I need all the tips I can get on how to get a kid to clean up their room. My older 2 keep their rooms perfect all the time (minus some vacuuming). The youngest (9) … keeps her room a hot mess. It is a CONSTANT fight with her! I’ve thrown things away, taken away privileges, you name it. She has never lived in a “messy house”, so I’m not sure what makes her think it is ok.
Have her slowly start some kids just aren’t wired that way. Maybe make her do her clothes or her other stuff slowly. Try rewards.
My rule with my kids since toddler age is that everything has to be put away before they leave their room. Apart from bathroom and drink this is constantly enforced. They are now 7 and 9 and I have never had issues. I have to go in and organize at times with new things and what not but it is never messy and never a fight.
Chore chart! Mine are the same way, it’s like it doesn’t even cross their minds to put their dirty clothes away but when I mention it to them it’s no problem and they do it immediately. So a physical chore chart has been a great incentive for them to do things on their own.
Put some rat poop and a dead animal
If you can shut the door, then leave her to it. All people are not identical. Stop trying to make your round peg fit your square hole.
Even my daughter was about 8 we had a showdown about her messy room. I finally gave her a deadline to have the floor cleaned with stipulations that I couldn’t be shoved under the bed or in a closet.
At the deadline it was all under her bed. I grabbed a Rubbermaid tub and put it all in there. Later I went through it but she will tell you I threw it all away. Guess who became freakishly organized?
Take her to the store. Let her pick out fav toy/candy. Then hold it hostage till the room is clean.
Other times I help out and get all of my kids together and we tackle each others rooms as a team
Other times when they ask for iPad time or snack I’ll say. First clean your room.
Nothing is given freely in my house. After homework and chores then the kids can have their free time and snacks.
We love having our house clean so when it is that way I make remarks to the kids about how nice it looks and how good it feels to have a clean house
I literally just threw half my kids toys away and did the one toy box rule. I did a major clean out myself and now I have a chart with their names and I do room check every day and if their room is what I expect it they get a star for that day. If they keep their room clean every day of the week then at the end of every week I reward them with a blizzard/icecream. If not then they get nothing. Since your other kids keep their rooms tip top shape then include them. Guarantee one week of your 9 year old not getting an ice cream like everybody else she’ll keep it clean after. It’s working for me but you really have to stick to it and take it seriously in order for her too. Just advice that’s been working for me that I thought I’d share with you.
My 11 year old was like this. She now has to clean her room everyday when she gets home from school before she can touch her phone or laptop. It’s what worked for us. It may take a while but once she knows you aren’t given in, she’ll take note.
Give her 30min or a hour to pick her room up. Get a garbage bag when the time is up whatever is not cleaned up it’s yours now. They have to show they will clean up to get their things back. It work with my Daughter.
For me this has always been a pick your battles think. As long as food is that in that room I don’t care.
I give 3 chances.
Taking stuff only works if they don’t get it back the next day or if they have to earn it back.
For her, sit down and ask her how she feels when she walks into her room. She may have anxiety with the clutter but doesn’t know how to express it. Having to organize it may make her confused & unable to focus. This happens a lot more than ppl think. It just becomes SO much & they feel lost. So, take one little section at a time. Work with her. Help set up a plan for her to get in the habit of keeping it picked up. Reminders that you don’t take out new unless the old is away. Make sure she has a trash can in her room.
It’ll be a process for you both but if you meet her where she’s at & start there, you may be able to really help her work through it.
Or, she’s just that stubborn.
I pray it’s not just being stubborn. Lol
My youngest girl 11 is like a teenage boy just filthy plates cups snacks wrappers clean folded clothes you name in on the floor… So I reduced what’s in the room and set up a time everyday to tidy up before she gets to play Roblox or touch her devices! They love their gadgets take them until she understands the responsibility of keeping a clean organized room. How do they sleep like that Id have nightmares every night
My middle child gets overwhelmed and I have to divide her room into sections. If I ask her to just clean it she doesn’t know where to start. Whereas my two others can.
Saw someone dye rice black to make it look like mice poop and then put it the bedroom so it seemed like they had mice living in there
My kids are grown my son was a neat freak , my daughter a hot mess as well , she would clean her room as I was strict but in 2 hours it was a mess . Much like you we never had a messy house I just didn’t get it . Now that she is grown I have figured out she was comfortable with more of a mess just like myself and my son were comfortable with neatness . I look back and see all the negative energy we generated over it . I now think I would give her a bit more wiggle room and just require it to be off the floor and anything dirty such as dishes clothes ect clean and put were they go ,make sure its picked up but still comfortable for her as it was her room . Just saying find a happy medium she might suprise you .
My daughter now has a wife that is OCD and cleans the house and cooks , my daughter works . They make a great team .
Now the rest of the chores must be done top notch.
Close the door so you don’t have to look at it What always motivates my kids to clean their room is when they have a friend coming over. Was not helpful during the covid shutdown Luckily they now keep their rooms relatively clean and I keep their doors closed. Its their space. Help her learn how to be organized. The friend thing works though lol
I started throwing my kids toys away
They can’t pick them up they don’t need them
Lol I don’t know! The struggle is real though isn’t it! My 5 year old got off the school bus today and just decided to book it down the sidewalk. Every time I tried to call him back over to the house he just ran faster in the other direction. So I finally turned back towards the house & said “ fine I’ll just go eat the Popsicles all by myself then!“ he turned around looked at me and said “popsicles?” He ran Straight back into the house. Some may call it bribery but I say, I pick and choose my battles & this one, I chose the easy way out & I have zero shame in that!
Going through this with my 8 year took everything from her room except games and it’s still a mess it’s so frustrating now there’s clothes strung everywhere we also live in a clean home I don’t get it
My daughter is so bad I could not see the floor. I found mold growing in bowls under the bed (she is not allowed to eat in her room) I have told her for months to clean her room and she would not do it, so I put the trash outside her window and threw EVERYTHING away! She has a bed a blanket some clothes and shoes in there and that is it. Anything on her floor before bed gets thrown away and now she knows I am not kidding.
Take everything out except her bed and dresser and don’t give it back for a while. Then when she wants her stuff back make her agree that she will clean her room when asked. Give back her stuff. If she doesn’t hold up to her word take it all out again and keep it for longer.
The messy room seems like a symptom and you need to get to the root of the problem with her.
Alot of kids get overwhelmed with the space of an entire Room. Especially nuro divergent children and adults.
It’s eaiser to follow a checklist.
Pintrest has many, some more detailed then others .
Pick one you think will work. Also as long as it’s not food trash give him them a little bit of their own space and if it is a little messy shut the door.
This is what a councilor told me amd my mother when i was younger.
I Also help Do a deep Clean, reorganize and donate during fall before all the holidays .
My daughter is going on 11 years old and it’s a constant battle here as well. She literally acts like we’re asking for an arm or a leg. But I think it’s helped that my husband (step dad) has given her the opportunity to do her thing until Friday. He doesn’t care but when Friday night comes, when he gets home from work, he inspects her room. And if it’s a horrible mess… she is to clean it. But usually with her understanding the expectation that’s coming on Friday, she doesn’t destroy her bedroom like usual. We’re not expecting perfection, just not a dumpster that she’s got the ability to create. Idk if this helps? Good luck!
I struggle to get my daughter to keep her room clean. Then I’ll get so sick of looking at it that I go in and clean it and organize it myself. I also go through and donate things I know she’s no longer interested in or outgrown.
But when I do get her to clean it I give her rewards for keeping it clean. Right now she’s got to keep it clean everyday for two weeks to earn a new phone. Or I’ll do a night where she can choose a place for us to go eat together at or some money for something for herself. She looks forward to the reward.
Put some little black flower seeds on the floor:joy:and tell them it’s mouse droppings
Speaking of cleaning anyone have any tips on how to get a toddler to clean up aka put their stuff away? It’s more so the toys, he is like a little tornado takes everything out and doesn’t want to put them back 3.5 year old
Find her currency to keep it clean
My niece was like this she was 9 at the time we did this : you bag absolutely everything except furniture garbage included. Make them earn each bag back like an allowance one a week … one bag may be junk another may be something they want… they don’t keep what they earn back clean in their room you take another bag back until they learn to respect their space.
I was the same way as a child, but where it looked like a mess to everyone else, it was an organized mess for me. I still don’t even keep the clothes on my dresser folded, although I keep my kids dresser neat and organized, and I fold their clothes and put them up when I do laundry.
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An empty room = a clean room. Start throwing everything away and just leave the bed. 🤷
Help her keep it clean and tidy. My daughter and I clean tidy and Hoover the whole house together she’s a great help. I turn things into a game too like throw her soft toys see if she can catch them to put them away etc. Not sure if this has just happened or not. If it has maybe something’s going on in her life at school etc try having a chat with her see if she needs to get anything off her chest? I also pay my daughter for doing chores. She’s only 4 but give her £1 and she knows she can spend it how she wants, it might be a ride or sweets or a toy a book etc but she looks forward to when she goes and picks her treat
Good luck! Let her be, hopefully, she’ll grow out of it! Close the door, don’t allow her to bring friends in her mess. It’s probably a constant issue with her & a huge frustration, is it worth the headache???
We have a chore chart. Currently my kids are doing school from home so on lunch break the beds get made and they tidy up what they can. After school the rest of the cleanup is done and they aren’t allowed any tv or tablets unless rooms are clean. I remember my
Mom always upset about my room when I was younger too I just don’t understand how they can clean them after school and by bed time they are a wreck again
Im a mom of 4. I do not have chore charts only because they don’t work for me. I say what I want done on that day and thats what gets done. My youngest daughter is beyond messy and drives me nuts with it. she is 11. She is a “collecter” of what I call garbage. She doesn’t see it as that. I heave ho her room out every so often of the ridiculous things when she isn’t home. She will organize any room in the house except her own. She has OCD,ODD,ADHD, and they are looking into bi polar. She is in therapy. I noticed someone else had said messy room is a symptom. I don’t entirely disagree but I do partially because of attention spans. She is pure lazy when it comes to her room. She is fully capable but refuses and doesn’t want to do it. She doesn’t have much left in her room as I have gotten rid of a huge chunk of things. My 13 and 14 year old do pretty well when I tell them to clean up their room. My 2 year is getting pretty awesome with cleaning. He likes to clean with me but not by himself just yet. Each kid is different. I don’t expect them to be the same. I’m just trying to raise them to being functional independent clean individuals who don’t live in filth.
Minimise her room. Bed or mattress with basic bedding, enough clothes for 1 week (uniforms, 3 sets yard clothes 1 set of good, 1 or 2 pjs, and swimmers) and no more. Remove all toys, electronics, etc. If she doesn’t respect it, she doesn’t have it. Store it all away and if she really wants something she will earn it. Like she has to do x amount of chores, keep her room clean and tidy for x amount of time etc. She only gets one item at a time. When she has to earn what she has, she will appreciate it. No slip ups or she looses it all again.
Remove everything! Leave the bed, dresser and a couple days of clothes. If she wants the privilege of toys and extra things then she will show respect of your house. She can earn back items one at a time! If she leaves them out take them away again. 4 kids, done this with all of them. It works. Just stay strong, don’t give in!
Just leave the necessary items: bed, dresser (with minimal clothes), blanket and pillow… remove everything else. No tv, no electronics, no toys and no other items! Have them vacuum and clean everything in the room including dusting!
My son is 1 and lives to clean. My daughter is 4 and the messiest child on the planet My son takes after me. My daughter takes after her father. If you ask her to clean, she will suddenly be so tired she wants to take a nap. Offering to help her sometimes makes it better. Otherwise, I get super strict with it if we are having company, and let her keep her room how she wants. Shes old enough to know whats important to her. Shes not allowed to eat in her room, and she changes in the bathroom, so its all toys.
I think all of them had the right idea my youngest my daughter used to call her room the black hole things would go in there and we’d never see them again so I can relate
Leave her alone! Unless it’s spilling out into the rest of the house! I used to take a day off work once every 3 to 6 months, while my daughter was in school, to clean her room. I threw away the papers that were scrap or old homework, crumpled up on the floor, picked up all the dirty (?) clothes and put them in the laundry hamper, dusted. It helped me keep my sanity and I’m not the world’s best housekeeper…it was just “a thing”! Now she’s a clean freak like her sperm donor was.
I’ve gone in and deep cleaned my son’s room twice in his 22 years. I tell him I will not be responsible for things that are missing. I throw out stuff I know needs to be tossed and put stuff I don’t want to see in plastic tubs with lids in his closet. He gets pissed when he can’t find things and the room stays much cleaner.
Take everything out of her room except the main thingys she needs daily. If she can’t clean it make her earn the items back.
Just as adults with anxiety…looking at a messy room causes increased anxiety…they’re overwhelmed and don’t know where to start. Offer to help, guide her/him on how to correctly do it. Doesn’t matter if they’re 9… children never stop needing our help.
I had to do this with my youngest. He only had a bed with sheets and a blanket and clothes for one day. Nothing else! I gave everything else away. He had to earn money to buy the stuff he wanted back.
I’ve minimized my son’s room and he still is just soooooo lazy. I’ve tried everything but he doesn’t care… But my.older girl will clean when I tell her to
My room was always “messy”…but all I saw were organised piles (others didn’t see it that way haha). Now I’m 32 years old and probably getting diagnosed with adhd. So, maybe your daughter does see it that way
My mom gave me a hard time about cleaning my room…and she feels guilty about it now.
They would just have a bed and their clothes if they were my kid gunna have my house a mess I’ll eliminate the problem
You can’t. That’s a Neverending battle. I tried and now my daughter she has a 17 daughter and 11 year old son and she’s trying. Nothing works either they will or they will. That is her biggest complaint. I feel your pain. Just stay on her. Don’t stress so much about it. Even if you kept your room clean, they are not you. I have heard it all three grown daughters with children and I hear it from them and I just smile and listen.
I have a 16 yr old and if you keep taking her belongings away it will cause her to be a hoarder - for fear of losing her stuff she will hide stuff and keep everything…
I tried that too now she wont throw anything away. Be careful and get her therapy.
My son 12 took nearly a week of losing his stuff before tidying his room , the screaming fits were awful but helped in the end holding the rubbish bags open (2 black bags of rubbish ) plus kitchen is full of dirty clothes , think it’s time for him to give up the bigger room and swap with his brother
Toss everything out of place in a black garbage bag after doing this a few days there won’t be much left and she will start to miss stuff !!! Give her the bag and everything in it has to be put away and in the proper place and sit on the bed while she does it !! If she starts reneging on doing it out everything back in the bag !!! It works !!!
I highly do not recommend taking away all your kids stuff to get them to clean. That doesn’t teach them to clean, it just increases their anxiety. Maybe she’s overwhelmed and needs.some help with ideas to keep things more organized. And maybe keep your standards of clean low and then they will start to get better. Like even if all her clothes are shoved in a dresser, at least it’s not on the floor. Even if all her toys are shoved in a box instead of put away in order or nicely, at least they’re picked up, etc. And honestly she’ll probably grow out of it. Especially if she starts having friends over more and more. No kid wants their room to be gross when they have friends over it’s embarrassing. But maybe try helping her and communicating rather than punishing. Kids learn a lot better that way. If she’s experiencing depression or anxiety maybe try therapy as well
It’s just how I roll.
Shut her door. Let her make the decision on how she wants to live, but explain others don’t have to see it. That worked for my child. Every child is different.
My daughter gets a quarter every day for keeping her room clean. I give her a quarter for every time she helps me out.
Well…if you’ve tried everything then maybe just shut the door. Let her “own” her messiness and maintain a clean home everywhere else…I guess it is a matter of “choosing your battles.” Her defiance may be a way of her to “control” what she can…BUT, no more new clothes, toys, etc. until she can “respect” her area.
My kids wouldn’t clean their rooms I took everything out of their room and made them work for their things back!! Worked for us!!
maybe offer to help clean it up with her?
Could do positive encouragement
My mom pulled out the belt lol
Easy turn off the Wi-Fi tell them they can’t have company or go to their friend’s house unless they clean up no need to argue with them LOL
Let them be an individual; messy or not. 🤷👍
Does it smell? Is it a health hazard? If not, shut the door and walk away. The more you fight the more she’ll fight back. When she can’t find what she wants or the clothes she wants didn’t get washed there’s a life lesson there. Offer to help her organize her way . You may find she has a unique way of doing this because she may process differently. The more you battle the more you become the enemy. Find a way to be her ally.
Take away their phone until room is clean. Do not waiver for any reason. Phone is GOD.
(I’m sending smoke signals mom!)
She’s probably depressed you can get her the help she needs
Make the room resemble a jail cell…if they ain’t nothing in there it cant be a mess…
I was one of those children and nothing worked, still doesn’t. It’s just not that important to me.
I saw on here somewhere that a mum kept telling her kids to clean up and that they would get mice in their rooms if they didn’t. They didn’t so she went out and bought some black rice and sprinkled it in their rooms. She said it worked like a charm and they keep their rooms clean now because they don’t want to get any more mice in their rooms
I took a parenting class and the one thing they emphasized was their room is THEIR space and they shouldnt be forced to make it how their parents want it. I have the same issues where my oldest refuses to clean her room and my middle keeps hers spotless. It’s their personality honestly. I kept my room messy as hell but it hasnt impacted me as an adult at all.
I never allowed toys 8n their bedrooms! Only books and stuffys! Depending on age! I was a neat freak! But I didn’t expect it from my kids! I let them live but same time made them mind! Pick and choose your battles with them! REMEMBER WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU IS NOT NECESSARILY IMPORTANT TO THEM! My moms words! All 3 of my children are nest and tidy now as parents of teens!
We had 5 kids. One girl keps her room/space extremely tidy and orderly. One moderatly orderly the other girl and the two boys spaces/roome were chaos!
Its all in their own particular nature. Some grow out of it others never! Haha.
My mother threw away my toys when I was a kid, perfume bottles when I was a teen, my phone when I was in college, and I still don’t keep my room clean (I’m 75). It was the ONLY thing my mom and I fought about. I say give it up, close her door, and enjoy your daughter.
What I did with my son personally was give him an hour to clean up his room. If things were not put where they needed to be then I would come in with the garbage pail and throw crap out. I can honestly tell you he learned very quickly to keep his room clean.
It’s her room honestly why does it matter than much to you if it doesn’t to her? As long as she cleans up her shared space in the rest of the house why have that constant fight with her, also to the other people saying “if she’s allowed to have a messy room now she won’t be a clean adult” that’s a bunch of bs. My mother literally would abuse the crap out of us if we didn’t have a spotless not lived in room but her room was disgusting all the time, I have a messy ish room as an adult but the rest of my house is always clean. Also unless you keep your room spotless 24/7 how can you try and tell her to keep hers clean.
Pick your battles there is a difference between messy and dirty a messy room isn’t going to hurt anyone even kids just like adults need a space that’s actually their own.
When my girls were little, We would write down a little pieces of paper chores that needed to be done in even some fun things written down. Then I would full them and put the manager and then they could pull one out and do it. Sometimes they would get the fun ones like jump up-and-down on 1 foot, pet the cat for 2 mins., etc. It was a fun way of doing chores and I would pick ones out too.
Picked up certainly. If it is to the point of food and dishes being left out , soda left open.wet towels and laundry on wood floors it needs cleaning. The rest of the family should not have to deal with the smell , invasion of insects …Child’ s room , parents and family’s home.
Cleaning once a week, showing respect for the parents who provide for. you. Have you own place , pay your own bills keep it however you want, until then respect your parents home. No one is asking for a neat freak only asking trash to be taken, dishes not left in room. It is compromise
My daughter has a bed a dresser and a desk thats it in her room… every night before brushing of teeth i have to stand in the doorway while all things are picked up off the floor its the only way we could do it or it ended up in fights and tears
Is she dyslexic? It can be connected. How People with Dyslexia Have Difficulty with House Cleaning – Dyslexia Empowerment
I know some of that didn’t Make sense but I was trying to dictate it. After we would write down chores on pieces of paper I would fold them up and put them in a jar or a bowl. Anyway I think you get the idea!
I am like this, found out as an adult that I have ADD and a hard time focusing on details. I get overwhelmed really easily with these tasks.
Maybe figure out how to make it easier for them to keep it clean and organize wether minimizing items or help them develop a better system and structure. 21 days to build a habit.
First of all, she wants to be different than her siblings. She probably doesn’t think of it that way, but it does get your attention, and negative attention is better than being ignored or compared to the others. You might try to ask her what she would do if it were her house, not yours .How she would expect her future children to be. BUT - Best of all treat her as a teenager, not a child. Her opinions matter!
If your kid has something she is obsessed with… threaten to take that away and actually follow through… my sisters daughter just turned 9 and she loves her tablet… so that is how she kinda controls her…
Clean it for them. And I mean clean it. Strip it. Down to just the bed dresser and clothes. Take everything. Make them earn each item back. Sart with giving books back first, then stuffed animals, the. game system, then games, then blue ray. Then movies. Then the tv to use them all with. Let them start to value their things. Realize what it is to have to earn them. Your not a friend , your a parent. This works.
My room always was/ is a disaster. The rest of my house is clean
For starters, TAKE AWAY THEIR TECHNOLOGY!!! Don’t be afraid to discipline your kids. Don’t be too soft. Don’t let them get what they want. Teach them how to be RESPONSIBLE! Otherwise, they’ll grow up to depend on their parents doing EVERYTHING for them. You don’t want then to grow up lazy af.
When my son was a teenager I had to attend a parenting class and that was what she said too. Pick your battles! Unless it’s hazardous to your or his/her health or the dirt, etc causes issues in the house with bugs, etc. Just close the door. Also works with hair, clothes and other things that will blow over sooner or later. That same son whose room was always a mess is now a 45 year old man who takes great pride in his home, also does grocery shopping, laundry and cooking. They grow up.
If you want to teach her to respect house to rules, find something else. I’m with Lianne Taylor, pick your battles. Children need to respect mutual areas, so no loud music when someone else is watching tv or doing homework. If it matters to you that much, you should be able to explain why it is important for her room to be clean. The other thing is “stuff”. When there are too many things in a room, it can appear messy when it is more cluttered. If this is the case, it may be time to have a donation box. After the declutter, reward with an activity not a thing and follow the “one in- one out” rule to stay on track.
As long as it’s clean enough to be healthy I think you’re going to spend a lot of time trying to win a battle that isn’t really worth the fight. Rule: no food or drink left in the room. You take it in - you throw it out. Can’t find the favorite top? Clean up.
Good luck and may the force be with you.
I recently saw a post where somebody recommended buying black rice and leaving some grains in the room. Tell the kids they are mouse droppings and that the room needs to be cleaned asap to make it less inviting to mice
Take all her stuff and put it in bins, leave only the absolute necessities. Make her earn her stuff back one bin at a time. If she doesnt put the stuff away and clean, it goes back in the bin and out of her care.
Do the black rice trick. A mom posted it this week. He was eating in his room too. But she told him that mice would come in his room and start nesting in his room. She then bought black rice and scattered in his room and he thought it was mouse droppings. Guess he cleaned his room right up.
She might have a problem processing the clutter. My daughter is a grown woman now and has to keep her possessions down to the bare minimum because she gets overwhelmed by too much stuff. Talk to her and get her take on it and then help her cull her things. You don’t have to be rid of it at first…five her a bit of time to adapt. Less really is more.
Since the other 2 are so good at it, ask them to help her.