Has anyone separated from their spouse because they’re not in love and are unhappy? I’ve struggled with this for a few years. Almost 10 years together and I feel like I got married too young and because I felt like I had to (parental pressure/that’s how I was raised, you get married and start a family no other options)… my husband is an incredible person. He’s caring, a good dad, hard working… I already feel like a crappy person for having these thoughts. The one friend I talked to said it’s not fair for me to be with him out of guilt and he deserves to be loved by someone completely, I just can’t help feeling selfish because while I know, eventually he’ll heal and find that person to love him the way he deserves… why should he get hurt now just because I’m unhappy and it’s not at all his fault? We have two children of which obviously since he’s such a good parent, I would never imagine going for anything more than 50/50 custody if that matters. Please be gentle and no bashing, I’ve really been struggling with this for such a long time and do absolutely love this man, I’m just not IN LOVE with him. I really already feel like a super crappy person for not being able to be in love with him when he’s so wonderful and I’ve tried for so long… I just don’t know what to do… is it selfish to want to leave? Or is it selfish to stay and prolong it…
It is selfish in my opinion, to him and you. Life is short, you both deserve to be happy.
At this point, it’s selfish to stay if you aren’t in love. I don’t see how you’ve stayed this long if you aren’t happy…once I start feeling like I don’t really want the person I’m with, everything they do gets on my nerves until I just leave. Don’t waste any more of his time or yours if he’s not who you want
I personally don’t think it is fair for you or for him to stay in something that does not make you happy. If you don’t think counseling could help then I think it would be better to leave now and find someone that makes you happy. Life is too short. Sometimes if we love someone, the best thing we can do is set them free, if we are not in love with them. He might resent you at 1st or even for a while but hopefully it is something that you too can look back on and realize it was the best decision.
I think that you choose who you love. I would start seeing a counselor on my own to try and figure out if you can learn to love him again. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s up to you to decide if this is worth fighting for or not. Nothing worth having or saving is easy!
Leave now, before it is too late. Life is not about what other people may think or feel. Your life is about you, not your husband or family or friends or colleagues or societal norms. You deserve to be happy and your children deserve to have a happy mom!
Have you tried getting counselling to figure out why you are legitimately getting these feelings? Maybe try that first
Just remember…the grass is not always green on the other side. You might leave and realize he was not the issue and STILL not be happy with someone else. By that time, he might already be with someone who deserves him. Just make sure 100 percent that it is what you want, before leaving.
I would definitely seek counseling.
i would try councling and just think before you do something you will regret
Talk to him about how you are feeling. He might feel the same way. Discuss together if counseling is something you want to do. If not, divorce, but be fair. Split everything 50/50 (money, assets, time with the children, child expenses). And since you are doing 50/50, no child support. Good luck!
I think that the grass isn’t greener on the other side… take more time to water your own grass x
You get one chance at life…seriously choose happiness!!! Be sure it’s him 100% and not you…sometimes we go chasing happiness but it’s our own happiness we’re looking for in someone else…take some time for just you first
Get some counseling because it’s not"fall in love and in love forever" if you love him that’s enough to work at falling in love with each other daily or at least monthly or yearly lol , it’s work on both ends, it’s a constant reconnecting. You may have an issue and it happen again with anyone your with, and you’ll run your life trying to find “love”.
Definitely meet with a therapist by yourself to work out what the problem/s is/are. Among other things you have to learn to stand up for yourself and not cave to societal pressure, though maybe you’ve achieved this since your marriage a decade ago. Then maybe both of you go. It’d be tough on both of you to be single parents. But who knows? Maybe he feels the same way you do? Most couples lose the early passion and you do have to work to keep a spark alive and get past the “seven year itch,” though if you were never madly in love with him, it might be best to split.
Ya if you’re not happy you don’t have to stay just because you have a past togetehr
I left my relationship of 9 years and it was the best decision I’ve ever made
I mean relationship change as you mature so that could be your feeling. You could break up but be prepared to be a single parent for a long because when children are involved you gotta be very careful on other men you bring onto your life and when you realize that you have had it comfortable with your current partner there isn’t a going back even if you are on good terms.
Tbh I think you should just leave for the weekend, a long weekend and see if you miss him. I feel like a lot of people also just get sick of the same stuff everyday year after year and dont love the routine it doesnt mean you dont love the person? Maybe try some new sex stuff with him ? An out of the ordinary date night? I’d see if you can recapture the magic before crushing his heart
If you have children I would seek counseling, you chose to bring children into this world so you need to stay with their father . Counseling will do wonders. Give it all you got
I would leave that way you can find love and be happy loving someone and he can find someone who actually loves him. Its life things happen the longer you stay the more pain he has to deal with.
Love evolves over the years. I’m not going to say your selfish for wanting to leave. I’m going to say you’re confused about what love is. Sounds like you need to try and get that spark back. Surely you married him for a reason other than pressure from family. You were in love with him at one point. Sometimes we “fall out of love” with our spouse. Everyone does. It’s what you do about it that defines who you are. You may think the grass is greener on the other side, but if you took the time to water your own grass it would be just as green.
I would get counseling for you by yourself and as a couple. Guess what long term relationships take work. Make a weekly date night and choose to do stuff thats normal for you but change it up sometimes to something one of you would like to try
It’ll hurt him at first but it’ll be so much better in the long run
Marriage counseling. Talk to him about how you’re feeling, try to fix things before you make such a long lasting decision.
Leaving only brings more problems. Have a checkup with your doctor. Put your husband’s happiness ahead of your own for 1 month. You may notice how he also notices YOU more. Love is like a ROSE it grows slowly.
He seems like a good man talk to him and do things together your friend shouldnt tell you to leave this year has been a crappy year and it could be a part of it ,think hard you dont want to regret it
I personally would stay. I’ve been married 42 years, married at 17. I fell “out of love” we went to counseling because he is a good man and great father. I’ve noticed we have experienced “in love” and “out of love” several times in our marriage. He is now in his 70’s and my best friend. He gets on my nerves, and me on his. We would not change it for anything. We’re content and happy.
IMO… I think a therapist or a long get away is needed. First for you and then as a couple (and I do mean for the getaway or the therapist). You may need to find YOU! You may actually be IN LOVE with him but you may not know how to be in love with someone. You stated you do love the man so something is there.
You are human, not crappy. Examine the reasons your love isn’t the same; go back to the day you met him. Were you ever really in love with him or just the idea of marriage, etc? Believe when I say that the man you have is a gem, ok? Have a thought session and the answers will come. No more self deprecation.
Definitely seek counseling. Be sure it is biblically based advice. Emotion attraction. Is not love. Love is patient. Are you patient with him? Love is kind to him? The bible breaks down the attributes of love in the book of Corinthians. If two people apply and practice these attributes you love one another. If you are unable or unwilling you are selfish. The grass is not greener. You could be regretting leaving a good man who loves you. To try to experience some unknown emotional high from a different man who may use and abuse you. Wedding vows are not to be broken unless your spouse is committing adult. Speak to your husband and tell him how you feel. Ask him to go to counseling with you. Good luck may God guide you. From 80 yr old 3 times divorced female, who wishes she had your problem when she was your age and knows what I now know.
Maybe try a trial separation and date him. Find the happiness, butterflies, and take time to remember what made you drawn to him in the first place.
I married young too,had 2 childeren as well,I was married for 29 years with him for 33 years.It is a long road with twists and turns,compromise.It is true the kind of love does change from from first love to spouse love,to having kids love to chaos kinda love to the teen age year time love,to empty nester love,but love is still there…its how we nurture it and feel it,how we want to feel it and keep it in our hearts…if he is enough to make your heart stop and remember why you came together,why you had kids,why can stay and give it a go,then stay and put your whole heart into it.If you can’t get your heart to get that beat of excitement even a little at the thought of trying ,maybe you both should sit down and have a very deep discussion but don’t be rash about anything for the sake of your kids.Bless you and good luck.
I think you need to make him aware that you’re not in love anymore so you both can work at it, not just you. If you BOTH can’t save it, then at least you can say you truly tried and then end it. You don’t want to regret it down the track.
Just because you have kids to someone doesn’t mean you have to stay with them, its not how that works.
Either plan a weekend away and take some time for yourself , or plan a weekend away for you both and plan some time trying to rekindle the relationship. See if you’re missing something…
If not sit down and have a chat with him and tell him where you are at… Communication helps!
Don’t feel like a bad person because you aren’t in love anymore…
Yall need to relearn each other. Ive been with my husband 10 years. Im 28. You grow and change so much in that time. I don’t think it’s time to throw in the towel till you try to reconnect and relearn each other. Theres a reason yall fell in love in the first place. Marriage isnt always roses.
Pray about it. If u love him…work on it. Dont leave bc ur not IN LOVE.
I would try counseling honestly and maybe take a weekend with just you. Imagine the life that you would have if you did get divorced. You would come home to an empty home. You would not have someone to vent about your day with. You would not have someone to cry to when things get hard. You won’t have a partner to help with rhe kids when you need a break. You would literally be starting from scratch. Also be mindful of the conversation that will come later with your children about why your marriage ended. My husband and I also married young. We went through some pretty difficult stuff and we have almost gotten divorced. But we kept pushing and each of us made the extra effort. Now our relationship is the best its ever been. Have you heard of the love dare? 40 days of making the conscious effort to love your spouse and show them each day. It works wonders. Ive done it twice and the love grows for both parties. I was surprised at how much it taught me to love my husband more. Maybe give it a try? I wouldnt rush into a separation or even talk with him about it until you have given 100% effort to better your relationship.
Leave now. This exact same situation with my now husband. He was married young , Right out of high school then they started trying for children only because it was the next thing to do after marriage. Needless to say it was miserable and he looks back now at the years wasted in a ‘ loveless marriage ‘ as he words it. Ten years of his life ( and hers ) gone. He was afraid to leave because he didn’t want to be the one to pull the plug and seem selfish even though he was so unhappy, but he says all the time if he knew then what he knew now it would’ve all been different, and like you it all started with marriage young. His family to this day hates him for leaving his ex wife and treats him like complete shit for shit ( and me for being the new wife ) but like many said above, it’s not about what other people think or feel. This is your life and you deserve to be happy and to love and be loved!
It’s not fair to him if you staying with him and not being in love with him let him go to be happy and loved the way he deserves
No couple of a long term relationship stays " in love " , in the good times it’s the best, in the slow times it’s called commitment. Having been married 45years I would not ever change my care and commitment. He’s the best and we have held on to each other throughout the good and the bad . That’s called marriage .
Your marriage is worth fighting for. If he is a good man and is good to you, it is worth fighting for. Maybe seek counseling for yourself? I promise you that the grass isn’t always greener.
Develop yourself. You didn’t marry too young to be the person you want to be.
This will hurt your children and have ramifications you might not even be able to foresee right now.
Not trying to be harsh, but there is a stark reality with divorce that you won’t feel until you are in it, and the pain is tremendous.
Your marriage is worth fighting for.
First, I will ask what is your definition of love? I always ask this first before I give any advice. If you’re chasing a feeling of wanting and yearning then I’m sorry to tell you that is not it. My definition of love for example is love is patient, love is kind. It’s a peaceful feeling of being secured that I trust the person I’m with to have my best interest. Is there arguments, yes! Do I wish to smother my husband at times, of course! And it can be boring. Now that being said, I see this all too often with women who married young. You feel like there is something else out there, that there is more and I’d like to tell you to really think about what you are doing. You are willingly giving a for sure thing to possibly find a feeling for someone or something else. If You are willing to put your kids through shared custody, consider this. CHANGE YOUR LIFESTYLE. I believe women evolve every 6-7 years. You have matured into a different woman now. You might want to change your role in the marriage. Dig deep and do self inventory. You are not sure that you are doing the right thing because you know what you have is difficult to find. I do not know you and you can very much do as you will but separating does not guarantee you’ll find fulfillment somewhere else, a feeling you’re not sure of. Your husband will find someone and that woman will live him to death. Based on your post, I can tell you are a sweet and caring person, not selfish. Unless you are undoubtedly sure and try to make some real changes, do not leave just yet.
It’s normal to feel that way especially when you’ve been with each other for a long time . What you need is a time with each other, just you and your husband without kids. A date night, movie date etc…
He seems to be a good man, leaving him without trying to be in love with him again might cause a bigger problem, considering you have kids.
Oh been right here where you are. Just wanna say I left after 21 yrs. 2 kids now 21 and 13 and although it was a painful process cuz like you say I too love him to death but not in love, but we got thru the hurt n we di get along fantastic still. He gets his girls whenever her wants no nasty divorce or lawyers no child support orders just us to getting on the same page and moving forward . Just know your not alone on your feelings. Many go thru this both men and women. But it’s ok to be happy and to be a great mom ,mom must be happy too. You can move on in a healthy way . We did fight n fight for our marriage but it never changed the fact that I will just never love him romantically you cant therapy that into someone. I wish you the best and I’m sorry for your circumstances but you sit n talk about it with him and take it from there. Moving on doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. We are allowed to have growth and make new chapters in “our” lives. Best of luck to you.
Marriage counseling ! No one is ever going to be happy all the time. Marriage takes work, but there had to be a reason you once loved him.
I don’t have any advice for you, but I think it is big of you to admit. Most people would intentionally find flaws and complain about their unhappiness and blame the other person, when in all honesty you don’t marry someone to make you happy, happiness comes from within. Personally I’m on my second marriage. My ex had an affair with my best friend and left me while I was pregnant with our youngest. So speaking from someone on the other side I would have respected him much more if he would have been honest and told me he was over it. I could tell, but didn’t want to face facts, that he wasn’t into me/us for a very long time. Yet he continued to string me along and create a family. When he left he wouldn’t actually give me a concrete reason, but blamed me, when come to find out he was having an affair. He still has a terrible attitude towards me and we do not have a good coparenting relationship. This isn’t easy for me or my kids. But it sounds like you’re a really reasonable person. The hopeless romantic in me says to at least try before giving up. Talk with him about it and see if maybe there are ways to rekindle what you had. And if not, I would be honest and let him go. I agree its not fair (to either of you) to live unhappily. You want your kids to see you both happy too. I am now remarried to the most amazing man. He is everything my ex never was. I am completely head over heels for him and we’ve been like this since day 1. It just doesn’t get old. Everyone should experience that kind of love.
Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice. When you are married and together long term it’s not always warm fuzzy, excitement and butterflies. It’s friendship and partnership. It’s working together for common goals.
You need to talk to your spouse and make sure he knows that you aren’t 100% happy so that he has the ability to make choices as well.
Do something to light the spark again that mad you want to be with him in the first place
It is selfish but sometimes it’s ok to be selfish. You shouldn’t stay with someone you’re not in love with. However before you jump into divorce, go to therapy on your own, if you feel the same after a month then talk to your husband, tell him you’re having doubts about staying married while letting him know it’s absolutely not his fault, then go to couples therapy, if you still feel that way after a month do a trial separation, do the trial for three months while still doing therapy both together and on your own. Explain it to the kids in a age appropriate way and again make it absolutely clear it’s not their fault, if you still feel that way at the end of your 3 mo trial then you have your answer! Kids are smart and no kid has ever said they were happier when their parents stayed together but were miserable!
I would talk to him and tell him how you feel. Maybe he feels the same way. Or if he doesn’t, maybe he’d be willing to do marriage counseling with you. Either way, I would seek counseling on your own because I think sometimes you need a neutral party to talk to. Keep in mind, the grass is not always greener on the other side. It’s perfectly normal to love someone and not be in love with them, and I think we are all entitled to happiness. Good luck to you. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. No judgement, and I have 100% been there before
I think if you’ve been feeling this way for years it’s not gonna change. I think u really need to have that conversation with him. It’s gonna hurt. But what will happen is u either cheat to feel something or u end up hating him. U gotta talk to him. It’s gonna hurt. He’s probly gonna be mad. Sorry but that’s my experience with this exact scenario. I hope it works out for u. I really do. Ask if u guys r really close room mates or spouses. Maybe stop the intimacy after the talk n 99% of the time both ppl realize how not in love they were. Jus good room mates. Good luck
I agree with many people that love is a choice. However, look back at what made you want to marry him. Flirt with him. Plan dates with him. Focus on him. Work on falling in love with him again. Help him fall in love with you. Talk to him and tell him how your feeling. Your not selfish person but you may have lost your way a little bit by being focused on your kids and day to day life.
One of my friends went through this, and it brought it front and center when he wanted to have kids. She didn’t because she was already feeling out of love. After going to counseling and try to save the marriage they decided to divorce. The counseling really helped them see it was for the best, for both.
Have you had counselling. Have you two just spent time alone with out the children and away from home. Make a date night. Date day. Walk on the beach. Anything. Sometimes talking isn’t enough. Find the person you fell in love with. Good luck. Xx
Go to therapy together and apart. Maybe the issue isn’t that you arent in love. Maybe you are actually just not feeling well about yourself. Sometimes, we need to work on both fronts.
The grass ain’t greener on the other side
Have you tried relationship councelling?
I wonder if you have been so busy with little kids that as they get a bit older, need different things from you, have their own friends and routines etc, that you are a bit ‘at sea’.
Do try a good counselor.
After splitting you will need counseling. So start now.
You can never live/have the life you think you missed. Get counseling. Also if you aren’t a religious person I would suggest you turn your life to God. God is love and there’s lots of help in the Bible. I read a book one time when I was going through a difficult time called “Lord change Me” It was a life changer and I have now been married over 60 years.
Marriage isn’t all courtship and roses all the time. Sometimes your marriage settles into more of a daily humdrum. Not in a bad way but some may call it boring. Seek some counseling, either alone then maybe together. Don’t write off your marriage yet. Try to work it out before you quit.
You always stay together and get along until all kids are 18. They didnt ask to have their world turned upside down.
Your post does not sound like someone who needs to separate. Your being way to fair, your post sounds like someone going through a hard point in your marriage. Everyone does, everyone eventually has feelings like this. I know I have. What helped was the time we spent together. Learning each others love language and ALOT of prayer. Sounds like you have a good man. I guarantee you let him go you will regret it when he is with someone else. Marriage is hard work open up your communication and get to it
Talk to him, tell him how your feeling be honest be straight do not intentionally hurt him, just talk and be honest with him. Good luck xx
I think u will regret it, hard to find a good person, have u considered separating for a year to see what happens
Hang onto what you have. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. The children deserve both parents.
Most marriages deal with this issue from either partner. The ‘in love’ feeling doesn’t always last but develops into something else. It can be positive or negative. That’s why people cheat on their partners… they are looking for excitement again. Talk to your husband about how you are feeling. He shouldn’t be the last to know and be blindsided if you leave. Maybe you can get the spark back with him if you both try harder.
My personal opinion!
- if you are truly not happy then it’s better to leave BUT you should try to make it work. I’ve learned that love is not only a feeling it is a commitment and the love dies with time and needs to be rekindled. The key to a long lasting relationship is commitment and effort to make it work and keep it alive. That feeling always dies a little the issue is when that lingers and nothing is done because you stay silent. Counseling, communication and effort is a huge part in this. No matter who you are with after 10 years its not going to be the same as the beginning. So are you chasing that new relationship puppy love honeymoon phase or are you truly not happy with the man your with? Just think hard about that before you jump to leaving. Cause no relationship is perfect and no relationship has a forever honeymoon phase.
It doesn’t matter how much counseling you have. You need to make time for just the two of you. To be able to reconnect and fall in love all over again. Every day is a choice one makes. Being married and raising a family is hard but if you don’t make time for each other, the busy life you have interferes and everything else takes presidence over your marriage. If he is bad to you and abuses you then yes, by all means go but if he is kind and loving towards you and the kids, it’s a mindset of what is needed to make it work. Start with yourself by changing your attitude towards him. As the one woman said, the grass is not always greener on the other side. Especially when children are involved. Start seeing and acknowledging the good every day in him and he will do the same. COMMUNICATION is key in any relationship. Being single and raising children is harder. Good luck sweetie. I hope you make the right call
I think you should talk to him and say you want to fall back in love, maybe try remembering how you guys started, try “starting over” and going on dates, do all of the cute stuff in the “honeymoon stage” or maybe even try couples therapy
You know marriage is a lot of give-and-take. I tell my daughter you’re the one waking up every day on happy and making your life the way it is. Same thing with you. you’re the one waking up everyday unhappy with your marriage well it’s up to you to change that.marriage is not just all fun and games I mean it’s a lot of work and it’s a lot of trust and faith companionship all of that. You end up doing things that you never thought you would do for your spouse and vice versa or you make decisions that you thought you would never do because of your spouse or vice versa on their end. How about compromise it took me years to compromise on watching westerns I watched westerns growing up with my granddaddy lol. But my husband likes Westerns and that’s what he likes to watch. how about mushrooms my husband does not like mushrooms and does not care for them but he eats them in our food because of me. You’re talking to somebody who spent the first five years of her marriage with her husband in and out of jail I don’t feel like telling the reason why. I was homeless once without my husband because apparently there was a sinkhole under my home it was unsafe to live in it was either I leave or they arrest me and charged me with child endangerment and take my kid so that’s when I found out who all my friends really was here I was with no job no car no food stamps phone money no nothing and a five-year-old homeless asking where is she going to sleep and a daddy in jail. Put your big girl panties on and throw you a backbone and you’ll figure out how to get through it right cuz what doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger. How about hurricane Michael I still live in a 5th wheel camper with nobody in their own bedrooms only one bed for the whole family and dogs to sleep in. Honey at least you have your own bed at least your children have their own bedroom you have a dining room to eat in kitchen to cook in a separate living room trust me you should be thankful for the things that you have. My kid has lost everything in her life that she’s ever had two times now except for a trampoline that I saved from the hurricane that’s all she has left. my husband and I barely have any money to survive on and we cannot afford rent in a regular house since the hurricane because they just felt like they could go up and up and up on rent. Trust me what doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger if you’re unhappy with your marriage you really need to sit down and figure out what yourself why you’re unhappy I know I get up and I drive and I complain a lot but at the end of the day I am truly thankful for my family for my husband in for at least the camper. Is sheltering my family from the weather from the rain from the sun. I am in other words I’m thankful for what I have I’m not asking the Lord why I don’t have a house I’m not complaining in other words. So you need to figure out in your heart what is really true and honest with yourself as what it sounds like. I have family that could care less about me and my kid I have friends that could care less about me and my kid and trust me it is a rough world out there. you learn to be strong to be bold to be confident to have faith and to pray to the Lord trust me. When you have a marriage you have to have faith the Lord of course trust but most important of all faith. I look at everyday as a new day for a new door to open and something new to be behind it no matter what it is even if it’s just a small job in my husband only made 30 or $40 today to live off of and to feed his family or somebody help donate groceries to us because we didn’t have food or something like that I always tell people look at the situation I’m in you live in a $300,000 home I live in a 30 year old camper thanks to hurricane Michael with a broken down truck half the time that I cannot fix I have sewage leaking in my backyard because of a landlord who does not want to fix it I have electricity problems at my electricity box going to my trailer when it’s raining it shocks you if you have no shoes on your feet anything metal on my property shocks you if you do not have rubber on your feet. But I am still thankful everyday for my family my husband my daughter and my camper which is my home the only home I have. everybody in all these comments living all these luxurious homes in these nice luxurious neighborhoods driving nice luxurious cars you guys should truly be thankful for what you have instead of complaining all the time everywhere. all these women complain about their husbands and their lives man they should walk one day in my shoes I have to help my husband cut down trees and trim palm trees and a hundred degree weather remodel people’s homes my husband is a handyman and a carpenter and a Yard-Man It is very hot out here just to make what little money we make for our child our child is also with us on these jobs so I have the responsibility of helping my husband cut down a tree and taking care of my child all at the same time. Please be thankful for the things that you have
Its totally natural. I felt a like this and was constant grumpy mole. theres a website called thriving wives and they have a 21 day gratitude course. It helps you open up and really reflect on your relationship and teaches you how to reconnect with appreciating the other person again. As your mood lifts so does the whole mood of the household. So happy I did it.
Why don’t you speak to him about it? Be completely old. And honest, and maybe try couples therapy to try and address the issues xxx
I think before leaving I would be up front and honest with him. You may think that you not “in-love” but in reality be burned out and need to reignite the flame. Love at 10 years looks different than love at year 1 or newly wed. You maybe thinking you feel one way but in reality be feeling another.
Me. I was brought up the same way. You are obviously able to see his good qualities. You are not trying to direct blame at him. It seems like you are being honest with yourself. Be honest with him. You are not a crappy person. You are an honest person. Both of you deserve to be fully loved. It’s not wrong to admit your feelings.
Your not a bad person at all. If anything, your a good person because your acknowledging how you feel and your trying to find a solution all while trying to protect your husband from getting hurt. The only thing I can say is, life is so damn short and you BOTH deserve to be happy. Deep down you know what you have to do and as hard as it will be, in the long run it will be so worth it xx
I don’t think you’re selfish at all… I was with my husband for 13 years and we have a son together… I wasn’t in love with him and so we split in 2018 … we’re so much happier apart…he’s moved on but we’re still good friends and my son is a lot happier aswell… do what makes you happy n just be honest xxx
Literally I used to feel the sameway. We have now been divorced for 10 yrs and we are great amazing friends. Many people comment and say how much our 3 kids are so lucky and they have the best parents.
I think it’s a very brave thing to come out and express these feelings. It must be so hard and painful. Definitely worth telling him how you feel, I personally set a time period of trying to rediscover ways to connect and the most successful one was going to couples counselling with marriage care charity. That way if your heart still tells you it’s not right for you, you know you’ve given it your best try. Your future happiness is important and you will do the right thing for you and your family
I have known people in similar situations, who chose to have open relationships. They are still married and still friends and still raising their kids together, but keeping the family unit whole mattered more to them than anything. But they also have relationships with other people, sometimes just sexual and sometimes full on relationships. Obviously not for everyone, but it is an option.
I have been there and simply put. You’re not a shitty person for leaving. Yes it will hurt but my ex husband is now incredibly happy with his second wife and I’m so happy for them. They have now been married for 15years and I’ve watched him flourish. She’s a good step mum and definitely the right wife for him. We are still on good terms, he’s probably the longest running friendship in my life. There were bad times leading up to where we are now but in the end I know divorcing was the right decision. Trust your gutt and your heart.
Someone above mentioned finding ways to fall in love again. It won’t work for everyone, but if he is a great guy overall, I think it’s worth a shot to at least try. Wishing you the best no matter what you decide. Only you can decide what is best you for and your family.
Okay, I understand completely where you’re coming from, of course our biggest critic is going to be ourselves. But I like the way you think. You know the problem, you know what you have to do, I would sit down with him and explain the best way possible about your feelings because if you continue to love like this you’re not being fair to yourself and you’re not being fair to him. You don’t want to carry it on like everything is okay and make him fall even deeper and break him. Don’t live a lie and expect him not to be hurt the further you let it go on. Be true to you, be true to him. With you having this problem you’re already not allowing him or yourself to move forward with life. Just be gentle he may turn around and feel the same way you never know. Just expect a bit of bitterness because it is going to hurt both of you, explain to your kids the best possible what is going to happen, prep yourself and have plan on what you’re going to do because you can’t obviously stay where you are and expect him to just pack up and go when he is where he wants to be although it just isn’t with you mentally but physically. The longer you hang on the longer and harder it’s going to hurt both of you and your children.
The words for better or worse mean anything any more? You owe it to your partner to sit down and discuss the issue. Sounds like you two stopped dating each other. All new relationships feel good and exciting. I hope you are putting in the effort and not just looking for a reason to leave.
Why not look for ways to fall back in love with him first u obviously still see him as amazing and then if u don’t then u will have tried and u won’t fell as bad then u can both sit down and talk about the next step
Is it that you dont love him or is it that things have got boring? Spend some time together try to rekindle the spark. If you still feel the same then leave. You cant leave until you’ve tried to remember why you married him in the first place. Forget family pressures etc try to make it work first
I think its selfish to stay if the love isnt there, but definitely make 100% sure it cant go back to love. Because we dislike our spouses all the time. It’s natural. I mean, its temporary. You have ups and downs. But if your super sure it cant be fixed with therapy or something. Then…maybe hopefully have a peaceful separation
Jesus can and will restore your marriage. Divorce destroys the children that are involved in it. Don’t believe that it doesn’t.
I am in sams boat hun take it day by day do what’s best for you and your kids u have to be happy at the end of day for many years I felt as I was locked in now planning on leaving after 11 years 2 kids n its not easy but us as woman have to be strong n do it… need to talk feel free pm me
There are different types of love, even in marriage. No couples are the same people when they first got married, and especially after kids.
My question would be what you consider being in love. Love changes and grows throughout marriage, and may not always be that passionate “can’t keep my hands off you”, but more of a deeper, “I’m so glad that you are the one beside me on this journey”. And sometimes you just need to spend time alone together to remember why you did fall in love to begin with.
Most of all, keep communicating and talking. I suggest going to a counselor alone first and then together, to help you better understand what exactly you are looking for and needing, and if you can still find it again together, or just need to move on.
Sometimes people just arent meant to be together. I would imagine he can sense that you arent in love with him anyhow so it would be better just to let him know and go separate ways so you can both find someone that you do love and who loves you. Who knows he might feel like you guys would be better as friends as well.
Maybe therapy can help you reconnect. As we grow we change and some get stuck in a rut. Good men are hard to find open a discussion about needing to grow together
Well I would say the best to split with him like you said let him move on and find somebody and you’re not being a spiteful person separating from him not taking the kids from him so on and so on maybe sit down and explain everything to him calmly and see how he feels about that if you care and he’s a good guy don’t just jump and surprise him with divorce papers just let him know what’s going on to let him comprehend what’s going on
You need to be happy too. He will be hurt but he will heal and he will move on. And you will be able to find someone too. In the long run its whats best for both of u and ur kids.
Selfish to stay. The longer you stay, the more it will hurt. He deserves to be truly loved, not think that he’s with someone who’s in love with him when they want to leave. I say leave and let him do his own thing & you do yours.
Yes and it’s better to do for everyone involved even if you may not see it at the time💯
U two need to talk about things tell him how u feel .maybe he does too but just does not want to hurt you.talk it out so the kids don’t get too hurt.
“In love” feelings come and go. Real love is sticking around for the times the spark isn’t flaming.
Maybe resparking the romance and sexual side of your relationship could help you fall back in love… explain to your husband what your going through and maybe arrange a date or 2 and romance each other again like you used to… d
I did leave for same reason but, it still hurt to do it…
You need to be open and tell him , my ex husband and I were married for ten years had three children I knew things were not great but I thought it was because we were just learning /going through the modes /working on life and the marriage but when he finally said I don’t love you the way I should it was devastating absolutely the most painful hurtful thing ever .
My husband didnt love me, I gave him an out and he took it.