Has anyone separated from their spouse due to not being in love anymore?

I sure did after 5 years. My heart broke for my kids mostly.

Are you my exhusband lol ??? Same !!! Legit crazy same situation

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13 years and 5 kids later and I feel the same way… luckily we arnt married, but the thought of walking away is hard, especially when there is some much comfort, emotion, hystory etc.
My relationship hasnt always been the best, we have had good times, fun times, have gone through cheating, worked really hard on fixing what our problems where, finding out where our toxic traits stem from, breaking family cycles etc we have had 20different relationships in one, but we are now who we are because of that. I mean I thought it was everything that I wanted when we first met (I was 15 he just turned 19), now I’m older, I just don’t see him as a person I would want to be with now… we work really well together and do love each other like you wouldn’t imagine…
Lots of you are saying 'get the spark back, try harder etc.
People change, love changes, we grow, learn different things, get new interests and after a decade, life…we, they, your interests, thoughts and feelings, isn’t same as it once was. It happens and it would happen with or without the other person or your children in your life… and that’s ok.

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Welcome to marriage. This is a low. You find a new goal and work towards it, vacation, remodel. Something besides, “I’m not feeling giddy about the guy”. Marriage that lasts isn’t about being “in love” . It’s having someone stand with you in the good and bad times. Trust and respect. If you have energy to go explore a new relationship to get that " feeling" then you have energy to spark up your life and marriage,with out imploding your children world. And his. Talk to your spouse, he is probably more then willing to work on your life together. My mom married young, cheated as it was the only way my dad would divorce her. And now wonders, after many failed relationships and damaged kids, if it would have been better to stay and work it out.

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Have you spoke to your husband about this? Before choosing to move on please seek marriage counseling from a professional. Ask your husband how he is doing with the marriage. Write down the pros and cons of your relationship now…what is the con besides just not loving him anymore? What made you fall out of love with him? Is there someone else you are wanting to date? I KNOW these are hard questions and not ones you want to ask yourself or hear.BUT if this is really something you want do what you can to save your marriage or be 100% honest with your spouse and if he wants to fight for your marriage then fight with him. SO MANY of us got married young and a lot of us are divorced for one reason or another, i know that when I walked away and divorced my now ex husband it was after a lot of books, counseling for me and therapy- he had issues though and he wasn’t a good father, husband etc…but i still struggled to walk away because I was taught to stay.
If you just don’t love him, then maybe find out why, what us going on with you that is making you feel this way…again its okay to feel this way just be honest with those thoughts to yourself and your husband
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Also are you going to be okay with your kids having another mom around to care for them and have a life with them? Are you ready for that? Your spouse could move on and remarry faster than you (my ex did) is co-parenting with a step-mom going to be okay for you? This is A LOT of questions I know and kinda jumbled but I think its so important to do the yuck dirty work then if you are still for sure not wanting to be married - divorce and choose to co-parent in a loving manner. I am thankful always that my ex and I are good co-parents and his wife is great, very happy for them and thankful my girls have a step-mom who loves them.

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I dunno its a hard one cor sure. I know I dont always feel in love with ny husband. Things arent always perfect in a marriage. I got married at 17 and dated him since I was 14. Im now 30. Sum days he irritates the living daylights out of me some days I love him so much it hurts and sumtimes I so angty with him I dunno how the hell I stay wiyh him lol. But feelings arent permanent they change and ive always had hormonal probs so that cant be trusted lol. Its wat u put into the marriage that makes it loving etc. Wrn things get tough we watch movies together or take a walk or go out. Remember why u fell in love in the first place. And remember u cant be feeling In love every second of every day in a perfect world yeah. Dont do sumthin ul regret try everything to save it first. If ur absolutely sure later then go for it.

Yes I’ve been there if it sure an unhappy talk to him separate if u need to for awhile an make sure it’s what u need an hope he understands good luck hope it goes well

It’s not selfish either way. You want to be happy and you want him to be happy. Have you tried talking to him about how you’re feeling? I ask because I was in an unhappy marriage, we were both unhappy. He left with no warning. It hurt that he didn’t even talk to me about it, he just left without a word. It wouldn’t have been as hard of a situation if I had known he was planning to leave when he did.

I just hope you won’t be regretting your decision, Sis, if you decided on leaving him. You said that this is a wonderful husband and person: you are one of the luckiest few. Have you heard a lot of news recently about failed relationships because of abuse and maltreatment of women by their own husbands or partners? What if you found what you felt as the love of your life yet found out later that he’s the total opposite of your first husband? You might even compare both of them in the future, might regret that you have let go of the better one, and realized that it’s too late to mend everything. It’s not only him who will be hurting in the process you wish to undergo: your children will suffer a lot as well. Sorry if you felt that way right now but you have to think, pray it through, and seek God’s guidance to avoid regretting things in the end. Who knows, you might change your mind and heart from this.

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Love is a choice, not just an emotion. You have to choose to continue loving him even if you don’t feel it right now

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Ur friend is right. Ur gonna end up resentful of him and urself eventually. Ur unhappiness will seep out in unexpected ways and if he hasn’t seen signs of it already he will soon or even the children may take notice of “unhappiness”. Just be honest with him. It will be a blow at first but seems like y’all may be the best of friends post separation u both sound like very well rounded people just NOT THE ONES for each other. Better now than many more years down the road. :pray:t2::heart::pray:t2::heart::pray:t2:

Marriage isn’t ever perfect , stick it out … it’s AMAZING what God does in the most wrecked marriages and what appears to be a loveless one… there is help out there and so much hope.

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It will be more devastating if you leave him and you never find anyone close to what he is . Find someone to talk to. At times they could be small issues that can be worked out. But don’t create all kinds of excuses to justify why you should leave him. And lastly “You will never know what you have until you lose it”.

Pray about it. Go to counseling. Talk to HIM about it. Maybe start a date night with no kids once a week. Maybe the love can be rekindled. If those things don’t work, your marriage won’t work either. You both deserve to be happy and loved. I wouldnt just run for the woods before you talk to him about your feelings…

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My wife and I separated and eventually divorced for the same reason. We now get along better than we did married, we co-parent 50/50 and we do things with our son together with each other and our current spouses. I came from a broken home myself and never wanted that for my son but I feel he will be a happier, well adjusted adult growing up seeing his parents happy and in loving relationships. Life is too short. Be happy. You BOTH deserve it!

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I think the main question is do YOU wanna try to make it work cause if you do then it’s worth talking…but hey who knows maybe he feels the same way you do but just is afraid to talk to you about it also…he seems like a good guy and it might be worth the talk​:grin::grin: good luck with whatever decision you decide

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You can only decide for you but i agree that there are stages , but personally it might help you to talk to a pro to see why you feel what you do and ask god to guide i agree .Because mine lives in Pennsylvania i live in nebraska and he was real messed up and i was not an understanding or easy person to live with still legal but haven’t lived in same state in 20 years .dont just trash a good guy if a little help will fix the problem.

I was in that exact situation with 3 young kids. It was hard, but now my ex husband met someone who loves him the way a woman should love a man. He is happier, and i am happy for him. I’m sorry it broke up our family, but I couldn’t lie anymore. Nobody ever cheated or did anything wrong to each other. It was the right thing to do. Our kids are fine and loved by both parents and our new partners.

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Talk to him. I would say take a break from each other and make sure. I felt the same way with my husband of 10 years and after 3 or 4 days we realized we needed to be together. I just think we just get bored and think it is we don’t love the other. I could be wrong.

It’s best to separate. My ex- the father of son and I ended up resenting one another and started to treat me like shit. We both knew it was time to leave so at least that made it easier

All marriges go through the stage where everything is ok then they feel like they don’t care for each other anymore whether it is with him or someone else it will still happen. I believe in giving it a try. Go on dates, go to counseling, pray on it. Then go from there. Remember love is actions not feelings. And he sounds like he proves it to you. You could find someone you love but it’s not promised they will prove to you that they love you back like your husband does. That’s why don’t base everything on a feeling because feeling come and go. Praying for you and your family. :pray:

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Maybe u should try counseling to work thru all of this. It will help u to feel confident in ur decision either way… :yellow_heart:

You should leave him if your not feeling in love with him.He deserves someone who does.

Remember those wedding vows? For better or for worse? Not for better then take off when you get tired of it.

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Ugh that’s a tough one ! I’m sorry your in this situation … unfortunately only you can make the decision … although i can’t relate and haven’t been in this situation before, you really have to ask yourself what you want for yourself ?! If you don’t put yourself 1st eventually everyone around you could suffer. Like you said you’ve been struggling with this for years … do you want to struggle for the rest of your life ? Or do you want more for yourself ? I wish you all the strength to get through what your going through. Just try and remember your kids will always love you no matter what ! You will get through this

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Look around you, a good loving man is rare! If you have one hold on . Or ask him if he is happy with you, maybe he feels like you do.

Hi im married32yrs and it has been wonder GG up never a problem he’s a good man and loves my kids his step kids we’ve had our ups and downs talk to him you all take care of yourself self care keep your hearts happy if there’s a ppl Robles talk it out and to been a great time for us were senior citizens and retired together 24/7 and love our time together my kids like hem maybe tolerate him with me im happy 32 yes is a lot of time to love each other like the day we met both recover I ng alcoholice me drug addict q5 yes sober clean both of us love my kids always be there for them and they Are great adults hard working 6grkids we love and see t h em rarely but they have their lives 6grkids whome we love dearly talk to each other ge y to know yourselves go t I counseling im in a program 9 yes bipolar hubby too mentL health classes going for help is good on meds doing great good luck to all ok f you in the h is world make it work love will keep us together God bless you all and good luck Andrea kirker

PLEASE do not leave this man. Emotions change , you will come back to deeply loving this man. You will have ebbs and flows just like how you feel about your friends etc. Your husband deserves counseling to help you find bnb your way back. Divorce does nothing but give you some real problems and ultimately destroys your children and you. Unless he is an abuser , wait.

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It’s hard to find a good man. It took me a horrible first marriage to find that out. I hope you try counseling, communicating with him what your needs are for the marriage, and that you give him a chance. I would hate for you to regret having someone who is wonderful to you and your kids. The initial spark never lasts but maybe you two just need some time to rekindle your relationship

Sounds like you may have met some else. Stay put!

Everyone has there on love story I think it’s healthy to take a break when it’s starts to get toxic however yours don’t sound toxic so I’d recommend to have a heart to heart possible counseling if possible remember though the heart does go fonder with a brief seperation you really don’t know what you got tell it’s gone stay strong you two got this!

You shared almost my exact same story. Married at 20 to a great guy, had 2 beautiful boys but not unhappy, just not “in love”. My mom told me that I should find someone I want to be with as our kids would grow up and eventually move on and we’ll be stuck in a relationship we don’t want or settled on. I listened to her and divorced my husband, was the hardest thing to be so selfish and take my husband and boys “life” from them but I did. A few years later I met my current husband. We have been together for 18yrs this Oct. He has been with me since my older boys were 5 and 7 yrs old. They don’t know life without him. My ex was crushed but eventually learned to live with it. He and my current husband became good friends and they do “guy things” together with our boys. I think part of the reason he’s so accepting is he sees how much happier I am with my current husband than I ever was with him. My current husband and I now have a 12yr old son together and have had a beautifully blessed life. I always tell my husband how thankful I am for him coming into my life as he was what settled my heart to know that my oh so selfish move was worth it in the end.

Good luck to you!

U made your bed sleep in it

Try taking some time apart. You dont necessarily have to divorce just yet. See how you feel when you’re away from him first. The saying you never knew what you had until they’re gone is actually true. Like when you’re with someone for so long and didnt really have a break, its normal to start feeling that way. Give yourself some time apart to see if you miss him or if you’re happier without him. Then when you realize how you feel exactly, then you can get back together or you can go through with the divorce.

You need to check yourself you have too much slack screws. Women will give anything to have a man like him, think about your children they did not ask to be here they don’t need a broken home.I feel you horning the man that’s why you not giving the man a chance, that friend is not a friend bcs they not thinking about your children. The grass always looks better on the other side. You need to do some fun things with your husband and children.you must be missing a man to abuse you if you not satisfy with what you have

What is it you believe you are missing? Are you bored? What kind of relationship are you looking for? Not saying stay but examine what is wrong on your end first-trust me it’ll help no matter what. Then talk to him and see if he feels the same. Hopefully if you choose to go it can be equitable.

It might be because you have the same routine everyday. Same old same old every day…
Talk to him? Start dating again? Spend some time alone every week.
Then definitely decide if still doesn’t work for you…