I would talk with her about being respectful of your time with him, and that sometimes you have to say no. You’re not doing anything wrong, but she is hurting. Try to be patient.
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I understand grandma just lost her son, but she dont get to be hateful. You do what is best for YOUR child.
Ok, I understand both have lost someone. It’s the fact the Gma is being disrespectful to the mother. Set boundaries, and I would only do once or twice a month. I know she is still in pain, but she needs to realize that is your son. She needs to respect you bc you can stop her from seeing him. And I know you don’t want that.
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This is a hard subject. She lost her child and ur baby boy is a piece of him. In the end you are his momma and what you say goes. Maybe tell her it bothers u when she acts like that. Man this is a hard one.
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Don’t do anything. You are the parent. Keep doing what you are doing.
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Grandparents rights are nothing. I’m Oregon at least
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You need to consider how your child will feel if you stir up trouble because she’s irritating you.
Communicate, get something in writing of visits notarized. She can take you to court for visitation because she already has a relationship with the child. Her son died that’s all she has left. Why does everyone have to make it so hard and use kids as pawns.
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My oldest 2 also lost their father at 5 and 6 years old. Considering you are the parent and the only living parent, the grandparents honestly have no rights! I can’t speak on anything else as it’s been 8 years since their dad had passed and his family only sees them for holidays and maybe birthdays, occasionally here and there. And it’s not because I keep them away. I’ve never turned down a visit. I would have s conversation with them and let them know you love having them in kids lives BUT you are the parent, not them.
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Yes. My late husbands mother is a narcissist and took it to the court system.
The courts saw straight through her.
She got nothing.
They have very minimal rights.
Start with a parenting plan, if she can’t stick to it, court is the next step.
Depending on the situation; as long as the courts can see that the child has a relationship with their paternal family, they have no entitlements.
My husband passed away with our son was 15months, my husband wasn’t on speaking terms with her, and prior to that she had gotten so bad that she could only see our child by me organising it.
After he died my parents stepped in, as he was no longer alive to protect me.
Despite my parents insisting the access she was getting was better then what any courts would grant her, She still took me to court and went for joint custody; she had never changed our baby’s nappy with out assistance, and would often complain he was too heavy for her to hold after a few minutes, if he whined or got grizzly she would pass him straight back a d had a history of neglect and abuse when ‘raising’ her own
My son she’s all of the other family on his father’s side, we still spend Christmas with them and see each other when we can.
She has no contact with us.
Nothing is black and white with the death of spouse and no death can compare to it.
Set boundaries, if she can’t respect boundaries apply for a parenting plan that outlines them in writting.
This is your son, and you’ve been through something very very few can understand, if you need clear lines, draw them.
You’re allowed to do whats best for you now that there is no one there to help or take care of you 
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Oh my its been a year since she lost her son and it’s sounds like ur looking for an excuse to keep her grand baby away umm reach out to ur sons mum be there
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Set boundaries. Maybe let her have him one weekend a month and explain you want them to have a relationship but do not want the extra advice. She’s going through a loss of a son too so tensions may be high. Have a adult conversation. I don’t see how court will do anything but make it more of a toxic relationship. If it gets bad then stop until she can be respectful. If things are getting better step up the visitations. Make sure it’s healthy for everyone.
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Communication is key. Tell her how you feel. Explain you’d like to have a set schedule of when she sees him and sit down with her and make one. You don’t have to go to court to do this. Be an adult and speak up.
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The lady doesn’t realise how luck she is you are being very kind a caring she sadly is talking your kindness and taking advantage like others have said set boundaries and stick to them if this still doesn’t work you may have to take a step back there is only so much you can do good luck with this
File for what??? There’s nothing for you to file for. Sit her down and have a conversation. Tell her you’d love to continue fostering their relationship but there are some things that need to be discussed and tell her what she’s doing. Tell her if there can’t be peace and lack of hostility she’s going to force you to pull back bc it’s toxic for him
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She is supposed to be the adult ?? Tell her that if she has a temper tantrum, you will deny 1 visitation. Tell her that the ball is in her court.
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She is way too controlling. You’re the parent, you make the rules
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Tell her either it’s your rules or she will stop getting visitation. I understand she lost her son but this is your child. She can’t parent him and she doesn’t get to be mad if you say no we can’t come today.
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Ny grand parents don’t have rights
I’d let her know that if her attitude doesn’t greatly improve and she start respecting you as a parent you will go no contact and then do that
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Mil had her turn at mothering this is your turn
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You can’t file. You don’t have to let her see your child but I assure you, NYS does honor grandparent rights and because she does have a relationship with the child and her son has passed away, they will grant her rights. Then you will have to follow a court order whether you like it or not.
Your best bet here is to keep it away from court. You don’t need any legal tethers. Do your best to maintain your son’s relationship with his grandma. The court will see it as her helping the child remain included in half of who he is and will not be kind to you if you try to stop it for anything other then a very serious reason such as abuse.
I have a family member in NY who recently had the children’s grandmother file. She dropped it when the father of the children made arrangements with her to see the children regularly. The mother of the children was the issue and it was her mother who filed. Honestly though, it is what’s best for a child to maintain a relationship with their family even if they don’t get along with you. A children needs a relationship with all of their family and as long as those people treat them well, there’s no reason to interfere.
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You do you!
It’s up to you IF and when she sees your son.If he gets sick and you want him gone then so be it.
If she isn’t happy then let her take it to court.Until then your the parent not her.
I’m saying this though it would be good to give you that one day off(and free childcare lol)
make a set day each week and unless he’s really,really sick let her have him and stick to that day.Keep as a routine
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Losing a child is the hardest thing God will ask a parent to endure. That child’s child is their only tie to the missing son. She’s grieving deeply right now. Give her a break…and be more patient with her…please.
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Just keep doing as you’re doing, it’s up to her if she wants to go to court for set visitation. I wouldn’t worry about it as you have been more than fair with her.
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Be a bitch and remind her she has no rights to see your child. You give her the time out of kindness and tell her if she cant be more respectful toward you you don’t have to let her have time.
let her get to the point where she files . eventually she’ll stop askin. going thru this with my 5 yr old rn.
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You are the child’s mother & regardless of what some are saying, you have the right to be respected as the child’s mother & do not need to be guilted into anything due to someone else’s loss, that is not fair to you!
I do agree with allowing contact & visits, however she needs to respect YOU as the child’s mother & show some damn appreciation! I would strongly suggest instilling some major boundaries & then, do not buckle nor give beyond your boundaries!
First of all YOU are the mother not her.
What are grandparents rights? Sounds made up.
Grandparents technically don’t have rights and if she wanted to file against you let her just keep all the messages and what not to show u have been being nice and trying to keep a relationship for her and ur child even tho she lost her son she needs to understand that ur child lost their father and that’s hard on any child also. If you file against her the only thing you might be able to do is ask to set a court order for visitation for her and put everything u want and don’t want in the order and then if she doesn’t abide by it you can then take her back to court but she really doesn’t have a leg to stand on as a grandparent
Sounds like a mental/emotional grieving problem. Get her into grief counseling. Clearly she sees your child as an extension of her son, and when visits aren’t possible, she feels like he’s dying and leaving her all over again.
When she loses her cool, maybe say “I know you miss name and it’s so hard; no one can ever replace him. But this is my son, not yours. How about talking to grief counselor/psychologist/religious leader/other professional about this? Can I make an appointment for you?” Contact her religious institution and her doctor to explain the situation and see if they will reach out to her. Give her name to grief support groups and ask them to reach out to her also. I’m guessing she might not be the type to take the first step, but if she might, give her a list of contacts. Hospitals or Hospice might host or recommend grief support programs.
If she continues rant, say “I hope you seek help. We’re leaving/hanging up/signing off now.” And do so. Keep repeating until she gets the point or stops calling. Make sure you explain the situation to friends and other family ASAP so she doesn’t badmouth you behind your back. Encourage them to tell her to seek counseling and cut her off when ranting also.
It might help her to channel her grief to do something to memorialize her son. She could help out or make a donation to something that was important to him (like people donating to animal shelters in memory of Betty White), take an art or dance therapy class and channel her grief and memories into a work of art. Horse therapy has helped a lot of people process grief and trauma too.
Have her pay for and plant— or just sponsor—a small garden in his memory somewhere. Parks, churches, her neighborhood or yours, a school. It can be a flower or vegetable garden or both.
Bonus points if she’s in charge of maintaining it so gets to continually make it beautiful in his memory, or if she can engage children to help her plant and maintain it while she tells them about her son. See if you can put up a plaque or sign in his memory. “Garden sponsored by mom’s name in memory of her son’s/your late husband’s name”. Even a garden in her own yard or a balcony container garden or an indoor dish garden would work.
Or pay for something needed at a place that was important to him: a scoreboard at the soccer field or hockey rink, a stool or jukebox or piece of artwork for his fave bar, a trophy or award at the bowling alley or for the local football team, or a microscope for the science club at school, or a fund to pay for a free spay/neuter at a vet’s office. Of course check with each venue about what they need or would like that’s within your budget, what rules need to be followed, and any tax implications for you and the venue.
See if she can pay for a memorial plaque somewhere like sponsoring a bench in a park or other public place, a church building, or buying a brick with his name on a memorial wall or patio at his alma mater, or being able to name something for him.
You can also go to a star registry and have a star named after him. It would make a nice present for her, and she could look to the heavens and wave to it.
Don’t get mad at her, pity her. This really has nothing to do with you or your child, and everything to do with her grieving head and heart. Help that (the grief will never go away entirely), and she should stop freaking out about you and your son. It’s her cry for help. Maybe you, her friends, other family members and her husband (if she has one still around) could stage an intervention with a grief counselor or psychologist if she seems to be getting worse.
I am so sorry you are in this situation. How does your child feel about visiting with their grandparent? I am in PA but was taken to court by my deceased husband’s parents. Despite all my objections they were granted supervised visitation and eventually unsupervised which led to severe negative consequences for my daughter. She’s not even the same happy outgoing kid she once was. To my knowledge NY does have grandparent’s rights. So she could/would file for these rights. I kept a journal of interactions with my inlaws. Include dates, times, exact words that were spoken face to face or on voicemail. Document the child’s response. Be objective not subjective with your observations of the child’s response. Example (Ella cried vs Ella was sad). Save messages or texts. I despise grandparent rights. Unless a parent is deemed unfit or has substance abuse issues, parents should decide what is in their child’s best interest.
I hope you are never in her position. Have some empathy.
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You are his mother, not the grandmother, If she is a bitch, then you do what is best for your son & tell her to shape up or the visits will be far & few
She’s got a really really established relationship with your child so if she she’s she’ll get something. It’ll prob be less than what she has now though. It’s pretty shitty she can’t be understanding that the little one is sick or there’s bad weather. It’s one thing for her to bummed but to be aggressive towards you over things outside of your control is gross. Parent your little one how ever you want. If she tries to override your parenting giver her a warning and then leave. And start your documentation now and paper trail everything. No more phone calls deciding on visits, it’s all email or texts. Give her several dates that work for your family for visits if several hours. If she refuses that’s on her.
Personally I think she needs to get into grief therapy. It sounds like she’s putting her happiness in your kid and that’s a lot of baggage for a little one to handle. Honestly she’s sees her grandkid a lot already but I’m not shocked she’s trying to manipulate you with court into more time. Does she realize once she files all visits will stop until court is over and a decision is made?
You could also celebrate the Day of the Dead and have a family picnic wherever he’s interred (or the beach if his ashes were scattered at sea, for example). Play or sing his favorite songs, say prayers, read poetry, toast his life, reminisce, and talk about your lives as though he were present to be updated on family doings. Or go on his birthday, another meaningful date, or just pick a week and go when the weather’s nice…
The idea that he will “live on” in memory might be comforting for those who knew and loved him.
I hope you and your child are getting grief counseling also. Losing a parent/spouse is a horrible blow, especially so young. Love and hugs to you all.
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I went through this took 6 months but you’ll be fine.
Keep tracked of everything. If she threatens you. You can show you have been a nice person to her alsoput Dow if you could not let her have home and why
Give her some grace. Your child is her last link to her son. We raised 2 grandchildren and now that they are grown , I’d be devastated if we had no contact with them. Give her some grace❤️
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Do not file you keep all your rights and play it on your terms
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Have you actually sat down with her and told her how you are trying so hard to please everyone? Don’t file anything, be a stand up mama who shows empathy and love. It’s ok to let her know if something doesn’t work out in her favor, just let her know if it does not to be rude to you. Definitely communicate your needs, likes, and dislikes and hopefully you both will come to a happy medium.
It’s your child. Don’t need anyone to tell you what to do. You’ve been through enough.
That’s your child. Set boundaries, you make the rules. If she doesn’t like it, let her file. I’m pretty sure the judge would understand that if you have plans with your own child or he is sick, that it’s your right to cancel!
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First I would set her down face to face and tell her of your concerns and the fact that you have tried to be nice but her rudeness is over the top now and you are at the end of your rope with it. I’d say this is my child and I make the choices for him and if you want me to continue to let you be a part of his life you need to lighten up and show me respect otherwise the visits will stop. Then let her go without seeing him for a couple of weeks so she can think about her behavior. Log everything! Don’t waste your money or time for court unless she gets out of control. If she decides to go the court route, present your log. Document dates, times, conversations and outcomes. Good luck…
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Grandparents rights are nonexistent. Unless they have vital proof that that parent is unfit there is no such thing. I legitimately find that laughable I am so glad that’s not a thing where I live. I mean people can try. But I’m going to laugh
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I see a lot of people on here saying to give grandma a break. I totally sympathize in the sense that losing a child would be hard and wanting to have a relationship with your daughter. And you have given her ample opportunity to do so. However, grandma needs to respect that you are her mother and she is not entitled to having her every single time she asks. You are her mother and you have every right to set boundaries. Especially when if she doesn’t get her way, she turns petty and disrespectful. You are not being unreasonable. And she should be going around yours and your daughters schedule, not the other way around. Stand your ground mama. Best of luck!
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Tell her you don’t want your children to see her behavior. Then keep them from her until she realizes YOU ARE THE MOTHER and she better respect you or else she won’t see them. No one except a parent has RIGHTS to a child. If she wants to see them, she has to be civil and respect you as a parent and your rules and boundaries. You have done more than enough to accommodate her, it’s time to put your foot down. 
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She’s your sons great grandma then? If so she can get bent. You don’t need court, and no court gives her rights. Grandparent rights are for the parents parents.
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I have read several of these messages and I just have to say here, this mother has shown the grandmother grace, she’s given her a break, she’s let her see the grandchild and been more than accommodating. Now, the grandmother is not showing any grace to this mother who has also lost someone and her child lost its father. Grief is a terrible thing to endure but both parties need to be graceful of each other. Not just one sided. NO mother should have to break her own plans with her own child or send sick child anywhere. And if grandma was a compassionate and caring grandmother she’d not be so nasty cause she isn’t getting her way. Sounds like mom is doing everything correct and grandma needs to chill and value every moment she does get with the grandchild. She needs to be more compassionate about the mothers feelings and the child’s cause obviously she thinks she’s the only one who lost someone. And I can tell you right now, a parent looses a child it’s unbearable. A child looses a parent, it’s unbearable and a spouse looses their significant other, it’s unbearable. They all endure their own pain and no ones pain is more relevant than the other. My children lost their father, I lost him as well. I wouldn’t dare compare my pain to theirs or his parents. We all hurt an unbearable pain of our own. Best wishes to you and my condolences for your loss
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I went through that with my mother and it got to the point in which I had to set boundaries, move away, and eventually stop her visits for a while. Eventually she started having weekends once a month.
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Taken from a New York Grandparents Visitation site: “To determine the best interest the Court will look to how the child’s life will be affected by continued or newly established visitation. In addition, the courts will look to whether the grandparent supports or undermines the child’s relationship with the parent(s). This also includes whether the grandparent’s relationship with the parents is a negative one.” The fact that she treats you as she does will not bode well for her if she does choose to file against you. You have sole custody of your son regardless of what she might want or petition for, so there is no reason at all for you to petition first. Just document everything she does or says to you, try to have as much of it in writing as possible.
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Document everything. If she gets rude tell her to take it to court. Also until she is not rude tell her it’s a privilege not a right. You’re his mother and have a say to what your child does or does not do. You have bent over backwards for her to see your son. It can all change. Let her go to court. Write everything done or said between you both. Hugs and good luck. Unfortunately I live in a state without grandparents rights or I would be taking my granddaughter mom to court.
You don’t have to allow her to take him. The child is yours and as long as your not harming or putting the child in any danger there is nothing she can do about it. Just make her aware that your doing her a favor by allowing her to see her grandchild. I mean if she cannot agree with how you want it… Your the mother, not her
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You can take her court if it gets bad. Since the wound of losing her son is still fresh she may be feeling guilt of some sort and wants to sympathize with her grandson and make up for lost time.
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You should not have to cater to her or parent YOUR child her way. Seems like she wants your child in her care 24-7. That’s not reasonable and any judge should see that.
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In what state does grandparents rights actually work?
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It seems like she’s using the time she spends with your son as a way to deal with her grief of losing her son…almost like she feels he’s the tether to her son…at the end of the day you are his mother and you have every right to say no…maybe talk to her? Tell her how you feel and why you feel that way…you maybe surprised by what she says…she’s a mum’s too and she’s grieving the loss as much as you…well done on trying to be understanding…she might not even realise you feel this way…I truly hope you reach common ground…go easy on each other…Invite her for dinner and talk…good luck mama x
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I am in the same boat as his grandma. You have to understand that this child is the only piece of her son she has left. My daughter died a year ago and thankfully my son in law allows me to have my grandchildren whenever I want. He’s thankful and I am too. There will come a day when you will need her more. Please don’t burn that bridge. But I am not demanding or expecting to be told yes everytime. Maybe if you just talk with her she will calm down.
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You guys need counseling and mediation, do not waste money on something like this
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She would have to file and from attorney advice, grandparents don’t have much luck. They have few rights.
Some people, the more you try to please, the more demanding and entitled they become. This appears to be grandma. Set boundaries!
Sit down and be honest…back off or you won’t be seeing the child. Be very careful, because this might hurt the child. They have already lost too much.
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If it comes to court you want to file first. That would be in your best interest. Document EVERYTHING. Show how she is not willing to work with you, show how a new schedule you want to impose would better suit you and the child but still could allow grandma SOME time without taking over all of your child’s time. Be able to show that what you are doing regardless is in the best interest of the CHILD.
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Think long and hard before you get a court involved in your personal life. Once they are involved you loose total control of your child. The court system will be sympathetic that she has lost her child and you take her to court to take away her rights. That child is the only link she has left of her child. Give it some time to settle out as her grieving lessens she will probably let the reins go a little.
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Remember she lost her son…remember your son lost his dad. I understand the frustration. But as a mother and as your son gets older nothing is gonna be good enough for him in your eyes…youll tell him at some point that he can get better friends their not good for you…youll tell him that his girlfriend isnt good enough. She as a mother is struggling with a loss. That is what she has left of her son. Your son is her life, now too. She wants to protect him wants to Love him just like her son. Sit down with.her talk to her. She is still more then likely struggling still with the death of her child, like any mother would be. Lossing someone that close never goes away, no matter what. Work something out with her. Help her heal, as she will help your child heal from the death. She needs you and him more then you will ever know. Invite her out with you guys to a park or dinner. Instead of saying no ive got plans say we’re busy at that time but would you like to catch dinner or lunch with us the next day or something like that. Help her heal…its the time with your son that is getting her by.
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F*** that. Period. Yall can get mad all you want, but her grieving the death of her son does not and should not include trying to become YOUR child’s parent. You are the parent. You already tried to be sympathetic and understanding She didn’t give a f***. Obviously. But she needs to realize that YOU also lost someone, YOUR SO, YOUR CHILD lost THEIR DAD. She can grieve but her grieving should not be seeping toxicity into your child’s life or your life. Sorry yall can get mad. Would your SO honestly want his mom to treat you like shit? The woman who gave him his son and further more his grandmother wouldn’t HAVE her grandson WITHOUT YOU, draw boundaries and draw them now, if she wants to take you to court then fine, but don’t waste your money on her or the courts. YOU say when its okay and when its not. YOU say when she can see her grandson or not and YOU say what goes on with YOUR CHILD 100%. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. and for all of you commenting YOUR GRIEF SHOULD NOT LEAK TOXICNESS INTO OTHER PEOPLES LIVES. GET HELP.
PSA: Their reaction to you holding them responsible, to you drawing boundaries IS NOT your burden to carry.
as far as i know, even in states that have grandparents rights, it’s only a thing they can file for if the parent is deemed unfit. you as a fit parent absolutely have the right to determine who will or will not be around your kid. so I honestly would just set things straight with her that she needs to chill or you just won’t let her around your kid anymore, if she can’t act like a reasonable adult and let the judge also tell her that if she actually does end up filing for something
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Document Everything. Everything. As in keep a Journal/Tablet. I would date and time everything also.
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please don’t think i’m disregarding how you feel but my mother-in-law wiped her hands of my kids when my husband passed i made them ring her for her birthday mother’s day and christmas till they were 16
she was difficult but i couldn’t imagine loosing one of your children so i just kept trying to do the right thing
my kids have no respect for her as adults or no wish to contact i just figured my husband would have wanted me to try keep contact if i had my time again i wouldn’t do it differently
i know now as a grandma i’d never want to upset the boat or be difficult i’d do everything to keep the happy bond
good luck maybe try explaining to her that your not trying to upset her
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The way I’m thinking of it, it’s not like she’s his co-parent or has any legal rights over your son in the first place so why would legal action be necessary? But I’m not sure just my thought
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Do not set up set dates that she can see the child because that sets up presidence. Let her visit with the child in a public place with you there, like go out to dinner or something once a month. That’s it. No overnights for right now.
I would state to her just what you have said including the part about how she gets rude. Unfortunately, some people require the obvious to be stated to them, or they will keep right on.
There’s no going to court she isn’t a parent unless you’ve given her any kind of guardianship of your child. You have custody of YOUR CHILD. Tell that lady to shape up bc you call the shots, she needs to respect you if she wants to continue to have a relationship with the kid. No one leaves their child with someone who gives them bad vibes… js losing her son didnt give her custody of yours, unfortunately. Sorry so blunt but honestly, we all endure loss at some point it’s not this poor woman’s job to coddle her mom in law and go out of her comfort zone in the process. No. Boundaries people.
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Keep documentation but grandparents do have some rights in NY for visitation. Keep record of text communication in regards to trying to be fair in allowing visits. U could probably get it so it’s like one day every other weekend.
Have you checked the laws in your state? In most states grandparents do not have any rights.Be sure about your state before the battle begins.
This is so very weird - it’s his grandma let them hang out WTF
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Shas lost her son and feels that seeing her grandson keeps that little bit of her son alive. Its only been a year give her a break, Get something down in writing which you both agree to and ask her to sign it. The situation is still raw for both of you .How did you get on with her before??? As a grandmother myself I love them like my own and have 1 live with me for 20 years. She is not trying to take over Things like parenting skills put her in her place remember there may come a time when you are going to need her help .Please dont go down the court rd yet leave it a while longer
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That’s YOUR child. She has ZERO say in anything whatsoever
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Every state is different when it comes to grandparent rights. My advice is to communicate via text or email with her from now on not over the phone regarding visits so you have written documentation and also keep a written calendar because those are admissible as evidence, verbal conversations usually are not. If she files for a court hearing print everything out and a judge will either say she has rights and determine a set schedule for visits or say she doesn’t and tell you visits are at your discretion. Two best pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten from a lawyer were
- Document in writing EVERYTHING
- Let sleeping dogs lie (if she’s not filing any court cases leave it alone)
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She’s grieving the loss of her son and these grandchildren are her connection.
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You are the Parent, right?!
As someone who has watched families spend 10’s of thousands of dollars in courts regarding grandparents rights in a similar situation, I suggest finding a way to work it out outside of court. You have a right to your boundaries. The grandma’s grief is driving a lot of her actions. Talk sincerely, openly and find ways to solve issues. You both have the same end goal and that’s to love your son.
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She can greave in any way she wants, you’re still the child’s mother and ultimately it’s your decision what y’all do with your life. Grandparents deserve a relationship with their grandchildren when they’re RESPECTFUL to the children’s parents
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I’ve gone through this myself, in a different state. Grandparents DO have rights in some states. I had not denied them any visits ever but they wanted to be sure if their son couldn’t or didn’t want to take her they could have her. I let them file but we did not go to court because I was already allowing visitation but it was now in a court order and agreed upon. Let them take it to court because once established you won’t have to do any extra visits. Write down visits your willing to propose to her if the time comes( birthdays, holidays, school breaks etc) Good luck you are already doing the right things 
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I’d just try and talk to her about how your feeling first. I wouldn’t just go the court order route.
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Everyone saying she’s just grieving, why? Of course she’s grieving her son she will forever but that doesn’t give her any right to treat you badly, or try to control your parenting. It’s your baby. I don’t think her getting grandparents rights is likely because you’re already seeing her frequently. Just make sure everything is written down and try to communicate through text if you can to make sure you have documentation of how much she’s seeing them. I wouldn’t go to court. If she wants to she can try 
what would you be going for?
Document everything in a notebook, the times he goes the times you have to say no and why and document her reactions… if it goes to court this journal will be great evidence for your case. Also don’t let her bully you. Stand up to her and don’t be rude but explain the reasons why. If she gets rude just reply I am sorry you feel that way, but my son’s best interest is my responsibility, and he comes first always.
All these people with the “you are the parent” comments must be young. That’s terrible advice… your son is her family too and that’s his grandma. I do agree she is mourning the loss of her son and seeing him probably helps a lot. You should try to set boundaries before you go to court. It will be hard but it could help drastically. In NYS grandparents have legal rights. Idk what state you are in… you should google by state.
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Mississippi doesn’t have GP rights so I don’t know about other states. But it’s your child and sounds like you are bending over backwards to accommodate her. Idk maybe talk to her about how you feel but have a witness and start keeping records. Wish you luck and for easier times
I live in NY, they took away grandparents rights unless the grandparent has joint custody of the child with a parent, she/he can not take you to court to get those rights unless you’re unfit and proven to be unfit to solo do it.
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I agree that she is mourning her son and I do believe grandparents should be in their lives. I also lost visits with my grandson because my son lost visitation with his son when he missed his divorce court date. She was the only one with a lawyer and lied to the judge. We haven’t gotten to see my grandson since he was 5 and now is 14. He knows nothing but his mommas lies.
But I would document everything and set boundaries with the grandma. Let her know if she wants to continue to be in your life then these are the rules. Make her sign.
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Does your state have grandparents rights ? Some states do and some don’t,
I completely understand her son died and she wants a relationship with your child but she needs to realize that your the mother and your raising the child.
Put rules in place and stick to them…
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Grandparents don’t have rights in NYS they have no say if they get visitation or not. It’s all up to you
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put on your Big Girl Panties,Tell her to stop you need to work together,if she cant, cut down on visits,if she is telling your child crap it will hurt him.Keep a record of visits and responses from her,the facts, she sounds too childish or overbearing to want to go to court,Do Not go to court, it is alful,time consuming,very emotional, and expensive.I speak from experience. Look for a social worker or someone to talk too,with your son,can make all the difference.
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Check your state laws regard grandparents rights. I get she is grieving the loss of her son, but that does not give her the right to be rude to you.
She doesn’t have rights to the child unless you allow it. Too bad 4 her she can try to file but that’s not really how it works
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