How can I get my mom to stop interfering in my parenting?

Please don’t be rude. I just need to get some advice on how to handle the situation with my mom and daughter. This was my first kid. I had her when I was 23, and now she’s 3, my mom has always been there, and they have an amazing bond which I’m very happy about; the problem starts when I try to discipline her as she’s very sassy and super spoilt (by Granma) she has a tendency of screaming and throwing tantrums when she doesn’t get her way which I try by all means to let her know what she does is not right, she fights with her cousin and will cry when she gets told to play nice. I’ve recently tried the naughty corner to let her cry it out and would fetch her once she’s done, but my mom would get so mad at me and will start attacking me in front of my daughter, which I have mentioned numerous times that making me the bad guy to her when I try to discipline her will just make her worse (which is definitely happening) she’s starting daycare soon, and I’m super scared at how she’ll react once she gets there because my mom comforts her for every little bit of it. I know grandmas are like that; hence I don’t expect her to discipline her, but let her know when she does wrong, I feel like she’s creating a bigger problem out of her and will just leave me to deal with it once we separate. I’m planning on moving out with her and her baby brother, but afraid that she won’t let me.

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You have to be firm with your mom. Explain that it is sending mixed messages to your daughter, who is your daughter.
She cannot see someone undermined you. If your mom disagrees she needs to tell you when your daughter isn’t around.

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She can’t not let you move out, you’re an adult. Honestly, my parents never fully respected my wishes as a mother and the only thing that helped was moving out. I’m pretty sure it’s just the dynamic of having your babies in your parents house. Best of luck to you!

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Afraid she wont let u?

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She doesn’t have a choice but to let you move out. You’re an adult. But stand your ground and remind her that you’re the mom in this. Not her.

You have to put your foot down. She had her turn raising you. Now it is your turn to raise your daughter. You can be respectful but firm. All you can do is talk to her. Let her know that you are enforcing discipline and that she needs to respect that. Yes grandma’s do tend to spoil them and that is okay to an extent. However when it is effecting the child and their behavior the problem has to be addressed and dealt with. She can not stop you from moving out. You are a grown woman. I hope it works out for you. Since you are living in her house she may take the my house my way stance. Then the only thing you can do is move asap. Good luck to you.

Those are your babies, she can not stop you from moving and taking them with you. I would suggest sitting her down and talking to her, straight out. Ask her how she would have felt if her mother did that when you were a child! If that doesn’t work, explain to her that, she is a grand mother now, not a mother, and it is no longer her place!

I’m in the same boat. I had my daughter at 21. I was a single mom and since she was the first grandchild my parents spoiled her rotten. Fast forward to now, 6 years later I’m dealing with the consequences. My daughter does not listen to me or my husband and says grandma let’s her do whatever she wants. My mom and I would go at it when I would try to discipline my daughter. Fortunately, my mom sees how bad she is and is starting to feel bad for spoiling her like she did. I tried to be firm with my mom throughout the years but it was no use. My mom was waaaayyyyyyyy worse with my siblings and I growing up. So the fact that she would tell me not discipline her would piss me off. I stopped taking her to her grandparents like I used to so my mom could get the point. My dad helped out once he started seeing that I was struggling with my daughter. That’s also when my mom started backing off. Good luck!

You’re mama so you set the rules. She had her time to be mum, now it’s your turn. Be honest with her.

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This same exact situation was happening with my parents and I. I HAD TO MOVEOUT and let me tell you…breaking those terrible behaviors that were developing has taken at least 3 months. 3. Horrible. Months.because of the fact of how bad she was being spoiled. You need to move out if living there and let your child know that YOURE the boss

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Situation will just become worse if you continue in that environment

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Tell mom if she does it again, she will be put in time out and not see grand daughter for 1 week. Does it again? 2 weeks. Again, 4. Keep doubling the time. Yeah granny can be a buddy but she best not try to act that way in front of my child to me. Or she wouldn’t be seeing ANY of the grandkid(s).

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From the daycare teacher side please please please give her new teachers a heads up about her behavior, how you try to handle it, and how grandma handles it. You being up front will help her new teachers a lot.

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Best thing is to move out of your mom’s home and raise your own children. Only one woman to a house is the best policy.

Yes. My twin granboys know the difference between who they listen to right away and who they don’t. That is because mama gives in and Nana doesn’t. I don’t have time to play let’s say this ten times. I say it once or twice and then it’s time out after letting them know they gonna get time out. I stick to my word which mama doesn’t. So my life is much easier lol. Nana don’t play.

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Your mom cannot stop you from moving out with YOUR kids unless she’s the guardian of them n was given guardianship thru the courts :woman_shrugging:t3: keep disciplining your child but also remember you’re in your moms home so it’s going to be hard to do it if she doesn’t like you doing it in the end. And from the sounds of it sounds like your daughter is your moms first grand baby which could explain why she’s overly spoiled since the day she was born by grandma. I live with my mom but moved in when my son was 10 now he’s 13 and at first she would get mad but now she doesn’t even care at this point lol (she laughs and says welcome to parenthood of the teenage years hope you survive it :woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::grimacing::grimacing:)

You need to put mom in her place. Your child sees that she can disrespect you, so will she.

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You are the children’s Mother… remind your Mum of this. She raised her kids now it’s time she lets you raise your own.

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You have to be in your own home, or it’ll never stop.
Also, don’t allow her to live with you in your home or it’ll start again.
:raising_hand_woman:t2: Did it until I couldn’t anymore!
:two_hearts: The relationship has never been better!
You can do it!

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You need to move her out of this environment​:100::bangbang::bangbang::bangbang::warning:
Next thing you know she’s 5,at school giving the 1st grade teacher a hard time :woman_facepalming:t4::no_good_woman:t4:
Nip that shit neowww and start poppin that a$$ too​:100::ok_hand:t5::+1:t5::smirk:

You’re going to have to be Stern with her at least say hey Mom thanks for advice I like throwing my parenting my way I appreciate your offer but this is my job not yours you can’t see it nice because she’s not going to listen being mad at her however you want to say it you might end up having to go to the full force we’re out and tell her myob Jimbo

Try having her count during time out I have mine count to 20 that way she knows how long her time out is and my dad can be annoying like that example we were at the mall said it’s time to go I’m wearing a mask it’s hot she starts to run I say Zoey stop instead of my dad saying Zoey stop he yells at me don’t yell at her. My voice do not carry in the mask I can hardly be loud at all. My dads just annoying he will disagree with me about everything tell my daughter the opposite of what I say when I’m right she’s my child what I say goes and it’s embarrassing being in public with him. My daughter acts worse around him he’s so toxic we only see him twice a week but it’s torture. If you’d 3 year old can’t count yet try a time out timer maybe for 1 min then she will know when it’s over instead of fussing for x amount of time.

Get your own place as soon as possible. Your are an adult and your mother can’t stop you from moving out. Set firm boundaries followed by consequences. Ie Leaving and not seeing the kids

Set boundaries: for your daughter and your mother. YOU are the parent, YOU make the decisions when it comes to your child. If you mother can’t deal, move out and move on. We had to have this convo with my in-laws pretty early on, it’s our child, you will follow our rules, or she won’t be coming here anymore. It was completely necessary considering how different society is now compared to when we were children.

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My MIL did this with my daughter. Made her such a spoiled brat and every time we punished her,she would threaten child services and say we were abusing our kid. Our daughter started doing horrible in school bc her grandmother was doing her homework for her and she thought everyone would do everything for her and hand everything to her. It took spankings and taking stuff away plus refusing to let her go places for two months until she actually started doing her own homework . This was after the MIL moved out. Took 2 months to get her behavior straightened out. No tablet, no candy or toys, no bday parties or streaming tv shows for two whole months. Got to get the kid away from that asap or just going to get worse. My daughter even got to where was telling me and her dad that we didnt love her,only her sister and her nanny was only one that loved her. MIL was turning her against us on top of it! Told her I better never hear her say that again or no tv at all and no going to the beach this summer.

That’s your child. Your in charge. Stand up for yourself and your child. And if she doesn’t let you, screw her. Your grown

Live your life take your child and run let her know your the mother now shes gma and thats it

Your mom is 100% in the wrong here. My mom and mil would never dream of doing this. My mother even tells her what she did wrong after she gets discipled (usually by my husband and I). She still spoils both my girls and they have a great bond. As they do with my mil as well. You have to set boundaries and stand up for yourself. And get your own place ASAP. It’s not easy living with family (did it for almost 2yrs with my husband and kids). It’ll be easier to fix the problem then.

I hope everything works out for you.

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Sounds like you want to be in control in a house that’s not yours. Your mother might feel like she’s the parent and not the grandparent because you still live there and depend on her. Move out, take responsibility, and be a parent. Your mom will quickly learn her place once you prove to her you are an adult.

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No you need your own space… Move because it’ll only get worse and she won’t listen to you at all…

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Get your own place problem solved tell grandma your rules your child .she’s had her time

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Oh shut up your living in your mothers house shes their grandmother of course she’s guna have a say when you discipline them in saying that if you don’t like it then
MOVE OUT…

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You need to put your foot down and tell your mom that shes creating more problems than solutions.

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Fuck that!!! You tell your mom that YOU are the parent, not her! Move out ASAP! No one can prevent you from moving. Not even your mom.

You need your own place. Momma raised her babies and she’s on grandma mode.

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She won’t let you? You’re an adult you have choices she is not in control of them.

Have an open and honest conversation with your mum. Tell her you appreciate everything she does, you love there bond, but you feel it’s time for you to step up and begin teaching your daughter right from wrong, remind her how well she taught you, and ask her to support you while you do it rather then attack you x

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Please let her read all of these. My daughter and her kids still live in my house and I babysit while she works. However everything I do I ask what do you want me to do as far as discipline. I ask what snacks they can have and how much? If I am not sure I always ask did I do the right thing? Because they are not my children.

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She won’t let you? You’re grown. Get your own place

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Even if she is helping you, boundaries are important and it is up to you to set them. If you live with her, it may be time to start saving to move…

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I’m a grandma…my daughter lived with me through 3 pregnancies and 3 kids…she didn’t leave, I finally sold my home and I moved…are you leaving your kids with her all day every day, in the position of " rule maker"…if so, I don’t know what you expect from her…her home, her rules and in a position she’s probably not real thrilled about. Don’t be so hard on your mom…if boundaries is what you want, move out with the kids. She’d probably be happy to have you come visit with her, then go home. You’ll feel better too. But boundaries are hard to set when you.live at home…is she also the babysitter while you’re out, or working? Not being rude, just honest…

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Unless she has some type of custody of your kid she can’t stop you from moving out with her. Worst she can do is make you miserable. And if she wants to play that she doesn’t have to see y’all after you’re out of her house. It sucks but spoiling kids while undermining parents is not in the best interest of your child and will eventually become a toxic environment bcuz if the resentment between yall.
Dont tell her you’re gonna move til you have a place secured. Tell her when you’re set up and ready to actually move.

As far as her undermining it sounds like you’ve already tried to be civil. There’s not really much you can do while you’re in the house besides continue to correct both her and your daughter’s behaviour. Physically remove your child from the situation (take her to another room, outside or even leave the house for a little bit) if she starts undermining you and wont stop. But unfortunately that’s mostly just gonna continue to be how it is til you get your own place.

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I’m a grandma and I do no interfere with my children’s parenting. Your mother needs to butt out. And I’m not being rude, Mama, you need to get a back bone, tell your mother that she needs to back YOU. You need to get your own place ASAP!

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Mama needs to learn boundaries. You are mom she is grandma. While advice is fine interfering is a no no. I’m sure she would have been upset if her mom interfered. She either respects you or you will have to limit her visits. As a first time grandma I respect my daughter. There is plenty I can spoil my grand baby with but to create a disrespectful one heck nah I’m not down with that. Speak to her firmly and let her know. She can’t stop you from moving out your not a kid anymore. Of course be respectful but firm.

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My mom took my son shopping one day when he was little. She let him hold a toy while she shopped with no intention of buying it. When they got to the register she wanted to leave it and he threw a temper tantrum. She bought him the toy to quiet him. I told her you’d have never done that with us kids. If that’s the way you are going to be with him you can’t babysit. You have to discipline him like you would have us kids. Now knowing that you live with your mom and she helps you talk to her and ask her if she wants to be seen in public with a nice grand kid or a spoiled little brat because that’s what she is creating. Her choice

Be grateful your Mom loves and helps you with your children 3 year olds are very naughty…

Just be nice (see if it works the first time) and tell her that they are your babies and you are still trying to figure out how to be a good mommy and you feel like with her over stepping your word it makes it hard to actually tend to your child in the way you see fit… and with the moving out this if she doesn’t let you move out wait until she leaves the house for a day and then pack and leave…

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Nobody can ever stop you from doing what you want to do when you are an adult. The sooner you move out, the better.

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  1. If you are in your moms house you need to move out.
  2. Have a heart to heart with your mom. Explain that while you love her she is not allowing you to be a parent and create a healthy relationship with your own child. Remind her that she has raised you and now it’s time to let you raise your child while she steps back as grandma. Ask her what she is going to say when your child won’t behave in school and gets into trouble. Explain that her giving advice is just that, advice, and you have free will to raise your child how you see fit.
  3. If she hees and haws let her know that if she cannot respect your choices as a parent then she will only be able to see your child in a supervised setting when you have time to supervise.
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You are the parent she is not … she needs to know her boundaries… that being said and if you have tried to have reasonable discussions with her and no change she cannot stop you from leaving…

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You are grown. You do not need her permission to take your kids and move out. She should not be undermining you by arguing with you about you disciplining your daughter. She should not be disrespecting you and teaching your daughter to disrespecting you. It sounds like moving out would be a good thing.
It Is harder to discipline a 3yo who has been told they don’t have to do as you say.
I have seen amazing results with Behavior modification. I have seen what it has done for mental and emotional challenged little ones, nonverbal kids, defiant teenagers and grown husbands. You must be exceptionally tactful with teens and husbands.
I think you will find Behavior Modification Therapy and Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) to be useful tools for your mom and daughter.

Girl put your foot down. Umm you gave birth to the child. If explaining to her how you feel and she dies not respect your wishes, then you have a Big Problem. That will only get worse if you don’t move out. Its ok to spoil the grans but don’t over step the parenting.

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What do you mean you’re afraid she won’t let you? That statement alone says a lot.

Been there done this. Bottom line, they are your children. You need to get control of the situation now. It’s ok to be assertive about it and you can do it without being rude or hurtful.

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I’d start out by telling your mom how much you appreciate her and the help but she has to butt out when it comes to the punishment you choose for your daughter as she needs to learn too share and play nice and etc…if mom can’t then you may have to put your foot down and tell her straight out that it’s gotta be this way and not budge

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I’m a grandma to a beautiful 5 year old that I spoil, but if her mom reprimand her, I will never interfere. That is her responsibility to raised her child. You need to put your foot down and let your mom know that she is not doing your girl any favors by always taking her side and belittling you. I’m sure she didn’t like it when she was raising her children and someone said something to her. Good luck

Ummm… You’re 23 years old. Your mom “won’t let you” move out? You’re a grown woman with children. Your mom doesn’t have to let you do anything. Man up!

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Mom has no control over what you do. Remind her that she raised her kids. These are your kids and what you say goes. She needs to respect that.

I had to tell my parents that they were the grandparents, I was the parent , my rules took precedence over all. They could bend my rules but not break them. If they continued to undermine me their time would be cut.

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I would tell her if she continues acting like this she will not be able to see your child…once u move out.get out as soon as possible!! She feels she has the control bc you live there.

You’re a grown ass mom just move

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Your afraid your mom won’t let you move? Your 26, is there a medical or court issue with you or your child and your mom? You have another child a boy? Her brother?

Love out ASAP.She can’t stop you.Mom is a big problem and it is going to get. worst.Good luck

Reason #1 why you can’t raise your child in somebody else’s house. Also, daycare will set her straight…if it’s a good one.

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I had me until that last line…just saying

I wouldn’t go around them personally I would stay away

So you’re mad your mom comforts your child?
Cause discipline doesn’t hurt feelings or make kids cry.
You can absolutely comfort and discipline.
Maybe look at what is really happening. Cause I am the mom who has to emotionally put my kids back together if someone disciples them the way that I don’t. Like yelling, corners, making them feel out of control.

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You are in the right here.
It’s great that she loves your babies like her own but they are your babies and she needs to respect that. Simple.

You need to ask her to sit down and talk without the kids around and tell her calmly but assertively, “ while i appreciate your help and love for MY children, they are MY children and you need to respect ME as their mother”
“It’s not up for debate and I need you to understand that i get to decide how to parent MY children nobody else , but if you really feel the need to suggest I’m being harsh or unfair you need to talk to me in private. END OF.
Then tell her again that you love and appreciate her but don’t budge.

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Get out of there. Youre a grown adult and mother. You can do whatever you want. I would definitely leave asap. Thats only going to get worse

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Definitely get your own place. Grandma is overstepping too many boundaries. I am a Nana to, 3 and soon to be 4 granddaughters. I only have a few rules in my home, and they are

  1. Do not hurt someone else physically.
  2. Do not destroy others’ property
  3. Show respect to your parents and elders.

I would never intervene when they are being disciplined by my son or their mother. UNLESS, the discipline was abusive.

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Are you 2? Won’t let you? Sometimes you need to use some tough love with grandma. Pick up your stuff and get out. You are letting your mom control both of your lives and it’s not good for none of you. Grow a pair and stand up for yourself and your daughter.

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Grandma or not ,her house or not ,that kid came out of YOU and the rules you set for her are to be followed by everyone and anyone .get out and get your own place and if she keeps on then cut her off . I had to do this to my mother to get her to understand my rules for my child are how it’s gonna be and that’s that .

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Your an adult. Act like one. No gets to tell you “you can’t move out”.

Move out but it’ll always be like that. My daughter’s 14 and my mom still tries to tell me how to parent … I live 3 hours away

I felt my dad was interfering in my parenting. Now I have my own place with my son and boyfriend. It feels good to discipline my son without someone going behind my back. Now he learned to listen to me

I definitely understand this I live with my parents because I’m on disability and I can’t afford an anywhere around here on my own unless I want to live in the ghetto where the boarded up crack houses are and my son is six and it has got to the point now where I will tell him to do something and he will turn around and look at my mom to see what she wants him to do. I’ve talked about it we fought about it until I’m blue in the face and it doesn’t make a bit of difference so if you find out let me know and if I find out it gets any better I’ll let you know

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Just move idc what she will Want or let you do . You are a grown ass woman. You can’t be made t stay with mom at 23 or 24 ahead not the parent. If she doesn’t let you go go for help to get far far away.

I would sit down with her alone and away from the child and explain it is vert.important for yout daughter to have one serious of rules no matter where you are. These rules and consequences need to b1e carried.osut by you.and your husband alone…it will be very hard.at first. If you are.at.someones house and she has a meltdown, pick her up.and take her home. If she is somewhere and not mi.dong, dont say anything just leave with her.it.will take.a.while.but it.works. Grandma, aunts, uncles should be told not to say a.word to her

,

Did you just say she wouldn’t let you move out with YOUR kids?! Uh no you are grown. Leave her house.

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Your an adult you don’t need her permission to move out unfortunately you will have to move out to fix the issue because only then you be able to say my house my rules or if you don’t allow me to discipline my child your not welcome remember it will only make things harder for you and your daughter in the future your daughter will think what you say doesn’t mean anything stand your ground that’s your child talk to her about it express to her about moving out if it your only option left to raise your children see if that’s helps

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Sounds like you need to tell grandma that if she can’t honor boundaries she will not be welcome.

Girl thats just grandmas. Grandmas will always be like that they feel as if they did that to you so they feel bad about it and they hate seeing their grandkids cry and it makes them get all sentimental and stuff so they comfort the grandbaby when they get in trouble. They dont mean any harm by it and they arent undermining your parenting they just wanna do better then what they did with you

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If your mother is overstepping the boundaries of your parenting, then remove her from the situation until she can respect you 🤷🏻 Otherwise get ready for a hell of a ride with your kids.

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My mom never tells me how to parent…but she does have a soft spot for my kids when they are in trouble…I just have to hold my finger up, shake my head and tell her to step off lol…she does…but she doesn’t like it.

If your mom won’t let you move out, call the cops.

You are grown; move out and don’t let her undermine you when you discipline your child. She needs boundaries or else she will continue to be a spoiled brat. Good luck!

Use gentle words and explain your feeling s don’t forget start with thanks so much for everything you do i never going to forget what you always do for us but for here I got it is your time for you to enjoy I love you so much kisses and hugs hugs

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Sorry, but it’s your kid to raise, she’s done her bit. When my mum has mine, she follows the same steps of discipline I do at home.

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Find your own place but don’t tell her until you can officially move out of her house. Take a friend with you to get your stuff and have another friend watch the kids while you move stuff.

Move out & cut off your mom until she can respect u as a parent. Toxic is toxic

It’s time to go, she can’t stop u love

I take care of my grandkids and i talk everything over with my daughter the had a timeout chair on the side of the chair was books nothing else i did not looked at my grandkids for hole 5 min. And did not say a word and my daughter did the same thing shopping was harder the wanted all the times somthing so we changed it to be good and you will get it. But what your mother is doing is wrong you need to put your foot down and let her know if she want to spend time with your child than you two have to work togather or you will stay away with your child

I’m a nana and I respect my daughters way of parenting. I may not always care for it but that’s the way it is.

Honey, if you love your kids this has to stop NOW. If your mom doesn’t respect your parenting style, or your boundaries, you have to leave for the sake of your kids. The dysfunctional relationship in your home is damaging your children’s emotional development. You do not need your mother’s permission to move out. It’s time to prioritize your relationship with your own kids over your relationship with your mom. She may be mad/upset at first, but she’ll get over it.

I had to teach my mom how I parent my kids and had an explanation that I wanted consistency everywhere I go. I have a very different parenting style than my parents so it took a while. :sparkling_heart:

I’ve seen this happen whatever you do you need to get a hold of it right now. It’s not really a daughter problem it’s a grandma problem as much as you love your mom you’re going to have to set the rules and tell her that if she cannot leave your parenting discipline alone then she is not going to be able to see your daughter until she can follow your rules because you’re the mother not her. I know that sounds hard but if you don’t you will regret it in the long run…your daughter will be out of control as a teenager and you don’t want that.

She won’t let you?? Move out??
Once you solve that issue, you’ll be fine.

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Just say mom I appreciate all you do . You had your chance and raised me the way you wanted, this is my chance to raise my child the way I want. When she is in public or starts school her behavior will be a reflection of me, so I feel it is necessary for her to know how to behave properly. Please support me in teaching these things so her life out in the world isn’t so hard! Good luck and stick to your guns!!!

No, not all grandmothers are like this! I never interfere in my children’s parenting of my grandchildren (6 girls and 1 boy). If I thought they were being abused (they aren’t) absolutely I would step in but otherwise it’s their parents place to discipline. I spoil them when I have the opportunity (I live a good distance away) but would never even consider undermining their parents or usurp their parents authority on any issue. Grandparents who do this, whether intentional or not, are harming the relationship with their children and their grandchildren and causing unnecessary strife and division. It’s selfish and boundaries must be set. Put your foot down now while you still have a chance to correct your child’s behavior while she is young. Otherwise, someone else (law) may have to do it for you later.

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Sorry your mom is way wrong! Tell her your child and to stay out of your discipline if she wants to continue to see her. Have to get daughter under control now. She will be mad but get over it. Tell daughter grandma can’t come anymore until she starts doing right. Spank if need be. Put in room with nothing to throw fits when she is tired of not getting attention maybe she will stop. Good luck

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