My husband and I have been together for five years. Married for four. When we first got together my libido was very high. He used to couldn’t keep up with me. In 2019 I had 2 miscarriages. After the second miscarriage, I noticed that my libido was low. I tried my best to keep up with him but it was hard. I got pregnant late 2019 and after I had my son I noticed that my sexual drive was non existent. This has caused several arguments in my marriage because he thinks that I am not sexually attracted to him. Which I am but I find it difficult to get in the mood. I have tried talking to him about it but he just don’t seem to understand. I know he has never cheated on me but I am scared he would. Because he has needs. I feel like a terrible wife. Whenever we have sex, I jus want it to end. It’s so bad that I don’t even like him touching me. But I do love this man truly. He have tried numerous ways to satisfy me but he knows I am only faking the satisfaction. He’s an excellent father and husband and I am scared that if I don’t get back my libido, he would eventually cheat and our marriage would be over.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I get my libido back?
Have you spoken to a doctor? Help level out your hormones?
Contact Patty Marmann Libido specialist, nurse, friend
So I have had a lot of issues in this department but I was able to figure it out with the help of my husband. You can PM me … we can talk.
Girl, go to the doctor & get some help! Not sure if you have delved into the possibility that you could be depressed or your hormones could simply be out of whack! I went on anti-depressants & it changed so many aspects of my life! This was one of them
If he’s an excellent husband then you shouldn’t be scared he’s gonna cheat. His needs don’t give him an okay to cheat. I used to work for an obgyn and we saw plenty of women for this issue. Pregnancy changes our bodies significantly, messes with hormones. I’d recommend seeing your obgyn about it
Miscarriage is something that might affect you. Maybe some therapy can help and communicating with your partner
Being on birth control killed my sex drive. It could possibly be that.
I only wish I could help you but I suffer from this same issue and don’t know how to fix it.and I have cardiac issues and the doctor’s won’t give me much of anything because it affects my heart so I’m kinda screwed. Hopefully yours gets fixed soon. Praying for you
maca… reproductive health … helpful for some…
Have you considered working with someone who does sex + relationship coaching or similar? Also, have you had any support around your miscarriages and grieving?
I have a hormonal imbalance & also have PTSD & Depression (one ig the reason’s being 2 misscarriages & lost my son’s twin, amongst other things).
Book a doctors appointment & chat with them about it, it might not be the same, but they will be able to advise you.
Also things such as your diet, not getting enough sleep, dyhydration etc all play a factor.
Is he being romantic? Is he seducing u? Is he helping around the house? Are u holding any resentment towards him?
Testosterone Hormone Replacement
Im 24 and feel the same way!! My doctor was NO HELP! I left frustrated & felt even further from myself…
Have your hormones checked and maybe go to some grief counseling for the losses
Zak Saltzman apparently this triggered your past, stop searching for your baby mama’s answers in this MOM group and go on n get boy
It sounds like it may be hormonal changes. You could possibly have an imbalance that is causing you to just not feel aroused. It’s nothing to be ashamed about. It’s a pretty normal bodily response after pregnancy. It could also be depression. Even if you don’t necessarily feel sad, depression can take many forms and is extremely common after you’ve had a child, or lost one. I hope you get things figured out.
Girl im having the same issues and with endo sex is painful so its hard to enjoy
I would get your hormones checked with your primary or OBGYN. If that’s normal, I suggest therapy honestly. Been there!!!
A miscarriage will cause depression and the level of depression one year after the miscarriage is the level of a normal person with depression. Look into that. Depression can inadvertently affect your libido and many other factors. I’ve had three miscarriages and the depression is horrible
Alcohol makes me horny…
Ladies and men have this problem, get the best Endocrinologist available, if they are booking out 2 months, try any or everything you can to be seen ASAP, God Bless…
You gotta use your brain power to transmit that receptor that you are blocking out
Go to your doctor. There is something wrong with your hormones!!!
I hate all the laughing faces on this post. It’s normal to have these feelings…I have been with my man for 10 years, we had a late one, 2019, and after that I feel the same… sometimes I’m in the mood sometimes I’m not and he is. Try just some flirty stuff for a few days, touching, kissing, but not sex. Sometimes you need that euphoria, because once you have sex it’s done and over, try some intimacy, because sex is just sex without the emotional feelings
Following because I’m in the same boat. We also work opposite shifts and we still have a 2 year old in bed with us… I swear the only time i “initiate” is when I’m drinking…
Have you told your doctor?
Are you birth control?
See your doctor for it.
Talk to your GYN doc
11 surgeries in 3 years, including a hysterectomy, I feel this in my soul OP. Being forced into menopause has totally taken away my libido. I am honest with my husband and there are times I “help” him to be satisfied. Oddly enough, when a rare mood hits me, it’s usually during a very inopportune time but I try.i hope you find some answers here. I’m flowing the comments as well.
And herbs to balance hormones
It is not normal to have zero libido
It’s totally normal to have a lower libido after having a baby. There is also a thing, touch aversion, where you are so “touched out” from feeding, holding, changing the baby, and you just don’t want to be touched anymore, sexual or not. I would also talk to your Dr about post partum depression. It may be an issue for you. Lastly, talk openly with your husband about how you feel. Let him know you want to help take care of his needs, but it needs to be on your terms. Maybe once a week, or less. But most important is that you are OK mentally
Nature's Answer, Pueraria Mirifica, 150 mg, 60 Vegetarian Capsules pueraria merifica is good for libido. and makes your breast tender and you look blooming.
I’d talk to your primary doctor. Maybe something is wrong with your hormones. They can run test and hopefully give you some answers.
Can I ask why are people laughing at this? A woman is seeking guidance from others to assist with something that is obviously pretty serious in her relationship… grow the f up unless you something helpful to bring to the table
Have you talked to your doctor they can help
I don’t understand why anyone thinks this is funny.
I feel this as well. I just try to please him anyway. I’m never in the mood. Sometimes when we get going I’ll get into it but not often. There’s always going to be rough patches. I am going to get my hormones tested too though. I’ve had a problem with it in the past
A baby or toddler are enough to put your libido to sleep.
It will wake up when your child is about 2 and you will realise your man is a desirable hero again.
Excercise. Up those happy epinephrines hormones released properly again.
Try doing some one on one time with him. Date each other again. Sex response is great if you are still attracted to him and he treats you just as good as he did in the beginning. I wasn’t married but I have been celibate 5 months. When my ex and I tried to see if we were still attracted to each other, it didn’t work until I started seeing another guy. I broke up with my ex last June and I started seeing this guy a week ago. It is going good so I would start with dating your husband again.
Definitely speak to your doctor about it… I’m sure hormones are to blame. I have felt like this at times and it is hard because for me I wanted to want to have sex but just couldn’t get their mentally at times. It’s frustrating because sharing those intimate moments with someone you love and actually being present and in the mood is a great and fun stress relief as well as a an amazing bonding experience and when it’s hard to get in that head space it can cause some feelings of disconnect on both ends. Also, maybe try to bring a toy in the mix to help get you aroused… can’t go wrong with adding some strong vibrations to the mixture
Not only are you depressed from previous miscarriages but you also probably are going through post partum depression. Sometimes post partum depression can last a year or two. Talk to your Doctor about getting help. Lots of women go through this. Some women take it to another level and go completely down a dark path. Don’t give up there is help you just have to ask for it.
That is exactly how I found out I had PCOS. May be a hormone imbalance. Would go see your doctor!
Check with your OB/GYN. You could have a hormone problem. There might be a med they can give you. Also, taking care of a little one is hard work. You could be tired. Try to nap when your little one does.
This is not relevant but I was scrolling and read “how can I get my dildo back?”
And actually maybe that’s the answer lol
On a serious note tho, I really hope you see someone. Like go to your OB and get checked and maybe a referral for some therapy in case you have post partum depression. Plus miscarriages and even healthy births are traumatic. Definitely seek some help outside the house
I feel that exact same way have for years sadly. But I love my husband very much sex just isn’t for me. Never has been. I’ve had pcos since I was 17. Nothing has worked to give me the drive back. I have had 2 kids one is 7 and I just had a baby boy 9 weeks ago. But it’s not easy. He gets frustrated with me.
Post baby blues syndrome. Hormones. Imbalance. You know there’s a pill for that . Calis. I think it’s like a female form of Viagra
He may have needs, but he also has a hand, money, the internet, and the information he needs to order himself a toy. If he cheats he a lame ass.
Have you gotten your hormone levels checked? I’d start there.
U r facial some kind of postpartum depression
Talk to your Dr i was feeling the same way i needed medicine to help i also have a thyroid issue that was causing some of it as well the medicine has helped
This happened to me after my c-section I want my hubby so bad but I stay so dry it seems like it’s finally starting to get better I hope our son will be 2 in May
I feel like I could have written this.
Definitely see a doctor. Not only to check hormones. But perhaps to talk about anxiety or depression as well? All of these effect our libidos. If these arent the underlying cause, I sometimes get into what i call a “little funk” and i find it helps if i get all dolled up and dress sexy and just go for it. It seems to help get the drive back after a little break.
I was the same way after several miscarriages and after my now 3 and 2 year old were born and I got my tubes tied I really lost my libido big time. I discovered this stuff a few months ago and it has been a major game changer, it’s all natural and I don’t get a headache when taking it.
You could be suffering from postpartum depression, not the major one. I had that with my last child and felt the same way and never told the doctor for months…I also found out I had hypothyroidism another problem that makes you not interested in sex. Once I got on the right amount of thyroid replacement in time I felt like my former self, talk to your doctor…
It could be the absence of a substance called prolactin in the body, I would go to the gynecologist to rule out a physical problem, if it is not, then I would go to the sexual therapist, this is more common than you think.
Maybe you need your hormonal leves to be check , you can be exhausted from taking care of your kid , or as many women you are not confident enough about changes in your body from the pregnancy.
Try to have some time to yourself to get your confident back ( is this is the problem )You need to do something asap because you are practically putting your husband on a silver plate to other woman .
Hormones and you’re cycle on the calendar. Train yourself to respond. Think sexy. Babies knock you off kilter.
I’m going thru the same thing and don’t know what to do
Go see a doctor. You may have depression and hormonal issues.
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This is very common, sometimes nothing works, but it will take alittle time , keep talking to each other , and try and give yourself time to heal.
What kind of piece of s*** thinks this is funny?
Your husband maybe a good man and father. Just asking, is he helping with your child, housework etc. Again just suggesting. Maybe if he came home and said to you, I’ve ran you a bubble bath go take some time just for you I have the baby and dinner. You didn’t say if you had to work or if you were stay at home wife. But sometimes we need a man, our man, to just step in a little more than earning the bacon and tell us to have time just for us.
And as most of the women said before, see your gynecologist, let them know what your issues are in general. Ask if there is something Maybe they can suggest to help. Could be you need hormone assistance, maybe you need grandparents to take your child for an overnight stay. But you are not wrong for feeling the way you do. I think most women have been in the same situation you are. Best of luck to you
Going through the same thing. I’m only 23. So it’s really embarrassing and frustrating that I don’t find myself craving my husband intimately like I used to. He’s all about me. I feel not even good enough for him. 🥲
Thyroid and menapause is my problem and it did hurt my realtionship prayers for you
Earthley supplement …oysters …or horny goat weed supplement …research first ask a professional like a hollistic doctor or go to a western doctor to check hormones if you don’t believe in hollistic …
See a doctor for sure.
It gets better. Ups and downs, but it will eventually get better. It’s probably your body going “nah…I don’t want another kid”. Which is completely normal.
Such a normal thing to happen, you wouldn’t read about it!!! You are halfway there if you still love and fancy him…Please go talk to your Doctor…there is help out there…
You may need to talk to a doctor but it’s also possible that yall may need to do more with each other dates and what not I mean but I would suggest talking to your doctor
I’m sorry this is happening to you, and lots of the rest of you to, but I am glad to know I am not the only younger woman who has these issues. Sometimes it’s great, then other times I’m like GRANDMA status over here. It really is embarrassing and gets you down even more. Just like women, men think the same. Am I not good enough for her anymore? And so forth. So i see your concern. I hope you get it fixed. Definitely seems to be hormones and life at fault.
I suggest that you need to go to counselling to deal with the impact of miscarriages/relationship/new parent, etc. Focus on you first and your own healing. For you and hubby, ask him to make some date nights that are focused on relaxing, stress free, child free couple time vs. Sex time. Talk to him about doing some individual counselling sessions with your Counsellor and then couples counselling. Rebuild connection. Relationships change after kids, and usually after trauma - loss of pregnancies affect people differently. Deal with the issues that are causing barriers to sex.
Hi, get your thyroid checked! I had four miscarriages due to thyroid and it definitely kills your libido.
I wish I had a tribe of women to turn to when I experienced this. It felt very isolating to be so physically disconnected to my husband after pregnancy. It was a complete 180 for us.
You exhaust every possible scenario as to why, look into every possible remedy and strategy to get it back, start doubting yourself and questioning your relationship. Oh, and that’s all happening while your trying to be the best mom you can be. Yeah, nope.
If you are experiencing this, it’s gonna be ok. You are not alone. Ask your doc all the questions, communication is critical, take the blood tests (I was anemic), improve the diet, take those vitamins, drink tons of water, sleep, stretch, breathe, take baths, ask your partner for more neck and shoulder massages and honestly … explore new sex toys and discover edibles (hybrid) that work best for you, haha!
It sometimes feels impossible to find this time for yourself, but it’s mandatory! When you able to truly relax your mind and body, forgetting all the stress and worry is key to getting your groove back.
I would take him to your next woman check up and explain all this to your Dr. in front of him and see what the Dr. says trust me I know it’s hard but sometimes you have to show them blood before they believe your cut they don’t get that a woman’s body goes through changes and it’s hard sometimes to even fake it
It is normal. After my third kid in 6 years I didn’t want sex for like two years. I was tire and sore all the time. It just meant that my hubby tried harder to find ways to get me in the mood. When you craved it more then him and he wasn’t in the mood, all you had to do was give him head and he got ready, right? You just need your “head” for me it was when sucked my nipples and played with my body. It will not always be this way. Are you by chance on an iud? When I took mine out I got better. Also find the mental things that are blocking you and face/work on them, because until you feel sexy you won’t want it. Also try porn and masterbation with yourself, because if you don’t want to have sex with you, how can you feel like someone else does. Good luck. My hubby and I are 9 years strong, but we for sure had our bumps and will have more.
call ur gynocologist for an appointment they might can help you they did me
See your Dr and have your hormone and vitamin levels checked.
It’s normal after miscarriage, birth to have issues.
Could just be a medical reason , try talking to your doctor… plus there’s lots of otc vitamins that help raise libido… hope things get better
yup, i esould dsy yslk to yout dr.!!
Hormones do such a number on women’s drive! I never had any libido at all while nursing, and recently had a full hysterectomy and it is such a struggle! I never thought I would be the type to “schedule” intimacy, but we have found that even if the magic happens on another day it at least gives us a middle ground for meeting both of our needs. Also, don’t be afraid to branch out to using more resources to meet his and your needs! From cleaning & self care to intimacy enhancements, it will show him that you value and care about him, and that this is just a biological issue right now.
He said vows to you. In sickness and in health. Low/non-existent libido falls under that. If he were the one not feeling in the mood ever, would you cheat? Would you instead continue on, knowing that he is trying his best to accommodate and please you? If he cheats, that is on him, not you OP.
That being said, it’s time to talk to a doctor. Explore all avenues before feeling utterly hopeless on your end. The pressure of thinking he is going to step out on you cannot help. Have you tried going it alone? That helped me after my first baby.
When I was unable to have sex, I just made sure the intimacy was still there. Cuddling, touching. Back rubs are wonderful if they don’t turn him on too much lol. Making sure he feels heard and seen despite everything.
I know it is hard. Wishing you the best.
Your body has been through so much. Physically, hormonally and emotionally.
Accept and respect that.
Ask husband to do the same.
Take time out to relax as an individual .
Dad should do the same.
Dad can be with child while you take time out.
If you can’t manage lunch with friends followed by a Day Spa;
Set yourself up at home…
Do you in your time.
Something that makes you feel good about you.
Even if it’s a long rejuvenating shower/bath…a glass of wine…music.
Conditioning treatment, face mask…
Make this a regular for yourselves.
You might be more relaxed and feel much better about you…
Cant do any harm, that’s for sure.
Go to your Gyn check your blood work.You need to tell them your concerns.
Hormone imbalance , get it checked
You need to talk to your dr. It may be a hormonal issue. Also a counselor wouldn’t hurt. Maca root may be helpful. We all go through different things and have different needs. Hang in there. Good luck!
Tell your husband you are going to the doctor to have your hormone levels etc checked and reassure him you that you love him - including him and reassuring him until you find your answers may make/help him understand that it’s something women can go through after miscarriage/ birthing kids etc good luck
I really wonder who asks these questions sometimes
This can believe it or nor be a hormones thing. A herbal remedy called agnus castus works well for balancing hormones might be worth a try
Know your feeling right now think though both ways now .but also kinda more to it I think
Was me first before both
Use your mouth and hands more often
Omg just communicate with your husband. How do you know he would cheat? That’s not fair to implicate. How do you think he would feel if he knew you said that. You just need to support each other through this tough time.
Talk to your doctor. You should have talked to your health provider as soon as you noticed the problem.
Definitely sounds like a hormonal imbalance especially if you are sure of your feelings towards him and your overall marriage . It could also be partial chemical imbalance in the brain, have you felt anxious or depressed? Miscarriages do this to us, even if we feel like we have “gotten over it”. Consider therapy.