I want to leave my husband, but I don’t know where to start. We have been married for seven years/ together for ten and have one daughter. I’m not happy anymore. He’s not abusive. I literally just can’t stand being around him. We haven’t slept in the same bed or have had sex in years, hardly even kiss. I feel like more of a roommate, maid, and nanny while he’s out living his life and making his dreams come true. To top it off, I’m still in love with my ex, who is still in love with me but lives in a different state. The problem is that I have been a SAHM with none of my own income our entire relationship. I hate confrontation and have no idea where to start the divorce proceedings since I have no money of my own. I feel completely trapped and alone and don’t know how I’m ever gonna get outta this crap marriage. Please help!
I have been there and done that! Tell your husband how you feel and both of you need to try 100% to make your marriage better. The grass is not always greener on the other side and if it is it’s because it’s been fertilized with shit.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I go about leaving my husband?
Have an open and honest conversation with him. Maybe he feels the same.
I’d start by getting a job first and foremost so that you’re able to stand on your own two feet and take care of your daughter.
First of all I hope you have family that you can reach out to
Start with a job. Save up money while you can and then make an exit plan.
File a petition with the courts to file as a poor person since you don’t work. They’ll wave the fees of filing for divorce. Fill out the paperwork, send it in, have him served. In the meanwhile find a place to go
I’d firstly get myself in a position to be self sufficient. Get a job. Squirrel away pretty much all of the money, then when I had a comfortable amount enough to start an independent lifestyle I’d proceed with the divorce.
However, if you’re in danger or have a good support system where you could leave without first getting on your feet then I’d do that.
It’s relative to your unique situation and the support you have in your life.
Don’t put yourself in an unnecessarily hard situation, if you don’t have to.
Leave. You’ll be happier.
Talk to your husband. There’s a reason you married him and not your ex. Have you considered his feelings at all? Have you sought out the root of the lack of intimacy in your marriage?
I would highly recommend trying to save your marriage first. You’ll have problems with anyone but it’s how you work through it and come out better on the other side that matter. Maybe counseling would be a huge help.
Can your ex help you out?
Tell all that to a legal office during a free consultation
Get urself a job save then talk to him then leave
1st you should take some sort of continuing education so you can make some income that’s not dependent on him. So you can leave knowing you are going to be fine and can take care of yourself.
Start @ home, if you pay bills try to put a little bit away here& there. Have a suitcase ready to go for you both. Apply for job where you can be available for your daughter. For instance I applied to be a school bus driver, that way you can be off when kids are out of school, they have benefits& are hiring. OR go to a trade school that’s maybe 7-8 months long. Have a friend as a back up incase you need to stay somewhere for a few days. You can do it, have faith in yourself:clap:t2:
Get yourself established, then leave.
I think talk to him first he might feel just as trapped and depressed as you do. If that’s the case continue co-parenting while you get a job save some money and sort out other living arrangements for you and your daughter
At some point you need to express how your feeling. Write a letter and maybe it will start the conversation that needs to be started
Get a job and start saving up for a place so you don’t walk right into another situation where you feel stuck.
There is legal aide tht can help with this.
Here’s an idea… have you even tried talking to your spouse to see how he feels? You did marry him and whether you still want to be with him or not you made vows to the man. Don’t be sneaky behind his back. He may feel the same way and ready to be done as well.
You’re in love with your ex but married with a kid? Nah you’re just trash… Don’t let these women lie to you because if this was a dude in the same dilemma, you’d be getting called names… So you don’t deserve the happiness you’re asking for…
See about some marriage counseling 1st, if your still talking to an ex , life may sound perfect with him in your mind, but reality is always different, you may need to spice up your marriage, go to a couples resort or something, I had it in my head one guy was my soul mate and couldn’t have a honest relationship with any man, that guy was like always in my head,
Get a job. You need to be able to support yourself and your daughter if you’re going to leave.
And don’t you dare think it’s moral to ask for alimony…
Sounds like someone has been messing around behind her husband’s back… I mean do the math. How else do you know your ex still in love with you and vice a versa
First step is start planning. Get a job as you will need your own income. Even if down the road child support is ordered .most judges want 50/50 custody as its best for the child in most cases so you may get no child support and you will still need a lot more to live on even IF you get support. Getting a job will help you feel like you arent trapped as you are working towards gaining the life you want. Set a timeline/goal for move out day to work towards. Make a financial plan, how much you will need for first/last/deposit etc, utilities hook up and all moving expenses to help you set up your timeline to have realistic expectations.
I was a SAHM when I left my husband. I was able to find an apartment and help from the housing authority, medicaid, and SNAP benefits. This allowed me to leave before I was able to find a job and secure child care assistance and find a daycare. It’s not easy, but totally doable depending on what your state allows. It was worth it to me to leave before finding work. They all told me that if I had been working, they couldn’t have helped. Assistance is screwed up that way.
Speak to your husband he probably feels the same way if your not happy maybe he isn’t happy either
Long and short of it , if your ex still loves you and you him leave your husband and let your ex take care of you and pay all your bills and so on and on
Do you have any marketable skills? If not, look into adult job skills training through your local unemployment office. Then get a job, save some money and make an exit plan. Life is too short to stay in a marriage without both partners being committed to making it work.
if your kids are older while they’re at school you can be applying for jobs or asking around and trying to get a job to have one and save up to get your own place and car and all that first get that financial independence then after like a year or so (it’s gonna take a year or more to divorce completely so might as well wait) do all you can or if you can go stay with family do that but if you take that route i would suggest telling him “hey i’m not happy anymore i don’t feel loved or respected and i’m gonna be staying at my parents house for a while until i can find my own place ONLY do that if you can go somewhere for at least a year or two or if you can stomach staying and getting a job and doing that yourself do it i highly recommend doing that but once you’re leaving i would just talk with him honestly about how you feel and come up with a parenting plan that works best for the kids not either of you the kids and try to end things as peaceful as possible i hope all goes well for you whether you wait or not
Best thing is honesty
Once the feeling is gone you usually can’t get it back. Is there some way that the ex you still have “feelings” for can help you? Unfortunately that seems to be your only ticket out.
Watch sexlife on Netflix…totally relevant
Sounds like you need a counselor first then a lawyer
Sounds like youve been getting attention elsewhere and you think the grass will be greener on the other side. Not saying you’re not truly unhappy but you shouldn’t give up on your marriage because things are hard and some other guy is showing you attention for the time being.
Just talk to him. Also, how do you know your ex is still in love with you? Seems like you’ve already stepped out. If that’s the case, just leave.
Maybe start with talking to him about it. !
You need to go to a councilor to get the both of you talking to each other again. Just don’t give up on each other communicate with each other. Have you 2 been out on a date night. Ask someone to look after your kids for the night and you and your honey go away for a date night. Remember all the good things about each other. Why did you fall in love with him in the first place those good things. It’s not good when you are trying to communicate with your honey and he is just only hearing what he wants and can tend to forget about you. Resentment for being taken for granted that was my biggest problem. My husband was always about him and forgot about the times which are many that I was there for him. Sort it out by talking to either a counselor one on one. It can be fixed I can assure you. 31 years together and we have had our share of problems but we got help from a counselor and it worked a treat.
find a job work on your financial freedom… and of course your marriage had no hope because you are still in love with your ex!! Good on your husband for living his life and making his own dreams come true… u need to take a leaf out of his book and work on yourself.
Being a mom keeping your house in order is not a chore change your perspective and you will find yourself less bitter and alot happier
Make that $$ girl and if you aint gonna work on your marriage or the vows you made
For richer for poorer
In sickness or in health
… till death do us part…
Then move along
If you dont fix yourself you will have the same unhappiness with every man u meet.
I was in this position a couple years ago and honestly, try to find somewhere to go just for a couple weeks. See how the two of you feel apart and see how your daughter acts when she sees the two of you not together. If you still feel the same way then just try to communicate to your husband that you tried and your feelings have not changed. I have always been told that an ex is an ex for a reason. Your husband is not getting the attention that he deserve when you are communicating like that to your ex. But start with getting a job in order to get out of the situation if you really think you need to leave now
The only advice I have is to not rush into another relationship. That will be setting you up for failure as you’ll be filling in the failures of your old relationship but also creating new ones. Your daughter needs to know you didn’t leave your husband for another man and rushing into another relationship will have the opposite effect. I’ve seen what this does to children in the future and it’s no bueno. If you’re not happy you should consider leaving however I wouldn’t leave unless I have truly exhausted all options. You made a vow. A commitment. If you’re not going to see it through then make sure you’ve tried everything to make it work. It’s possible that you may be pushing him away subconsciously because of your feelings for your ex. If you’ve truly done everything to renew your relationship (including stopping all contact with your ex) start by looking for part time work that you can eventually make full time. You’ll need to save up a decent amount of money. It will take a little while. Try and keep everything very peaceful and never use your child as a pawn against one another. Remember this is going to hurt your husband. Lastly remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side. You and your ex are no longer in a relationship for a reason. And if y’all are sharing your feelings for each while you’re in a relationship, understand that you may be in your husband’s position one day. No judgement here btw.
Be careful you don’t lose custody of your kids. I have read a lot of sto6where mom loses custody because she dont work or cant provide for the kids. If I were you a would get a good job FIRST and foremost! After you got a decent job, start applying for places. If need be get on waiting list for section 8 or/and government housing but warning the waiting g list can be long. Next start saving money. Start working on your own credit. After you get a place leave. Don’t just talk about, and don’t just think about it, if that’s what you really want make it happen. That’s up to you! No one can do it for you. And don’t go from one man house to another, that’s a good way to lose your kids! You are going to have to get a job and work hard!
I was married for ten years together for 11 it’s not an easy thing to do Bec you start to think about your kids but here the real facts that I had to learn the hard way if your not happy your kids see and feel that Wich makes them not happy it’s ok to leave and do what’s best for you Bec in the end a happy mom is happy kids
First, get a job and start saving money
Start by taking out some money here and there during shopping trips. $20 during a Walmart trip isn’t very noticeable. Get a job, even if it’s something small, and say it’s cause you just want out of the house or something. If you aren’t able to save the whole check, save a portion of it. Make sure you have your own account or a safe place to put the money. Meanwhile, keep an eye out for cheap apartments in your area. Talk to your friends or family for help if need be. Even if they aren’t able to help financially, you’d be surprised to see how much help it is just having people do things like search for a place for you, find you cheap furniture, childcare, etc. If your husband isn’t able or willing to help with this process, it can take a while. I believe it took me a year before I was able to do it. But it’s worth it. An unhappy marriage is only going to hurt everyone involved.
The grass isn’t always greener. Find happiness within yourself first before you end one relationship and start another one. Sometimes we have to put our children’s happiness before our own. Things to ponder on, sending best wishes and prayers✌️
I feel the same way although I’m not married I have three kids with him and don’t know what to do but I’m so not happy !
Start by getting a job
First, get a job and start saving money so you can be independent
Start with getting a job and saving money, you’ve waited this long you can wait more! Make sure you have a stable home for your child/children before you leave.
Let him know how you feel and leave.
It’s totally irrelevant, think abt your daughter… You have to fix this relationship, get started with your husband and bring life to your dreadfulness in life… There are therapies for that…
Everyone saying marriage counseling and such. But yrs and yrs feeling apart, no sex, etc… Sometimes when it’s done it’s done🤷 And at that point just wasting each other’s time and your own!
I would start working and saving and then do it.
Have you considered marriage counseling?
You should get a job and start saving first. You are going to want to be able to prove that you can stand on your own two feet and take care of the kids.
Why’d you marry him if you’re still in love with your ex?
What is happiness… Define it with yourself…
There are jobs everywhere right now. That would be a good start.
hopefully your husband gets a divorce from you and sends you packing. you are still in love with your ex from 10 years ago? what ??? you sound petty to start with and if you really want to leave your hard working husband and provider then just pack your clothes and personal items and go
Start with getting a job.
Try marriage counseling before making any big decisions.
GET A JOB!
Start a savings account.
C O M M U N I C A T E
Try to fix your marriage for the sake of your daughter, and yourself. Don’t just give up. GOOD LUCK!
Remember this other person you think you’re in love with still has changed in 10 years so have you. If you aren’t happy you may just remember the old feelings you have for them doesn’t mean it will actually be there. I totally understand not being happy but Leave for you and your own happiness alone. Not with someone else.
But honestly…if I were you I would work on the relationship and try to build where you left off. Counseling. Making time for romance. Date nights. Dating again in general. And COMPLETELY cut the ex out of your life!! Get a new phone if you need to. As long as he is anywhere near the picture you won’t be able to fix what’s broken
Grass ain’t always greener
See a lawyer & do as they say
Also sometimes the green isn’t always greener else where
Y’all keep telling her to work things out with her husband and she said she can’t stand his a**. She’s already in love with another man so that marriage ship has sailed. She wants OUT. The first thing you need to do is work on getting some type of income on your own and start saving. Then figure out what your living arrangement is going to be. If your ex LOVES you so much, he should be willing to help you. I will say this, I hope you want out of your marriage because you just want out and not because you have hopes of getting back with your ex because that can blow up in your face real quick. See he might be so in love because y’all are in different states and he doesn’t have to provide for you and your child financially. Things can change drastically once you add all that to the equation. Good luck
I would say start by getting a job even if it’s stay at home. Start stashing money away all that you can to get a place or have a payment to move in with someone anything to make sure your child has her own room and is stable. Then figure out how your gonna break the news. Take it as slow and make it as easy as possible it will work out better that way. Good Luck.
I’d suggest start dating again. We often forget to date our spouse and it ruins things. Or I’d get a job and then leave once your confident you can.
How old is your daughter can she manage with u or dad or go out on her own,then consider a job and getting your own cheap pkace till ya can afford a divorce,or patchthings up slowly with your husband .there always a way.? Good Luck !!!
The grass is only green where you water it.
If you love your ex why did you marry this man. If you have no income and you live of the money of your man, maybe its time tot talk with that man.
Say you are not happy and that you want to find a way to life apart. Find a job or income, find help on that…
Talk with a psycholoog.
Be true to him and yourself!
Watch the movie temptation. Unless he’s cheating, try to bring that spark back
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
Just remember the grass is greener where you water it. What you put in you get out. If your done okay but not putting effort towards a vow and being emotionally attached to someone else is cheating. How is that supposed to fix your marriage?
Consult a lawyer. Find a job, you’re gonna need $. Start saving. Every little bit helps. If you don’t up & go, you never will. Trust me. Do side jobs if you can. Every little bit will add up. It’s gonna take time.
Speak to a lawyer & get a job.
I would get a job, start seeing a therapist or seek counseling and cut out the ex completely. You have been in a relationship for 10 years. Take a beat to get established on your own before you jump into another relationship or even consider one.
People have given good advice to you regarding getting marriage counseling to try to save your marriage, get a job and save your money and also that your child has to come first and foremost over every decision you make. However, you stated you were still in love with your ex. Perhaps you were never really in love with your husband from the beginning and that’s why your marriage isn’t working. Sounds like you might have just “settled” when you married your husband when you still were in love with another man. This is a recipe for disaster if that’s the case here. Were you ever really truly in love with your husband? dig deep for the answer to that because if you weren’t there is no way to “fix” this. If there was never true love to start with there is no love to fix. You must consider your child! You must be able to give your child security. Also, it is very difficult to obtain permission to take your child out of state if your child’s father fights that. He has legal rights regarding taking his child out of State. You are in a real pickle! Make your choices wisely. Your child is depending on you to do so. Also if you move to another State you will loose what ever support system you had where you live now. family, friends etc. what happens if you take your child to another State, with no support system, have to get a job and put your child in day care? Is this other man going to financially support you? If not how are you going to manage being a working mother, having to pay for child care? these are all very serious questions you need to ask your self. What if it doesn’t work our with this other man and you and your child are in another State with no where to go, what then?
And to be honest I was in the same position thought I was in love with my ex me and my husband decided to separate divorce I quickly realized after getting back with my ex I was not in love with him I could not stand him and I wanted my husband you need to try marriage counseling and get a job
Cash back. If you have a joint account you can get cash back and it doesn’t come up as a separate charge, just adds to what is already being bought. You could try using cheaper products for yourself (he shouldn’t notice the change in stuff like that if you do the shopping) and then getting cash back so that you’re still spending around the same amount. Goodluck❤
Might wunna start w a job
I don’t know the whole situation but i kinda feel sorry for your husband. Working to support your family while your talking to your ex . If you want to leave you need to tell him what’s going on and he may help you move on.
Do you have family you can stay with? Or friends.
See a lawyer first. Find out what you’re entitled to.
Why did you leave your ex? Since you hate confrontation, when things get tough do you give up without facing the problems? Life is going to be hard sometimes no matter where you are or who you’re with. I suggest counseling for you to get to the root of how you deal with conflict and difficulty. No one can “make” you feel happy or miserable. That comes from within and how you react to/deal with things.
If you’re set on leaving you’re going to have to start with getting a job. Save money, put your plan in place before you leave with no money, no where to go etc. Did you fall out of love with your husband before or after your ex came back in the picture? Maybe you just cant stand your husband right now because you have some fantasy built up about how it’s going to be if you get back with your ex. You better be 1000 % sure on that, because it rarely works out that way. He’s an ex for a reason, think on those reasons before you do anything too hasty and go too far, leave a man you’ve been with 10 years and find out you were wrong.
Following for advice
This was me almost 2 years ago. I honestly just went for it. Filed for divorce and took it one day at a time
Not sure why everyone is saying she needs to put in more effort, work it out and the grass isn’t always greener etc. If she’s ready to leave she’s done. No use in staying in a marriage if shes completely unhappy. Also People can still love/have love for their ex but not necessarily be cheating. To the op, if you can start with getting a job to start saving money thatd be good. Maybe move in with a friend or family member until you get on your feet.
Maybe try talking to him. Since you stated he isn’t abusive, it comes across as a situation you don’t need to sneak out of. He may feel the same🤷♀️. You guys could work out a plan of exit together.
Get a job! Lord, your marriage doesn’t stand a chance. Still in love with your ex? Ouch! Coexisting with a man who continues to support you while you secretly talk to your ex. Wow!
Start by getting a job
Meet first with an atty.
First think hard about why you married your husband. Then go to a counselor and try to work out your marriage. Your child loves both of you and it’s well worth putting real effort into your marriage. Don’t think you are in love with an X when he isn’t the one you married. You made a commitment before God so really try to do your part before even considering divorce. And pray for God’s help. Try talking to each other with respect and work at getting close again. Think about the closeness when you got pregnant with your child and talk to your husband about this. Perhaps he will try hard also and help you rekindle the feelings you both had before. It’s certainly worth it.
Get a job. Hide your money. It’s what we all do. Lol gotta make a plan.
Girl get a job! Get your ducks in a row! File for divorce! Live life to the fullest! But I wouldn’t be running from one relationship to another! Sounds like you need to find yourself before getting in a relationship. Just my opinion!
Well its kind of sad that you’ve spent 10 years with this man while being in love with someone else smh. Start with a job.