Why shouldnt you get a day off?? Your doing an amazing thing- saving your family in daycare and raising a baby. That’s not easy. While your mans home their is no reason he can’t help with baby- especially if he ever wants to build memories and bond with his child. I don’t do this “if i work while im home I do nothing” bs. Raising a baby takes more than just money, and it takes 2 present parents.
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My husband and I went through this exact thing. It caused a lot of fighting and created a hostile environment where he always ended up leaving. I’m still the primary care giver to our son 95% of the time. Mostly because my husband is not a morning person and god forbid he doesn’t get his sleep. Here we are 8 months later and our son is happy and learning more every day. My husband is starting to help out more as the days go by. I think it’s a man thing. They don’t know what to do and think mom’s are “programmed” to do it all. I know one of my sister in law’s said this about my brother and my mom agreed; Guys just don’t know. Give it time but don’t forget to ask him for help when you need it. You need to be taken care of too. Good luck!
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At lease it’s 2019, and men are expected to help!! There was a time when no matter what, it was always the mothers job! Two choices… except it or tell him to go kick rocks sista.
Life is unfair!! Above all, children deserve happy parents.
Welcome to my Life 
It is 2019… Husbands are required to do more now days. Helping around the house and helping with his children. You are most definitely not over reacting. My husband works 5, sometimes 6, days a week. 12 hour shifts and also night shift. On his day off he always helps me. Always! Mostly he takes the kids so I can get stuff done I haven’t been able to (which is my choice). He cleans after himself during the week and still helps with them as much as he can. No man has an excuse why they can’t help with a child they created! Period!
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It takes two to raise a baby, and it should take two to take on the responsibilities of caring for that child. My father was just as much help raising kids than my mom. This isn’t the old fashion times where the mom takes care of the kid 24/7 and he works. It should be equal!
Id be irritated. Sounds like to me he doesnt change, bath or feed baby when he has time off. Does he interact with baby at all? Post kinda makes it seam like he doesnt. Im a stay at home mom. My fiancee doesnt work full time but we both feel like being a stay at home mom you put in a lot of hours doing stuff with the kids. We feel it is like earing $ for our household. We save $ on childcare expenses, food, cleaners and hygiene products (i make sooo much from scratch) we eat healthier!! That to me is a huge savings our health is super important. If i worked too ods are wed eat out more. More lunch, more dinners, more coffee shops ($) we’d most likely need a 2nd vehicle ($) childcare costs ($) gas ($) … i couldnt make homemade food, cleaners and hygiene as much cuz id be too busy, tired, etc… … My fiance helps with everything. It took us lots of talks (and lets be real some fights lol) for it to get that way though. Helping with our son was a bit of a challenge at first too. When he was about 6-8m . Just took off and just left him with him for an afternoon lol while i went to hang out with my mom. He did great and after that moment he helped alot more with him. He told me much later that it helped him develop a deeper bond with him and thanked me for doing that.
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Welcome to Motherhood this will pass things will get easier and you will be grateful for doing it
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Have a serious heart to heart mama.
Lay it out.
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Yeah my hubby was like that only difference is he occasionally worked weekends and always worked 12+ hours a day it sucked sometimes but I sucked it up and did what I needed to do for our baby boy hes 12 now and husband and him have a pretty decent bond good luck
They dont read minds and if you are not expressing your frustration and needs, he cant help or know.
Talk. Communication is key.
‘Hey, it’s the weekend…I’m going to take a nap …or sleep in tmrw…or can you have her for the night…’
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As soon as my husband comes home we are co parenting.
Last night for example, he made dinner and put the youngest to bed.
No husbands aren’t required to do more, no they shouldn’t get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby when he has to get up for work in the morning. He shouldn’t even have a chance to see a dirty house to help. It should be done when he gets home. Though, there is no good reason he can’t help you by doing a load of dishes or clothes. No reason he couldn’t let you sleep in one day while he tends to baby. Balance.
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It’s called being a mom
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Go on strike on weekends. Just do your stuff…and the baby’s stuff. Dont cook, clean and whatever for him on the weekends to start. Also, dont do his share come Monday in case he thinks he can just leave it for you. If he does his own crisp on the weekend, you can then make it a week, one then more. If you didnt have a child and were working full time would he help you out with everything. If no, then you have an issue and probably a decision to make.
Been doing all that for 18 months!!! It’s difficult. I love being home with her but help on the weekends from him would be nice. So I feel your pain
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Omg its 1 kid… demand some time for him to give you a break and carry on…
Welcome to motherhood. Not all men feel they should help.
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Do u work? No your home w the baby that is your job to deal w it all. Your boyfriend
\hubby works to provide and pay the bills. If he starts falling asleep at wk he looses out on money. If he calls into wk he looses a day at wk. Give it time once lil girl is old enough and u go back to wk then yes its a mutual take care. Give your lil one time to grow up i bet hubby will come around.
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I stay at home with the kids while my bf is gone all week working, on the weekends he is home, he helps but not like i think he should. Ur fine for feeling this way, and what i take from it is alot of pride in myself knowing i have the strenghth to do it every day bc my kids depend on me.
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That’s typical male behavior…and the norm. Smh
Its few and far between that a male helps with a baby 50 percent.
It’s a sad truth…
Finding a guy that pulls his weight in this area is like hitting the lottery…actually…finding a good guy period is like hitting the lottery.
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I am in the same boat, except my boyfriend is off work.
Yes you are wrong. You’re the mom and that’s what moms supposed to do! If you’re staying at home and he’s the one who works then that very normal! He’s a human being not a robot , he needs to get some rest.
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I guess I just knew and understood that it would be me …my hubby drives a truck …
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Have a talk with him. Im a sahm of 9 but my so still helps me and he works long hours. Its called being a parent.
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Not in the wrong at all! Takes 2 to make a baby. It should take 2 to look after one as well
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I can’t believe some of these comments. Resentments leads to unhealthy relationships. I know this. And it’s pretty much why me and my daughters father aren’t together. U gotta tell him, over and over if u need to. He’s just as much his child as she is yours. So Def speak up bc it’s a tiring task that never ends up the first year or 2, it’s a fact u miss out on 1/3 of sleep and that can make anyone nuts. Good luck mama. You Def are not crazy for wanting (expecting) more. This isn’t the 50s. Men can pitch in now too.
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You already tired after 5 weeks. Poor thing. 
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My husband works all day and comes home and helps with the kids he helped make. We have 3 and another coming in August. He knows it’s hard on me so he helps without me asking him to. But some men need actual tasks to do, watch the baby so I can nap, change her diaper, feed her, burp her. Eventually he will just do it
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All these wome saying your the mom are ridiculous. Yes they get to stay home so they tend to baby n home allll day…fine. But once he comes home, relaxes a bit and eats there is NO resason his adult self cannot do some housework or tend to his kid. If I “worked” all day already at home no reason he can’t continue also.
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Welcome to parenthood.
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Once u set the bar high than he will expect that 24/7 so on weekends dont cook justt eat ur self. Dont do laundry. Dont clean just worry about u an the baby an than every once an while give him the baby an say here feed ur daughter or son i need a minute to myself or take ur phone an go spend 10 mins on ur phone in the bathroom actin like u gotta take a poop lol that way he has to help . us moms need time to heal an rest to somtimes or hell even just a 10 minute break to ourselves so we dont go crazy
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Being a parent is full time no matter who works or who doesn’t . once he walks through the door the child is BOTH of their responsibility & he should be helping 
& as far as laundry , dishes ect . M-F that is her “job” but Weekends there is no reason he can’t help . why do people think that because he works for actual money he shouldnt have to be a grown man & clean up after himself help around the house . why is it “normal” for her job to be 24/7 but he gets 2 days & evenings off from even being a parent ?
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Here’s the thing he works full time you’re a stay st home mom, this is your job, your baby your house your job. Start a routine so baby goes to sleep early
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My husband works out of town M-T, Friday if no one has a drs appointment that’s his day to sleep in he gets the whole day to himself (if we have stuff to do then Saturday is his day or Sunday) he gets at least one whole day to himself. It took a long time for him to get used to things but now that she can feed herself he’ll make her a bottle and hang out with her while she eats, he doesn’t change every diaper but he does let me get an occasional nap (she’s a mamas girl so I always wake up to “mama mama mama mama mama”
) I would say let your man have the weekdays, he does need sleep in order to go to work and do his job to pay the bills. If he works in town I would say let him sleep in one day of the weekend but not the whole day, I know as SAHMs it’s our “job” but we do need help. They get to leave work and come home whereas our work is literally 24/7. Don’t tell him you need help instead say “could you change his/her diaper?” “Could you feed him/her real quick” and my husband is SO famous for leaving his shit just laying around because he knows I’ll pick it up but after a while it gets really old having to clean up after a baby and a grown ass man so I’ll say things like “hey would you mind gathering your clothes and putting them in a pile over here so I can wash them” or “can you please pick up your trash”. It took a while (our daughter is 7 months) but you HAVE to communicate. He can’t read your mind and men take a lot longer to catch on to things
Momma’s are the main caregivers. I don’t understand this generation. I wanted to do all these things. Maybe he could help more around the house on the weekends? Dad’s normally grow into the caring for the babies. As they get older the dad’s will be more involved. Don’t stress over this. Take care of your baby and share things you are enjoying about being a mommy with your partner.
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It’s only been 5 weeks. Quit complaining. Try doing all that with a 2 year old and a breastfed 4 week old while your husband works nights. There’s really no room there for help when he needs sleep. Welcome to being a stay at home parent.
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I think you are in the wrong men gets tired after a week of work if you want be a stay home mom then it is your job to do it he should it and love it but if you worked than it should be both of you to take care of it
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Omg I raised four humans. My husband worked and eventually I went back to work. I have to say I still shouldered a lot more than he did. But he is the father. He is responsible. He made that baby too. His working doesn’t mean he gets a free ride cause you’re home. Married not married it’s a committment. It’s a team job. U need a break. His work week doesn’t preclude him from being a parent or a good partner. If he can’t handle baby poop and vomit etc or is afraid of such a time human I’m sure there’s laundry. Dishes. Dinner to be made. Get to it and don’t be a shit human! Be a capable partner and father. Sheesh. Time to grow up.
Just make sure baby is well taken care of hand him/ her to your boyfriend and say you need to go clean or go to the bathroom. Eventually he will help out more. Spending time with his baby will bond them more.
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You are the main caretaker. Your home with the baby? You don’t have to work
too? When he does help you smile at him. Walk up and give a kiss. Im not saying to thank him because you are right you both are the babies parents. But, be nice. Think of it this way … you both have hard taxing jobs. You both need to comfort each their. Loving each other and both caring for that precious baby.
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All the women here replying that you’re wining are old ass ladies who are use to tending to their abusive husband,
You have every right to be upset,
Being a parent is full time,
As soon as he gets home, he could at least help you a little or during his off days. Having a child isn’t a burden so he needs to step up and stop acting like helping out with his is kid is a second job. If you love your child, you would help no matter how tired you are.
Keep your head up.
I don’t agree with old school traditions that if he works, you have to do everything else. You deserve help.
You need to care for your relationship. Divorce is a really bad thing for both you and your husband and it distroyes the relationship your child will have with BOTH of you. Being a single mom is much harder.
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Ok I wanna say this. Are you a sahm how much does he work? My fiance works and I stay home with the kids. My fiance works his ass off and right now mine is in Pennsylvania for 8months while I’m home and I take our 6 year old to school while I have an 18 month old that stays at home with me. I cook I clean and I do it all with no help. When my fiance is home he plays with the kids so I get a break and changes a diaper once in a while (he cant do poop, he literally gags and will puke) my youngest has bad smelling poop now that she eats solids lol. I usually do everything on my own when he is home. When both my kids were babies I did everything throughout the night not even bc he worked but bc I breastfed and she never used a bottle. Talk to him and tell him you need his help more so you can keep your sanity even if it’s just playing with her while you get stuff done or say hey even changing a diaper once or twice a day is helpful. If you push for so much at once when he isn’t doing anything now he won’t help at all. I had to do this with my fiance. He finally got it and with our second daughter helped so much more. We had our oldest when we were 19/20 we weren’t prepared. You have to figure out a way to have him help without nagging at him. That child is his too and I agree he should help you more but don’t over think it. Especially if you stay home and he works.
Oh quit bitching already. My husband works 6 days a week 830 a.m. til 2 then again 5 til 10. Its also a 35 minute commute to work so i do it all by myself with 5 kids 9 7 3 2 7 months and im pregnant again. Be glad he works his ass of so you can stay home and not miss out on your time with your baby. Not like hes asking much of you. Hell he will start to help you more once baby is a bit bigger and older and “fun”.
I don’t think your wrong my husband and I had the same problem we have four kids three oldest are from my first husband and my 8 month old is from my husband now but he works Monday thru Friday he’s the Vice President of his company but I’ve talked to him and told him that my job don’t ever end as a mother like yours does at 4/5 o clock I’m on the “clock” (if u wanna call it that lol) 24/7 so when u come home is my time to have help like u do at work so eventually he started helping more he changes diapers helps pick up the house some takes garbage out I still cook obviously lol and do the dishes and during the week when my youngest son does wake up in the middle of the night I’ll get up with him because my husband has to get up and go to work but on the weekends when he don’t have to get up and work he will get up with him if he does wake up and let me sleep and Saturday’s is my deep cleaning days and he’ll wash the dishes clean the kitchen take trash out I pick up most everything and all that good stuff laundry etc but when I’m sweeping and mopping he’ll pick up the big stuff for me and when I’m done he’ll put it all back down for me and Sunday mornings he cooks us all breakfast it was hard getting him to this point tho I literally had to leave him for awhile to show him I wasn’t playing that I needed help and if I had to do all that while he just sat there then I might as well do it somewhere else by myself if that makes sense lol but if your husband works on the weekends also then getting up wth baby should be your job and I’d always try and have the house clean and all that before my husband gets home so I’m not cleaning while he’s sitting on his butt good luck and be patient idk what men think these days but it’s definitely not like it use to be and the faster they realize that the better we’d all be lol
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The biggest way for dads to bond is through feeding and bathing. So, we started out by my husband picking one night of the week where he fed our daughter and put her to bed. I was breastfeeding, but I would pump just for this moment. He enjoyed doing it, so it eventually changed to weekend nights. Then as she grew a little older, he fed her on the weekend nights and bathed her. This allowed me to eat alone, watch a show I wanted to, alone, and shower, alone. It was phenomenal “me” time, but it was also GREAT bonding time for them. He’s the head of the household, but you’re the neck. You have to steer him. Men need direction when it comes to babies. That’s where you kindly teach him what to do, and let him do it. After he figures out he’s good at it, everything else just follows, naturally.
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It’s a learning curve and it’s only been 5 weeks! I think it’s a rash choice to say you can’t be with him because he doesn’t help at home. He works his ass off to pay your bills, so you can be home with her. Be appreciative! Being a parent isn’t easy and being one that stays home is rough. I also don’t suggest just leaving your kid for a whole day of your who cares for her she will be punished no one else.
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Hell no ur not in the wrong for feeling that way he is a father he needs to help ya he can come home relax for an hour r two but after that it’s dad time u both help make the baby it takes two to tango he needs to help… I been bathing my babies for almost 3 years now n my man has given them a bath a total of 10 times in the three years n I had to b in there to help him… now I get y he doesn’t because he absolutely hates water he almost drown when he was little so if he gets splashed in the face he goes back to that moment as a kid n he freaks out so I take care of the bathing for the most part but he helps with everything else n that’s what a father should do
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Do some tasks with him & show him how you do it. Tell him he needs to know in case anything happens to you. Praise him for his efforts. Once he gets the hang of everything give him specific chores for which he’s responsible (“Your job is to bathe the baby with X soap and Y shampoo every night at 7 pm” or “Please feed the baby X foods at 6 pm every night you are home”), or set up times when he’ll be solely responsible for your child. Teach him one thing at a time. You have to be super specific with men: “I need you to change baby every other time during the days you are off; at 9 am, 2 pm, 6 pm and 10 pm.”
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COMMUNICATION. Does he know how you’re feeling? My husband and I were at this exact same crossroads and it ate me alive until one day (the day before we were to leave for vacation with his family I might add) I blew up. And he had no idea how I was feeling because I never said anything. I assumed all the responsibility until it drove me crazy. Had I communicated with him sooner (our son was 3mo old), it wouldn’t have gotten to that point. I learned a very valuable lesson that day. You won’t get help unless you ask for it and communication is key because men DO NOT pick up on those things for the most part
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I’m sorry but I don’t agree with “it’s your job” even though he works it is his responsibility to help out as a father too. My husband and I are having this issue too at the moment. Our oldest is 2½ and he doesn’t know how to bathe either of our girls or know what they like to eat and they won’t let him feed them bc he never has. They pick up on those things the older they get
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Ive being in both of guys position, was a SAHM for 4 years and had same complain now Im the one working outside the house and hes the SAHD, my days off Im exhausted, but ai still take care of kids (coz its my kids and I want to spend time w them) but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed coz he has “time off” I dont so I do understand ur husband side and when is his time to rest? Anyway I guess everybody is different so u two need to wrk it out. Good lucky
I had 3 kids married my husband toled me I had them I take care of them he never did anything but pay for a roof over our heads I did everything else yard included but some men truly are not hands on care takers like my father was its a older thing woman’s responsibility now who would not like help from there man don’t have more if you don’t like this men don’t change because a woman wants them to
That’s the very same situation I was in when I had my 2 kids, their father started helping out with the 2nd child but started to drink and lime again and never had time to help me out
If he could he would probably want to be home with his 2 Loves. He is out there working to provide. Relax. Everything is a bit overwhelming but look wha wonderful job you are doing
If you’re a stay at home home then you’re overreacting. It’s your job as a mother to take care of that baby. My husband would never take care of our girls either when they were that little. Once they reached 1.5/2 then he became more involved. As far as the cleaning goes, who takes care of the outside of the home? Like shoveling, raking, mowing, taking out the trash? If that’s him then you can’t complain. He is the breadwinner for the family, he’s doing his share.
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Sweet jesus I’ve been doing this for 11 years. It’s called being a mom. You know how I get breaks? When my kids are at school or when someone dies. So suck it up buttercup. If you didn’t want to take care of an easy 5 week old. Maybe you shouldn’t of had a baby.
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Most men think just because we are STAY AT HOME MOMS we can just be lazy.NOT !!
I may not leave the home to go to work but I guarantee you my job is a lot tougher than his.
Cooking,cleaning,tending to 3 boys,Dr visits,dropping off and picking up for school,parent teacher conferences,grocery store, and many more tasks that they just don’t get.
A mother’s job Is NEVER done.
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I always felt like I am NOT his mother too. He needs to help you and get to know his child too. He also should help around the house. When a baby comes into the household it is up to both parents to make adjustments and sacrifices-it took both people to make the baby after all…
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He should be participating in baby care and household tasks (at least) on the weekends. Ask him why he doesn’t?
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You didn’t make the child yourself so he needs to be a parent. And you ain’t his mama so he can pick up after himself (if he doesn’t) and definitely help with the house and kid(s)
You both will need to make changes to how things are done and general life expectations. Don’t ask him “to help more” ask him what he’d “feel the most comfortable doing” or something specific. Maybe to bath her on the weekends so you can take a long shower. Or each take one weekend baby night. IDK but I do know baby’s are hard and some people need to be asked to help in very specific ways for help. Mine are teens and our rolls keep shifting. And will again when the kids are gone. You could also ask him to watch baby (feed etc) for 2-3 hours a weekend so you can run errands faster. It would give him a taste of what your days are like.
I dont care what anyone else has to say the father can help out too. Hell my brother got up with his kids and helped to take care of them even though he was working 40 plus a week. I think the problem is everyone that says oh its the women’s job. No that was the women job 50 years ago times have changed and so must we. Stand up for yourself. Because what’s gonna happen when you go back to work? I can tell you it will be just like my ex did Jack shit. Even though we both worked 40 hrs a week at the same damn place. His day ended as soon as he clocked out because he’s a man and worked all day and was tired. Well I say fuck that equal parts in a relationship. Not stuck back in the day where women didnt work or have the responsibilities that come along with today’s society.
Offer to get a job and let him stay home… I feel you’re overreacting. You need to manage your time better… if she naps… you take a nap… it’s also ok to let her cry. Dont always rush to her bedside when she wakes… this will teach her to calm herself.
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Sounds like you have 2 children instead of 1.
It’s not 1950 anymore, for fucks sake. He helped make the baby he can help take care of it too. Takes 2 to tango.
Been there girl. Speak up girl and let him know if it wasn’t for you doing all of this, he wouldn’t be able to go to work and do the things he wants. Show him what the house would be like if he didn’t help. A marriage is a partnership, not a one person does all. If he can’t respect that, he definitely has no respect for OUR work and no love for you. I had to literally speak up loud enough so he knee how I felt. It worked. Plus when your stress, your baby is stress too. Babies can feel it all and they can get sick. Take care of just you and the baby and leave everything else for him. Remember your asking for a partnership and if the other person can’t respect that, run for your life.
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No you’re not overreacting everyone is bitter af bc their baby daddys didnt help them either. You deserve a break and some help. I have a toddler so I remember how sleep deprived you truly are on top of trying to RECOVER and maintain your house. Dont listen to bitter ass bitches. You know how you deserve to be treated. Good luck 
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This person is an asshole always got these types of women here.
There’s many men who are afraid to handle new borns, but once the baby is bigger they are fine.
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I think these are things that should have been discussed before the baby came. Now u need to make it work because u brought another life into the mix. Why have baby with the man if u ddnt fully think SHIT through.
Asking for help every now and then shouldn’t be a chore, however if that man is supporting all of you right now, let him rest at night. Believe it or not, that quality is a God send in its own. When my girl was little her dad slept at night because he worked all day, but he’d come home and do bed time routine with her which helped me a lot. He’d come home after work, unwind for a few and then hang out with his baby. Establish a routine, ask him to do bath and bedtime a few times a week. I know things are hard right now, but be patient. He’s learning too. He may not know what to do & that may scare him off. Many dads don’t know how to dad until the kids a lil older and can fend for themselves. 
Melissa please read some of the moronic comments , i am screaming !
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This is very NORMAL for a guy and he needs to adjust to it. Us women are ready for the baby and being the mom we know how to take care of the baby more than a father and sadly they all do this but eventually they will step in when they can and when they want. As she gets older he will start to miss her and want to do those things. Just give it sometime and especially the newborn stage can be crazy busy but just know eventually ur daughter will be all grown up and doing the newborn phase wasn’t so bad after all.
A lot of y’all are clinging pretty hard to the patriarchy and it shows. Just because he works doesn’t mean he gets a pass. Recovering from birthing a baby is hard work. They should be sharing home responsibilities. They both live there. They both are responsible for the baby. He doesn’t get a pass because he works outside the home during the day. This isn’t the 1950s
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Thats like all men. My husband’s a wonderful daddy but even he didnt do much. Theyre always afraid they’re gonna hurt the baby cuz theyre so tiny. They prefer the fun ages when babies active n not just eating, sleeping, n shitting all day
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I dont understand people today. He works and supports the house and you, so it’s your job to take care of the house and kids. Now if you both worked it would be different. You share the household chores and help each other. I was a single mom. Regardless if I was tired, I did what I had to do. If I needed to rest or take that nap, whatever needed done just didnt get done. Didnt matter what it was. Dishes, laundry, cleaning, dinner (order take put). I also learned to clean 1 room each day, but keep the rooms tidy (well as much as possible). That way I could rest more throughout the day.
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Sorry but I’m on Husbands side. When I was a stay at home mom I did everything with my boys. Don’t get me wrong if i asked him to do something because i had my hands full he did it but other then that I primarily did everything. I see it as he works his ass off to provide the roof over mine and my childrens head, the food in our bellies, and the needs and wants that we had. His job was super damn tiring (HVAC) and he would usually be drained by the end of the week. I personally don’t see being a stay at home mom as hard as I use to. Once I got a part time job and had to juggle daily life and work life together I realized how easy I had it. Bash if you want but it’s how I feel.
Being a stay at home Mom is exhausting I get that I did that shit for 3 years but if it’s the only thing you’re doing and you don’t have a job how do expect him to help you when he went back to work the next day he is tired too!! Just my opinion if you want him to help bring it up to him he will probably do it instead of getting on Facebook and making him seem like a horrible dad
It’s not necessarily patriarchal for the man to provide and the woman to look after the kids. It’s the story of a functional relationship, but there are many variations. It’s important to have a discussion that outlines each of your roles in the family. But just as he needs a break after work, you need breaks too. I get it, being a mom really is a 24/7 job. Once a day, my fiance takes a couple hours to watch our daughter so I can go to the gym. It’s a healthy way to spend my time off and feel good about myself. That being said, up until a month ago, (my daughter is 5 months), my fiance barely took off a total of 5-6 days in 4 MONTHS and worked 16 hour days sometimes. It was hard on me, but hard on him as well. Once my daughter started to make strange with him, he made the commitment to be home more. A relationship is a puzzle, you just have to figure out how to put all the pieces together!
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Your not in the wrong. My husband and I both worked and we helped each other take care of our 2 kids. Tell him he needs to help you so you can get some rest and some me time for yourself. You need time for yourself or you won’t be the great mommy you want to be. Take care of you.
Damn. So many women commenting on this post are so behind the times. Are y’all allowed to speak without being spoken to?! holy shit ladies!
Mine helped with everything except feedings because I breastfed. It can be overwhelming. Also right now he’s a stay at home dad(he’s going back to school) and I work full time. I help out still. There are times where we both have to remind each other to help out more but we do. We both try to respect one another.
I’m sure what to say… We have 4 kids now. My husband work mon-fri even some Saturdays so I could stay at home and raise the kids, our last one turned one and we are both working now. However. When I was home I would clean the house take care of the kids and have dinner ready. Even through he worked a 8-10 hr day he would come home complement everything, helped with the kids and help clean up the dinner. On weekends if he didn’t have to work he would get up and take care of the kids and baby and let me sleep in he even let me take a nap if he saw I was tired or over run. He has always helped out with all the kids when they where first born. It has never been an issue nor I have ever had to ask.
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This theory that the woman who stays home doesn’t work is honestly pure crap.
When I went from stay at home mom to working I thought it was MUCH easier to work .
When my husband went from working to being home - he thought it was MUCH Easier to work.
We work 24/7/365 from the day we become a mom until we die.
THEE hardest job in the world.
They helped make the child, they chose to stay and now they can actually help raise that child and raising goes WAY past monetary and play time.
Also - if you live in a house - you split the work in that house.
When you have a roomate and you all work - you still work and clean, right?
YUP!
Respect your wife and family enough to help out too and unlike a roomate - she probably isn’t even asking you to do that much.
Another thing - if roles were reversed and the woman went to work , how would she be treated when she got home from work ?
I’m sure she’d be expected to cook and help with the kids and house still because job or not - she has children and a husband still.
Guess what men ? SO DO YOU!
I have 3 children, we had them YOUNG ((on purpose)) and we refused to let others help us with them, he worked and went to school and I breastfed but he still got up with us ( I never asked or expected) and changed them and enjoyed just sitting with us while I fed.
He also helped around the house and enjoyed his time with each child.
If he could do this at 17 and all the years following - A grown man can do this too.
He just has to WANT to
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No you’re not overreacting
I dealt with this with my husband. He is now my ex husband. My fiancé is wonderful! He cooks, he cleans, and he helps out with my daughter.
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He was never taught or has ever seen a man doing any of those things so he probably doesn’t know how. Maybe a parenting class would help?
What totally idiotic discussion to be having in 2019! My first child was born in 1974. Her Dad worked out of town her first year. I was there so I looked after the little girl. We had nine children. If he was at work- I looked after them. When I was at work - he looked after them. When we worked together, we kept the baby in the office. I did laundry. He vacuumed. We both cooked- get the idea!! Stop counting, stop whining, it’s just a baby or two, ENJOY!!!
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Sometimes boys are stupid. Talk to him one last time; make your points short and sweet, try to keep calm and if nothing changes you should consider seeing a mediator
Most men are scared of babies but if you take baby and put it in his arms and say here you are on and tell him where stuff is he eventually will help but he may be one of those men that won’t touch a baby unless forced to until it can crawl because they are so small and they are scared of hurting them or something and sometimes the first baby they are no help but the second one is old news and they suddenly do everything. Maybe you two need to set down and talk with out being angry about it and believe me I know that can be hard but maybe that’s what you need. And right now you are tired and overwhelmed so it seems worse. Maybe if you have friends or family they could come in and give you a couple hours off so you can have a break.
Give him the baby and leave for a few hours for some mommy time… Make him get in routine. I’m a stay at home mom and dad works full time but once he’s home he’s in daddy mode he keeps diapers and wipes stocked he changes diapers he gives showers he feeds them he does house work it’s called a partnership it’s all team work
You are doing what a mother should do women are usually the main caregivers of the younger children but yes he could help on the weekends
You are over thinking and reacting if the guy is a pencil pusher well yes that’s not hard work but if you have a hubby that has a hard enduring physical job well he should rest and enjoy the time he missed out during the week my partner always comes home and spends a couple of hours playing and doing homework with kids I would do the house and cooking shopping washing and whatever else has to be done geez when we both work we do tidy ups and spend time with kids then on weekends we do 1 day major clean and Sunday was family get out and enjoy time together with the kids you find your way of whats important
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I have 2 kids and one on the way. I work 40+ a week at a physically demanding job. I pick kids up from daycare, go home and cook dinner (most nights). I have 2 days off a week and use those days to try and catch up on cleaning. So it feels like I don’t ever really have a day off. So just remember it could always be worse! Lol
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You are not wrong I’m going through this now our daughter is 5months she’s preemie it was me only going to nicu to see her he came occasionally… my husband work 7 days a week 12 hour shifts… I myself just started working… I finally snapped last week… I straight up said “I’m not happy if I can do this on my own why are you here? I’m depressed I’m stressed but you can rest when work is down and you may work 12 hours but u get to stop n rest why do I have to keep going… get out!!” And guess what… he’s kickin in now… I just woke up from a 13 hour sleep because my body is wrecked from baby/work/home/family and the entire place is clean lunch made baby napping changed and fed… I’m like wtf I hope this lasts but if it doesn’t I’m happy it got done today…
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Hand him the baby and say ill be back in a couple hours…if you had a baby with him you should trust him
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Sorry you feel the way you do but there are many of women out there that are in the same position you are and they have other children to take care of. Be happy you have someone taking care of you and your child some men walk away. Not all men are helpful with their children mine wasn’t he never changed a diaper or gave a bottle. When he was home alone with our son I still had to get a baby sitter. So just think it could be worse. You are the primary care giver that’s what mothers do.
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He works all day, you take care of baby all day, both hard jobs, talk to him and work out a day where he can help out, I think asking him to take over night feed the night before his day off is reasonable, then you take over in the morning, that’s what I was going to do, I’m pretty lucky, I have an easy baby who sleeps through the night, so I get some sleep which gives me energy to do it all myself. All I asked of my partner was if I’m having a shit day, is to pick up dinner on the way home, which he did, and not having to cook and having yummy food legit made me so happy. Lol
We had to “break even”. And this meant he to wash his laundry, I fold. Cook his work food, I put it up. He does trash and floors now too. It took a long time to get to that point.