My fiance and I have been together for almost four years. When we first got together, we would go into a store in our town, and this girl would always stare us down. I mentioned it to him, and he originally told me that she was just obsessed with him. I just let that go. Well, this girl is one of his best friend’s fiancees. I didn’t want anything to do with it at first. But he and his friend started hanging out again, and I ended up becoming friends with her with caution. She never overstepped or was flirty or anything with him. Well, a little while after that, I ended up finding out he had lied to me about her just being obsessed and found out that they had sex before we got together. It really hurt me to find this out. Had I known from the get-go, I would’ve never become friends with her. Fast forward to now, we are all still friends. We hang out often. I’ve put the fact that they had sex behind me because we all have a past, and I don’t want to cause problems with his friendship with his best friend. However, the fact that he lied to me still eats away at me. I just don’t understand why he lied and the best he can give me is that he doesn’t know why he did. I question what he tells me and find it hard to believe him sometimes. I just don’t know what to do. He’s a great man and treats me like a princess. I don’t believe he would cheat on me or lie to me (again), but a part of me fears these things and it all stems from that one lie. I guess my question is how do I get over that lie? How do I stop it from eating away at me? Any advice would be appreciated.
It will come with time. Be sure you can get over it and don’t stay if you can’t. It’ll eat you alive.
Yeah the lying part isn’t cool. But he may of been worried you’d be worried? I like that you’ve let it go. You should. But yeah the lying part. I have no advice since I’m torn I guess lol.
I guess you might should think about what you would have done if the roles were reversed. I probably would have lied too, especially it being a new relationship.
I get where you’re coming from- I hate being lied to no matter how small the lie is. But also from his perspective y’all were in a new relationship and he may have been uncomfortable disclosing who all he’d slept with. In that situation I probably would’ve lied too and if I was in your situation I would just let it go.
It was before you, if he has done nothing else, give him this one.
Yup. I understand why he lied if this is how you are about it. Unless they have sti’s or the person is acting crazy their past isn’t your right to know, it’s a privilege.
Let it go and move on. The good obviously out weighs the bad. Don’t ruin a good thing over one mistake. People aren’t perfect and ull be disappointed every time if u expect them to be. Forgive him and move on.
Do you tell him every single person you have slept with?
Men lie thinking it will save a woman’s feelings. In reality it just hurts more when finding out the truths and fills thoughts with all the what ifs.
What would have been your reaction at the time? Would you have blown up on him or made a huge deal of it? Maybe he was trying to avoid that. If so, think about how you could improve your communication so you can discuss things calmly (wait until you’ve cooled off, take a walk, deep breaths, reframe). Maybe ask him if he was afraid of your reaction. “I don’t know” usually means “I don’t want to deal with your yelling at me or rehashing this endlessly.”
He lied because this is how you react. It was prior to you…in the past! Be thankful you are treated so good. Let it gooooo
It’s understandable to be hurt and unsure. But if you made the decision to let it go then let go. And if you can’t let it go then there’s where the issue lays.
My question would more be on why was she staring you down if she is engaged to one of his best friends?
Men lie when they’re scared.
Everyone’s got a past. Lying isn’t okay though.
I don’t think it’s that bad. He probably took the wuss way out and didn’t want to be like oh yeah we boned! It was just easier to be lazy about it. It was before you and plus he likes you!
Does the best friend know they slept together?
Everyone has a past, probably more worried about his friend finding out at that point so if he treats you right, let his past go
It doesn’t sound to me like he actually lied to you, just that he gave you a shorter, less likely to cause trouble version of the truth (possibly. She may not have ever been obsessed with him. He may have seen it that way though which would make it his truth). Still the truth, just different wording. When you’re just starting out, bringing up past lovers isn’t the smartest idea, nor is it necessary… It sounds to me like he thought at that point that there was no real reason for you to know they slept together. You have to choose to love him here - And that means actually forgiving what felt like a lie to you, and moving on.
You haven’t forgiven someone if you keep thinking about it/keep letting it effect the relationship.
Have you ever even for something small lied to him ( about anything) if so now you know hes human. I dont think he should of lied but he probably didn’t want to say shes staring us down because I boned her before .
If it still bothers you that much, maybe you should leave. Follow your intuition.
I mean I didn’t tell my husband everyone I had sex with before we got together. That’s just unrealistic and quite frankly none of his business.
I would leave the past in the past. If the relationship was new to you when he said what he said maybe he just wasnt prepared to tell you they had a past and didnt think anymore about it. If you’re friends with her and she isnt overstepping any boundaries and is a good friend then I would continue to be friends and let that go, if he is good to you, he hasnt lied other than that one lie, I wouldn’t hold it against him.
I think your insecurities showed in the fact that someone staring at you intimidated you enough that you felt you had to ask. I don’t feel like this started with his lie. You were already insecure before and now he’s only made that worse. I don’t like liars, or people who tell half truths. If there’s nothing to hide, there’s no reason to lie. Ego, sometimes gets in the way of that. This is too much of a red flag for me and I would drop this relationship. Mostly because there was little trust before the girl and the fact that he boned his best friends girl. 
Who shares partners with their best friend and if the friend doesn’t know, even worse. This guy is shady, not even sorry.
Sometime people lie with out thinking. Maybe he didn’t want you to get hurt or jealous that they had a thing first. Honestly if it was me I wouldn’t want my bf hanging around a woman he has had sec with before. It’s inappropriate and awkward.
It’s probably best to let it go. Him lying was of course wrong, but maybe he did it to spare you. If it was early in your relationship, I would let it go. If you’ve found him lying to you about other things though, you have a bigger issue.
Well you either just learn to live with it or break it off. No sense in staying in a relationship if you can’t trust him. Been there done that and all did was make things worse. Your choice
Him not telling you when asked is the first red flag. Him sleeping with his mates fiancé is another.
Him shrugging off the fact that you are hurt by this and still not giving an answer as to why he lied would be the end for me.
Speaking from personal experience it’s not something that is easy to overcome in a relationship and you will feel better finding someone you can trust or being on your own.
His past & your past should be left where it is . You dont live there no more… if he treats you good and you holding in to his past will ruin it… dont forget we all have done things that we regret or just have things we did and not bother with it… so if he didn’t care why would you he his fiance???
It’s weird she stared enough to be noticed and now she’s ok being friends with you. That’s awkward. Why would she want to hang out with her ex’s girlfriend. Can you swear she will behave appropriate with him if you are not there? Why he is hanging back out with his old friend that is her boyfriend? And by the way how soon will your wedding be? 4 years is a long time to be engaged. I think you should walk away. The staring says she still have feelings for him, so maybe he is right, she is obsessed with him and seems he like that and make sure she can always see him. The store and now hanging with his buddy again. I hope for your sake I am wrong and you’ll get to enjoy a beautiful wedding and a wonderful life together
I mean I’m friends with a girl my boyfriend used to have sex with. Everyone has a past good or bad. It’s best to just get over it because he can’t change who he was with before you so just get it out of your mind.
My man and I broke up about a year ago. We both really thought it was done. I even ended up with someone else. He told me he didnt but we got back together because we were miserable without each other. After his mom died, we were cleaning out her house and I found a bday card from this girl he had a past with before, and all our kids play together. When I asked him why she said what she did in the card, he said he didnt know. I believed him at the time but something else accrued that I dint believe him and ended up going thru his phone. Than I found the messages between her and him. He lied so hard to me. And it was awkward as fuck because, like I said, the kids play together and her kids literally at my house daily. When i found them though i knew it wasnt wrong they talked like that cuz we were broke up. It was the lying to me. I ended up messaging her about it and we ended up becoming friends. As for my man… there so much more to it. But with you saying your mans good to you, let it go. U love him. Let it be.
It was a need to know and you didn’t need to know. It’s his past. Leave it there and be thankful he loves you and treats you so well.
If there is no obvious chemistry between them then let it go. If you can put it behind you and you love him enough to do that then just let it be. He probably hasn’t been honest about the situation with his best friend either… Tbh I feel like there is no need to bring it up now but if it comes out in the future because whatever it will cause major friction. Unless these people can be adults about it. It’s up to you if you want to be around when that happens. The truth will always come out at some point.
Get over it! We all have a past, he probably didn’t want to hurt your feelings & didn’t want to cause problems between you & her. Let it go & stop eating your heart out
He probably felt uncomfortable telling you he slept with her and/or he didn’t want you to worry. He should’ve told you the truth but again, he probably didn’t want to ruin it with you. That was the past so I’d try to keep that in the past. However I couldn’t be close friends with her now knowing. Every so often go out but I couldn’t do with being close friends. That is too much and too weird for me 
I didn’t have to read but a few words and dishonesty is not a deal maker
The worse thing in a marriage is mistrust. Good luck.
If it was when you first got together he probably didn’t want to tell you in case you broke up with him or somthing. If you trust him now then just try and forget about it
Probably still friends with benefits kick him to the Kurb!
The only way to get over lying is to get with someone who doesn’t lie
You have to decide if you want to forgive him. Once you truly forgive, you can move on. You probably won’t forget, but you can move past it
He can’t change what he did before he was with you. He probably knew she would be in the picture long term and didn’t want things to be impossible. I would venture to guess he doesn’t have any feelings for her. If he is being good to you and hasn’t done anything other than trying to avoid that awkward situation then I would give him a pass on that and I’m not an easy woman to deal with when it comes to lying please believe.
How would you react if when you asked about her if he said “she is just a girl I banged” I don’t think you would have reacted well. He was most likelytrying to avoid hurt feelings and this jealousy filled childish attitude you are showing.
He lied because you were insecure to begin with and he was trying to spare your feelings 
So you never would of became friends with someone he’s slept with in his past? Childish as fuck. Sorry.
Whatever happened before you came into the picture isn’t something you should consume yourself with, Whoever told you is trying to cause problems? My husband of 23 years never knew who I slept with before I was with him. I never questioned him either. It was in a different time span not our current one. This was over 4 years ago.
Have sex with the woman
He didnt lie, you didnt ask why she was obsessed with him.
A liar is a liar… PERIOD!
4 years???! Girl let it go. When was the last time YOU did something wrong/dumb? Would you want someone bringing it up FOUR YEARS LATER. Jesus christ
It was before u he shouldn’t have to tell u
I don’t know why I did? That’s a sorry excuse. Maybe he just felt uncomfortable telling u or thought u would be jealous.
He lied bc he slept with his best friends girl…he was prob embarrassed and didn’t want you to think bad of him. Also i don’t know why people have the need to know who your partner slept with in the past. It isn’t really your business as long as they aren’t doing it while your in a relationship.
Were you a virgin when you got with him? He was likely trying to spare you from your feelings.
If you don’t want to fall for someone’s lies, study statement analysis.
It was probably white lie. Maybe he didn’t no how to tell u cause he didn’t want u to get upset. He probably finds it no big deal so he wants you not to sweat it. I wouldn’t worry about it. Just next time no matter what story is tell me. I would forget about it.
Or tell him how would you feel I had sex with your best friend before. How would you feel
Ur problem is not with this girl it’s with ur boyfriend. He’s a liar. I was married 2 a liar n if he told me it was sunny out I’d step out n check 4 myself. When they lie they have secrets. Get a better boyfriend who believes honesty is a good moral character 2 have.
He probably just didn’t want to make you feel awkward or uncomfortable, let it go and move on it’s a ridiculous lie!
What he did before he was with you is none of your business
Honestly, I’d just sum it up to it being a stupid lie in the beginning before things got serious. He probably just didn’t want to be like, “yeah we had sex” to his new girlfriend. Although lying isn’t okay, it was almost half a decade ago.
If he treats you well get over it. Forgive the man. It happened before you. You have him. Not her.
He didn’t lie you didn’t ask him why is she obsessed with you. If you would have asked and he would have said I don’t know that would be a lie. He told you the truth he didn’t elaborate on it.
Sometimes your body will pick up on things your mind blocks out. You are reacting to energy here, sis. Listen. It’s okay if you can’t get over it. It’s okay if none of these reasons listed above or below this comment feel valid. It’s okay if every boyfriend does not become a husband. Maybe your dream guy couldn’t be untruthful if his life depended on it. While being concerned about honesty, be most concerned about being honest and true with yourself.
It’s not the past portion that’s concerning, it is what it is and you can’t change it. But the fact that he lied, even about something so simple with no explanation is just wierd. If he can lie about this, what else?
I’m sure he was embarrassed of cheating with his best friend girl. Let it go girl that was years ago live love n move on
I suggest the two of you sit down and have a heart-to-heart conversation be open and honest about your feelings. Because when you give your trust you give it freely and openly and when you feel it’s broken it takes a long time to get it back. I see a lot of hateful comments here. I truly believe that the two of you need to sit down and talk it out.