How can I get my grown kids to talk to me?

Leave them alone all you can do is write a letter to then expressing your feelings. You can’t make someone do something they don’t want to.

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Write them a letter.

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You can’t force them. They are grown and have minds of their own. Here on FB we only know one side of the story so there must be a reason there is no bond with you and sometimes you can never get that back. Leave the door open by you letting them know or someone else telling them that you would like to talk or see them and that’s about all you can do. Trying to force them or trying to make them feel bad or sorry for you will only drive them further away. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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I’ve been through this with my dad and it took me YEARS to believe his side over my mom’s. You just gotta leave her alone right now

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Admit or talk about any past anger they may still be holding some type of grudge write a letter of your feelings to them an drop in the mailbox I hope they can let that hurt go u alll neeed to forgive an forget don’t stop reaching out to them :heavy_heart_exclamation::heavy_heart_exclamation:

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One thing I’ve learned as a mother and as a child who thought there mom made so big mistakes is people can change. Plus when your a kid and you only see and hear one side and the evidence against a parent that’s what your going to believe. I realized when I became a mom, why my mom made some of the choices she did. It’s not as cut and dry as we think. I now have a better understanding why she wasn’t able to be around. My mom worked 2 and 3 jobs while I was growing up plus she was very young when she had me. She was keeping food on the table, wearing herself out trying to keep her husband happy and find herself while learning to grow up on the fly. She did the best she could, I see that now. I really hated her for never being around, I felt like when she wasn’t working she was doing something out with dad. I didn’t realize how young she was, or how hard it was to try to keep a demanding husband somewhat happy. As a mom myself I’ve made some really big mistakes all I can do is tell my kids I know I messed up, I wish I could change that, but I just have to do the best I can now to move forward.

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As a adult child who cut out my own mom and very suspicious of this post. Narcissistic abusive parents love to play the victim and say they have no idea why their kids don’t talk to them. Cutting my own mom out was one of the best and healthiest things I ever did.

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My ex did the same thing with my 18 and 16 yr olds . He convinced my 16 yr old who has autism that me making him do his school work ( he’s homeschooled due to his disability) was abuse so my son moved in with him being convinced i was abusing him due to his inability to understand this wasnt the case . My 18 yr old daughter has spoken to me in such an abusive vile way I’ve had to block her on everything . Sadly all you can do is live your life and hope one day this changes . I raised my children alone for 15 yrs while my ex did stuff all. I had no defence against him offering them a life of no rules or expectations. My other 5 kids saw right through it all.

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You can’t. They’re adults, you can’t make them do anything. You can write them both and let them know how you feel but it’s up to them if they want to reach out after that.

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Figure out y they dont speak to you to begin with. Its 2022 family isnt what it use to be. People will cut ties with blood quicker than they turn the water off Im one of them that has so I know

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What kind of mother were you??

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Make an honest and heart felt deep examination of what you might have done wrong and own any mistakes. Sit on that list for a while and let it sink in.

When you’ve changed everything you can, wait just as long before reaching out and apologizing without expecting anything in return. “It’s mom. I called to apologize. For x, y, z. It wasn’t right. I know it hurt you and I will always regret causing you pain. I’m working hard to correct it. I understand you may not forgive me and I accept that. I just want you to know im deeply sorry and I love you. Goodbye.” They may call back. They may not. You’ve told them the truths that matter.

You can’t change what they were told but you can show you love them and want to make amends. Ultimately, it’s up to them.

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Nope. Sorry. You CAN’T make somebody care. You can’t un-brainwash them. You can write them a letter explaining your side. You can try calling, maybe texting would be better ??

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Send them a letter speaking about your health and explain to them your side in the letter. And wait for them to reply to you

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You hurt them some way???

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NPD Thrivers Chrysalis to Butterfly is a group I’m in. There’s a good bit of info on alienated parents and how to reunify with your children. I hope this helps and I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

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Unless we know the real story Iwhy they don’t
talk to you it’s hard to give you advise.

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Just let them know how you feel about them via text,letter whatever or leave a letter for them if you unfortunately were to pass away. They will one day be sorry for treating you bad.

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Don’t use your health as a weapon to get them to talk to you :roll_eyes::roll_eyes:

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There has to be more to this story kids don’t just write off off their parents when they become adults for no reason

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I don’t talk to my mother either. There has to be a reason why they won’t talk to you. Remember, there’s always 2 sides to every story.

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Your adult kids don’t owe you a relationship with them.
That said, go to therapy and talk to a 3rd party about all this, get some insight, fix and heal any parts of you that need healing.
Then rapproch your kids, be honest and be real with them. Best of luck.

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You should of tried to contact them way before you were ill. If that’s the only reason you now want them in your life then that shows why they cut you off.
Don’t try to guilt trip them. Leave them alone as you wasn’t there when they needed you so they don’t want to be there now you want them

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Im gonna be the odd man out and say theres hope! My mother did a lot of bad things when i was younger and pawned us off on my dad for 2 years. He loved us but also told us she said she never wanted us back and she was a dumb b*tch and life would be easier without her… When she had finally gotten better it was so hard to take her seriously because of all these lies that he had filled our (me and my sister) heads with. Now almost 15 years later we are best friends and inseparable. Keep trying, but remember to give her her space and you’re a listening ear… Not another voice in a sea of shadows 🤷🏻 good luck mama!

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I can’t help cos there has to be a reason other than their father that they don’t talk to you.I’d need to know the full story good luck tho

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Yeah if you truly don’t know why they cut you off ask them in a genuine sense

Wayyyyyyy too little detail

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Pretty sure there is more to the story as to why they won’t talk to you. People don’t just write off others for no reason. Whatever you do, DONT use your health as a weapon to get them to come around. It won’t pan out like you would think.

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Ate you taking any responsibility at all? Sounds like you may have caused their feelings and they were told truths or you actually showed them yourself ! Sad to say but that might be the case here .not enough information on your post.

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:woman_shrugging:t2: You did something to your kids. Give more detail.

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There is more to the story , people just don’t cut you out . You sound like my sperm donor who was a horrible person . The minute i was able to cut him out i did just that , he made everyone believe i was the bad person , i didn’t give 2 shts what he told anyone . I lived my life an it wasn’t until he was dying he asked to see me . I said hll no i’m not . What he wanted to see me so he could die with peaceful heart . Nope i didn’t see him and have zero regret .

There’s nothing anyone could say to make me speak with my dad, sounds like you haven’t treated them well (also he tried the health thing, faked late stage cancer. I didn’t respond once so🤷‍♀️)

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I’m sorry you don’t have a relationship with your children. Continue to reach out with them and apologize to them for whatever they think you did. Even though you likely were the victim of abuse also. You have to validate their feelings no matter if you agree with them or not.

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If you,might have some responsibility in the separation please try make the peace. If,not keep on trying for a relationship. As a,mother we must never stop reaching out. Unless there’s any toxicity. Good luck with all my sincerity

My mom didn’t stop. I didn’t talk to her for 2 years. I was adopted and this was after I was reunited with my bio mom. She didn’t stop. She would come to my door step. She would send me money when she knew I was struggling. She would always have a cake ready for me on my bday even if I didn’t show. She’d call and ask if she could drop off presents. She would text me and say I love u. Eventually I forgave her and she forgave me. Christine Lanum

Listen to them and work on the relationship

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Too little info to know whether or not they have legitimate reason to avoid you.

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Girl. Continue to do your own work. Work on yourself. Continue to DO THE WORK. If they don’t want to speak to you, continue to make your life better for you. They are grown now.

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Start with asking them what you have done and try to fix it the best you can. If you’re a praying person, do a lot of praying for guidance. You do not have to put up with being called names either. Find a counselor to help you. Believe it or not, an ex doing this is not uncommon. Also, don’t try and do the same to your ex. I mean, don’t defend him when you know he has done something but if you hear something repeated that you know your ex isn’t guilty of, say it.

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Sorry, I feel like this isn’t enough information to give any real advice other than be straight forward with them about what they’ve been misinformed about or ask why they feel this way about you. I hope you find a way to rebuild your relationship with them.

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Keep your distance. They need to come on their own. It suck’s but you’re just going to keep getting hurt.

There’s obviously a history behind all of this and a lot to unpack so I would start there. It’s a bit hard to offer any valuable input without much detail

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I mean if they are grown there is a reason why they don’t talk to you…the full story is important because why don’t you have access to your kids but he does? Why don’t they talk to you what event took place? I hope you have good health and peace

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Why would you even consider talking to them if they treat you like that. I wouldn’t waste your time

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I feel like there’s a lot more to the story. My advice would be to maybe try writing a letter- own up to any mistakes you have made (none of us are perfect), take responsibility for things you’ve done wrong, let them know how much you miss them and hope they can give you a chance to try mending your relationship.

That said, you can’t make someone want to let you in their life. All you can do is try.

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You’re not going to find the answer you’re looking for in a group on Facebook. You need to do a lot of honest self reflection. Your adult kids have no obligation to talk to you or involve you in their lives, even if you are having serious health problems. Sounds like you have a lot of reconciliation to do. This is not just your ex’s fault (even though they may have been a contributing factor). Claim your responsibility in the situation, be honest, and don’t invalidate how your children feel and their experiences. Wishing you what you deserve in the situation💗

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There’s clearly a reason they think so bad of you. This is such a one sided narrative. They are grown and can make their own opinions of you. Fix yourself not them.

Sure wish we could get the kids side on this.

Wow… what ever happened that they are so disrespectful towards you… I’m so sorry… someday if they ever have children of their own, they will be so disgusted at themselves and will wish that they could go back in time…

Men go through this EVERY DAY!!! And no one gives a damn about that.
The sad part is, these are CHILDREN that get brainwashed by the mother/father. But mostly mother.

Hopefully your kids can hear you out and get your side to things. No parent deserves to go through this

Write them letters stating everything you wish to say

The real question is what did you do to make them feel that way? This entire post screams narcissist :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:

What has their father said about u to make them believe him and tarnish your relationship with them???

Sweetie- you can’t force love. Sorry about your health. I suggest writing a letter. Pen and paper - maybe text too. But pen and paper (I’m a believer old school - good school) get everything out - ask what you need/want - no guarantee they answer- but a least you get out what you need to say. It won’t be your fault - you extended the hand-
You know - sometimes we don’t know what we got - until it’s gone​:heart::v:t4::rose:

I have experienced a similar situation so i know how very true your situation can happen…mothers turn their kids against their father all the time for selfish reasons so what makes ppl think it cant happen the other way around? Fathers get bitter hateful and low down just as well as a mother.

Hold yourself accountable for your action and apologize if need be… write a letter or send an email/text expressing your feelings and concerns …pray pray pray…praying for good health and healing