Move out and have his get home health aids to clean and cook. Insurance pays for it. Even Medicare pays for it.
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You can’t, you can either keep doing what your doing or move out of your dads & Brothers house get your own place and go over every now and then to help out. Maybe cause from what you said your brother was 15 when all this happen (3 years ago he is finally being a kid. He’s only 18 there not the tidiest.
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The brother is 18 and while thats technically an adult, please keep in mind that he’s been “helping” his father for a few years now.
Has he been taught? Has he been given opportunities for work and school? I still see 18 as somewhat of a child and its scientifically proven that our brains aren’t fully developed for reason and logic until 25.
Is he suffering mentally from his situation? Perhaps he needs some counseling or to have a break with friends outside of the home.
As for dad, I can only imagine how stressful it is to be sick as well as an amputee. Id be devastated to have to ask my children to bathe me and wash my hair. Counseling for dad may help too.
You are a Saint for moving in and taking charge and while you may feel unappreciated now, your brother will grow up and in time recognize what you’re doing now. I have teenagers and being a mom to them is often thankless.
My suggestion is to take time for yourself where you can. Practice self care when you can. If you are in a position to hire help to clean, even once every 2 weeks in just the main areas (kitchen, bathrooms, living room) that can be money well spent.
Hang in there
And if you can’t… don’t feel guilty about moving out. Sometimes we’re not cut out for that.
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Get out , get your dad in home for care. Let the 18 year old fend for self.
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The only thing you can do is tell adult protective services that you’ve done all you can, but for the sake of your children, you need to get out of that environment. Tell them your father is elderly and disabled and needs more care than he will let you give him or the nurse who comes in because he won’t let her wash his hair. Tell adult protective services that your brother also needs attention. That you can’t do for them because they say you don’t do things right. You’re giving up.
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Move out why would you want to bring a newborn into that.
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I would leave and let well enough alone. Obviously they are content in their life, that is not place to raise two children. You can only do so much, if they’re not willing to accept help, leave them be and you do you. You need to focus on YOUR family.
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You need to move out get your own place and just offer some assistance that you can you can’t do it all
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Ew, leave, move out….why are you even putting yourself through that? And you family too? Girl….you crying About spilled milk, move your family tf out of that.
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Move out and they will see how much you do they will miss you
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Pack up and move out. You will not change anything. Call DSS when you move on the brother.
First off the nurses can wash his hair when they wash him. Second your brother needs a job . And if he doesn’t pick his stuff up then ditch it.
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How absolutely frustrating.
You have done your best, and now they obviously rely on you to do housework etc. Nothing will change with them but will get harder for you. You don’t want to face bringing a newborn into that.
Move somewhere close so you can see your dad and take him to appointments, but really your brother should step up and help with that.
Enjoy having your baby in a clean environment, where you can just look after bub and yourself. 
Can your dad go into assisted living? Doesn’t sound like taking care of him yourself is feasible long term. The 18yo…though legally an adult, he’s still just a kid, too. Help him get a good start on his adult life. Take him under your wing or help him find resources who can help care for him given the circumstances.
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Your dad may need a nursing home. And why isn’t the “nurse” (likely an aide) washing his hair when she bathed him?! Tell her to.
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Girl, get your own home
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Move out lett adult dfs know they’ll resolve it
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If your brother feeds and drinks and takes his toilet bag out.that sounds like a top
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Brother needs to go. Sounds like dad needs to be in a home and apply him for state assistance. Sometimes it’s hard for family to jump in too because they too have jobs,family and bills to pay. Sounds like you need to move out also being pregnant as house isn’t fit for an infant… Best of luck…hang in there.
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Of the needs list.the cna gives the baths and you do transportation you need to hire a housecleaner wich might be provided by low cost services for handicapped . This might help you bring things to size
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Just remember…your only one person…you can’t do it alone. Take care of you and that baby
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Wow, you’re disgusting, you’re online literally slating an 18 year old for not giving two flying fucks about the house he’s taking care of his dad, that’s why he’s not at school or doesn’t have a job his dad has no one else nor does he. Uve done this for 5 months and can’t handle it, you’re brother has done it longer and is only 18. Ur heartless move back out ur not helping at all lil miss perfect.
Move out. Wash your hands of it let someone else step up.
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Move out. Let those that think they can do better do so.
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Leave. It never gets better. No one will help, your brother will still be lazy and everyone will blame you for everything.
Even starting over at this point is better.
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One option is to get a senior disability case worker and look for a private care home/adult foster home for dad. They’re often more affordable than assisted living facilities and have better staff to patient ratios for more 1:1 care
Also maybe the state or private agencies could have someone come in like a support professional to help dad out besides just the nurse visits.
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Move out. Put dad in a nursing home and take care of yourself, that baby, your husband & your son.
It’s a no brained.
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Get out. And call the state and report it as unsanitary. You can’t stay there with a baby. And your brother will not grow up unless he is forced to
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Send your dad to a nursing home and move out. Let everyone else figure it out by themselves.
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I would move out and take care of yourself and your husband. Your brother is not going to change.
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If your broyher totes food & drinks for your Dad& takes out his bag & nurse baths & takes care og his daily medical needs, what do you & your husband do? You didn’t mention either if you working but are asking for help crom other family members. Surly one of you could do cooking, laundry & house cleaning, with a little help from everyone in the household while one of you worked.ed
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Call social services— get a case worker Your Dad needs more help. You are in no shape to do any lifting that he requires
I’d move. Period. Since you being there is not a help, go live your life and worry about your family
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Get dad home Healthcare services through Area on Aging, or if he is a Veteran, get VA to help out with transportation. Your brother IS doing something, he’s 18 years old, sounds like before you moved in, he was doing what he could. So instead of complaining about him, teach hi. Life Skills. As for roaches, you gotta keep up cleaning, and get some boric acid and spread around outside perimeter of the house. Get ant/ roach spray and spray around inside and outside of the front door and back door. Yard needs to be raked up, roaches like to hide under leaves and crap. Set roach bait traps under kitchen/ bathroom sinks, they like dark damp areas in the home.
Your father is on dialysis, his has amputated limbs. Diabetes is a killer disease, he may not be here much longer. Keep helping him, as long as he can live in his home, they won’t put him in a nursing home. Not to se easy to get a love one in there.
Get on with you and yours let them be in their own environment roaches and all you have one child another in the way they don’t deserve to live with roaches and they could be bad for you being pregnant I d go
to the poster …in very sorry that you have to go through this with your dad and brother … you have to start thinking of you and your unborn child , of course your other child and your husband too
sorry to say this but call the state and hate your dad put in a nursing home … he will get the care he needs there
as far as your brother … tell him to grow up and start cleaning up after himself
I’d have dad in a living health home and move out let the brother deal with the house
If anyone is the free loader it’s your BROTHER. He is the one with no job and does nothing around the house. Are you able to find another home for just your family and your Father?? Your Brother needs to grow up and get a job and provide for himself.
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Joyce Taylor Reread the post! They do cook, clean and give transportation. Shame on you!
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Pack your bags and run look after your family .talk to your Dads Doctor ask for a needs assessement you maybe very suprised at the results.
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Omg 
I am so sorry!
If it’s an unhealthy environment then maybe you should contact adult services. 18 year’s old is still trying to grow up. His maturity level isn’t quiet there to understand his big load of responsibilities. If your dad receives Medicare, Medicade, or other Healthcare Insurance, or even Veterans benefits you can contact them to find out if there are other benefits for your dad that would help him out. Your brother is too young for all the responsibilities to be placed on his shoulders. If you and your spouse is doing all the work, paying bills, and no one else is helping then it may be beneficial for you and your spouse to move out to a place of your own. If your father has his leg amputated then that can bring on depression and your father may need to get advice from a mental Healthcare provider. Can you’ll afford to get the home exterminated and also on the outside of the home? There are sometimes easier solutions to help resolve the issues you are addressing.
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Sounds like they just want a housekeeper
I would move out
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Does your husband have a job ?
I would just move somewhere close to dad so you can still look after him but have own place
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So in this case your brother is likely just a product of his environment at this point. You said dads been sick 3 years and y’all came 5 months ago. So I’m assuming your brother was his caregiver to an extent since around 15 or a little later. It’s not an excuse to be lazy but I can see how he’s gotten to that point. He needs to learn some responsibility. Have you talked directly to your dad about making your brother be a little more self efficient? I don’t think you should move out already. Not just 5 months in. However you are gonna have to put your foot down and make yourself clear on what you can/can’t handle and the role everyone needs to play. You’re dad may be an amputee but he’s still capable of keeping some sort of independency and pride about himself. Seems the whole thing has probably made him lose his motivation and so did your brother. Your dad isn’t gonna ask for help obviously. It’s probably all the dignity he has left. That’s a traumatic life change. Don’t let the situation tear you and your little family down. But I’d use some resources available for your Dad and see what you can’t find to help guide him. As for your brother, does your husband work? Can he maybe pick up where ur Dad wasn’t able to and help guide your brother in the right direction. That’s a real tragic situation. Hope all gets better!
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I would put your Dad in a Nursing Home and let little Brother take care of himself. You and your Husband deserve to live. I would tell them of my Plan and tell Brother he needs to be finding him a job.
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For the love of GOD!! MOVE, especially before the baby is born!!
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I’m guessing your in the states. I presume you have something called social services. They need to help and either get carers in or have your dad in some kind of of care home. This is an intolerable situation. You can’t live like this. When the baby comes that will take up all your time. Plus the hygiene side is very important or people will get more sick. So something now before you get to breaking point, which sounds like you already have.
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Move out and call social services. They’ll settle it all.
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Get out of there! Your dad can go to assisted living and your brother can room with the roaches!
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It’s time for you to move out. Roaches are disgusting and you’ll never get rid od them
And why are you there? You gave up on your marriage to help their lazy azz
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Get out sweetie. You and your husband do not need to live on this filth. Get your dad into a care home, leave little brother in the crap and do not feel guilty. Good luck!
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Contact Adult protective services. Have them intervene on your father’s behalf.
Your brother needs to get a life! Be ita job, schooling or volunteer work.
You need to move out. No child should have to live with roaches.
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Our parents have done it all for us growing up, even if it wasn’t always pleasant. Its an honor to be able to take care of our parents when the time comes. It may be stressful, and hard a times, but you should really be enjoying the time you have with your family the way it is now, especially your father. It may not always be an option. Do all that you can for him. If he need to be bathed help him, if its hard to actually get him in the shower you can give him bed baths. If the nurse only comes out twice a week, you can always step up the other days to do what needs to be done for him. He may feel like he’s being a burden having to ask for help so he doesn’t among other things he’s probably been feeling. Try to not make him feel like that. Just come in and start getting whatever needs to be done ready for him. Try to make what time you have left the best it could be, you may regret it later if you don’t. I got the privilege of taking care of my mother before she went to heaven, and not saying it wasn’t hard at times but I cherish the time we did have together. You said your brother is 18, so he either just finished high school or is still in high school, I know you said he’s not in school is that because it’s summer or has he dropped out, maybe try to get him motivated to better himself in some way. Honestly, that is pretty normal for someone his age and it sounds like he’s also been through alot the last few years with your father as well. Think about how your feeling, I’m sure he’s felt the same at some points. Sure he probably needs to do some growing up, but everyone does at that age. He could be more helpful, you could ask him to help with certain things, make a schedule for all of you so you can all work together. Different tasks. Different days. Something you all can agree on. That way the load is not so heavy. You said you moved in to help take care of him and give him rides, are you contributing any other way? Rent/food/bills? Sounds like 3 more people are/have joined the household. You, your husband and baby thats on the way. Family will always have an opinion, don’t worry about it. But also step up and do what needs to be done just like you would if it was your own place. All the people saying put him in a home and make your brother figure it out on his own have me in shock. Hopefully all of their/your children don’t want to do the same to you when you get old. Nursing homes are not great places at all. Trust me. I’ve worked in many including hospitals for 12 years. Hope this helps. 
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Call the Health Dept.
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get out ASAP N MAKE SURE YOU DOUBLE CHECK EVERYTHING YOU TAKE FROM THERE CLOTHS ECT OUTSIDE roaches hid everywhere
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Sorry but your Dad needs 24 hour care at a facility. I see soooo many caretakers get burn out trying to take care of a loved one. You tried your best and you will always be blessed for giving up your livelihood trying to help
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Kick the brother and son out
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Move out I get you are trying to help but if they dnt want it why shld you and your family and children suffer it’s not fair
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Move out, your family comes first; your father has help; it is not your responsibility to manage his care or to do his care. Again your family and its growth come first. There is not guilt in taking care of your family first!
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If you take clothes or any item, be sure to clean them before placing them in a new enviroment!
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Not sure if you have ihss in your area but if so it’s worth applying and getting help with the yard house repairs for a one time thing and also see if there’s anything they can do with an exterminator
Call adult dhs ( I been told we have that here in the states) they will come in and do something or send your dad to an assisted living place
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Move out. Let them live like that.
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Put your dad in a nursing home so he can receive the proper care he needs (social security will pay for it) move with husband to your own place and let brother feed for himself problem solved
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Speak with the social worker at your fathers dialysis clinic! That’s what they are there for. The SW can speak with you and then your father. They may have some suggestions and things like that. Personally I would not live there your father sounds like and your brother as well that they know they can take advantage of you. I would not be bringing a baby into this world to live in the situation you’re describing. I’m sure your dad could get some type of transportation to and from dialysis and other appts. Again the social worker could help you with that!
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Call APS and get your Dad the help he truly needs
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Long term care for dad or skilled. Brother gets a job are out the door. If your so. Not in school get a job or join incle
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There is help for your dad through state and federal. His Dr can help get you in touch with getting help in his home.
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Time to move out and call social services!
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You need to leave. This is not a good environment for your family and their needs have to come first. Call adult services so that they can help find whatever it is that your dad needs. It’s possible since he’s unwilling/able to help care for himself he needs a facility.
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I wouldn’t give up yet! I don’t know your situation. I don’t know if you live in rural town or big city. However there are programs that will help your dad learn how to take care of himself if he’s willing to learn. (Yes I put if hes willing. if hes anything like my dad stubborn hard-headed his way or no way.) It’s time to have a family meeting! Be prepared, list of your concerns (for yourself to remember), spread sheetscolor coded:
~ money & bills (Who’s bringing it in, where it’s going & when it’s due)
~ chores inside and out of the house (1 list of who’s doing them now & 1 list of them being spread out equally)
~ schedule (who will be home to help out, every one needs down time!)
Research find programs that will assist medically, transportation, education & repairs/upgrades & handcap accessible to the house. You guys will most likely qualify for these programs. There are state, county & city levels. Get on those lists! It may take 6mn -1yr but they are worth it!
When addressing your Dad: Be careful you do not degrade him. He’s probably hanging on to last shred of pride and dignity, most likely that’s why hes not asking for help. Let him know your concerns, you love him & want the best for him.
Brother: He needs help, he doesn’t know anything else. He has been there with dad for 3yrs trying to do what you do. He gave up, he needs to be reminded he is young & can still go & do anything. He needs to go back to school. With your dad not working in the last 3 years he will qualify for all kinds of grants, scholarships & financial aid. If he hasn’t graduated high school your local community College can/ will help him even if it’s online! Or he needs to get a job and help out. He also needs to be told that he is loved, you are there for the him, you are not going to give up on him. You are going to push him when he doesn’t want to be pushed to makes something of himself, you know he can be better (don’t push him necessarily to college, trade school may be his niche.)
You & hubby: If one of you are not working outside of the home, one of you need to!
It is a process, it is hard, it is going to suck to be the parent to your dad & brother. What will happen if you give up on them?
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Your children need to him first
Get out of there! I’m sure thereis some organization in your town that can help. Or sell the house and put dad in assisted living. Then he will be clean and not bug infested. PLEASE do not take a new born into this terrible situation!
The neighbor may call the police to do a wellness check and you will all be out of a place to live
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Move out!!! It is an abusive relationship.
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Move sometimes you have to let people see for themselves 
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You have your own babies to worry about. Put them first.
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Call area on aging in ur town ,they can get you help with ur dad.
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Ask for government assistance or move out
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Call adult care services. They will help get him I to a home where he can get the proper care and attention. As for the brother, I guess he’s on his own. 18 is an adult he can take care of himself. For the roaches, get an exterminator. We moved into a rental that we didn’t know had roaches and we thought we could bomb it ourselves and it would be alright. After 5 months we still had them and had an exterminator come out. Now that they’re gone we spray outside the home every 3 months with stuff we get at Lowes.
For you and your little family. I would find a place of my own so the baby is born into a healthy environment. I will say a prayer that everything works out for everyone.
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Brother needs a job and you can talk to his social worker at his clinic to see if there is any help out there. Hang in there and if not move out and take care of you and baby.
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Wait. Who is complaining on everything your doing? If you can’t handle it try and either get more help from traveling nurses or look into assisted living for your dad. Brother needs to start being chauffer and get a job. Do something now so you cN get ready for the baby.
It’s not going to change. No matter what you do it will never be enough. Get help to come in for your dad. They will see mess his son leaves, hopefully get father into nursing home…if he can be convinced to go. Brother needs a job, Don’t waste your young life on someone who doesn’t appreciate your help. Move…call once a week and see if they need anything you can help with but don’t get suckered into doing things no-one appreciates.
Time for you to move out. Your not getting anywhere with this situation.
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Wow. You sure don’t need that. I think you need to tell your father and brother that you are going to leave if things don’t change. There are home health people and nursing homes, etc. that can step up and help your father.
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Not healthy for you or baby! You need to get out! There must be some place that can help get your dad into a facility.
Your brother needs to get off his butt and grow up! Roaches get into furniture, clothing and food! Roaches are hard to get rid of and will bring them with you in clothing and furniture.
Only an exterminator can get rid of them.
You tell your brother to get his lazy butt out and get a job and to help with chores your dad that he has to keep his hygiene up it’s necessary and tell both of them both that if the house is not helped kept up it will be turned over to the health department .
Move out and leave them to their filth, call elderly my service for dad after you are settled in your new place
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Hey its probably getting to him mentally. Maybe dad needs to have a.talk with him
Set up help. They can get help through some agency. Once it’s set, move!
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Tell your 18-year-old brother to get a job or to move out and or start paying rent: the free ride is over. He is nothing but a parasite. Check with your county to see if they have any free services to help your dad. Talk to the social worker at your dad’s clinic and explain the situation. She will know of resources to help your dad and you. Also, the national kidney foundation will have ways to be able to help your dad too. Don’t give up, pray on this. Consider if your dad would be better off in an assisted living situation. It sounds like he needs more help than you physically can provide. You don’t want to hurt yourself or your baby. An assisted living situation would get him to and from dialysis, feed him and take care of all of his hygiene needs and laundry.
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the health department may declare his house as unlivable and a danger to your baby.
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Time to take care of you. And your baby and your marriage.
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The 18-year-old probably having it rough with his dad in such bad shape have you looked into Home Health Care? Obviously didn’t happen overnight. Taking care of your loved ones is rough on adults. That’s his dad too maybe he’s depressed and doesn’t know how to do any of it
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Look into getting him into a nursing home where he is properly cared for and you can get on with your life , your life matters, his life matters as for the brother reality will hit him when no one is paying the bills and putting the foot in the food for him he will have to get up stand up and get walking and pay his own way you need to look into nursing homes for your father.
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Maybe you dad would be better off in a nursing home and your brother needs to get a job and at least you know that he will be well looked after and you can get your lives back and just visit your dad
You have your own family to take care of. Your brother wont change because he does not have to. Would you if everything was giving to you and didn’t have to work or clean or nothing? Your dad should be in assisted living where he would be properly managed and all. You should be living in your own home with your family.
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Leave. They don’t appreciate you and you Do Not want roaches around your baby… they will eat her eyelashes (and don’t be telling me that’s not a thing, it is, look it up).
Obviously they don’t appreciate you so just leave. I don’t understand this. I helped and helped and was told I wasn’t and treated bad, so I shrugged and said ok and left. If they don’t need you then eff em.