves him, but the need for alcohol turns him into a different person. Until he can get better you guys need to stay away
Tell him you understand why he is upset but acting out isnât right
Good luck
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See if the school has counseling if not see if you can get it elsewhere. All kids a c t up when family life gets change. Just be patient with him he probably canât even tell you why.
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Iâm sorry youâre having to deal with this. Itâs wonderful that youâve gotten away from that relationship. Please stay away. As far as your son, talk to your therapist. Does he/she see adolescents? If not, maybe you can get a recommendation for your son. I believe that he needs and will benefit from counseling. Good luck 
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A child at any age would rather live in a carboard box with both parents than have the parents part ways permanently. Is there a guidance counselor available at the school for your son? Maybe you can get some counseling of your own to help to work out a plan for yourself. Sounds like there is no future with your husband, so you have to do what is best for you and your child. Again, it sounds to me like you"ve got a plan in play. I truly do wish you all the best.
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He needs therapy as well. He needs structure so that he feels safe and Iâd move as far away from the dad as possible. Good luck and keep your head up.
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Some schools have a pal program where the high school kiddos come spend time with the little ones. Maybe talk to his counselor to see if he could benefit?
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You are alot stronger than you think. Put your sons well being first. I have known a few men over 50-70 in my life time. Whom to the very end wonder why their Dad never loved them enough to do better. Dont wait that long work on yourself as you get better your boy will too.
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What the hell are you doing âŚIâd have been out of that relationship years ago .You are better off on your own by far âŚget your son into counseling a s a p
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Your child should always come first in life, your job is to protect your child at any all cost. Your child is OLD enough to understand that mommy and daddy cannot stay together, heâs to young to be told all the adult problems that a kid just donât need to be told, when he gets older all well and good, but you need to save money, get all your affairs in order, find a safe place to go, and make a clean break. You can do it. Good luck.
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Sometimes you have to what has to be done.I stayed for 22yrs. and it didnât help he destroyed my life my children where in the 20` s but can be done. Children come first pick up leave your will a better life. God Bless you.
What a life. Get counseling. Your child comes first. Let him love his father and see him within safety rules. No reason for u to stay with this man. Donât use your son as excuse to stay with him. This is not love. It is a toxic relationship
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Run fast your son will appreciate your smart healthy descission for the two of you.your son wonât be so messed up mentally if you make a clean break
My father left when I was around 5yo. Even into adulthood I thought it was because I was not good enough for him, at times as a child wondering if I did something wrong.
Basically please make sure his dad really loves him and there was nothing he did or could have done to make him stay. It was , is not his fault
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You are doing what best for you and your son stay strong I left a year ago these school holidays coming up itâs not always a good days but if rather be alone then with someone toxic
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Love is a strange old thing
You fall for the charm and mystery and find the misery out of the mystery
You can get supervised visits for your son to visit his dad or vice versa
This would work for both parties after mediation talks obviously
Your son would make up his own mind about his dad after a few visits and would see first hand if his dad changes and be more responsible
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Join the AA group for those who live with an alcoholic. You need information and support. There may a group for children of alcoholics but I donât know. You have no idea how much help it is to know what youâre dealing with and with a child involved it will always be with you even if you move on.
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Just throwing it out there, I thought my almost husband was faithful the whole three years, turns out he was just good at deleting messages and apps⌠careful girl.
Youâre son will be upset, kids get that way. But eventually he will be fine and everyone involved will be better off. Do what you know is right.
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Sorry you sons upsets and attitude is a mirror image of what he sees at home either from you or his father when things get bad. He is copying the behaviour that he is seeing. Is this good for your son, no, and who is to blame both of you. Your husband because he an alcoholic and you because you allow your husband access to your home n your son whenever he decides to come back and turn your lives upside down again. This is not acceptable and you as the main carer are responsible for what you are allowing to happen.
You have to realise that this guy that you obviously love is not a good example for your 5yo sons life. Kids learn in their first 4 years more about life, attitude, behaviour good or bad, all the above.
Now muma you have to take yourself in hand accept what is and what will be and let that man go. Stop him re-entering the home again until he is sober and if he isnât sober donât let your son have outside visits from him unless he presents in a sober manner so this will not affect your son anymore.
Do you want your son growing up an alcoholic it is very likely he could do if he sees this behaviour in his life.
Now you are not to run his father down to your son, in front of your son or even whisper behind his back as he will hear you.
If he asks you can say that dad is sick and needs to heal. He will accept that.
But you donât want you son following dads footsteps.
Be kind and graceful. You can do it losing love is hard Iâve done it because I was married to an alcoholic and itâs not a happy life but letting go is the hardest but you can do it and do it for good of you sons betterment and you will find once youâve made up your mind to do what is right your son will feel safe and happy.
Get your son into Marshall arts of some kind, or Police youth centres are a good start, get him taught tennis, cricket, football some sport that will take up both your lives. I ended up managing my sons football club you can do this. And if your having separation anxiety from your husband you need to see a psychiatrist to sort out your thinking. You start going to Alcoholics Anom to sort yourself out and see why you need to take this massive step, it will show you that once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. It may just be that you to have taken on some of your husbands behaviour and your son is acting up over it. I wish you good luck and God bless your decisions going forward.
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The affects of domestic violence are long lasting, it can take years to get through the trauma , when you first leave kids will test every inch of you every boundary every rule 100%will treat you the way they have seen you be treated, leaving is the first step to recovery , but it takes a long time to heal a family from dv
Be honest with him. Tell him the whole truth and donât candy cost it. In time he will understand
Tell your son , he âs working , on a trip ,trying to get help , anything , heâll, I left my husband, with kids and acted like we were on vacation !
Your son should be in counseling as well
Take your kid in for help too he has abused as well. He doesnt understand.
Put the child in Marshall Arts. Your probley thinking heâs being violent why would I? It will center himself, get his aggression out in a controled environment. Make sure no more than 10 other students. Experience.
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That is sure a sad position your in, if u get counseling for u both,I,d hope it would work ,but most importantly go to her ever in charge of your Religious church, ppl can laugh and make fun because you have turned to our loving God, let them laugh ,make fun .But I know Jesus is real and is the best healer there is,without prescription drugs that who knows whatâs in them, IF u give yourself and your son to God ,He will be your only healer and help as He,s the one that truly loves u both, get rid of the Devil that keeps crawling back in wolfâs clothing, he is messing up two lives here,And only God and his Son Jesus can rectify this mess your in.Don,t let him come back, there is a brand new life awaiting for you, but as long as your failed husband and father is hanging around, he,s bringing you down to Hell with him, Trust me in,e been in your shoes ,and did the same as you while at the same time damaged my little darlings .I,m not preaching to u ,I know how God can make you and your son a much better life God loves u and he,ll find some great man that will love u and your little one PRAISE OUR HEAVENLY Farher ,
Your husband is addicted to alcohol, porn and who knows what else. There is a free Bible based 12 step program called Celebrate Recovery available at some churches. It deals with the human condition of sin in all itâs forms. Original ly created by Pastor Rick Warren in conjunction with a couple guys who had been in AA. Itâs a good program for you, your husband, your son. Anyone who is impacted by sin.
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Love addiction? Youâve been manipulated to believe that⌠your ex is a narcissist uses love bombing techniques to win you over since you grave love and is codependent⌠You both need counseling asap.
I think you need counseling for you and your son. Because all children understand is Dad isnât here and he probably thinks its is fault. Maybe get him in to big brother organization where he has a male figure to learn from and has one on one time together. And you need to.know you are worthy you need to love yourself .Donât take the chance of losing your child because you let him go with his dad and he was drinking and accident happens and u lose your son. I know a family that this happen too and Mother is beating her self up over it and its been quite a few years .Get help now for you and your son before it gets any worse. We all make mistakes but donât let others keep reminding you of them. Work towards the future and let the past be behind you. Start out fresh by doing good things for you and your son. You need to change address and phone number if not this guy will keep making you feel you need him you donât and your son is acting out in school because heâs angry with his dad and heâs taking it out on others. He feels its his fault .Heâs lashing out at others even you .
A mother in my town lost 3 small children who were in the car with her ex who had been drinking. Get away from him now.
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You and your son need counseling should of left a while ago but move away so he canât have access every day
Get your son into counseling. The school should be able to help.
You did the right thing. I donât think you would want your son mimicking your husbandâs behavior
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Get out for your son,yes its hard.But once you get out and break that DV cycle it wonât feel like your walking on egg shellâs.I got away from my physical abusive partner nearly 5 years ago,and I feel absolutely free now.Im now married with a baby girl on the way.I have twin 7 year old boy girl from my first husband before the ex partner and just in their behaviour and self esteem since I left him they have come a very long way.Its hard but you can do it girl.
Find any & all Al-Anon meetings! Going to Al-Anon saved my sanity! I learned how to take care of myself & kids. And had many others that understood what my life was like!
You need to get out and get counseling for your son. Not easy yo do but you have to for you and your son.
Is it possible to take your son to counseling with you?
5 yr is to young to understand grownup s behavior get you and him away
i been there. just be there for your son. get him counsel asap. it takes a while but it get easier.
Get therapy , right away for you and son. Prayers 
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This baby needs away to let his hurt and confusion and anger out. Praying that the Lord Jesus give you both healing. Full you and this baby with peace, joy and strenght.
youâre in counseling, is your son?
Tell your son his daddy has a sickness and needs to take care of that. Tell him his daddy loves him but is having a hard time being a daddy just now. If there were something you could do to help him, you would, but daddy needs to do that for himself. Donât burden your 5 year old with things he canât change, or worse yet, things he will invariably blame himself for. But get out of this mess and build up your sonâs confidence as well as your own. You both deserve far better. The bandaid only hurts briefly when itâs pulled off, but the healing canât start until you do. Been there.
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Your child needs counseling. Youâre doing the right thing.
Yep counseling for the son and get away far away and donât look back. Counseling for you slso
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Seek therapy - also - for your son - NOW
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Get away from him. Start over a new life with you and your son. You both get some counseling
Put him in counseling Momma
Get your son into counseling. He needs it as much as you do
Please do not raise your son around him,
He is a bad example of a man⌠run and donât look backâŚ
He needs therapy. Heâs angry, confused, sad, abandoned by his father, and heâs only 5, he canât possibly understand whatâs going on with you or himself. He is his own person and may be angry with you, which means he probly wonât listen to you. He needs professional help, the sooner the better. And remember, heâs likely been feeling whatâs going on for 5 years, it will probly take at least that long to undo some things. The longer you wait to help him, the harder it will be, and he will likely have more outbursts that can become increasingly aggressive. Heâs telling you he doesnât understand and heâs upset. Iâm guessing youâre not a professional therapist, and even if you were, it would be recommended that he be treated by someone other than you. Sometimes we just need help, it doesnât make us bad parents. Asking for help actually takes a strong parent to acknowledge that they donât have all the answers. Good luck
Of course your son is not happy duh. Your son does have feelings duh.
Your son needs a counselor
Never stay with an abusive spouse âfor the kidsâ. It never works. Get right with yourself, and show that kid that life will be fine without dad. When dad gets right with himself, maybe they have a relationship better than what they have now. By no means should you live miserably so your 5 yr old can be happy. Donât let your little children dictate your life.
Maybe see a therapist, not FB
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Your son needs counseling also so he can deal with his anger in a healthy manner. Get to a family law attorney and start the divorce process. Good luck.
There are 12 step groups for young people.