How can I get my husband to clean up after himself?

My husband seriously does not EVER clean up after himself! He will leave trash all over the kitchen counter when the trash bin is right behind him. He leaves clothes everywhere and never puts them in the laundry hamper. He will leave his plates and utensils sit on the table after he eats and never takes them to the sink or put them in the dishwasher. If he makes dinner, he leaves all ingredients out, cabinets open, & dirty pots and pans sit on the stove. We have a toddler, and I’m 32 weeks pregnant, so it’s so frustrating that the energy I do have is to take care of his messes!!! I’m one person and can’t clean 24/7! I have tried to point out his messes, not yell at him because yelling doesn’t work, and ask did you forget to do something? He, in return, yells at me and asks, why didn’t you just take care of it for me!? How do I get it through his head I am his wife, not his maid, that he is a 32-year-old man and needs to clean up after himself???

253 Likes

Divorce. Thats super disrespectful on his part. I’d rather be alone.

13 Likes

Ask him how he supposed to help raise a child when he still hasn’t grown up? Or how are you supposed to raise 2 children?

Throw the whole man out.

18 Likes

I would kill him…lol…don’t clean it up anymore or tell him there will be consequences…lol…if ya know what I mean…lol

3 Likes

Stop cleaning after him. When he doesn’t have anything to wear or anything to eat off of them that’s his ptoblems

51 Likes

Tell him you may be his wife but you’re not his mommy and you are done picking up after him self. It’s time for him to be a big boy an clean up after him self and help you out.

3 Likes

Why would he clean up after himself when you do it for him?
Just stop picking up his shit.

Tell him you already have a child and another on the way, you don’t need a man child too. And, Don’t clean up after him or do anything for him at all (as much as itll suck to leave a mess sitting around), and ONLY do for you and your child. when he asks why, tell him its not your responsibility to be his maid.

Stop cleaning up after him

He’s not worth your time. He’s a grown man and should be doing his responsibilities.

If he keeps it up …throw everything on his side of the bed !!! Till HE LEARNS ! …sorry you have to sleep there too …its upsetting that he never learns …but the disrespect is what I could NOT handle

2 Likes

How long have u left him away with it that it seems to be ok :see_no_evil: id pack his bags im full of anxiety with the thought of cleaning after a fully grown man that iv children from!

2 Likes

Act like a toddler get treated like a toddler. Get a big bucket and put everything he leaves out in it. When he can’t find things he is missing he will have to dig thru his own trash. Hopefully he wakes up seeing your not his mother. If he is disrespectful and expects you to clean up after him…may need to throw him out.

11 Likes

But no seriously…I made the rule …if its not in the Hamper I’m not washing it

7 Likes

He got spoiled by his mom or he’s too lazy.

Hire a house keeper… sounds like he is just refusing to help. With the baby coming, your load will only get heavier.

How long are you going to accept his disrespect?

2 Likes

^^same. He will complain he has no socks, I’m like well put them in the fucking dirty basket. Lol if it’s not in the sink or dirty laundry, it ain’t getting washed. No doubt about it.
I also have my four year old son help out with little chores like that. Teaches him responsibility and to not take after his daddy lol

When you figure out the secret will you let me know

5 Likes

I’m still figuring it out but I have him & 2 adults & 4-5 kids (1 is ours) who can’t pick up. But with the kids if I’ve said it too many times I hide whatever it is. Currently waiting for 1 to ask for her stuff :rofl:

Leave it. Take pictures on an hourly basis and post it on social media. Bet it’s not there long

8 Likes

I’m glad that my husband is a marine because he cleans like crazy. He can clean the whole house in less than 2hrs. He’s really good in helping me keep the house clean. Your husband is just lazy and disrespectful

6 Likes

I ended my engagement because of this! It’s pour laziness!!

2 Likes

A lot of men still think its the wife’s duty to clean up behind them, take care of the kids, etc., and not help despite how far we’ve come. And despite that we hold down full time jobs as well. Time for a serious talk, not passive aggression. Trust me, I’m totally guilty of the latter! :rofl: Didn’t work for us either.

I’d point out if he needs his mommy maybe he should go home

2 Likes

Id leave it there and he’ll eventually get annoyed. I wouldn’t deal with that. But then again, maybe that’s why I’m single lol

3 Likes

Stop doing it. Wash your dishes. Clean up after yourself. Wash only what hits the hamper/sink etc. Nothing more. Eventually when he’s scrounging through his own filth for a pair of underwear he might wake up. If not, I’d just pack my clean things and let his mom know you’re retiring from her unfinished position.

7 Likes

Remind him that his not in his Mum house

I live with the father of my children were not even together & I pick up his clothes, clean the dirty pots and pans he leaves out too, make his food , do all of that we have 3 kids together all toddlers & I work over nights full time. I feel you 100 percent. It’s the fact that they don’t feel the need to help clean but it’s looked at as the woman’s job. But nope. Men need to do better. It’s a shame. I’m so sorry cus I know it

Bring his mother over to stay and get her to clean up and teach him how to do it , tell him she’s staying until he learns and u don’t feel comfortable having sex while she stays :joy::joy::muscle:

9 Likes

Im just assuming he was a lazy slob when yall both hooked up. You married him girl.

2 Likes

oh hell no sounds like a lazy [email protected]@ pos hence why im single men are trash these days and act like little boys instead of grown men

Many men who are this disrespectful are/or lazy will not change unless they have the fear of God put into them. You have to state that you are done and this is a deal breaker for you. If he doesn’t want to help at least pick up after himself then he can move out, it’s the only way I have ever seen those type of men actually change. When they get a 2x4 to the head. I know it seems drastic but his blatant disrespect of you and your home is terrible and you are tolerating behavior that should never be tolerated. You are pregnant, he should be doing extra to help you not making everything harder for you. I am sorry I know you are probably just looking to vent or something easier. But this guy has a strong sense of entitlement and you cannot change him but you can tell him what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship.

3 Likes

If he makes a mess let him clean it i know im not and im not going to hire a housekeeper either he is a grown man what a Pig

2 things I say everyone in the house: 1. everything I see on the floor goes straight to the bin! 2. If they can’t tidy up after themselves they might as well live on their own! And they atleast keep up.

Easy to solve… divorce his ass !!

I’ve taken pics of my guys stuff and send him the pics. Clothes literally on the floor next to the basket, Ill say you missed… or candy wrappers or plates in the living room, you forget to take ur stuff! But that’s pretty much my only problem bc he doesn’t cook or clean the house anyways.

My spouse always left his dirty clothes.on the floor with a hamper next to him.he was in the air firce so one morning very early he got a call to be at the base and ready to go TDY.hahaha…he had no clean clothes.oops.he didnt do that again.

1 Like

Leave it. You aren’t his maid.

You get what you tolerate… I would tell him I’m not your mom… clean up or get out! Life’s too short for a man child

2 Likes

If he hasn’t contributed to chores by now, safe to say he has no interest in helping you.

Might be time for him to hire a cleaner to pull his load for him.

Put it on his side of the bed

1 Like

Tell him that you need him to pick up after himself when he is doing whatever it is that he is doing. Not to leave it until you see and and then ask why you didnt do it. That you cant always be picking up his mess so if you see it you will tell him to go and do it. And that its not right to expect you to pick up after a grown man when he is perfectly capable of doing it.

This morning my bf woke me up at 6am and asks “where are all my jeans I have nothing clean to wear.” I said “idk they weren’t in the hamper!” They were all thrown in a pile beside his dresser which is 2ft from the hamper. You want clean clothes? Put them in the hamper. I will wash dry and fold his clothes but im not picking up your clothes off the floor. If you want them washed you know where they go.

1 Like

If you find a solution, let me know! I’m in the same boat. 37 weeks pregnant for me though and our toddler is 20 months

You tell him … he is a grown up right?

The bin is where he belongs

1 Like

I’m sorry. You’re married to a Neanderthal. Divorce him now and save yourself the next few years of wasting your life trying to turn him into a man.

3 Likes

Read the book Loving What Is :two_hearts:

He sounds lazy AND disrespectful. I would ask him to leave and come back when he learns how to take care of himself

1 Like

Leave it for him. He will get sick of it after awhile.

Treat him like a child, not picked up belongings, clothes etc go in a trash bag,
Then tell him the budget needs to reworked for the employment of a cleaner.
If that doesn’t work tell him to go home to his mother, because you don’t need a 32 year old child.

3 Likes

He is a grown ass man. Straight up tell clean your shit up. I am your wife not your damn maid!

One word Boundaries!

Sounds like you haven’t set any for this “man child”. You probably did all this house work before you all had kids , and he got spoiled, so he just expects it all now. I would not clean up after him or do his dishes, it should be teamwork especially with small kids and when you are expecting.
Give him a couple of weeks, don’t say anything if you have tried communicating, and then stop cooking ! Order in !

Don’t give in. It will only get worst when you have your 2nd and you will stress more and start to resent him. He needs to learn what he hasn’t been thought

I would not clean up after him anymore!!! Sounds like he is a lazy ass

He yells at you?? Not ok.
Tell him your his wife not his maid/mom. If he cant clean up maybr he should go to his mothers house and she can baby him.

He needs to man up or your going to have make some hard permanent decisions

You are dating it’s your job to take care of whomever lives in the house. I u understand you are pregnant I was too at one point and took care of way more ppl then what you are an I for sure didnt bitch and complain about it on top of being pregnant. Toughen up buttercup put your big girl panties on…

My fella started putting his empty red bull cans on the top of the cupboards which I can’t reach without climbing onto the kitchen unit - baffling to me as the bin is right there in the kitchen :exploding_head: I told him to stop doing it and to put them in the bin but he continued - I’m talking 50 cans! So I climbed and got those cans whilst heavily pregnant and threw them at his head whilst he was on a work call in the office!
You gotta time your crazy accordingly to get the message across :ok_hand:t2:

11 Likes

leave it and tell him your not his maid

Tell him to stop being a pig🤷

Suck it up honey bunch. I’m sure he hasnt changed since you met him…

1 Like

Start with one thing after 10 days add something else. Time and the help will make it better. Start over again if you have too.

Just another reason I will never get married again. I am not your mama

Make signs. :joy::joy: I did that for my husband and he was not happy but started cleaning up after himself.

1 Like

Ya know… there’s not much advice that one can give you except for talk to him. My husband does the same thing and it drives me crazy too.

Leave his mess and he’ll figure it out that it needs to be cleaned up

Mary Plado - Varghese you lucky lucky

Leave his stuff and don’t clean it. Then when he complains thats its messy say ya its u

You dated him, married him, had a child with him several years ago, and made a second child with him 8 months ago. So you’ve known this man for no less than 4 years now, 3 if you got married and pregnant on your first date. And you wanna make a stink about it now?? You made your bed, pumpkin, but congrats on your 3 lovely children.

6 Likes

Straight up disrespectful.
Don’t clean stuff for him at all, he’ll learn or he can get out.

Tell him like I told my husband. Im his wife not his mom. I already have a child to look and clean after. If he needs someone to clean up after him like his mother does, he can leave and move back in with her. I told him from the get go that I will not everything myself, if I have to work, pay bills, cook, clean, everything else by myself then then there was no point in having him there as an extra problem. He straightened up and got his chores around the house figured out quick when he realized I wasn’t joking.

1 Like

Leave his stuff. It will drive you crazy, but stop cleaning up after him. The fact that he yells at you about it says he views you as a live in maid, not a wife. It’s up to you to decide if you want to continue to put up with that.

3 Likes

Don’t clean up his mess. It works. If he asks you to clean it, tell him it’s his mess. My husband used my vehicle for a while. One day, he told me that it was really messy and I should clean it. I went out with a bag,and picked up the 2 pieces of trash that belonged to me and the kids, came in and showed him that I cleaned up after myself and 4 kids, and that the rest was his. His attitude changed real quick.

He cooks, likes your food, supports you,…

1 Like

Tell him to grow up. You are not his mama.

Hire a cleaner, if he has an issue, tell him he either helps or the cleaner stays.

2 Likes

Leave his shit there for a few days and let him see what a mess he is. It’s hard on you to do but stick it out for a few days, and then ask him can he clean it up.

You didnt get the memo on your wedding day that you became his maid??? Lol seriously though maybe you should ask his mom

Absolutely! When he is wearing dirty underwear, wet towels, when he is eating off dirty dishes…he will get it

Sis… I think we married the same man😳

5 Likes

Throw a fucking fit. Throw his clothes at him, the trash. Scream and bitch at him than leave for a day or two

My husband used to be like that! It’s really frustrating and annoying!! Like even if I put a hamper inside the bathroom because I didn’t like when he leaves his clothes on a bathroom floor, but he would still leave ‘em on the floor just right beside the hamper!! He would not clean up after he cooks., etc. I talked to him like heart to heart :sweat_smile: then he’s changed.

Well it all started with his mother or whoever raised him they did in the disservice by cleaning up for him and picking up all his stuff so the only way you’re going to change that is leave his stuff where he left it even if it takes a year

1 Like

Leave everything the way he left it

Lost cause. Not gonna happen

1 Like

Stop doing every single thing for him, stop doing his washing, dont make his side of the bed, the moment hes run out of clothes he will get the picture,

2 Likes

Relate . But mine , never help in household , as in. He don’t even bother to prepare me a cup of coffee or drinks

I put all his clothes and a y non food crap in his closet. One big pile… messy… i mean everything.

I labeled sink his side our side. Let his flow. When that didnt work i did plactic and paper and kept it locked in my car and hid our convenience food lol also did take out… wed order and hed be like what about me. Id say cook something? U dod t say u were hungry… hed say dishes are all dirty. I said that sucks. Clean them?

1 Like

Just take care of yourself and your kids. Leave his dishes etc, when he complains just say Oh I thought you’d take care of that

2 Likes

Put all his shit on his side if the bed and when he goes to lay down says oh thats your crap thought you miss placed it put it all in his car that would be epic

You cant. You’re married. What’s yours is his, what’s his is yours. His mess is your mess. Your mess is his mess. I mean this as sarcasm
I have a hamper in the bathroom, my hubby still puts his clothes on the floor. Our children put theirs in the hamper. :triumph::weary:

I told my man of he couldn’t help around the house, he would have to start paying me. If your going to treat me like a maid I’m going to get paid like a maid.

5 Likes

I wish mine was still here

1 Like

Play him this and tell him to grow the hell up or move the hell out back to his mothers :wave: how rude and disrespectful. Stop cooking and cleaning up after him. Leave his things laying around and when he has no clean clothes or dishes tell him it “huh…sounds like a you problem. Mine and the kids are clean because ours made it into the sink/hamper :woman_shrugging:t2:

1 Like

him and my step dad should move in together … my step dad is an absolute slob!

Dont clean his mess. Clean your own and leave his. Youve tried communication, it seems to go in one ear and out the other. Hell get the memo when there is no longer clean underwear.

2 Likes

Wow, some of these husbands are ridiculous and should not be husbands.

2 Likes

Only one that would put up with that would be his mother and maybe he married you because he knew your’d be just like his mummy :joy: pick up after him :laughing::joy::rofl:

I think I have his twin.

5 Likes