Mamas can I have some advice? The end of January me and my boyfriend of two years broke up. It was mutual and had been coming for months. The last 6 months of our relationship we started seeing each other less and less ( which looking back was dumb bc we could’ve just broken up with each other). I have a 5 year old daughter who loved him but only saw him a few times a month. When I told her we broke up she didn’t seem upset or that she even cared. The night that him and I broke up I reconnected with an ex at the local bar and we’ve been inseparable ever since(I know this isn’t a very healthy or wise decision but it gets worse). I didn’t plan on being with this guy in a relationship way, bc we just reconnected our friendship but honestly I fell for him almost instantly. I wasn’t being the best mom and making the best mom decisions, so I introduced my daughter to the new guy. Looking back I see this wasn’t a good idea but now that we are fully into this I need advice. My daughter may be confused and I don’t know how to get her adjusted to her mommy having a different boyfriend. She has been acting out for the past couple weeks and I think it’s a direct result of all the confusion and changes in her life. Does anyone have any advice? Thanks.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I get my daughter used to my new boyfriend?
She shouldn’t have even met him yet
should never even introduced her the rebound guy
Put your kid before yourself and take the new relationship slower, packpedal to where he isn’t around your daughter anymore for a while to make sure it even works out in the long run.
She should have never met him to begin with. Poor girl. She just wants some stability.
At least you know where you went wrong. I would wait to have him around your daughter again until you know for absolute sure that he’s gonna be sticking around.
Put your relationship with the guy from the bar on hold and start rebuilding your relationship with your daughter
My son was the same age when I got with my now husband I felt he acted out a bit when we started spending time with my husband Forsure. Night time was the worst! Over time it worked out
Stop introducing your child to every man you date .
Maybe you should just focus on your daughter instead of the next fling. Sheesh. I have someone I work with who just got out of a relationship, and now she’s calling out of work to go on a date. She isn’t even trying to fight for her kids. It’s disgusting! Why wouldn’t you focus on your child? Why is it so hard for women who post on this group to put their selfish wants to the side and focus on their children? Good Lord. If you can’t provide stability for your child, you need to let a family member adopt her or something. She needs better. And either you’re going to truly register that you messed up and step back from the guys, or you’re going to lose your daughter, because she’ll grow up knowing you out random dudes before her.
Make her feel like she is the most important person in your life.
Dating when you have a child… DON’T BRING RANDOM MEN AROUND UR CHILD… THIS CONFUSES THEM… ALSO HIGHER CHANCE OF HER BEING ABUSED…
Keep him away from her, she obviously doesn’t like him. Her feelings are valid! You only started dating this guy 2-3 months ago and you’re already sooooo in love that you put your child in an uncomfortable position, and you want us to give you advice on how to force her to be comfortable with a stranger?
I have no advice about this, all that I’m going to say is don’t listen to these women…you know and feel what you did was wrong. Be the best mama that you can be. Don’t know why these chose to reiterate something that you already stated was wrong.
Your daughter doesnt need to see a revolving door of men come in and out of hers and your life. Cant you live without a man and Just focus on being a good mom. Im married and we have a 5 y4 old and we cant even get a date night. Idk how single moms have time to date a bunch of men
Too soon to be introducing your kids to a new person. In my opinion you should not be introducing your kids to anyone unless you know it’s going to last or that’s your person
You need to not introduce your kids to your f÷#@ buddy.
Lay off the penis.
Your children shouldn’t meet everyone you date. Be together for a few years then introduce them.
Yall are rude as hell. She asked for advice not to get nasty comments. If you don’t have anything nice to say then stay out of it!
I think it’s pretty obvious what all of us think…BUT since you have already introduced them maybe you could stop bringing him around and kind of slow things down, until you are more serious. Explain to him that you need to protect your daughter’s feelings.
Stop bringing him around.
Rules of dating, as a single mom: do not keep introducing men into your child’s life. Date privately out of her line of sight. It isn’t fair to her. When you get serious and think marriage, THEN she gets involved.
You just broke up with a boyfriend and the same night got involved with an ex and 2 months later introduced her to him??? Uggghhh STOP DATING! You are unwittingly causing emotional harm to your child. She doesn’t understand any of it. Be with yourself and your daughter.
Stop bringing him around for a while! Make time for the two of you ALONE. Enjoy your kids!
Talk to your child and make it very clear that no matter how many friends you have, she will always have you. She may be thinking that you might trade her also.
I’m confused why she’s already been around this new man, you don’t think that’s at all confusing to her? When you have kids, especially daughters but sons too, you have to be very careful of having people around them…everyone isn’t to be trusted. Not to mention how confusing that is for her that you jumped boyfriend to boyfriend and that this new man is now taking up your time. You don’t have to be alone because you have kids but you have to live life differently when you have kids.
Ok, some of these responses are quite harsh… you admitted you moved fast, and here we are. Your daughter is 5…old enough to tell you how she feels (happy, sad, etc) so I’d start by asking her how she feels. Keep new guy away for a bit, go on public dates etc. Make extra time for your daughter. I understand where you are coming from…my youngest was 8 months old when I met my husband 17 years ago… so just take a step back, and breathe. You aren’t a terrible person or a bad mom. You obviously care about your daughter’s feelings because you asked for advice
When my daughter was little she asked my mom, her grandma, why do you have only one papa when my other grandma has many papa’s. Having guys come in and out of your life is doing more harm than good. I am not saying you should never marry again but take your time and make sure your significant other will be the one.
Stop bringing him around. She needs to mourn the loss of her friend. She also needs mom to chill & focus on her for a bit.
Don’t bring guys around unless you’re absolutely serious and 100% sure they are the one… That could take a while, not just months. It cannot only confuse your child but show them that it’s okay to jump around.
jesus christ…
like come on.
don’t bring him around her period
its WAY too soon!
wayyyyyy too soon
and its not that hard NOT to either
Maybe put your 5 year old daughter first instead of demanding her to behave the way that’s most convenient to you and not show emotions…. I’m not even sure what you wanted from this post. “I stopped one relationship and immediately started another and my 5 year old is mentally and emotionally confused. How can I manipulate her into being okay with my shitty selfish decisions?” None of us are here to tell you want you want to hear.
I have not been in this situation nor am I judging I’ve had my share of bad mom moments but personally I’d stop all interactions with your daughter and any one your seeing until more time has gone by and she fully understands mommy’s single then start letting her meet your partner after hes not so new wishing you the best momma
Alright amidst the bashing comments who apparently skimmed over the part where you’re aware it was a mom slip.
I’m gonna say the behavior may not be because of the confusion or change. When you’re head over heels you tend to focus on the guy. I’ve done it, all dating moms have done it. Kids notice when the attention changes. You have time find the balance. If he’s going to be around long term I’d say include him in things that your daughter likes. Park, eating out etc. he does need to stay in his lane and not try to be a parent or cross any boundaries that are in place for your daughter. Depending on her age you can even ask her how she feels about the new guy. Limit their time together for awhile. Her being introduced is one thing, being flung into a large amount of time with this guy won’t help anything and only make things worse. Gradually bring him around her not all at once. She has to be the one to chose and guide the timeline of time spent with him. It’s gonna take her some time to adjust especially since your ex was in her life for two years,which again depending on her age can be a huge deal or not a big deal at all. I also say depending on the age despite you staying it because some kids at 5 understand and grasp things very well and others take time or don’t grasp it as well. Good luck mama. There’s no manual. We are all winging it and doing the best we can. Try not to be so hard on yourself or let these other moms who are not offering a level of support get you down.
Quit bringing Random men around your child. That’s disgusting behaviour. Make sure u are actually serious first
You both need therapy, you have openly admitted you haven’t been making the best decisions as a mum for your daughter and she is now acting out, you aren’t the one that can help her in this situation because you are the one hurting her and confusing her. You also need therapy to sort out whatever is going on inside you to make you act this way, I know it sounds harsh but sometimes that’s reality and you need help.
Either stop seeing him altogether or stop taking him around your kid. She isn’t happy and she needs time.
You need to put some brakes on your relationship so your daughter can recover from the whiplash.
If he’s unwilling to do that then he’s not worth it. Your daughter comes first.
You jumped from the fire into the frying pan… rebound, found in a bar…where you find your mate is where they’ll always return…a bar… he’ll be drinking your child support up in no time…
I hope I’m wrong but because you say you are constantly together, I am thinking you have moved him in. If so, shame on you.
Hate to say this momma, but you have to take a step back from any relationship as your daughter’s needs are first. Be in a relationship for a year before she sees him again. She deserves to have her momma there 24/7 when she’s with you.
I agree, you need to put the boyfriend on the back burner and take care of your daughter.
Stop bringing strange men around ur daughter… U might like that type of life but ur child deserves better
Talk to her. Make sure her feelings and needs are heard. Seek the advice of a counselor, or counseling for the two of you if preferred. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s not too late to start putting her needs first in this situation.
Most likely it is the lack of attention that she is feeling. A lot of your attention is going to him instead of her. It’s good she’s acting up to let you know that she has needs. Much better than your child suddenly becoming quiet and introverted. Spend less time with him and more time with her and leave him out of the picture with her for quite a while until you know it’s going to be a permanent thing.
Coming from this place and unfortunately doing the same thing, don’t continue to talk to her about him and don’t bring him around her. Not because he’s bad but her little heart and mind can’t process this. I have been a teacher for 15 years so I should have known better but when things are good they are good and I’m very open with my girls but tread lightly!!! This is why she’s acting out
It’s her pleading for attention. All of your attention is on someone else and in 24 hours you had a new dude around. Not healthy at all.
Keep your dating and sex life AWAY from your child…
Period…remove the new fella from her life…next time you think about bringing a man around your child ask yourself 2 things: 1 do you want your daughter growing up thinking having multiple men in her life is normal and healthy?
2: are beyond sure without any doubt that any man.can be trusted around your child?
Get a babysitter to do your dating, leave your child out of that part.
Yeah you need too pump the breaks and give your daughter time to recover from the last relationship. If he’s not okay with slowing down the relationship to give her the time she needs then maybe he’s not the one but you need to start putting her feelings into things when you’re making Decisions.
You should just let it be you and her for awhile and only introduce when you have been with someone for at least 6 months kids get attached quick and get confused when someone doesn’t come around work on yourself and little girl if this man is serious he will wait for you
From a child’s point of view you got rid of someone who was a constant in your life and easily replaced him… she probably thinks she’s next
Young children are very sensitive to change, and it sounds like she’s been subjected to a whole lot of change. You may think she doesn’t miss your ex because she didn’t show emotion right away, young kids often dont. She’s showing it now. She’s acting out. Now you mention you and new guy have been inseparable,which definitely leads me to believe your a bit more consumed with the man and not your child. So not only has she lost the only father figure that was a constant in her life as if that’s not enough to deal with, she’s also dealing with alot less of you. Her entire world has been turned inside out. She needs her mama. You need to pause this relationship and focus on your daughter. You don’t have to end the relationship if that’s what u really want. There’s FaceTime, phone calls, let her spend a few hours with grandma once a week to see him if that’s an option. She needs time to heal and feel secure again. I wouldn’t even think about introducing new guy for a minimum of 6 months. Let her feel safe again. If this man loves you he will understand. If he has a problem with casually dating you for a few months so your daughter can feel secure then pitch the whole man out. She should be your number 1 priority. You know what you need to do mama. Your just struggling with choosing between a man and what’s best for your daughter. Should be no contest, and if he’s any kind of man worth having, he will have no issues with it. You shouldn’t be considering bringing a man around her anyway you’ve been with such a short time. Not saying he is, but lots of creeps out there that prey on women with young girls, for a reason. No way would I bring a man around my child that I’ve barely been with to begin with.
If your ex still wants to be in her life let him tell him what’s going on , and if he feels comfortable being around you and your guy , all the better, don’t just shut him out of her life , and if your new guy gets upset about him coming to see her and you- that’s his problem not yours , always make her 100 % knowing what’s going on - FYI one day soon take both your ex and now boyfriend out to the park let them interact with her and each other- ONLY IF YOUR EX AND YOU STILL GET ALONG AS FRIENDS-
Sounds like your 5 year old is more mature than you by a wide swing! Wouldn’t surprise me if making better parental decisions, lead you to better partner relationships. Start taking your place … Mother first and foremost!
You just got out of a relationship. You need to give your daughter and yourself time to heal from that before bringing someone else into your child’s life. If you are intent on seeing this guy, it needs to be done away from your daughter so she has time to process the breakup. If she’s acting out, you need to focus more on her instead of this guy. If that doesnt help, a counselor may be needed. She should be your priority not jumping into another relationship. Going from guy to guy is teaching her how to handle relationships in the future. Too many women are worried more about having a man in their life instead of focusing on the little people they are raising. She will only be little for so long.
I did this with my current husband we all make mistakes and for some of us those mistakes work out. I married my best friend of 15 years. He’s been around my son as my best friend his entire life. One day he moved in about a year after my sons dad and I split. My son was lost confused and to top it off I got pregnant a month after being married. Well we stuck together put our oldest first and after a year together he’s settled. You make the choice to put your child and yourself first because once your child’s grown your partner is the one whom you live your life with. Whom you build with even if that came the way it did we aren’t perfect and we flow the path god places in front of us.
Never just right off the rip want to make the child and new man bond. This is ridiculous your kid does not have to meet every guy you do
Nah you’re in the wrong here big time, your child ALWAYS comes first. I would never keep a man around if my son hated him, that’s her home, her peace, where she should feel safe and comfortable, she’s acting out because she isn’t happy in her home. You need to remove him from her and keep your relationship totally separate or dump him even. But forcing your shitty ways on her isn’t cool. In the end when she’s a teen, she’ll remember you as to the mum who kept bringing dudes around
Also a side note, you mention you told your 5 year old daughter you broke up. Like she’s one of your girlfriends. She didn’t seem to care because she probably at 5 years old didn’t know what it meant. Not judging, but you sound like one of them young moms that thinks because you feed her, house her, etc and set her in front of a TV that that’s parenting. Stop making this guy the priority, and put your daughter first. Your relationship is supposed to be second to her. So is your feelings, need for attention, sex life, needs etc. Put your daughter first. Period. You say your fully into this now, please don’t tell me you moved this strange man under the same roof with your daughter. That behavior is toxic, dangerous, and not in your daughter’s best interest. Not to mention it’s setting a very bad example for your daughter. Check your moral compass and adjust accordingly. I give you props for admitting you’ve made mistakes. But there are mistakes, then there are asinine decisions that affect your daughters health and safety. It doesn’t sound like you’ve stopped making bad choices. Back that man off and take care of your baby. If he’s any man worth a crap he will understand. You’re daughter is lost right now. To the point of acting out. Put on your big girl panties, focus on her, do your job and just be her mom. She needs that more than anything right now. Spend more time with her and stop worrying about that grown ass man being offended
Be a mother. Put your child first. If this relationship is worth it, it can wait.
Take a step back. Stop spending all this time with him and spend the time with her helping her healing.
You shouldn’t have another man involved with your daughter at all it’s way too soon back it up for a while he doesn’t need to be in her home see him else where
Clearly your daughter is not comfortable don’t bring him around her. Secondly trust her instincts something could be off with this guy and your to love struck to see any red flags hence why so many kids get abused. She’s 5 spend time with her and not him. Your children come first always before your private needs.
As someone whose mother had men issues and couldn’t seem to find a way to be alone, ever, so I was I constantly reintroduced to new men, make sure she knows how important she is to you, and that she is the main priority. That’s really all that matters in my opinion- had my mom done that I probably wouldn’t have such an awful relationship with her. Looking back I resent her for constantly introducing new men to me - learn from this lesson going forward. Do not bring your children around the next man until you know how you feel or until she seems ready for something like that. Again just my opinion.
For all you ladies bashing her!! Yall should be FKN ashamed of your “PERFECT” selves!! She CLEARY knows she made a mistake (READ THE POST) And wants to fix it and was asking on ways to do that!
Ma’am, please don’t let these fake “I’m perfect” women make you feel worse than you already do. There is absolutely no changing the past so let’s just look forward! First things first. Tell your boyfriend you are taking your daughter on a mini vaca/weekend girls trip because she is having some behavioral difficulties and she is priority. If he’s a good man, this will be easy peasy and if he’s not super understanding and supportive, that’s tells you everything you need to know. But it sounds like it will super easy! Second, book a hotel somewhere…just you two and GO! Spend the weekend being vulnerable and loving! Let her get it all out and you JUST LISTEN!! When it’s your turn, the 1st thing you say is “I’m sorry” for hurting, worrying, confusing you and you want to fix this together and how would she like to fix it. She just needs YOU momma! So take a step back, relax and go help your sweet girl
Slow & Steady Win the Race! You will get through this!
In my opinion I wouldn’t introduce anyone to kids until you are together seriously and going strong for at least 12 months. Having people in and out of their life is very confusing and they get attached which isn’t fair to them. For their best interest even though u r inseparable now there is always a chance it won’t work (clearly since it’s an ex it’s happened before). It’s worth it to wait it out for the child’s sake.
Extremely dangerous and stupid on your part honestly. You have a very young child, daughter at that. Do you not listen to or read the news? Do you know how many children die due to this kind of crap?!! Molestation??! Come on! Put your baby first not your hormones. Stop bringing men around your child and focus on her emotional needs, and yours. Just be you and her. Heal. When you start dating set a rule of no one meets her for so long or until you and he have discovered more about each other. Could take 6 months, could be a year. Don’t put her safety in jeopardy or you will regret it
Bring men around young girls is extremely dangerous. Who is watching her while you are at the bar? You need to focus on your daughter and protect her!
Does no one know how to b single now a days ?!
So…… you jump from one men to another ? Beautiful example to your daughter .
See your boyfriend away from where you live. Don’t bring him around your child. Get a sitter when you date him. Your child should be your first priority If not, you will be very sorry. This is a fact.
I wouldn’t introduce them to each other until you know if the relationship is going to work out then after that then maybe introduce them to each other
The boy friend needs to be your daughters friend. If you’ve moved him in, move him out. You child needs to accept him or cut him loose. If you’re child isn’t comfortable with and likes someone that’s a huge red flag!
Don’t force your daughter to live with anyone that she doesn’t like/want around
be a Mom first . no man should ever come before the well being your child .
Advice?
Do not have your child around anyone until you have a ring or a solid commitment.
“Uncle” and “Mr” so and so isn’t a good look & the acting out is why.
You need too spend time with her and reconnect. Make her your priority. Don’t include him in mommy/daughter time. Give her a chance to sort herself out before you pop in with someone else. The reason she acted like she didn’t care at the beginning is she doesn’t understand what “Break up” means. She’s 5.
He shouldn’t be in her space right now. Give her a few months and then all of you go out dinner. Introduce her slowly. And in neutral space. When she’s ready, which could be months after that, invite him for dinner. Only dinner. He leaves before she goes to bed.
She’s not your priority and that’s sad bc she needs you more than he does.
Just because you introduced them early doesn’t mean you should continue allowing him to be around her. Be a mom first. I would wait MONTHS before introducing my kid to someone and she is 13… Seriously… This shouldn’t require advice to make a good decision.
All 3 of you do something your daughter likes to do.
Slow down. In less than 3 months you’ve had one bf exit and another enter. Keep her home life as stable and consistent as it was before, keep her routines and keep her your main priority. If it works out with this new guy then all you’ll need is time, if it doesn’t work out you’ve protected her. Either way it’s a win win.
Ask her. Plain and simple. Ask her why she’s mad/upset, explain she has a right to feel that way and take the conversation from there.
Lord you move fast you reconnected the same day you broke up with your Ex:flushed: Poor girl just stop bringing random men around.
Be a mom first. Relationships come last. Your priorities should be your daughter’s mental health and her thriving. You are bouncing from one Relationship to the next this is extremely unhealthy.
You shouldn’t be involving your kids in your dating life period.
Fully into what exactly? Please don’t tell me you moved the new guy in already.
If so, he needs to move out. This is too much change for your daughter.
You need to slow down.
Girl if you don’t chill out and focus on your 5 yr old. Don’t you watch tv ? Jesus I swear some women have absolutely no common sense.
You shouldn’t even have a relationship this soon.
The same night. Good lord, what a stupid thing to do. You have just delivered a message to your daughter that she should not have heard. Be a grownup, stay single for a while, find other friends. WOW!!! I’m glad you and I are not related.
How about putting your child first and her safety first. This poor child by the sounds of it has had a few father figures in and out of her life. Let’s hope noithing ever happens with these blokes you bring around your child.
Please look into statistics of how many children SA is done by a parent’s partner. It’s disturbing. I personally could not bring another man around my children till all my children are fully educated and empowered to protect themselves. I’m that type of mom. Especially with being SA by close family friend and distant family member. My number one priority is protecting my children. I could and would see guys here and there, but wouldn’t bring them around.
You need to take a break and focus on your daughter. That’s way to soon way to fast. Not even just for her but for you too. Yeah it’s “great” not but when that reality sets in it’s going to bum rush you. She’s should be you’re number one. I wouldn’t tell her he is your boyfriend say he’s an old friend. The poor kid just had her life turned upside down.
Unless you’re getting married for sure, don’t bring the kids into it. Ask yourself why you’re falling so fast too. Is he love bombing you? Narcissistic behaviors? Way too fast there’s no need to introduce your daughter
You need to undo that. Date on your time, mom on her time. He doesn’t need to be involved with your daughter at all yet, it’s way too soon for a child that young.
Yikes… maybe focus on your child an stop worrying about what guy you could have next
You need to keep that shit separate
How old is this child? In my opinion keeping your personal life away from your child to protect them while they’re young is smart. We as children didn’t forget an neither will. They be a mom first an your men away unless your sure . It seems she’s in sort of retaliation of the change
Yeah. Learn to be single for more than 12 hours.
Stop being focused on men and focus on your kid. He can go. See him when she’s asleep or with the babysitter. She’s acting out because you’re relationship focused and put mothering second. You said introducing them was a bad idea but how can we help you get her to like him.
You need therapy.
Well she lost someone in her life due to adult issues, then mommy brought new dude around immediately… she’s dealing with a lot of big feelings right now. Maybe don’t have the new dude constantly around right now and do the mom thing to help her through her feelings. You really need to focus on setting a new normal for both yourself and your child and less about this guy. If he’s truly cares he’ll understand and will wait until it’s better time.
Entirely way too soon. You need to step back and focus on what your daughter needs not what You want to do. Don’t let him around your daughter yet are you kidding me? Literally the night you broke up with your ex you find a new guy? That’s confusing for me to understand let alone your 5 year old daughter. Honestly get your priorities in check. Take these young years and take the time to spend with your child, you’ll have plenty of time to date around when she’s grown. I don’t understand any of this logic
She is 5. You need to be careful who you pick and chose to bring into her life. Your break up is super new. So my advice is don’t bring him around her right now. See how things go. Give it time. Please don’t rush into another relationship. My son is 13 and his father and I haven’t been together since he was 1. He has only met one of my boyfriends. I am single right now but the next person I date will never be introduced unless I know it’s a for real relationship. We need to be careful with our kids bc break ups effect them to. I can handle a broken heart, they shouldn’t have to