You don’t support life threatening behaviors for any reason.
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Don’t suppose he can get a workers licence if he blew that high?
You knew that he was drinking and driving prior to him getting caught … You are just as much to blame as he is ! I don’t care if I sound like an ass but I don’t support anyone who decides to get behind a wheel drinking or support anyone who knows it’s happening and chooses to do nothing about it !
So weekend after weekend he continues to drive drunk? Screw him. He could’ve killed people! I would leave and let him hit his rock bottom and clean up his own mess solo. F that
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This has been going on for years and you stayed, why for the money…don’t say love or you wouldn’t be posting this now, LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!!! GO AFTER WHAT YOU WANT AND DESERVE!!
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I wouldn’t leave immediately as everyone says. I would lay down the law & go from there. He does this every weekend therefore it’s an established behavior-he will have to do some sort of substance/alcohol therapy through the court. I would give him options & if he’s not willing to do them THEN I would leave if he says no. If he’s not willing to change his behavior & work towards building his family then there’s no saving the relationship & family. If your struggling with anger towards him I would also suggest couples counseling. If he’s not willing to do these for your marriage & family then I would leave. And make sure in your divorce that your not responsible for any of his legal fees. Divorce & his DUI.
Since it’s the first I’ma say demand he go to AA and you get yourself to Al-anon so you can learn how to support but not enable. Everyone makes mistakes but if you’ve been saying it for yrs now then it’s a legit issue…if yes not willing to seek any sorta self-improvement, then you either A-leave or B- Continue to casually enable and accept it and the fallout
I can overlook a lot of things, but not putting innocent people on the road in danger. Forget all the legal shit, he could’ve killed someone! Children, babies. Nope. Do not help him pay for anything, or you should even think about leaving, this is not your burden to bare. I have zero respect for someone like that.
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Ask him to go to rehab. And go to AA. He has to want to quit drinking before you can have a marriage that works. Will anyone in your family help you get on your feet.
Your husband is a alcoholic
Talk to him. Tell him he needs help. He needs AA. Find out what YOU need to be able to trust him again. Then go from there.
Some people need a real eye opener to be able to change. I understand your frustration, but maybe this is that eye opener for him. Perhaps, stick with him a bit and see if he will step up and take care of things or if he’s unwilling to change. It’s ok to be highly disappointed and angry at someone, but still stand by his side. However, as stated, if he’s unwilling to change after this… maybe it would be wise to do some soul searching and figure out what’s best for you and your family.
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If you have not lived with a alcoholic then you haven’t a clue what it’s like. I did for nearly 6 years. You must decide if you can accept this behavior and live with it. I think definitely lay down some terms and stick to them. He needs counseling, must make financial amend (second job) etc. and he owes you an sincere apology. This will be a life long battle for you both. Don’t let him make false promises.
If it’s his first DUI I wouldn’t really spend money on a lawyer unless it’s more of a charge. He can use a public defender and apply for ARD. Yes he will loose his license and that will probably throw a wrench in the situation but maybe this is what he needed to settle down unfortunately
Just toss the whole man. Problem solved 
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Leave he’s dragging yoi down and holding u back
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The amount of people telling her to leave is just appalling to me. You married that man, which means for better or for worse. Unfortunately, worse is rearing it’s head right now., but that doesn’t mean you leave the man. Get him into AA, and set up payment arrangements for the fines and court costs. It’s easy to forgive, but that doesn’t mean you have to forget. It also doesn’t mean to hold it over his head at every chance you get either. Don’t throw your marriage away over this, it’s a bump in the road.
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The book of 2 Timothy tells us not to associate with certain people:
lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God…
Many scholars have interpreted this passage to mean that it is holy and Godly to divorce such people because we are not to be unequally yoked.
Some discretions are forgivable. Maybe this one is to you. Maybe not. But don’t let people use holy text to guilt or bully you into staying married to a man who consistently disregards his family by prioritizing alcohol over them when that doesn’t work for you anymore.
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Its a hard situation! His first DUI however you have said that he has done it weekend after weekend, my question to you is, why have you sat and did nothing while you know he was driving drunk? What if one of those other weekends he killed someone or himself? I think its a good thing that the police finally caught him and that he has to face the consequences, he might just learn from it, but you need to learn from it as well as it seems that you were enabling him by not reporting him yourself. Maybe you will both learn from him being caught. Good luck, i hope it all works out for you.
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This is your husband. Not your boyfriend. You sir down and figure this shit out together! You have a right to be angry but all the “I told you so’s!” won’t help a damn thing. Be angry then calm your ass down and start problem solving. He obviously has drinking issues. He will be forced to have absolute sobriety- inforce that. He will also be forced to take AODA counseling- encourage that. Support him getting help to do better instead of taking this as a personal attack against you. Sit down and have a conversation about what you both need from eachother to get thru this. TOGETHER. 
Well be thankful he was ok and not like mine DWI. We been divorced since 2014. This happened june 1st 2018 and in a coma for 3 1/2 weeks. I had to move back to the house to care for him (bc he had no1 else)… they wont learn until something like this happens….
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This WAS a corvette…
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No wonder divorce rates are so high that’s not the answer every time your partner does something wrong. He definitely needs help and you have every right to be mad I’m just shocked it seems like every time someone mentions a marriage problem most people on here say to get a divorce. Maybe had y’all not gotten married a break up wouldn’t be a bad idea but idk if I would go as far as getting divorced. I guess wait and see how seriously he takes this now that he’s gotten caught and then if he still doesn’t change consider leaving.
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This is a rehab situation. The fact that he’s a habitual drinker and regularly drives under the influence means he has a problem. You don’t have to stay with him and personally I wouldn’t unless I saw some real change in him.
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Id have walked away a long time ago.
Rehab. Some employers and insurance will pay.
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Super drunk is not a legal term
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You have every right to be beyond angry. DON’T BACK DOWN!! Support him if and ONLY IF he is willing to seek treatment to beat his life threatening habbit. If he is not willing to try to make a better life for himself and his family then you need not try either. It will only get worse. And surely you dont want your kids growing up thinking this is acceptable behavior. Children learn what they live. If your husband is ok with them growing up to be like him then you owe it to them to remove them and yourself from the situation. You can only take “for better, for worse” so far. Then you need to break that promise to him and love your children enough to put them first. All these people who are telling you to do anything else… god help their children.
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I couldn’t be with a drunk so I honestly couldn’t give advice on this but you have to do what’s good for you…
I guess the question is, if you had made a bad choice, would you want him to stand by you and forgive you?
You have to live with the choices you make and sometimes it costs more than just a financial hardship.
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Throw him to the curb
Drive his car if possible while he has no license. Report his drunk driving if he continues
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He needs to want to do this on his own. Not coached into it because of divorce threads. If he doesn’t see he needs help then AA is not going to help. And for everyone that encourages you so easy to get a divorce, well there would be just about everyone single. People will tell you anything but they don’t actually take that advice themselves. Do what you think it’s best for you and your marriage.
This is a deal breaker to me.
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Leave him if he does not get help and stop. He has no respect for you, himself, or others lives driving drunk
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You can support him AND be angry. Al anon will support YOU. 
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I wouldn’t. It’s a deal breaker for me. He’s risking other people’s lives, not just his own.
My boyfriend and I lost our son January 2021. About 10 days later, he was drinking, I hurt his feelings and he decided to leave and go home. Didn’t tell me just left. I panicked first, then got pissed. I followed him to his house with the intention of starting a fight, verbally and physically. We got through it, but also he knows how angry I was, and that’s it’s not anything I will tolerate happening again. Normally he won’t drive if he has more than one drink, he drives for a living.
You can’t forgive him. It’s fucked up, wrong, beyond irresponsible. A drinking problem is one thing, DRIVING while having a drinking problem is putting too many people around you at risk for it to just be a “problem” . It’s a complete disregard for human life and grotesque.
I’m trying to figure out what y’all read that was funny.
Sometimes the lack of compassion in ppl is heartbreaking.
But as to the author of this post, I’ll say
Sis forgive and live‼️
Forgiveness is for you not for him.
And hopefully, with all, that’s happened and will happen because of his inconsiderate ways his eyes will be open and his mind will be reset.
And I pray you can find it in your heart to forgive him.
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His future actions will dictate if you forgive him. It’s only a mistake if you learn something from it, but if he continues I probably would be analyzing “our” future together.
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You’re upset he was caught? lol you should have stopped him sooner (taking his keys, giving/calling him a ride, etc.) i’Ve BeEn TeLlInG hIm FoR yEaRs! 
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If he is suggesting support, yes by going to AA meetings. This should be the ultimatum, after all he has crossed a big, huge, whopping line! Especially if he has done this before! Without help, he will do it again. This is part of the insidious disease, they think they are doing no wrong. For you, I suggest Al-anon, there are so many helpful people there who have been there before you, in the exact situation. Try a couple of different meetings til you are comfortable. Now you’re thinking “me” ? right now, there is nothing wrong with me, why should I go!? Well, it is a family disease, you are affected by his actions as you just stated. God bless, I will pray you all get some help, then and only then can forgiveness and support truly come.
Lol women want a ride or die guy, but want to dip the second there’s financial issues
I Would NEVER SUPPORT anyone who SELFISHLY drinks and drives and Risks others lives.
It’s a Deal Breaker to me!
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When I met my fiance he had a DWI ( driving while intoxicated) went to jail DUI is driving under the influence totally different. I helped him through it once his mom pointed out begining of last year my son have a serve medical problem.
( He dose two of them)
Me and him both put the alcohol down that was enough for me too quit an him too as well maybe you’re husband needs a wake up call on this take him to a meeting let him here the stories my mom is a sponsor at my local N/A and helped with AA. I’ve grew up around heavy drinkers y’all he needs massive help she needs to stand by him be firm in the his activities for a while I was with my fiance still am on boys night
First all, alcoholism is very real and some people don’t even realize they have a drinking problem, he dose need your support and you have a right to be upset so he needs to understand that, but together you will get threw this, is it easy no. Will it be easy no, but sometimes people need a wake up call and this could be his as he has a long road now a head of him to earn his licence back. And cause he has no licence he won’t be on the insurance. If he dosent get the help he needs and dosent follow threw with all that is a head of him now then only you can decide what’s right for you and how strong your love is and is it worth it.
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He is not meant to drink an drive , Maybe you were meant to pick him up … Lesson learnt i hope for both of you … 
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Your “partner” is a drunk. An unrepentant, narcissistic drunk. He doesn’t need your “support” , he needs a swift and alarm bell ringing wake up call. Doubt this will be it. Figure out how to save yourself in all this mess.
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Well use his car. Seems it will be available for quite some time. He sounds like he sucks. He needs to ask for court ordered inpatient to see if it will get him out of this and possibly get him some help
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Clearly only cares about himself…. Get rid of the gronk he’ll never learn or sell his car he doesn’t deserve a licence
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I told my husband this for 13 years. I buried him in 2019 from a car wreck! It was 13 years of hell.
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I failed to see why some people leave laughing reaction. There’s nothing funny about this situation
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Based on your statement that he does this weekend after weekend, I would suggest that he seek treatment. I would also recommend that you join a support group. You can attend open AA meetings.
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Seems as though its his problem… Turn the stress over to him give him the bills to pay… See how well he does… You go enjoy your kids
Leave now while you can.
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The legal term was “super drunk”?? Lmao that’s like Amber Heard’s attorney saying “mega pint” 
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Stay and support. But give him conditions like the drinking needs to stop. All the money that would be spent on alcohol can pay for his fees.
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You don’t !!! If you knew what was happening prior , you are absolutely no better ! 
My first husband is an alcoholic. I gave him a year to straighten out. He refused so I left at the end of the year. Best. Decision. Ever.
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If you can’t stay at home and drink he deserves to be by himself he’s not taking into consideration of not only his life but the life’s of other innocent people cause if he does it weekend after weekend he’s not going to stop!
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If you had a Massive f up… would you expect him to stay and support you? This could be his lowest low and now you need to build. How could you marry a man then as soon as he does somthing you aren’t happy with … peace out . Sickness and in health … for better or for worse… YOU are just throwing love and vows out the window . Tell him he’s gotta come up with the fees … it won’t come out of the household money for priorities… he could get a second job, cash work… ect. I’m not saying what he did wasn’t wrong… he could have made a big mistake and took a life or his… but geeez…have you never needed a chance to prove you can and will do better? can he not have the opportunity to change for the better? … OR leave him in the dirt… and hopefully he betters himself. Gets everything paid . Gets his license back ( eventually he will) and quits drinking…Gets the better house you’ve mentioned and you aren’t around. You didn’t want to support him. Could you get a better home yourself? Or fix your car? … if he’s a genuinely good man that f’ed up but changed or is willing to put the effort into it then another women will gladly scoop him up . And I don’t care who says otherwise … blah blah blahhhhhh
I actually am the other women who picked a amazing man off the ground and now his EX wife is soooo salty that he’s everything she wanted but wouldn’t support him and now he’s happy… healthy… 3 years sober from a huge alcoholic. Works more then he wants to but won’t not support his kids with her and child with me his step sons. I’m so blessed she went the route she did. He’s Getting his license back, is happier then ever because I helped him and supported him in the darkest time in his life … and she’s soooo bitter and spiteful to the point she holds his kids from him and makes up stuff and lies and literally tries anything she can to try and make him feel like garbage… like her … but … he’s content and loving life … without her. Soooo I mean go your own way … there is AA/ rehab … and money shouldn’t be a reason to drop him or you married that dude for the wrong reason to begin with… clearly everyone has their opinions…
so, do you girl.
It’s your life to live.
You really should be talking to your husband and a marriage counselor( seems like it’s not just this situation thats the problem) not buncha judgy people on a FB group who attack eachother because they don’t agree with diffrence in opinions from other people. 
You have your valid reason to be angry … and really… it has nothing to fo with if he respects you … if he’s an alcoholic it’s an addiction. He needs help. At least give the man a chance to change. to show you he will FOR you. Thus is my own opinion and experience 
but I’m sure I’ll see one if not multiple come for me in the replies… which will prove my point on not getting advice on YOUR marriage from FB group some people are the bitter ones I spoke about with the Ex wife of my spouse.
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He would seek help or I would get gone.
Very expensive lesson for him & nothing you can do for him " he did not listen to you ’
yikes! I would give him an ultimatum and just try to take care of the basics for the time being…do you have any family support?
Honey you’re getting all kind of suggestions but here’s one from a recovering alcoholic herself. I drank and drove for years and God willing I never got a dui or killed anyone or myself.
You have to hit bottom and my was my having to take my kids and go into hiding from an abuser and my then 12 year old son asking “what was going to happen to him and his brother and sister if something happened to me? That was my bottom. I’m bipolar and didn’t know it at the time and I drank to self medicate. Usually I’d get really drunk when I was manic.
Well AA saved and changed my life. I’m 27 years sober.
But, I’ve also have been in your shoes. I was in a relationship with a newcomer and he got sober for 18’monthts through a in-house rehab program and when he got out we moved in together. Well he started drinking again and for myself and my recovery and sanity I had to leave. I stayed in and out of a relationship with him for 8 years . He’d go to in-house 12 month rehab again get sober then get out and start drinking again. Over and over this vicious cycle went. Finally I had to break all ties with him.
I do know the alcohol is killing him because since the beginning of the year he has been hospitalized 5 times.
I reached out last week to him after his last hospital stay and he was sober and said he has to quit drinking or he is going to die. Maybe, just maybe he has finally hit his bottom.
What I do know is you can’t make him get sober, so don’t even try. If he has hit his bottom and is sick and tired of being sick and tired he’ll get sober through AA, church, rehab whatever.
What you have to do is take care of you and if you have children them. I suggest Alanon for you. You can’t fix him. Fix you!
So I’m sending you some extra love joy 
peace 
and serenity because life’s fixing to get harder.
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You can’t make him stop drinking. All you can do is decide how you want to live the rest of your life. It’s time to take stock. Are you working? Get a job now if not. Any job that pays half decent. As soon as you start getting checks, get out. He can go stay with family or friends. Get you a place. Go to local housing authority. They have apartments based on your income. Get on the waiting list if you can’t get in right away. Room with a friend if you need to for awhile. Use public transportation. Try Uber if necessary. See if you know someone who can fix your car. If they say it will cost more to fix than it’s worth, sell it for scrap and use the money for stuff you need. Do what you need to do to survive. It will be hard at first, but you can do it. I did. It’s better than staying married to him and being stuck with his debt if he gets sued for getting in a wreck and hurting or killing somebody. You really have to take care of yourself.
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You tell him time to start working on quitting because it sounds like he’s drinking all the time and he could end up killing people with his reckless decision to drink and drive. If he can’t see all the problems this has created and continues, I would be gone if I was in your shoes. Out of respect for you, he should stop because his poor decisions are not just effecting him, but effecting you negatively as well. You only forgive if a compromise of him actually changing his behavior is a part of the deal. Stay strong and stand your ground.
I ended up in downward spiral after my ex 's DUI. We never recovered as a couple. I am know currently divorced going on two years. I just couldn’t no more with him.
I love all the people laugh reacting to this post…like do you find drinking and driving funny?
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Sounds like it’s time for him to get a occupational license, second, and third job to make up for those immature mistakes. Only thing to do now is move forward and have him be held responsible 100% for his choices. The anger will eventually go away but I understand being with someone with that attitude and that drinking habit. Feeling like you’re the only adult minded person in the relationship and just waiting for the time when it would catch up to them. He will have ti get comfortable with being uncomfortable and having you rightfully angry, and owning up to his choices. There’s nothing better than a self- provoked “I told you so”
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Well, look at the bright side…you can drive HIS car now.
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This was my husband… I knew it would happen eventually… thankfully this was finally his wake up call he’s been sober almost 16months… it was hard I carried a lot of anger for a long time… but eventually I got over it… I honestly don’t know how I got o v er it… we Alonso him that night… scariest moment of my life… if yoh really love him and want to make your relationship work help him with the sober life… it won’t be easy hold him accountable but don’t be a jerk about it staying sober isn’t easy and is 100% a choice only he can make.
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Lol “super drunk” is not a legal term.
Anyways… Of course you have a right to be upset. But does he have a drinking problem? Then he needs your support.
“For better or for worse.”
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Therapy and counseling. He has an addiction. He’s got to make the choice to get better or you need to leave.
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He WILL kill someone
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The same way you forgave him for driving drunk every weekend like before.
Make this an eye opener for him to get some help
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It’s sounds like it’s his first DUI. May this just be a lesson learned?
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Just get through it the best you can…im sure he’s learning a good lesson
Can’t do what he wants he doesn’t have a car now
This won’t change him and I bet he will drive drunk again. Addiction is real. You constantly having to tell him and him still doing it proves he is an alcoholic. Tell him to start attending AA meetings or you leave
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His support? What about you? He fucked up when he knew other bills need attention. I had an ex like that… keyword: HAD.
Tell him you’re there for him but make it clear you think he did wrong and make him understand the negative impact on your life. Personally I’d tell him to stop drinking or it’s divorce.
If this “do what I want” attitude pervades multiple areas of life, he should be evaluated for ODD, among other things. And if you’ve been telling him not to drink and drive for years, I’m guessing this isn’t the first time he’s driven drunk, just the first time he got caught.
In short, there’s a serious, underlying problem here.
The issue isn’t forgiving him for a DUI. The issue is why he keeps driving drunk. Does he have a drinking problem? Is he ODD? Something else? I recommend therapy for both of you. If you suspect he has a drinking problem, I highly recommend attending Al-Anon meetings. They’re for friends and families of alcoholics and other addicts. There are meetings locally and virtually somewhere in the world at all hours of every day. Meetings are completely free.
As a victim of a drunk driver, I couldn’t forgive him. I have six screws in my neck. I’ve been unemployed for 5 years. My insurance even increased because he was underinsured and my state (FL) has terrible insurance laws.
You can’t stop him from making bad choices. You CAN protect yourself and your children (if you have any) by setting firm boundaries. I’m guessing you’ll need help doing that and Al-Anon and therapy can help.
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how many kids are invovled? cause if there r kids invovles u should now tell him it’s me and the kids or it’s you and your drinking ! give him a final ultamadium on which one to pick - i know for me if picked drinking i’d be gone with the kids in a heartbeat, and filing for a divorce and custody of the kids!
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1st he needs a 2nd job and he can walk there to pay ALL those fines and court cost. Don’t waste your $ on your lawyer. He blew whatever amount to be drunk. That’s proof! A lawyer can’t get him out of that!
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Sweets my husband has been arrested so many times for OWIs then last go around he was walking and tried to get into someone’s house that wasn’t ours… (he was totally wasted) we spent a shit ton of money for this go round… I have made myself a vow … to stand by him through it all but only u sweetie can say enough is enough… My dad told me the vows I took means more than any OWI and he was right… but I can’t keep putting my children through it either… it’s not fair so he went to rehab. And so far it’s worked… I know it’s tough but know if he has a addiction problem it’s worse on him
I bet he’s feeling the worst he’s ever felt right about now. You have a right to feel disappointed and hurt but also he obviously has a problem and underlying issues. He needs your support, understanding, love and compassion. You don’t have to excuse his behavior or actions but putting him down, pushing him away and judging him isn’t the answer. The judgement and consequences from court are very draining on both of you.
Speak to him about it, come up with a plan to face the consequences and his addiction together. Help this make you stronger together and as individuals.
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Take his car he wont be needing it for awhile.
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He has a problem. He needs to admit he has a problem 1st and then it will be easier for you to support and give him the help he needs. There is medicine he can get to stop from being sick
My husband, when we were dating,loat his license due to multiple speeding tickets. Kept telling him to slow down. Didnt do any good until he lost his license and had to have everyone drive him everywhere for a year until they let him buy it back. It was a rough year for him. He almost went to jail bc the judge had no sympathy for speeders. He may change after this. Just tell him he has to come up with some way to provide while at home,if no kids involved,or be a stay at home dad. Just focus on paying your bills right now and doing what you can with your income to keep afloat.
Marriage is for better or worse. My husband got a dui and almost killed himself doing it. But he needs your support right now the most. Mine has all but stopped drinking. We made it through the fines and Court and replacing his vehicle he totalled. He needs you now!
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The main problem is the drinking altogether. Why is he getting so drunk every weekend? That wouldn’t work with me👋
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He’s your husband. You married him for better, for worse…help him realize his mistake and to understand he can never do it again. Be his support system, yet make him understand you are disappointed in him
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If he’s drunk every weekend there’s a problem
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ughhh men — Of course you’re supporting him if not you would have left. But you have feelings too and they are valid. this is scary. It affects the whole family. But we already know that. Guess he should have listened to his wife lol Life would be so much easier if they did. Thats why whenever you hear a man complaining about his wife odds are that he is in the wrong.
Honestly, if, aside from this, he is the absolute perfect husband, stand by him and make him get therapy… however if that’s his attitude I bet he’s a whole dbag all the time in most other areas, I’d wash my hands of this and make it the last straw
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I guarantee if he had killed an innocent person these comments would be a lot different right now.
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He’s a grown man, no matter what you say it’s not going to change him doing unless he wants to stop doing it. You should be very thankful that it’s just that. My boyfriend was driving drunk and got in an accident on Easter and has been in the hospital since. Totaled our car and we have an almost 4 month old baby. So be thankful it’s just a dui
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Forgiveness. We all need it.
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I think he would need to get a second job to pay those fines and attorney fees, keep him so busy he has no choice to walk the line, get him to a victims impact panel asap so he can hear what drinking and driving has cost others, do not pay his way out, sounds like he’s in a cycle of irresponsibility that will more than cost him or usually someone else they’re lives and needs to understand the seriousness of the situation and the sacrifice he’s gonna have to make to correct his mistake!
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I believe the legal term is “mega pint”. I could be wrong.
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