So I’m a 21 yr old female and living with my girlfriend (31) of two years and I have a two year old daughter. Our relationship is always full of ups and down. We don’t have very many common interests especially when it comes to parenting. She believes in more of a “rule with fear” “spanking is a must” type mindset. Where as I’d rather communicate with my daughter and explain to her why she can or can’t do certain things. “If they’re too young to reason why are you spanking them and if they’re old enough to reason why are you spanking them”
she’s just a lot more harsh than I am. My problem is lately I feel like it’s been out of control and if I don’t pick her side always I don’t love her or I’m picking my (our) daughter over her. (I don’t dare say it to her face that I will always pick my daughter over her any day…DUH.)
She says she adores our daughter and sees her as her own… she’s always been good with her and my daughter wakes up everyday excited to see her and play. But when my girlfriend is in a bad mood she’s so mean and impatient and takes it out of us with snarky comments or no sympathy for anything. We wanted to try out insta cart because money has been tight but our daughter was having a late nap and she suggested “we can leave her in the car and lock it with the spare key” I’m sorry but… WHAT?! I would NEVER leave my two year old alone in a car while I go inside shopping (this was at 7pm) even if the AC was turned on and the car was locked. I totally shut her down and she was so upset with me because “it literally will be okay” she said. She was so upset we didn’t do that. Which raised some !!! Major vibes.
For the past few days my daughters had a nasty cough that wakes her up at night. We all sleep in one bedroom but daughter in her own bed. My girlfriend was angry we didn’t sleep on the couch to be away from the noise at night. She wakes up at 6am for work (understandable she doesn’t want to be tired) but I didn’t feel comfortable leaving our two year old alone in our room while she’s sick just so we don’t have to hear “annoying crying and coughing” (her words) she refused to sleep on the couch without me and made me feel really bad for sleeping in the room with my daughter. I understand some nights are going to be hard, we’re not gonna get enough sleep, that’s just what being a parent is, right?
She’s very stuck in her own mindset of “my way or the highway” anything I do or refuse to do is wrong in her eyes.
I’m at a loss. I don’t know how to handle this anymore. Are these red flags? Should I be doing something else to try and fix this?
We’ve had so so many conversations and arguments over this. I’ve threatened to leave so many times because she won’t change her “I’m right you’re wrong” mindset… I feel like I’m always in the wrong… but I’m so scared to leave because what if it’s the wrong decision? Should I stay and fight some more? Or be the bad guy and finally put my foot down and walk away? She tells me I’m dramatic and always so sensitive so I’m asking all this to try and make myself feel not so crazy and feeling the way I feel… please help…