How can I fix our sex life?

My husband and my sex life is close to non existent. It used to be great. Now he has trouble keeping or getting an erection. He acts like when it’s hard I’m supposed to just jump on and be happy about it working. I have been patient but he doesn’t seem to be doing everything he can to get the problem taken care of. He’s a good man, but I am so sexually frustrated. Would I be wrong for leaving? I’m in my early 40s, I feel like I’m too young to have a sexless marriage. He’s only 45 so age is not the issue.


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I fix our sex life?

I would have a conversation with him about your feelings and then if he isn’t willing to try and fix it then I’d tell him I’m gonna leave he has to be willing to fix things


Age could very well be the issue some men developed ED in their 40’s, sometimes younger. Y’all should be speaking to his doctor, not us. I’m sure it’s embarrassing enough for him. Jump on it when it’s standing :woman_shrugging:t3:


It’s hard for men to go to drs. Especially about this. Maybe just be there for him man’s tell him you’ll go with him if he hasn’t yet.


More foreplay . Little blue pill. Yes you would be wrong … or stepping outside your marriage there are ways to fix !


Maybe he’s embarrassed. . You seem very unsupportive. Sit down and have a talk, suggest a doctor and reassure him you’re gonna be there every step of the way…


Sounds like his testosterone. Have him get it checked and treated.


Umm ma’am you don’t get to say what his issue is or isnt
Sounds like you are putting unnecessary pressure on him
Sex is alot more than penetration

There’s online options he can try like hims

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WHY WHY are there SO many men in their 30’s and 40’s that can’t get an erection without meds?!?! I thought that was a thing that affected way older men. Advise him to talk to his doctor. Cialis or viagra will help.


Why wouldn’t you if you’re sexually frustrated… wouldn’t you be happy when it is working. Also I couldn’t imagine leaving my husband just because he’s having a medical problem and cannot get an erection … how hurtful. If it were the other way around women would be bashing a man for thinking like this. :sob:


It’s that easy for you to walk away!? Then you should absolutely leave, he deserves better :woozy_face:


Have him go to the dr. I get the frustration but it’s really messed up that your answer for the issue is to leave… how would you feel if he left you bc of a medical issue u were having?


This isn’t a funny situation but I have to laugh because I do hair and have soooo many people that would be thrilled to have this situation! Like their husbands are little humping Chihuahuas non stop :rofl:


Only you can decide what is grounds for leaving a relationship. I’m glad you recognize what your needs are and what is crucial for you to have with a partner.

Sounds like he’s struggling with erectile dysfunction. Would you think it’s ok to leave you if you had a sexual dysfunction? He needs to see a doctor and get some bloodwork done. Maybe he needs Viagra, men at that age it isn’t uncommon for them to have ED. That being said, if you’re willing to leave him over that maybe that’s best - for him that is.


Look, if you love him, you’ll make the appointment for him to get checked out. If he by chance has an enlarged prostate, that could be a lot of the issue. Look into the Urolift, my husband got it and our sex life has been so much better. He may also have low testosterone as well, which can make him feel down and unable to get it up.

You’re gonna leave because he’s struggling sexually? Wow.
Maybe talk to him, go to the doctors and see if it’s something he needs checked. Try to have more sexy time to increase libido. Or maybe he’s stressed? So many reasons why someone just isn’t into sex as much.

He needs to go to the doctor it could be several things wrong from blood pressure to testosterone levels. However he just might not care like most men do. You and your needs may just not be a priority. Make him get help of he won’t leave.

Would he go to a doctor? Might be a medical thing and nothing to do w you.
Erectile dysfunction is common in his age group.
And no, don’t just leave until he gets checked out bc it’s nothing to do w you if it’s medical


you wouldn’t be wrong for leaving, no. any reason you have for leaving is valid. sex is huge for me and i wouldn’t be able to keep going if that’s how it was with sex.

Maybe if he had a women who was loving and supportive and wasn’t on the verge of leaving…. he wouldn’t have such a hard time keeping it up ?


Yeah just leave your a horrible wife. And probably half the reason he can’t get it up is you being frustrated. Bet you blame him because you don’t have an orgasm either eh?


No wonder why he can’t keep it up cause you’re basically blaming him for the problem. Also since you already thinking about leaving then maybe you should cause you obviously don’t love him enough to be supportive.


Can y’all chill out? She asked how to fix it and said he’s a good man. Not having sex does take a huge toll on a relationship because when you’re sexually frustrated everything gets on your nerves.

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Would it be OK for him to leave you because your vagina is as dry as the Sahara :smirk: Go get some dick pills for the poor guy.

If you’re considering leaving him JUST because he’s having trouble getting it up, yall got bigger problems. Maybe he can’t perform because he feels pressured or like that’s the only reason you’re there.


Can you not go to a store and buy you some toys?? His don’t work, buy one he can use on you.


Sounds like you need a toy lol spice it up…role play. And fyi men if they’re under stress of any kind it can cause issues in the bedroom just like with us women.


Age could very well be the issue. Low testosterone is most likely the culprit. But you seem a lot more bitter than frustrated. I’d work on that before menopause happens to you because if this is the energy you’re giving him, Karma is gonna hand it right back to you.


There are other ways you know. Doesn’t always have to be traditional.

He needs to see a urologist if it is an issue with getting and keeping an election. Full physical with blood work, is his testosterone low? When you have rule everything medical out then look at other things like depression? Possibly couples therapy? Those things apply to you as well. There are reason sex life slows down or stops. Find out together.

If the shoe was on the other foot everyone would be telling you what a dick he is and it’s medical and not your fault. You are being the dick in this situation. He deserves better. Sorry not Sorry. You don’t really love him. You should leave.

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Men’s feeling affect their stuff too… is he stressed? Too much pressure to perform? Embarrassed? Communication


Wow so many mean people!

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Sound like he has ED it effects 50% of men over 40,not only does if effect men physically but mentally also, its a health issue,idk im old school im a believer when you take a vow in sickness or health you stick by it❤ thats what marriage is not for just the good times


Or help him seek the possible medical help he needs inatead of simply deciding to ditch your marriage :roll_eyes:


He’s 45, there’s several things medically that could be the reason. I can’t believe women like this really exist. :woman_facepalming:t2: leaving your husband over something like this is just wrong.


Have you even talk to him about getting checked out before you posted it to Facebook asking for strangers advice on ending a marriage? You took vows to stay through sickness and in health. This is his sickness. Why don’t you be supportive and offer to go to the dr with him if that would make it easier for him. But talk to him about this. Did you think for a second that maybe this is embarrassing for him? Did you think maybe that as difficult as it is for you to survive without sex maybe it’s just that difficult for him? 

It is a very selfish thing to do, if you had some medical issues and if he left you because of it well how would you feel? he has a medical issue of some sort and you want to leave him not good at all, help him find the solution


ED can happen at any age and can be at no fault of his at all. Seek help. Walking away due to an illness is not the answer.

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try some new toys maybe costumes or lingerie experiment with new stuff in bed neither of you have tried

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have him go to see a urologist

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I would suggest a dr apt to see levels. Then diet, lifestyle, stress.

I’m just saying this comment section is gold!!

I could never in a million years imagine leaving my husband because he had a medical issue going on!! He is likely embarrassed and your attitude is not helping I can promise that!! He needs to speak to his Dr and have an exam done!!

You should be supporting and encouraging him!! And if you’re sssoooo deprived then why wouldn’t you jump on it?? You want him to be able to preform everytime you want it but you’re not expected to be able to preform when he wants it and is able to get it going??

Because I can PROMISE you there are also times that HE WANTS IT and it doesn’t work but he’s not going to say anything and point it out and embarrass himself more :woman_shrugging:t3::woman_shrugging:t3:


You need something called like a virgin Tightening cream you can get it from Amazon works for 24hr best thing I ever got you can Laugh all you want :rofl: my sex life is better with it helps feel eveything better


Leave him? Are you kidding? Marriage is sacred… Get a dildo… :woman_shrugging:

They make pills for that. Have him go to the doctor. You don’t leave your husband. That’s a little extreme when the issue is completely normal at that age and can be caused by a multitude of issues.


Spend a day at the nursing home with a couple that’s been together 50+ years… and see what really matters. You’re heartless…


Age can definitely be an issue on his part. Erectile Dysfunction effects something like 40% of men over 40. Tell him that everything could be fixed with a quick trip to his personal doctor and a prescription for that “little blue pill”. But I surely wouldn’t leave him if this is the biggest issue in your relationship.


Have you thought it can be an underlying medical issue hun. It can be a sign of diabetes or nerve damage from undiagnosed blood pressure and vascular issues on hand. My husband is 39 and diabetes was found. Have to keep the blood flow by regulating your sexual activity otherwise it can be more damaging if he’s losing blood flow to his region. It has nothing to do with loving you hun. I’m sure he loves you with everything. He’s just struggling with an underlying medical issue that should be checked with your medicals practioner. Well wishes :hugs:


Have him see the doctor might be an easier fix than you think.

I’m going to be completely honest here I’m only 33 and my sex drive has been gone for about 15 years I have a lot of things that fall into play because of that like type 1 diabetes depression Etc my husband has never once said that he would leave me because I didn’t want to have sex more than I do I feel bad for it but I’ve tried almost everything even to the doctor I honestly feel really bad for your husband because you want to leave

So much can interfere with a man’s ability to get and keep an erection. Faced this a few years ago with my husband he flat out told me no way could he talk to his doctor but he did agree ot make an appointment if I did the talking. I was not thrilled but I love him and wanted to help. So to the appt we went…I started doing all the talking as my husband got more and more red in the face…the doctor was so kind and compassionate that after about 5 minutes of me talking my husband took over and him and the doctor layed out a plan of tests.


Get some toys. Sex is never the reason to call it quits in a marriage. It’s supposed to be in sickness and in health.

What doesn’t make sense is that you are complaining that he is having a hard time getting & staying erect but when he is then you don’t want to take the opportunity but yet you are saying that you are sexually frustrated??? Not trying to be harsh but it seems like he is trying his best to please you because when he is “ready” & not struggling then you don’t want anything.


Maybe his testosterone is low

Does he watch porn? Pornography can lead to ED in any age. If so, he could require some counselling to help overcome it.
Also speaking to your GP to have some medical investigations done would also be helpful.
If he is a good man in every other sense, leaving him over ED is quite insensitive. And the grass isn’t always greener :woman_shrugging:

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Oh honey this isn’t fair that you would leave over a medical thing. First have him see a doctor to rule out anything major and potentially get something that could help. In 10-20 years it’ll be your turn to have plenty of issues, several that will affect your sex life. In the meantime open non embarrassing conversations and some toys, that you use together.

Have him checked for heart disease

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My husband has had a problem for the last few years and there’s no way in he​:field_hockey::field_hockey: that l would even think about leaving him. “In sickness and in health”. Pretty selfish of you.


Damn you already ready to leave ?
He may feel embarrassed to go to a Dr ? Maybe offer to go with him !
Also he needs his Testosterone tested ! That’s a huge thing !

Sex doesn’t make a marriage the love you have for each other does <3

There’s a reason he’s having an issue. Maybe be supportive in helping him get to the bottom of it instead of being ready to jump ship. I understand the frustration, but think of his frustration as well. He’s your husband. Not a fly by boyfriend or hookup friend with benefits. Your husband. You should be concerned with his health not your own sexual frustration. They make toys to handle that. :woman_shrugging:


Exercise and nutrition changes

How do you know he has a medical issue? Maybe he isn’t attracted anymore or getting it elsewhere?. It is the hardest thing to have 0 intimacy. It is a huge thing in a marriage. I think you need to discuss how you feel. Try to make changes as a couple. But you definitely need to feel wanted. You are still young.


sounds like my life but im not leaving smh

You should leave him so he can find a better wife and partner! Poor guy. I can’t imagine how you speak to him if you speak about him like this online. :face_vomiting:


Best thing I can tell you is this, go with him and be supportive to get help from a doctor. You shouldn’t just leave him because he is having an issue with ED. Sounds like you aren’t helping the situation either. But if you leave JUST because he’s having ED then you may as well never settle down again, because it’s very possible that you will have the same issue with any other man you get under.


Have you been to a Dr?

Well first time in my I’m saying this but…… it’s all you.
Maybe he’s just not that into you :woman_shrugging:t3:


Age could be the issue if you are overweight, smoke, unhealthy diet, erections are caused by blood flow if there is a blockage or partial blockage that could be part of problem, might wanna see a doctor before he has a heart attack. Bob Harper the trainer from one of those weight loss shows had one at 42.

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Why did u marry him? Better or worse remember??? Sorry but that’s horrible. I hope u feel bad and I hope he leaves u cause if ur gonna leave him because something is wrong he deserves much better


Definitely think he needs to see a dr about it. Could be something more serious going on.

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He needs to go to the Dr. Erectile dysfunction is an issue that can be treated. Also he needs to have his prostate checked. Men can be very sensitive when it comes to this subject.


I’ve been with my hubby 11 years. The past 5 has been pretty much sexless. He’s 50 I’m 46. I couldn’t imagine telling him it’s over just because of this issue. Sex isn’t everything, it’s just a small part of a relationship! If you love him you will help him by communicating and trying to get him comfortable seeing and talking to a Dr.

This is the for better or worse part.


A lot of times it’s not even physical. Men can develop a mental block about erections. Especially when where’s a lot of passive or direct pressure to perform. Even if it’s physical, leaving him is shallow and kinda pathetic.


Sounds like he has ED and just needs some medication. He sounds interested and if you are willing to leave over sex it sounds to me like you aren’t in love anymore and just looking for an excuse to leave him and not look like the bitch.

I feel you honey. It’s sad af too. 18 years without sex and married 23. :unamused:

He should have a prostate exam

He has a problem and needs to see a Dr. And for you leaving because of not having sex is so selfish. I’m sure you let him know your frustration and now it makes it worse.

Cheat. Or leave n get a new man. Surely thats the answer you came here for lol he needs to see a Dr. Once he gets the problem taken care of he needs to get himself a new boo


Medication may be an issue, or some other medical reason. He needs to see a doctor and needs you to be supportive. If you’re thinking about leaving just because of this, it seems like sex is all that’s important to you anyway and he deserves better.

You would give up a good man because the only problem he has is a medical one and you can’t have sex when you want it? Maybe you would be doing him a favour by leaving and he can find someone who will help and support him :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Why would you leave him for that? Sex isn’t everything in a relationship. He could be crazy stress, yes his age too (45 is “old”) when it comes to that. Maybe you even nag him too much and he doesn’t want it all the time bc of you. Hmph. Get some toys.

I wouldn’t leave just yet.
He could have anxiety or depression or any number of thing’s bothering him, which can all effect his mojo or performance.
Maybe try spicing it up a bit…go down on him & then favour returned before intercourse.
Toys, dirty talk etc…if none of that works maybe a sex therapist…? :woman_shrugging:

Remember the part of the wedding vows that said “in sickness and in health”? This is the part where you stick by him, see a doctor, and fix the issue, NOT abandon him. If this is something you’d consider leaving him over then you quite obviously don’t love him :roll_eyes:


Wow…I guess saying vows, for sickness and health, for better or worse, went out the window. Help him seek help and resolutions. Men need a little push. But if you left, it says more about you than it does him.


I couldn’t imagine divorcing my husband over erectile issues… YIKES!


Lol wow. Talk to him. He should see a doctor. Leaving him over ED? Grow tf up :joy:


Get him to see a doctor. I couldn’t imagine divorcing someone over what could be a medical issue. Is he depressed etc or on depression meds?


l Get paid over $108 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $15527 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

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Does he know you married his penis and not him? Poor guy is probably already embarrassed af and here you go, coming to social media blasting his issues. Have this man see a dr and get his T levels checked. Then you should probably self reflect on yourself as a person.

Could be his testosterone. Really commen thing for men to get tested for regularly.

I would see men of all ages needing to be tested. It’s usually just a hormone imbalance…

As far as being sexually frustrated. I wouldn’t jump to leaving if he is a great partner other wise.

Buy some toys and have him use them on you in the mean time.


You can start off by being more understanding and supportive.


Try black honey it can be purchased at some gas stations or vape shops. Works like viagra gets them ready for the deed in about 30 min or less.

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To be honest, I’d have a conversation about what he is doing. Many times this type of issue can be from porn addiction unfortunately. It could also be a medical issue

l Get paid over $108 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $15527 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

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