Me (f/25) and my partner (m/36) have been together for 3 years. In Feb this year I found out he had cheated on me so I left him & moved out. He cheated on me in Dec 2020. Then in Feb he befriended a girl from work, I noticed her name pop up a fair bit then when we broke up, he was straight away with her. Literally the night of our break up, with her. He said it was only to fill the void I left, he was lonely and never felt anything and cut her off after I found out.
I never thought I’d be the one to take a cheater back, but I really love him and he showed me how much he loved me & willingness to be better, so we’ve made it work. He’s sworn up and down he’ll never do it again & at first, it was really hard to believe but I’ve forgiven him and vowed to leave it in the past & try learn to trust him again. It’s gotten easier as times gone on and it’s felt better than ever until this recently.
He deleted fb & ig in April and got fb back in August, since then, I’ve felt as if he’s trying to come across as single online.
I noticed he’s friended LOADS (literally, loads) of women from work (sadly, work is where he met the woman he cheated on me with so this hurts deeper) and a couple of men. He’s only mentioned a couple of the women by name when he’s telling me about his day at work.
Ive noticed he straight away likes ALL of the women’s pictures & posts, but barely likes anything I or his actual friends & family post.
He has his relationship status on private, doesn’t upload ANY pictures of us or tag us in anything…yet he’ll tag he’s at the pub or post a pic of his dinner for example…
When we first got to together and for ages, he’d post what ever we were doing and upload pictures of everything, now it’s nothing. I’ve brought this up and he claims he wants to be private, but shares other shite that would technically be private but I assume because it makes him look single, he’s happy to share it.
I’m trying not to look at it or think about it & I know it must sound crazy paranoid that I notice or look at these things, and as much as I think I trust him, I don’t trust other women either especially when he’s giving the impression he’s single & the person he cheated on me with, knew allllllllll about me. Including things I’ve only confided in him and sensitive things such as my mental health struggles.
He also has Snapchat which is ALWAYS hidden from me, the other day we were taking a picture together and a notification came through from a girl called megan on Snapchat. He could not get rid of the notification quick enough and when I asked “oh who’s megan?” He ignored me so I asked again, then he made it into a massive argument with the point that he can’t have any female friends BLAH BLAH BLAH… YES he can!!! I’m the least controlling person, I accept his REAL friends, he has alot of female friends that I’ve met or know about…so why is he not wanting to tell me about new friends he’s making including this megan person!?
This may sound out of order but I really feel like he’s acting like a Facebook slut.
I know social media is all for show and it’s what’s in real life that matters, but he doesn’t include me in the real life things. He thinks it’s because I’ll get annoyed or whatever as in the past we’ve argued about this type of thing, however, he absolutely fails to listen and understand that I don’t have a problem with him having female friends, I have a problem with him hiding it from me. Because he keeps his phone on do not disturb whenever I’m around so no notifications pop up. He did this around the time he cheated and I brought it up as I did have a gut feeling, however he turned it around saying he keeps it on DND so notifications don’t disturb our time together…yet he’s pretty much always on his phone when we’re together anyway…
I really love this man, he knows I want him and only him but Im not so sure he wants just me, maybe have his cake and eat it sort of thing. It hurts aswell knowing if we were to break up again, he’d have allll these woman to comfort him & no doubt he’d move on quickly.
He’s been invited out with a group (mainly a guy & rest women) from his work a few times recently but he’s been working or busy. The thing is, I can’t and won’t say not to go out, I wouldn’t want to be told what to do myself so don’t put that upon others let alone my partner. But I feel really really uncomfortable him going out with a bunch of women I don’t know and never heard him talk about!? And I KNOW if I went out with a big group of guys, none of which he knew, he’d have a something to say about it to! BUT that would never happened because I’m 100% honest with him about everyone I meet and talk to. My apartments gardener gave me his number the other day, just in case anything needs doing or whatever, but boy did my partner think that was weird. Yet he’s exchanging social media’s with anyone which is way more personal. He even admitted to me when he cheated he’d use snap cos it doesn’t save messages.
I just don’t know what to do and am so scared of him cheating on me again.
I fear bringing it up to him as he’ll just label me as paranoid crazy.