I have a lot of opinions and these are just my suggestions on the way I feel and what I think would help, from reading your post and my experience.
I would definitely try to make an appointment with her doctor or specialist for test that may help you to understand her behavior and help her to process her thoughts and feelings, I think it may be linked to other diagnosis by the behavior explained from my own personal experience, meanwhile, try to be patient and hang in there mama. It’s hard but it will begin to get better. But will take patience, time and work.
I would definitely stick with a consistent consequence with prior warning. But only after trying a positive approach or reward type of praise , imo that’s been most effective and builds their confidence while promoting good behavior. You can set up an age appropriate reward system for good positive behavior and often praise her for all the things she does great, instead of only negative consequences for bad behavior. Try to speak calmly often even if you are frustrated, bc she picks up these things, reword often, do not say “pick up your shoes! If you don’t put away your shoes you can’t play” instead - try smiling and saying in an exciting tone “let’s put away your shoes and find a fun toy!” Or make it fun, instead of pick up your toys make it a game with music on and off - see how much you can pick up with the music really fast like a red light green light or get baskets with pictures for pick up one for toys one for books one for clothes to sort. Praise for good jobs and help. Even at random, like I’m so proud of you for sitting quietly while I was on the phone! Or wow look at you, keeping your hand to yourself makes mommy happy, you’re a big girl! My son loves to be a helper and be praised. If she is yelling for example explain what’s not okay and why (sometimes kids comply better when they understand the why or reason) then ask her to not to do and she continues and you tell her it isn’t polite to yell, I like it when you talk to mommy nice. Can you lower your voice? And a consequence to negative behavior, warning, you will have 5 minutes timeout or I will have to take away your device (we did toy timeouts too, for devices or if my kids couldn’t share) whatever consequences works in your situation, so she knows what to expect. If she does lower her voice praise and thank her. Like wow that sounds better I can understand you, thank you! Not so much spanking. I grew up with spanking and that worked with my older children in their younger years and after about 7yr old we didn’t have to spank any more bc they had learned what was acceptable BUT with my youngest and his struggles and diagnosis that did not work! And like you described- it didn’t phase his behavior. He was constantly doing something! At a young age it began, and I waited through pre k and kindergarten and disregarded recommendations to get him tested thinking he would grow out of it bc of his age, ultimately we all suffered and his learning was delayed without the proper treatment and diagnosis.
Every parent and household has different beliefs and upbringings so never mind the negative comments about “whooping” so I do not knock you at all for trying this method as I did with my other children. I appreciate your honesty but this will not work and should not be a consequence if your child suffers from a disability, or developmental delay, even if she doesn’t I wouldn’t continue since she is struggling with hitting as well, and if it doesn’t break her will. I honestly believe with any/ every child all you have to do is break their will, ultimately that’s all you need to do is to get them to know right from wrong or to not do something to put them in danger but you can break their will by a stern firm voice of no no at a young age or later on taking away toys, or time outs, or no screen time, it will change with age. But at any age in your situation I would steer from spanking if it’s not necessary or affective and therefore could only make things worse in this situation.
Also, I believe it is very important that they know what to expect and when, being consistent. With any situation. Set up and stick to the same outcome, So they can know what to expect when they do good with reward and or if they are being disrespectful or unruly and have consequences. Maybe be even a sticker chart, many options. When she gets older she can earn tickets and cash them in for a treat (we did that and small sticker rewards like ice cream or park) Stick to keeping your word! Any unexpected change of plans or suddenly taking back your word, will not end well. If you promised ice cream after dinner then decide you can’t get it after it was earned do not take back what was worked for bc it will cause her to regress and meltdowns. But bc life happens it will be times that you have to deal with change of plans but you must prepare for the let down bc they have looked forward to that they can’t understand the why.
If you have company it sounds like she may have wanted attention, even negative attention. Maybe you could explain to her what to expect and having guests over or to include her just an idea like after we talk in 10 minutes we can show them your dance! Set a timer give her something to look forward to plus that all eyes on her. Also, with some diagnosis especially at a young age it’s hard to understand consequences or to think in advance such as running in the road or being around water. Especially if they are extra excited to run outside.
Also it’s important to validate her feelings, make sure she understands the why, that she understands it is okay and natural to have her feelings of being mad frustrated excited and sad, etc and that she is not punished for how she feels but instead you are just teaching her how to react and express those feelings in a manner that is not disrespectful or dangerous or disruptive to others. Allow her a “safe place” to go to be loud or angry or sad without any repercussion. For my kids it was their room, they could storm in there, shut the door, yell, throw fits or if they were upset or sad that was there place to go to be alone until they wanted to talk about it . And if they didn’t that was okay too.
I feel like I wrote a lot, that has helped me. I hope I explained in a way to help others if needed if you want to try those approaches. But again this is just my personal opinion and strategy I had to change up and use bc what worked for my oldest two didn’t and wasn’t working for my youngest.
You didn’t KNOW this?
the problem get sorted soon …
