How can I get my son to listen?

Hey i have a fan question as a single mother im stuggling to get my son to listen to me this year and behave in school as he tells me i dont have to listen only his dad i need help ladies idk what to do

9 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I get my son to listen? - Mamas Uncut

You can’t make anyone do anything. Especially children. Sit down and have a conversation with him. Ask him what’s up, get his side of the story as to why he’s doing this and talk it through. You’ll get so much further with your child than if you take a stricter stance. Punishment and taking things away will never get you the outcome you’re working for. Good luck mama

9 Likes

Consequences consequences consequences seriously. If he doesn’t listen to you or behave in school he loses privileges like no gaming system no phone no tv etc. give him chores to do and if he does chores give him extra ones on top of the ones he has to do. And don’t give his stuff back like phone tv gaming system until he can listen to you and behave at school. Put your foot down and tell him he’s a child and he will listen to you and behave at school and that you are not going to tolerate his misbehaving anymore.

9 Likes

If he thinks he is so grown, give him more responsibility- he will then be happy to just be a kid and be guided instead of him doing the “guiding”

1 Like

You need his father to express that he needs to listen to you as well.

3 Likes

You left out a lot of important information, i.e. age, grade and what he is doing at school and at home, if you have had him evaluated for disorders, etc.

There’s very different expectations for grade 1, grade 4 and grade 8. Is he not sitting still, not being quiet, not doing his work or bullying others? Have you asked him what the issue is? Unfortunately, teachers are humans and some teachers just do not like certain children, try to understand your son’s side of the problem. Try not to punish him at home if he was punished at school, if he had to stay in at recess or had to write a sentence 100 times, he’s been punished. Once again, ask for his take on what he did and ask why, but being punished over and over for the same offense is counterproductive. He will hate school and home if he’s being punished over and over.

1 Like

I am in agreement in the talk. Ask him why he only has to listen to his dad. If dad is telling that then dad needs the talk. The child could be thinking its a male dominance thing. Also talk to his teacher, maybe she is having the same problem. The teacher could also help If she could talk to child and Dad. Also include the school councilor or get him in counseling to help with this matter, better yet get a family counselor. Don’t let this go on…or he may grow up learning to manipulate you and others…

If the person who posted this sees this, please reach out. My son said the same things to me in the past, there are things you can do. Stay strong Mama. :heart::muscle:t2:

1 Like

You & dad should sit down together & explain the rules & how he has to listen at both homes. My son knows with us if he does something, all 4 of us will hear about it & hes not getting away with anything

Seems like his actions have not had any consequences, And pretty sure that his dad has something to do with him thinking that he doesn’t have to listen to not one but him , I will start giving the school and his teachers his number and specific instructions to contact him :slightly_smiling_face:. And he can always go and stay for a longer period of time with his dad and see how they both like it

Behavioral issues typically stem from an unmet need or something emotionally he doesn’t know how to express. Take some time to work on your bond. If your bond is secure, kids want to please by nature.

I was having issues with my 8 year old. Loosing her electronics for a day has worked wonders.

Sounds like his Dad is a misogynist and is putting stuff in his head. He’s a kid, he’s going to do what will make his Dad happy. Sad but true.

Ask him questions, where this is coming from? Why don’t you have to listen to Mom too? I’m the parent, you’re the kid. Its my job to teach you how to make safe choices etc.

You didn’t say how old your son is but, therapy might be a good option too.

Have hearing checked first. Then get social worker help
Before school where there will be big problems if he does not listen.

If he’s only going to listen to his dad, maybe the dad should have some conversations with him. Unless the co-parenting isn’t going good… then the dad could be influencing this behavior unfortunately. Or maybe the kid is dealing with some things.

The child needs food, shelter, clothing, and love…every other necessity can be taken away in an instant. I would literally leave nothing in the room but a mattress and some “prison outfits” (matching jogging sets). He wants any other items back then he must earn it by being respectful, doing chores, and volunteering at places. Stop being his friend and start being the parent that he needs you to be. If he thinks that this behavior is acceptable that just means that he has not been punished from the start and this behavior was allowed.

2 Likes

I’m gonna get some hate!! But depending on said child age. If in teens than talk see what’s going on. Set boundaries if they don’t wanna listen to u if they don’t wanna listen n do what’s best than stop doing and buying for them.

2 Likes

That sentence sounds straight out his dad mouth.

Mine is 7 and I’m struggling with this same thing :woman_facepalming:t2: I hope you have better luck than I am

I think how you approach it really depends on the age of your son :heart:

Going thru the same thing . Mine is 15

Send him to stay with his dad

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

What is happening in school?

Child’s age would be helpful to this question

6 Likes

I’m a mom to 5. 21 to 14 year old twins. I know what it’s like. I found two things that hurt my kids most. Making them own up to their mistakes. Simply signing a paper owning up did a a number on my son (I know sounds crazy but he had to admit he was in the wrong) other is taking away things they love the most. I don’t mean a day or two for however long it takes. I’m not one for yelling and last resort is to spank. Kids need structure and discipline it didn’t hurt me and it won’t hurt our kids.

2 Likes

I’m gonna say the problem isn’t the child, but the dad. If the child is saying he doesn’t need to listen to anyone but dad, chances are he’s hearing that from dad. You need to have a conversation with dad. Y’all need to put whatever feelings you have towards one another aside, and you need to do what’s best for your child.

If dad isn’t willing to be a united force for the sake of the child, then you need to provide the school with dads contact information and let them reach out to him about the behavior issues since your son is saying he only has to listen to his dad.

3 Likes

Take things away for starters. Kids need consequences for their actions. You also need to talk to the father and get him on board unless the father is also the problem saying things like “you don’t have to listen to mom” If that’s the case you have a whole nother issue. I went through this. Don’t put the child in the middle of your feelings for one another. The child’s best interest needs to be done

Tell him if he don’t do what he is supposed to do then no fun things,no games,no tablets,no phone,no nothing til he can learn how to act. Start at a week and start making a daily chore list. No games or electronics til they are all done

Talk to him explain consequences of not listening

This is an excellent resource

Patenting classes are a treasure trove of Information and peer supports from other parents in your community

1 Like