Wanting input and advice on receiving child support
My oldest is 3, and my ex was just served the court order ordering him to pay $500 a month. He is furious, claiming he can’t afford it, almost harassing me about it. He makes almost 3 times as much as I do, I have 3 other children as well. One of the points he makes is that I have a significant other that helps pay for things. I did talk to the child support people and they assured me that his income doesn’t count since we aren’t married and she isn’t his child, he isn’t financially responsible. I haven’t had his help at all and we weren’t able to give her a third birthday party because he wanted separate parties. He has her about 40% of the time and I have her the rest. I’ve always shared goods with him, like if she needed diapers at his house, formula, cups, etcetera. We actually had to potty train her because he was asked to bring diapers with and never did and I didn’t have any and didn’t have any money. I just want your guys’ opinion because he’s making me feel bad, telling me to tell child support to cancel the order even though I didn’t request it. Our state sent me paperwork because she had been on state assistance for everything. I’m just getting tired of him and I would like some input.
OP UPDATE
My 3 other children are triplets and happy blessings. I DO get a credit from the child support agency for having other dependents. Hence why I mentioned them. Also, did you miss how I said that he makes 3 times as much as I do? They factor all of that into determining how much we are both financially responsible for. The 60/40 custody issue is a very recent thing. Up until her recent third birthday, I was solely supporting her and that is why I was unable to save up for her birthday. Because I was paying for everything at my house and his house with no support.
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If he didn’t want to pay for a kid then he shouldn’t have gotten you pregnant. His kid his responsibility. It doesn’t matter if you have a boyfriend or not
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You can’t tell them to stop, he will have to deal with it. Make it clear you didn’t ask for the support and it is out of your hands.
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And keep a record of his harassment
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1st. Your significant other is just that yours not your child’s only you and the child father are responsible financially. I live in Ohio and even if you are married their income does not count. 2nd, CS does not just pull an amount out of a hat, they take both incomes and figure out an amount. 3rd if he keeps gripping that he can’t afford it then tell him he needs to reevaluate his spending so he can help support his child. You are not in the wrong sweetie
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Don’t let him make you feel bad about his situation he made a baby…he has to pay for the baby’s needs period.
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Keep going forward, he will be ok
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Don’t do anything. If the court ordered him then he needs to talk to the court which they wont go back on what they say. if he makes more than you then he needs to pay 500 is not as much as they could make him pay. my ex sister in law pays over 2200 a month and only has the 3 kids maybe 2 days a month
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My ex only has to pay $35 a month and he never wants to see daughter much
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Don’t speak with him about it. You didn’t set the amount, not your problem.
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My ex was ordered to pay $500 and I’m lucky to get $100 a month. The state won’t touch him because he keeps the card active. My s/o takes care of my daughter and has been in her life for 6 if her 7 years. I gave up even trying with child support. I have full legal custody and visitation is at my discretion. Her real dad hasn’t seen her since the day he left and she’s not even aware he exists. The way I see it if he tried at this point to come back into her life I’d just have my s/o adopted her so she’d never have to go thru the pain of her paternal father not wanting her.
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Tell him to go away. You can’t cancel it. It’s not your boyfriends responsibility. The state went after him because she is on assistance. Tell him to suck it up and take care of his kid!
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Its his legal responsibility so let him pout and ignore the tantrum
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Went thru something similar. I told him. If you are unhappy about the court order, go tell the court. I’m refusing to discuss it other than with the courts.
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He did the deed he has to help raise her. Which includes financially. If he wanted to argue he should of gone to court. It is no longer your problem, the only reason he is in your life is because of the child you created Together
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My ex did the same bs. He kept saying he couldn’t afford the $50 a week for our 9 year old daughter. He got a new job now he pays $100 a week. He askes repeatedly to have it cancelled because he needed a new truck and him and his gf wanted to get a house. They wont just drop support so he decided to take me to court and asked for full custody so he didnt have to pay. My husband paid $2100 for a lawyer because my ex tried bad mouthing me to foc and the lies were hilarious. He didnt get custody he actually screwed himself and got less visitation. Now were up for a child support review in March. I told them keep hus money my husband takes good care of her. Dont ever feel bad your child is entitled to that money as you are to help with necessities.
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Girl dont feel bad for him not wanting to pay for his child. That’s immaturity within him. Dont take on his short coming as ur own. If he says something else I would simply say I’m more than willing to go back to child support court and have them look again at ur finances and for u to explain to the judge y u need a lowered amount. Other than that I’d tell him hes barking up the wrong tree and to take his issue to the source.
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Imo, if he has her 40% of the time then $500/month is a little excessive since he only has her 10% less then you do. He should pay something for that 10% of the time he doesn’t have her but not $500 a month. He should also supply his own stuff at his house.
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Men get away with so much. Smh. They make children and then do not want to be financially responsible. My oldest sons father works under the table so he doesn’t have to report those earning to child support. Works fast food one day a week and pays about $10 every other week for his 15 year old son… $20,000 behind and the states does nothing. Lol
Tell him my story. My ex pays $29/wk for our 2 kids. I work at waffle house as a waiteress. I made 12000 last yr, my ex made 46000. And again he pays $29/wk in child support. Tell him getting fucked goes both ways and if he chooses not to pay it that’s up to him.
It doesn’t matter what you make. You could make a million a day and they would still make him pay. Contact the police or court about him harassing you about it. If he can’t help pay for the child he created then tell him to sign over the rights. My ex accused me of using the child support on myself 
like no she has her own card that the child support goes to & we use it to stock up on pull-ups for her & buy her clothes & toys.
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Don’t let him get to you sweetie. He is being an immature bully because he’s not in control of the decision to pay his child support. Ignore the rants and keep them documented for court in case he tries to pull any more crap 
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Hugs sweetie and remember that he is responsible legally to pay for the care of his child.
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I don’t think you can cancel it or they will cancel your benefits
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I cancelled my child support order and its the best thing Ive ever done.
- No one can accuse me of using my child as a payment.
- No one can say I tried to push her Daddy away. Ive actually encouraged their time together. If he doesnt want to be a Daddy, that’s on him. 100% not me.
- Stress? NONE. (Probably shouldve made this #1). I know there isnt any money coming so I don’t count on it. She’s my daughter and 100% my responsibility. If he wants to jump in, great but I’m not wasting my time stressing it.
My girl knows I’m her Momma and I got her back. Always have. Always will. I get what this daddy is saying. Like seriously? Who has an extra $500 just laying around?? He won’t be able to pay it and will spend most of his time in jail. He will loose every job he gets and he will never be out to actually spend time with his kid. IMO child support ruins families. Many times Mom and Dad break up and the first thing the Mom does is use the child support card.
Dont do it. Cancel it and walk away.
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If your getting state aid they will not allow you to cancell the child support not your problem it’s his
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Let him fume away and be mad. He is just mad he has to be accountable.
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Give him 50/50 and cancel support
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Men do get away with alot. But what is really the kicker they run and don’t want to pay period. You can’t just lower it you have to go through child support. Men are like ghosts when it comes to this sort of thing. Hold your head up. Something will happen and you will get your money, not sure when but it will.
Hey I had the same thing happen to me he kept telling me he can’t afford it cold not pay hid for 10 years under the table jobs going to buy my son a 3 wheel motor cycle with the money .still getting child support my son will be 29 this year lol
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Child support is used not only for the child but to keep a roof over their head food in their stomachs. As long as you are taking care of her. Is all that matters.
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My sons sperm donor is suppose to pay 280$ a month & I haven’t received anything in like 6 months. He hasn’t seen him in 3 years or tried contacting me in almost two years. I say just leave it & make him pay. He helped make the baby.
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Why would he be expected to pay $500/mo when she’s with him 40% of the time? Does he not provide for her when she is with him during that 40%? You can’t blame him because you didn’t save up to provide the child with a birthday party. It’s not his responsibility to financially provide for your share of the child’s needs, only his own which it sounds like he does as he has her 40% of the time.
I would understand if you had her the majority of the time as he wouldn’t be sharing in the costs of raising her. It’s understandable why he would be furious that you feel entitled to his money just because he makes more than you and you have other children to support.
You should be grateful that he is in her life and that he has her 40% of the time and is supporting her while she is in his care. Children need their fathers.
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Let him know that if they do not cooperate, they will cancel her state ins, which then he will ne required to pay.
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Just go by the court order and ignore what he says. Don’t let him bully you into anything. If he wants to blame you let him.
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He helped make the child, he should have to help financially. Could you try to just each have 50/50 custody and each pay for stuff at your own houses? That way you both get equal time and are equally responsible for things?
If he already got papers stating the amount he has to pay then there is nothing you can do since the judge approved and signed the order. However if he chooses he can ask for a modification to the child support order and go to court to try to have it lowered but they base it on his income and take a certain percentage from what he makes monthly so if they settled on a $ amount then they have already seen what he makes.
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Don’t feel sorry for him it’s his child $500 is not even enough after all single mothers go through he will be fine if he couldn’t afford they wouldn’t make him pay it tell him get a second job we work 2 jobs to make ends meet
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tell him you didn’t climb onto yourself and get pregnant therefore he is equally responsible for raising his daughter tell him to stop being a tight ass and pay the money ffs
Do not ask the judge to lower his amount. Do not let him guilt you for anything. That money is for your child and only a POS would argue about supporting his child. You will have to support this child for fifteen more years so don’t waste another minute on this. If the court order was just signed and he doesn’t pay take him back to court so he can be found in contempt. It’s crazy how they can come up with the money when they’re about to go to jail. Show him you’re not playing around or you will have to deal with his nonsense for another decade and a half.
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Call the police and let them know he’s harassing you. Don’t let him try to guilt you into making your BF taking financial responsibility for HIS child. Besides what would happen should you be a single mother again? That 500 is going to keep clothes on her back and food in her belly
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It’s out of your hands anyway, a judged signed it, the states sets up the orders by both parents incomes. It’s up to him to get it adjusted.
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I would not cancel it. Do you think he will help pay for college? Her first vehicle to go get a job? Prom? Senior trip/graduation supplies? If he pays $500 a month and you only end up using $373 then take the other $127 and put it in a savings account for her. You will thank yourself and she will thank you as well!! If a court order says you deserve the money don’t let him make you feel greedy for needing it.
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You are not with him for a reason, he is a piece of shit, stop expecting more of him.
Don’t do anything, he’s responsible to care for his child and judge decreed it not you. He has option of going back to judge for re adjustment if really needed. Probably knows it wouldn’t be granted or chance paying more, that’s why he whines to you to try to get you to agree to take less.
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As a mom who got ZERO dollars support, for my 18 yo senior in HS, do not feel bad. It was ordered and it is what it is. Your significant other is irrelevant, even if he does help, it’s no guarantee ( not being rude or meaning it that way ) & isn’t “obligated,” to support your child. You and her father are. You’ve said you’ve he’s never been financially supportive, would use your goods, but not provide when you were in need. Having children is a financial responsibility to BOTH parents, not just one.
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He’s just trying to guilt trip you, don’t do it. The court/child support office base child support off of his income. It’s his responsibility to take care of HIS child financially.
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The child support goes by a percentage of when he has them plus a percentage of his income, the state has it figured out. I know some one that has their 2 children 12 days a month and he pays almost 800$ a month and believe me he doesn’t make all that much money, the judge finalized it and didn’t care.
Dnt give into it. My sons father threw a bitch fit about support also. Ran for the first yr and disnt help with anything. Just tell him if he cant talk about the child then dnt message call etc. He laid down to make the child he is responsible for 1/2 of the needs for the child. Hes gotta help.
You cant cancel child support, if he wants it cancelled then he signs over his rights
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Dont cancel jack shit. Hes a cheap irresponsible asshole, thats why the state is making him pay. If he threatens you get a restraining order. If he loses visitation his support amount will go up AND you wont have to deal with him.
I paid 130 per week and that was over 23 years ago. Every time her boyfriends support went up, so did mine and I paid for most of our daughters things and bills. I think yours should be prorated on who pays for what. We made a deal to co parent way back then and stuck to it. We did all the pta, band concerts and school things as a team and now, so many years later, we still get along. We now have grand kids and still get together as a family unit.
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I feel like $500 is a lot to be ordered if he has her 40% of the time.
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That $500 he is ordered to pay is figured out with a formula they have. They take his income and work it out. He can afford it. He is going to have to cut back on some of his personal expenses, maybe even get another job. His problem, not yours. It is also his responsibility to help support your child, not your friends.
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He can afford it ! The AGs office base it off his income they do not just pull a number out of their rear to get the amount he owes you! Do not feel guilty for getting child support
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The 3 year old is his? I got confused with what you wrote. ‘since you aren’t married and she isn’t his child’ … Why does he have her 40% and not paying support. Oh yeah the State will do that for sure. State feels father should step up. His issue is the State, not you. My opinion.
Tell him only to contact you through lawyer
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You daughter deserves his monetary support. My ex was ordered to pay child support bitched and moaned about it and how he had other kids (my child is his first born) he never paid it, he’d quit jobs as soon as they started docking his pay. Your significant other didn’t help create her, it’s her biological fathers obligation to help support her. Don’t back down, let the order stand.
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Just keep in mind if the state ordered it and she is still on state benifits by cancelling child support case they consider you uncooperative and can/will usually end benefits.
With that being said he still should pay regardless unless you had an agreement outside of child support that he is honoring.
He needs to pay for his child just like you do. You pay for things he needs to help. If you guys were together he would being helping out this is no different
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At 40% of the time I would just let it go. Everyone is so worried about getting money for their kids these days because “their kids deserve it”. How about thinking your child deserves to have a father who can see his child 40% of the time. Is his presence or his money more important to your child? Yes he could get another job to help pay child support but then he is most likely going to have to see his child less which starts a vicious cycle. I personally have seen my husband going from a very active involved father who was in so much debt he had to “get a better job to pay for his kid” that he now can hardly see his child because he works so much.
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He pays $500 because the courts did the math and he can afford it. Look at it this way, how much of your income goes to your kids? I’m assuming more than 500? If so then that 500 is helping the child get what the child needs. If he “can’t afford it” tell him to take it up with the courts. Not your fault the courts decided that amount
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My ex husband owes my kids over $5,000 because he moved out of the state for 10 years and nobody could do crap to enforce it. He had to pay a piddly $196/mo for 2 kids and couldn’t be bothered to do that. When or IF any money actually shows up on the card, I spend it on whatever the hell I want, might be taking my kids ot to a nice dinner, groceries, something we need at home, a manicure for me… what ever the hell I want because I supported my kids 100% with or without a dime from him all these years. Now my kids are 22 & 18 and the deadbeat still owes the money, probably never see it all… but I’ll never drop it either, he made those kids too…I sure the hell didn’t knock myself up. Hope someday justice might actually be served and he’ll go to jail for non payment but somehow he’ll cough up just enough money to stay out I’m sure. Don’t EVER let him or anyone else make you feel badly about trying to get him to help support his child. Screw anyone who thinks you’re in the wrong!
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You didn’t make the child alone!!! Don’t let him get to you!
OP UPDATE
My 3 other children are triplets and happy blessings. I DO get a credit from the child support agency for having other dependents. Hence why I mentioned them. Also, did you miss how I said that he makes 3 times as much as I do? They factor all of that into determining how much we are both financially responsible for. The 60/40 custody issue is a very recent thing. Up until her recent third birthday, I was solely supporting her and that is why I was unable to save up for her birthday. Because I was paying for everything at my house and his house with no support.
So if he goes out and has more children, should you have to pay some money for them? You should not get a credit for the three children that are not his! He should have to help financially for the child that is his. Split custody 50/50, pay for things at your own houses, and split school cost/medical costs/ things like that evenly. If there is no abuse, drug use, drinking problem, or other danger to the child there is no excuse not to do 50/50 custody. It would make everything much easier and better for the child because everything would be evenly split, time with the child and financial responsibility.
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Don’t know aything about State assistance except they will look for the Dad. 50/50 custody,he won’t pay any child support. Would have to buy for her tho. Oh yes school cost, medical would have to be split . Doubt he will want to do that, might cost him even more.
If he has her 40% of the time he shouldn’t be paying child support and if you have a live in boyfriend you should of been able to pay for a party for her without her dad. A party is not a necessity so he can have his own. If he makes three times as you he should be able to pay for her needs when he has her his 40% of the time. In my opinion child support is for a parent that has sole custody of the child not joint. He shouldn’t be supporting two households when he has the child just as much
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Don’t cancel the order. He needs to be supporting his child.
My ex tried to make me feel bad, like my living in the house I bought after divorce was “living off his child support”. I had full custody. When my daughter turned 21, I gave her the house with $30,000 equity in it. I kept $20,000. She had a $400 house payment and I continued to make all repairs and improvements on it after it was hers. That did not impress him, either. So, when a cheap man does not want the best for his child, give her the best yourself and stop counting who does what. Take the court ordered child support. Give your child a good education so she can grow up to be self sufficient. My daughter has been self employed for many years and needs to take nothing from any man. If we do our job right as parents, that is the way it should be. Then, they can choose a mate who makes them happier in their lives than out.
Child support is based on income. He makes good money so he gonna pay more. State going after him is worse because they want you off assistance when he can help you. I got 3 kids and get 187 a week.
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Child support sets the amount you’re letting him get you all bend out of shape for nothing you deserve help and he should give it willigobut if not child support has your back and if he’s making money they are taking your %
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