I need advice from other mothers on going out on a date with your boyfriend/or husband after having a kid. My son is currently four months and my boyfriend, and I haven’t gone out on a date since he’s been born. I don’t trust many people to babysit because he is young, and he’s our first baby. I do want to go out on a date and spend some time alone with my boyfriend, but it’s just hard for me to trust someone to babysit. Our son is also exclusively breastfed, and he hates drinking from the bottle, so I don’t want someone trying to feed him and him just crying his head off and refusing the bottle. I just want some advice on how to get over my fear of leaving him in the hands of someone else or at least be ok for a couple of hours.
I don’t leave my kids with anyone but my husband for the first year. That just is what it is. Do I guess I can’t really help you as far as “getting over it”. I feel like it’s perfectly normal and valid to not want to leave your four month old with a sitter
Do some home made cooking and have a date indoors while baby is sleeping. Or wait until the baby is a bit older and can go longer periods between feeding of they aren’t taking a bottle. It was hard for me to leave my son the first time for a friend’s wedding but only did it for the ceremony…but it was during his nap time so I wasn’t too worried as he liked to cuddle up to his uncle. That’s what my husband and I do. Is wait for baby to be asleep for the night then we have our relaxing/alone time. But I never even thought of leaving my son at 4 months we always brought him with us on our “date” nights.
It’s hard at first all u can do is find a person you trust and maybe go out for an hour and then next time add a half hour and more after that. You could put baby to bed and have a nice dinner and movie at home. I have four kids and always went back to work 6 weeks after they where born but I can understand if your bf
I never left my kids with a babysitter. They are old enough now that I can go out with my husband without one. I would probably worry too much about them being with a babysitter when they were little.
Find soMe one you truly trust parent or good friend and start small.
Lunch and build etc
I would try to get him use to the bottle before leaving him with someone to watch him? unless he’s able to go a few hours in between without needing a bottle.
Have you tried different bottles/nipples. Some are closer to breast nipples then others.
Maybe also instead of leaving for a couple hours for dinner… try leaving him with someone, while you run a quick errand first… And then try and leave him with someone, a little longer while you run a longer errand… And slowly get to the point you’re more comfortable. When my son was an infant, I use to always text my mother in law, checking in on him. I knew he was in good hands, but needed the reassurance. She would send a picture or two while she watched him too.
I have only allowed my parents to watch my babies. But when I was younger I babysat for a family. They had 3 boys the one was 5 months old when I started. She was older and very protective of her children which is totally understandable. She would have me babysit on her date nights. The kids and I would eat whatever she made for the night I would go to their room and watch a movie or play with them. The father would bring home takeout and they would have their date on the deck or wherever in the house they decided. She knew the kids were safe and she was their if I needed something
It’s really important to be able to find someone you trust to be able to get out for a while, good for you, and good for baby to have interaction and ability to build a trusted relationship with someone other than you! I would start with short periods of time-go for coffee, or lunch something like that. You can build up from there once you have the confidence everything is ok for short periods, and you get used to that.
When my son was really little he was only left with my mom and step dad, my aunt and uncle or a close family friend that he calls uncle bill. I wasn’t able to breast feed so that made it easier, but he wasn’t with just anyone just trusted close family/ friends til he was over a yr old
Leave the baby with a family member that you trust or a friend that you really trust
Have the person you feel comfortable with “babysit” while you are home with them. Also, try a bottle with water or baby-safe juice in between feedings to get him used to a bottle. When you feel comfortable with the way that person is handling the baby, then go out for a quick break, then work up to a dinner and movie date.
I only trusted my mom with my son not even my husband’s mom could watch my son. At 4 months he went with us cause he was small and would sleep. But as he got older my mom would watch him for a few hours while we went out.
Do a date with the baby. If you’re not ready. Don’t let anyone force you to do it regardless. Momma knows best.
Honestly, the best way to face your fear is by doing it. I won’t lie, It’s going to hard at first. Do baby steps. Start by maybe just going for a quick bite to eat. Maybe do that once a month for X amount of months. Then go a little longer after a certain amount of time. Maybe you can write down your golds. Good luck mama. You got this.
My parents took my daughter to meet her great grandmother like 2 weeks after she was born and I was a mess. My baby was leaving me and I didn’t go. I could have went but the time I spent with my husband was so needed & I felt so rested when she got home (she was only gone for like an hour ) it was hard watching them pull out of the driveway with her, but honestly it’s never gotten easier LOL my daughter will be 2 next week & I still have a hard time letting her go. I guess my advice is finding someone you REALLLLY trust with him & just try to enjoy the time with your husband while the baby is away.
There is no “getting over it” when you leave your child with someone. I am 38 years old and my mom still calls to check on me, lol. I had to leave my son with a friend when he was 2 weeks old because a co worker of my husband’s had died. It was only for 2 hours but it almost killed me. My husband kept telling me that he’s not gonna be around me forever and asked what am I gonna do when our son starts school. I said homeschool. You’re just being a mom and worrying about your baby. It shows how much you love your baby.
It never gets easy. But I would definitely make sure baby is comfortable with taking the bottle before you decide to officially do it. To be honest my husband and I didn’t go on our date until our daughter was well over a year just because she was a premie and we always saw her as fragile
- Find someone you trust
- Its only a couple of hours
- Plan your outing for when the baby is asleep
- Text, call, tell the sitter that a relative may or may not be stopping by for a moment
- If totally freaked out get a nanny cam
You don’t “get over it.” As a mother you will always want to protect your baby, it’s hard to know who u can trust, especially if you have no family to watch them for you. Don’t just do it. I did that when my son was about 5 months and I couldn’t even enjoy our date. I had so much anxiety and worry and rushed things along so I could get back to him. It wasn’t a nice, lovely date with my bf lol. The baby WAS with someone I trusted even… just wait until you feel more ready…
Start bottle feeding him breast milk so he gets used to it. Find a babysitter you trust or family member. We found a nursing student who had completed cpr and other baby courses so we felt really safe leaving ours. Do what you feel comfortable with, but equip the sitter to be able to succeed so you have a nice outing.
I wouldn’t leave baby at 4 months unless with dad but even that’s a stretch. When my youngest was around 9 months we tried to go out for dinner but it was awful. Just wanted to be back with the baby the whole time. Dates at home, that’s how we managed ha x
I only left our kids at that age with our daycare when I had to work. We finally left our kids with a grandma for a few ours when our youngest was about 5 months old but shes bottle fed. Id be afraid to leave your baby alone with someone and have them get frustrated the baby won’t eat and keeps crying that could be a big problem for people. If you’re not comfortable leaving them maybe do an at home dinner and movie date. Even if you have a sitter come over to tend to the baby in its room and you 2 enjoy some alone time in the kitchen/livingroom?
The only people I left with my son was my family. Grandparents/Aunt/Uncle may take him for a couple of hours while you’re on a date.
I wouldn’t even let grandparents have my kids till they were atleast 6 months, and the youngest 2 hardly stay out even now, they are almost 2 and almost 8, and have just spent the weekend with nannie it’s only the 2nd time the youngest as ever stayed anywhere not even for an hour, the middle ones only stayed out a handful of times, the oldest stays out the most though but that’s his choice he’s almost 12
I never left my kids at all they are 50 and 48 if u do leave them wirh family you cannot trust the world today
Bring your baby. 4 month olds sleep a lot. I left my baby 1 time before she was a year actually she was 4 months. She stayed with her teenage sister. We left for 1.5 hours. The whole time we couldn’t stop wondering about her haha. So we texted and video called during dinner haha. She slept the whole time. Besides my older kids. We don’t have family to watch our toddler so once a month we ask the siblings and pay them to watch her. But for tips, if you’re really needing a date night, get a trusted friend. Time it for when baby is sleeping and doesn’t nurse. Trusting anyone is super hard
Find someone you trust…
to breastfeed your baby while you’re out on a date. Problem solved. You’re welcome.
I left my youngest with my husband’s mom while we picked up the oldest from his bio mother. I was a wreck. I kept in mind that she raised my husband and his brothers so she has this. I kept asking my husband if we included everything he is allergic to in our list? He was 6 months. My other 3 i didn’t leave until they were 1.
Honestly my husband and I took our daughter with us. Our first date without my daughter I had my best friend watch her. I also breast fed. I fed before I left for dinner and was able to leave for a couple hours. I literally txted every 10 minutes. She sent me photos and video. Plus I had a video monitor I could access from my phone.
Do you have any family available to watch the baby?
Our first child it took us a long time to leave him overnight with even just my mom so we could have a night out. We invited friends over and had get togethers so that helped and ordered take out. It was easier to stay in with 1 child I think. Baby was in daycare at a very young age because we both had to go back to work so I think I would have felt guilty having him in daycare all week and then dropping him off so we could now go out on the weekend.
There is no easy way maybe whoever is watching they can update with pictures.
We now have an almost 3 month old and this last weekend we had my MIL keep both kids overnight. She is an RN nurse and our first child is 6 now so pretty self sufficient. It was a great decision for us. We hadn’t had sleep at all since he has been born. Between the pandemic and his NICU stay we didn’t have any visitors for awhile. I don’t regret leaving them over night. It was refreshing for my body. We went out to dinner, came home, laughed for days, watched a movie, and slept for 10 straight hours. I do work from home and I’m with both kids 24/7 so I think I don’t feel guilt because I know that I give them my all everyday.
I wish I would have done that for myself with the first we deserve time to recharge.
Start with small time slots. Start from 15 min, half hour, hour. Hour and 15… You’ll get use to it eventually and so will babe
I didnt read through all the comments so this may have already been said but I would find someone you trust and have them come and spend time with you and the baby so the baby gets used to them. Have them try bottle feeding while you are there to make sure that both baby and babysitter are comfortable. It may give you the peace of mind that you need. Good luck!
- Get reliable written references for any babysitter and check them telephonically. 2. Let the babysitter watch your child for a few times, while you are home, and can develop trust. 3. Express milk and let your baby get used to a bottle.
Your first is the hardest, I didn’t let anyone watch him until he was 1 and that’s only because I was in hospital having my 2nd. He was with his nan who’s a mother of 6 and already had 7 other grandkids but I still left her a 5 page step by step guide on how to feed him, change him and bath him and I called her ever hour to make sure he was still alive
Girl my sons nearly 2 and ive never left him with anyone not even family just do what your comfortable with and when the times right it will be easier
If you need the “togetherness”, do it. It’ll only be a couple hours. If you already have a sitter lined up, with good references, trust them. It’ll be hard. It’s always hard. But you’ll really appreciate the break. Check in but don’t forget your husbands attention too.
I’d also do what another suggested and stay home for date night but use the sitter anyway. Y’all could do date night while she has baby in another room but maybe provide her a tv or something.
Also, go out after feeding and bathing time. That way you know the baby was properly fed and bathed. That will ease your mind.
But most importantly, have fun! I know, hard but sometimes a good distraction is what we need.
I would have the closest grandparent that has a reasonable amount of experience with children, watch the babes. And have them send you pics/updates on how things are going once a hour to help ease your mind. Just a couple ideas. Also it is normal to feel this way. The breast feeding part, you could try to Maybe make sure the babes belly if full right before the date and have some ready for a bottle “just in case” so they can maybe try to feed the baby while you guys are gone. Also another idea would be if the baby gets to fussy while while with the caretaker, Just cut your date short and head back to your baby to breastfeed.
I don’t know. My daughters are 11 and 13 years ols and have never been left with a babysitter. They only go to family’s or long time friends . but i did start allowing my first to stay with my sister at 4 months and my youngest at 3 months.
But they were not Breast feed and i know she would care for them as i would and protect them with her own life if necessary.
She was never able to have kids of her own so I am trying to share as much of it as possible with her.
If he’s in good hands you shouldn’t have any fears.
If you have family or friends close by that you trust to watch the baby that’s a good first step, instead of it being a complete stranger. My oldest is 4 and I’ve never had a baby sitter, always just family, because I would be way to stressed out.
U shouldn’t go out if u feel like that
They’re right it never gets easier the day my daughter moved out I cried and I didn’t know what to do and I was asked that didn’t I realize all along that they would grow up n move out and it never crossed my mind I cried like a baby. Lol I still miss them.
Bring him with. Baby doesn’t do much at 4 months really. Pop him in a stroller and you’re good.
Eh, the more people around your child the better socialized they will be, less fearful, more independent and well-rounded. The more you let others love your baby, the easier it will get.
And you DO need a break and you DO need to focus on your relationship with your husband on occasion. And you DO need a village to help raise your child (just wait until the terrible twos, threenager or puberty stages—you will be grateful for a handoff once in a while!).
Go for it and don’t be so anxious. Of course I’m assuming you vetted this person as safe and trustworthy. If you are excessively anxious, get screened for PPD, depression and anxiety.