Telling your child not to hit, then hitting them isn’t promoting positive behavior. You’re showing her its okay
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Don’t worry. Let her get it out her system now so she’s not all Totton later when she’s expecting to be able to go anywhere by herself.
What I would recomend-- would put me in jail!!
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*edited this bc i thought it was my local mommy chat lol
We all do the best we can with the knowledge we have at the time. Family education society in my local area has a lot of classes to help littles deal with big emotions. I am sure there is something where you are located. Triple p parenting is currently free online for Albertans. I’ve taken circle of security and am refreshing by reading the book on audible. I’ve also taken love and logic 2x theres lots of great info out there and you just take what works for you
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Some children will go into rages of destruction and exhibit signs of ADHD because of chemical additives in processed foods and beverages. Chemical additives can cause an chemical imbalance in their brain. Example: red dye #5 has been known to cause kids to rage completely out of control. You can try changing her diet. This could cause changes immediately, or this may take a couple weeks for the chemicals to get out of her system.
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Oh no!
I am so sorry to tell u my 14 year old was just like that as a baby.
Let me tell you. Sometimes I think I need a shrink a doctor the fire department and police at the same time!
Beginning stages of disregular mood disorder aka bipolarity… In children.
My kid issue is she doesn’t know how to control her anger.
Till this day. She needs discipline.
Strict discipline.
Just hitting unfortunately make an aggressive child more aggressive… Not recommended plus get u in trouble for legal reasons…
But she’s 4.
Get her evaluated for ADHD and or DMDD. Or ODD too
U need therapy asap. Medication asap. Line up a pastor or prayer warrior ASAP. You got your work cut out for u with this one.
I stopped having a social life. Im still scratching my head what to do with this kid.
My kid has gone to children’s hospital for suicidal thoughts n self cutting 5 times already.
I wish someone could have warned me when she was a baby…
She needs a lot of attention! Demands much attention.
Very smart. But I’m praying for her… I got another 4 years?
U barely just starting. Its a long road… To 18…
Look no judgements on hitting cuz I did whoop my kid until we both went to therapy they made me stop or promised to report me… I totally understand…
Get her a punching bag when she gets frustrated have her to go punch on it instead of hitting you or anybody else
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Have her evaluated for ODD and ADHD.
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You need a professionals help, this could be a rough stage as she’s 4 y/o but it sounds like you’ll all need some suggestions of different ways of handling the situations as your current methods aren’t showing results. The sooner the better as this could either get worse as time goes on or get better with age if there is nothing underlying.
Parenting is not easy and contrary to some beliefs there isn’t one “right way”
Best of luck!
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So you hit her, but say she hasn’t been exposed to hitting and then expect her not to hit:rofl:
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She could be autistic. Self harm is a big sign. Alao check her snacks she eats regularly. If there is red dye in them, that could be part of your problem.
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I’m just gone leave this right here!!!
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I would look into ADHD…. Some of those things my son dealt with. Behavioral therapy will steer you in the right direction whether it be ADHD or something else 
good luck mama
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My son was just like that and putting him in play therapy helped him understand and express his feelings
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Sounds like she needs professional help before it’s too late!
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This sounds like a parenting issue.
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I would definitely not use hitting at all as a punishment - you’re her guidance and support and if you hit her it tells her it’s okay to hit as well. I would look into testing for ADHD or ADD
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Take her to a Psychiatrist quickly!
I have gone through the same things but mine was exposed to an abusive father. Alot of the times it can be the fact that they’re missing nutrients or don’t go into that deep cycle for sleep.
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I would say maybe get professional help right away. This sounds more than typical behavior issues
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Have you had her tested for autism? My 8 year daughter has autism, and this is her behavior to a tee.
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Reading what you shared makes me think about what the function of her behavior is. It sounds like she is trying to gain control and get attention and is impulsive with some of the choices she makes. When you give her directions do you give her choice or options?For example with my daughter for dinner I will give her two choices and let her choose with one she wants. Then she feels empowered with making the choice or letting her help with chores or when a guest comes over say you get to help serve the guest a drink etc. Then they are focused on being part of the situation or see it as something positive when someone comes over and not feeling excluded. Praise and reinforcement when she is being appropriate. Also short one step directions helps kids at that age. If she tries to argue getting down to her level by kneeling down or sitting by her and talking calmly will help her to calm down. I know this is super challenging. I feel for you. It takes a ton of patience but consistency for kids helps them know what to expect. For outside I had to build trust and boundaries with my daughter when we go for walks. I would hold her hand in the beginning and then we practiced being outside talking about the street and crossing driveways and checking for cars. We would stop and look and we had a signal to freeze like in freeze dance if she was getting to far ahead. Then I praised her when she was safe. She still holds hands crossing the street. She is three but she understands the boundaries now. Hope some of these suggestions might help. Four is a challenging age. You got this. It shows what a caring mom you are for reaching out for help.
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You “whooped her” and you don’t understand why she’s hitting?? You’re showing her that violence is the answer. This is about YOU and your lack of parenting skills. Maybe quit hitting her. Just a thought.
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How do you tell a child not to hit, then you hit her to correct her from hitting. You’re special. Try not hitting her.
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You say she’s never been exposed to hitting yet you take her out of room and whoop her? Hello!!! Hope you can get professional help for her! May be a phase but may not be either!
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My feeling is she don’t need whipped she is in need of counseling of some sort. She is in to young to be responsible for her kind of actions. Seek help for her ASAP.
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She’s getting extra attention for her bad behaviour. At that age any attention is a plus. When she’s misbehaving push her away from you and ignore her. When she stops love bomb her. Turn the means to seek attention round and it will click that being good and nice gets rewards
welcome to what I call the f*ck you fours good luck.
I would highly suggest talking to a professional rather than finding internet advice🤷♀️ Start by looking up ODD and if that sounds like you kid find a therapist
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Yall make it seem like she is beatin the crap outta her kid i spank my kids and have no issues of them hitting not too mention i was punished with spankings im not abusive towards my kiddos in all maybe a calming corner which im working on with my youngest it could help a lot before you throw her into therapy and they just put her on pills like apparently most people do with their kids too make them more complient instead of lettin them be kids
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You just said that she has never been introduced to hitting… but you hit her!
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Honestly from the post it sounds like inconsistency in the way you are trying to punish. Stick with one. And her hitting and then you hitting her for hitting is sending the wrong signals to her. Shes 4, talk to her, take her toy away. Dont let her have ice cream after dinner.
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ATTENTION, she feels she’s not getting enough of it from you and dad.
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Definitely get her checked out to just rule anything out. My 3 year old used to do things similar to this after a week of TALKING ABOUT HER FEELINGS, she told me straight up “she wants more hugs, more cuddles and more alone time with me”… I have 2 other little ones under 5 so I totally understood and the fact that she was able to voice that to me was amazing. Some kiddos can’t do that and that’s ok, my now 5 year old didn’t start talking until 4 so that was a struggle buts lots of hugs and cuddles. Their brains at that age are not like ours, they don’t do things to get a reaction out of you, they act like that because a need is not being met.
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Look into oppositional defiant disorder & get her evaluated.
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And I would NEVER hit my child because they hit an adult. First off, that adult shouldn’t be phase by a little kid hit. 2, clearly your child is having a hard time trying to get your attention because their needs aren’t being met.
And as hard as it is when you attempt to go outside and she runs away, my 3 year old used to that! LOTS OF POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT! This parenting thing is a LOMG JOURNEY and you’re not gonna get positive responses from them after a day or even 3 days of being on with yourself. It takes time and lots of love and connection to get what you want out of it. I promise you kids respond the best when you are calm, talking with love and taking the time to understand why they are feeling what they feel and doing what they’re doing
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Shes never been exposed to violence but you say you whoop her. So which is it?
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Oh my lord! A spanking is not going to cause you to shoot up a school … it’s all this Let’s Sit down and talk crap that has done that shit.  we didn’t have this shit when I was a kid! That being said.
Being consistent with time out, explain the reason for the time out, and the time doesn’t start until she sits quietly, if she gets up replace her no talking to her, until she finishes them with love explain why she is there, make her apologize for the behaviors. If she starts again after time out 1 warning , then time out again if she continues! This continues until the behavior stops!
A lot of really bad moms on this page. I’m so damn glad I didn’t get a crazy one.
You’re the problem not her.
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I would have her behaviorally assessed. Sounds autistic to me.
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She could be autistic, if you haven’t taken her to a childrens therapist I would definitely look into that.
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To those jumping on her for “whooping” her kid you are out of line. A spanking is not a bad thing as long as there are no marks. A police officer has point blank told me “if there are no marks then an attention getter is perfectly acceptable” some times after taking multiple steps to correct something and a swat and time out is what is needed.
I would just stick to a consistent set of redirections and punishments leaving a spankin for last. One thing I have found kid a hates is doing wall sits for punishment. I stand next to them and make them do it until their legs get to tired. Then we talk about what they did and why they had to do what I made them do and usually we are good for a bit.
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I mean beating a child is probably why she acts the way she does. Try gentle parenting. Back talk isn’t bad it’s kids especially at four learning.
I suggest family therapy and that the adults in the home learn how to emotionally regulate.
Also if you continue to hit her I hope someone has the good sense to call cps.
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18 months banging her head sounds like autism. Brw
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Have an assessment done for Autism. These are very common signs of it!
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Behavioral specialists are amazing and could help you out with this. My child does the same thing, she has multiple diagnoses. And she started the same way, banging her head on the floor around a year old. Remember that she’s not a “bad kid”, most likely her behavior is connected to something bigger. While my child has multiple diagnoses, they have also been through a lot of change in their life and don’t have the skills to process it. Good luck mama, hoping you can find some wonderful help
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If you’re busting her butt you have exposed her to hitting because you hit her she thinks it’s ok
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I’m sorry people are coming for you for disciplining your own child. We too have this issue with our son. Some days are good and he listens but other days it’s like I have to turn into a screaming T Rex to get him to just listen to me. I have honestly come to the conclusion that it’s just because he’s a toddler, laying my hopes into maybe one day he’ll grow up and listen to me. I don’t take him into stores, we don’t go to restaurants, he pretty much goes to day care and comes home. He acts fine at day care, he is well behaved with family when I’m not around, and that includes for his dad. I’ve tried spanking, time outs, taking toys away, I mean once I got into him and he literally laughed at me and said “I’ll put myself in time out” and giggled the whole time. I’ve chose to just accept it, redirect him, and work on it all hoping it gets better as he ages. Best of luck momma
Take her to a child psychologist. My son had several issues that were not identifiable until we did that. I wouldn’t waste time on Facebook or WebMD trying to figure it out for yourself it’s not worth it.
Perfect age for parent child interaction therapy. It’ll help you both. Good luck!
Well considering how you admit to “whooping” her, she has been exposed to violence. It sounds like absolute chaos. She needs to be evaluated by an occupational therapist. It sounds like she’s doing a ton of sensory-seeking behavior. Is she having any communication issues? Any big life/schedule changes? Does she have a quiet space to go calm down when she isn’t being safe? (Hitting someone, throwing something, breaking something are examples of unsafe behavior.) I would also really work with helping her identify her emotions and help her learn one or two coping skills she can do when she’s upset. (Deep breathing, hugs, etc.) Kids model the behavior they’re seeing around them. Those of you saying “I hit my kids, it isn’t abusive”…who in your life hits you when you mess up? It’s simply lazy parenting that doesn’t teach your child anything but to be afraid of adults and lie better so they don’t get caught. If you can’t learn or don’t want to learn better ways to discipline your child then you should probably sit and think about that. Why it’s so important for you to use physical pain as a “teaching” tool? … To all the Mom’s who are going to respond to this comment, you’re wasting your time…I won’t even be reading your comments. You are going to change my mind and if you hit your child and want to justify it, I don’t want to hear it.
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My son behaved in similar ways at that age. I refused to let his dr put him on meds or diagnose him w ODD ( OPPPSISITIONAL DEFIANT DISSORDER) My instincts told me it was something else. After doing a lot of research I discovered that he was hypoglycemic and his behavior was a result of him being “hangry” and not knowing what he was feeling.
Once I learned how to nip it in the butt his behavior DRASTICALLY changed and he turned into the sweetest boy!
I was whooped growing up and I have no trauma from it 
but I do have respect for everyone and know right from wrong, I’m glad I was raised the way I was!
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She might need some play therapy to help her with positive ways to express her frustration.
My stepson had to go to play therapy when he was like 3 to 6. It helped him learn how to positive deal with his frustrations.
He was said to be on the autistic spectrum at age 2, but he is a teenager now and no longer test that way.
I believe your dr did you an injustice by not looking more in to the problems you presented him with.
It gave you the impression it was a normal behavior and you disciplined YOUR child accordingly.
I have whooped my children, not my stepkids and as a mom who had never dealt with the behaviors he showed, I wouldn’t have know how to discipline him.
Please take her to another pediatrician to be evaluated or get a referral from yours to have it done.
Prayer for you mama, I can tell your baby is loved and you just want what’s best for her!
Have her evaluated for nuerodiversity perhaps she is adhd, or autistic, or asbergers
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Have you tested her for autism?
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She needs to be checked for special needs, My niece in law had this issue and she is diagnosed with ptsd and autism it’s a type of thing whereby her mind is too active and this is why she’s all over the place doctors doesn’t always discover it but keep going she might need a calm tablet because it seems she herself can’t control it and if she can’t you and Dad won’t either, all the things you have tried should have made her listen and come on man she’s only 4 she should be understanding and being able to be bent now as she in her learning phase so try this and see how it goes because if it’s the case she can harm herself at the end because these types of behaiour are where they are curious (what would happen if I run in the road) what would happen if I place my hand in fire… I know this as I was very curious when my Sis in law went through this and every single pamphlet she brought home about this I read thoroughly in order for me to explain it to her
“She’s never been exposed to violence or hitting” and in the same paragraph “I whooped her,” seriously is this post meant to be a joke? “My small child keeps hitting people. I, as a much larger and stronger person who she looks up to and emulates, have tried hitting her to show her that hitting is wrong, but for some reason she has no lost respect for me and is showing signs of anger and frustration too! What a mystery!”
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My dad used to sit me in the corner with my nose to the wall, a book on my head, and sitting on my hands.
I fucking hated it, but it worked lol.
Sounds like oppositional defiance disorder or odd
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Maybe you sweet. Baby girl needs to see a Dr of somekind.
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You said she has never been exposed to hitting or violence… yet you continue to hit her? Whipping is violence…
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Maybe you aren’t consistent enough with one way of correcting her behavior where she’s frustrated and confused
This seems very frustrating for all involved! Your daughter is absolutely trying to communicate with you in the only way she knows how. You can learn to do it differently so that you can teach her to .communicate her needs, wants, and feelings in a way that is helpful and not hurtful
Take her to a specialist.
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If you use violence to make a point why wouldn’t she? Lol
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PCIT. This is a type of therapy that can help with familial interactions and handling behaviors. They can also elaborate for sensory issues.
You whoop her yet don’t know where she learn violence? Give your head a shake
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She needs to see a specialist. There is an unmet need here. Also be consistent with discipline. Remember that it is disciple = teach. Line. Teach the line.
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What is whooping if not violence? You hit your child when you get angry or frustrated with her behaviour and then wonder why she hits out when she is angry or frustrated? Maybe get some assessments to find out why she is so angry and frustrated, then you can start to understand each other better
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Maybe put her in karate ? 
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Hitting your daughter can actually jump start puberty, it’s been proven.
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Head banging is also seen in a form of autism… So sorry your daughter and family are going through this.
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I don’t have any answers but I know a few relatives kids that were like this and possibly even worse. They are in their 30s now and they are the most wonderful patient people you could ever imagine.
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You “whopped” a child for hitting someone and then wonder why they hit!!!
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Needs to be evaluated.
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“We whooped her…she goes right back to what she was doing as soon as she is disciplined…she has never been exposed to hitting or violence”. “Whoopings” clearly aren’t working for this child. She is mimicking what she is taught. Try a different approach.
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Take her mind off of it by giving her something she likes
Have a six year old with defiance yelling, hitting, but also the sweetest little goober you’ve ever seen. Finishing kindergarten going to first grade with an IEP and solid team behind him! he went to a special school for 2 years prior to pandemic… I believe she and you will be ok! Just hang in there, we employed changing subject, changing rooms, activities and even… hey want to take a shower? Takes their little brains to a different place. I will ask about this PCIT therapy that someone mentioned cause my guy needs the best.
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U can try to change her diet, see if she consume more sugar than needed, some times the issue is related to something else as kids get angry when they don’t take bath or they are hungry.
Red Dye makes kids act that way, start cleaning out fridge and pantry see if that helps
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Talk to the doctor have her evaluated by a specislest
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O my god you spanked your child she’s going to be a demon now somebody call the police because everyone knows a little but whooping turns children into monsters lol.
Seriously tho. Seek some professional help. Sometimes kids or people in general just need to talk to someone they don’t know. Its worth a try if you have already tried other things. Good luck.
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Look into Intervention services locally. They can provide you with information on Behavioral consultants, therapists and psychiatrist if needed.
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I think the child should be evaluated. PCIT is a good therapy. And checking her diet. I’m not sure even a little spanking is the way to go. With the oppositional personality, it makes them more determined. You don’t have to do this alone. There’s plenty of help out there.
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She definitely needs some kind of therapy or counseling
When you have a child like that its not a good idea to spank. You are scarring her of you while at the same time telling her it’s okay to hurt others because you just hurt her.
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She hit so u hit her but u don’t want her to hit so you hit her again?? Wow yeah totally understand her frustration
SHE HAS ONLY BEEN ALIVE FOR FOUR YEARS. SHE IS LEARNING. No she can’t be hitting but literally look at your logic. She is frustrated and using coping skills YOU have taught her.
You want her to sort her behavior but you can’t sort yours? Heck her brain ain’t even formed fully yet
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Get your child diagnosed, I behaved the same and it was from being underestimated and being a high sensory needs child with severe adhd and asd
Reverse psychology and redirect.
When a child is running rather than shouting “don’t run”, repetitively remind them “walk”. “Walking feet”. With little ones everything is repetitive when learning proper behaviors.
Reprimand and redirect as soon as her behavior shows any aggression. Immediately. Nice hands, kind words, walking feet… etc. We have to continually say it out loud to them, until proper behavior or habits become their choice. Then once they make better choices on their own, praise them for it.
And hang in there, I know the days are long but the years are so short be blessed!
“She’s never been exposed to hitting or violence” you say directly after saying you whooped her. Ask yourself why you expect to teach a four year old that hitting is wrong - by hitting them? You are not only causing her stress but you’re teaching her to copy you.
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Try changing her diet. Absolutely no artificial colors.
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You’re teaching your kid that hitting people is bad, by hitting them?..… that’s some genius level stuff.
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Has she been checked for autism???
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This sounds like my two at that age, and both ended up diagnosed with my own ADHD. Spanking is only going to reinforce the behavior and most of the US won’t even screen until school age. This might sound counter productive, but what I did when my two were little and waiting for screening was strong coffee. I added a lot of hot cocoa powder and flavored creams to make it more palatable, but the difference after a cup was like night and day and now at 14 and 16, they still drink it to mellow down when they’re overwhelmed with symptoms. She doesn’t have the words yet to tell you when she’s out of sorts and is only using the lesson she’s learned that hitting gets the attention she needs. Talk to her and help her learn the words.
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You are in for a rough time, my oldest was like that and ended up needing mental health intervention. Best thing to do is talk to a child phycologist about to deal with ways to discipline in a positive ways. It’s hard to do when kids don’t care about taking things away or spanking them. You are going to need to talk with a therapist yourself because you are going to second think everything you do.
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Never exposed to hitting or violence yet you’re saying you “whoop” her for hitting your guests? Violence doesn’t teach non-violence. How about time outs? Your baby girl obviously needs to find a new way to handle her frustrations and you need to find her a different Doctor because the one you have now doesn’t want to handle the obvious problem.
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“Whooping her” is exposure to hitting, she believes that when she wants YOU to “behave” you hit… but it sounds like could also be borderline autism something is frustrating her and you might need family counseling for a bit to get to the root of the problem, but no more hitting her that won’t help at all it’ll just build up her big emotions.
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Definitely look into a diagnosis! And for all the other that are shaming you, shame on them!! We all as parents make mistakes don’t let nobody upset you with there words until they can prove they are perfect in every way! Best of luck!!
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