How can I help my daughter understand it is dangerous to talk to strangers online?

My nine-year-old daughter has been caught twice now chatting online in games with strangers. We’ve had so many talks with her, and we monitor her whenever possible, but any chance she gets, she’s back at it. I’ve deleted all of the games and banned her from the iPad now until I can figure out what to do. Any tips or helpful sites/videos I can show her to really help her understand the seriousness?!

57 Likes

Put locks :closed_lock_with_key: on her computer

1 Like

Post a pic and ask people to share it with a piece of paper with there state on it and show her how far it travels in a week!

3 Likes

Take everything away from her. She isn’t responsible enough.

34 Likes

No iPad for a long long time

1 Like

Make her watch “Megan is Missing”

11 Likes

There is a show called Dating App Horrors: The Untold Story | A&E

I had my daughter watch this and it opened her eyes and even mine on some things it taught her about all the dangers on line and how there is no protection for you

1 Like

Have her watch any of the ID channel shows called Web of lies.

8 Likes

I think my mom making me watch unsolved mysteries and America’s most wanted reinenfoced stranger danger

9 Likes

I would show her the reality of how it is on articles and documentaries

She cant take the iPad away for ever…she has to earn it back. I say show her movies about this. There are plenty of newspaper articles. Monitor her iPad or any electronic she has once a day. Child lock it

Most games you can turn off the chat ability

1 Like

Ummmm… you just don’t let her on anything that’s connected to the internet… that’s the only solution to your problem. Try again in a year or so when she has (hopefully) matured a bit. And if the same problems arise, you shut it all down again.

9 Likes

My daughter is 12 nd I found out she was messaging someone she didnt know. Telling him she was 15, I told her I called the actual person (which I didnt) nd he was a 40 yr old man… I explained that he could track her phone or laptop nd come take her nd her little sister. Seemed to do the trick, scared the hell out of her. I also took the phone away

5 Likes

It’s really only dangerous if she tries to meet them. As long as she doesn’t try that, I personally don’t see a problem. But that’s my opinion.

22 Likes

She nine. Give her a coloring book and make her go outside and play with dirt. :woman_shrugging:t2:

35 Likes

Tell her to read up on the rotherham girls that got groomed and tell her this is what can happen whenbu speak to strangers do you want to end up like that? Sometimes u have to shock them .

1 Like

I would cancel all wifi access. And wait a year or 2. Until she is old enough.

Take away all electronics. It’s so simple. Make her be a kid and go outside and play! Don’t give your kid’s electronics if they aren’t responsible enough to listen to you :woman_facepalming:t2:

7 Likes

Have her watch the movie Trust.

Get somebody you trust like a sis or brother and have them dress in disguise and take her from your house for a few hours. Scare the shit out of her

We downloaded family link to our kids devices and any app they want to download has to be approved. I can lock the phones and iPads whenever I want- set timers- it’s great.
I’d also recommend taking it away for a while and perhaps doing counseling- perhaps she needs assistance in learning how to establish boundaries (which even adults have trouble with):yellow_heart:

5 Likes

I would call the cops and have them speak to her. Just to show her how important it is that she does not. And possibly get her a therapist to see why she’s seeking a strangers attention.

1 Like

I don’t think she is old enough or responsible enough for anything like that take it all away people now a days it’s a scary time

2 Likes

Parental controls. My 8yo can’t go on line, she can only use apps I approve. I watch her play & guide her. At 9 she probably can’t comprehend that a real life person is behind that conservation. She’s not developmentally ready for it. Kids can’t just be given things & be expected to know how to use it, what’s safe & follow rules. You wouldn’t give her a car & keys. Same idea.

1 Like

If taking the electronics away doesn’t help it’s time to use some scare tactics and you’re going to need the help of a trusted friend or family member or a cop.

1 Like

She needs to watch Taken and Lifetime , and Trafficed. 9 is way to young to be going around your back. Parental controls, computer in a open area.

1 Like

Theres a show called Web of Lies on ID Network. A lot of it might be a little too mature for a 9 year old (depending on your views and parenting style,) but you can find some episodes that really show what the internet is really like.
Also, as a parent, if you dont trust her with whatever device she has, it’s your responsibility to keep her safe! Dont feel bad for cutting her off from the “real world” and all of the content she may be exposed to.

2 Likes

Aren’t there parental control settings on them?

Don’t give her internet access until she’s older. My parents didn’t get internet literally until I was almost in high school.

1 Like

Take it all away from her. She is only 9 and doesn’t need it

2 Likes

My little one has child lock on her kindle. Maybe try that after you give it back.

Take it away until she’s older if you can’t lock it down with serious parental controls. Only put offline apps on it. And take it off internet access. :woman_shrugging:t2:if you want her to have a tablet with internet access, amazon kids fire tablets are excellent. Age restrictions, no online communication with strangers, great learning games, you can even put a limit on regular games so she has to read and do educational apps first.

2 Likes

Get her a Gabb Wireless phone.

Im sorry but a 9yr old should not be playing online games anyway. Obviously she isn’t responsible enough to play them.

4 Likes

You know, penpals are serious. I’ve developed many life long friends over the internet. Instead of banning her from it, teach her “red flags”, and teach her how to have boundaries and to always come to you. Banning her from it won’t stop her forever and she could just rebel against it and then end up in a bad situation. Giving her the tools to socialize and make a variety of friends WHILE being safe and to avoid/block certain people🤷‍♀️

14 Likes

No electronics! She’s 9 she doesn’t need all that if she can’t understand.

2 Likes

Have her watch Law and Order Special Victims unit. I’ve been watching crime shows since I was 3 years old and it taught me a lot

4 Likes

If she can’t follow the rules then no more internet

1 Like

My 11 yr old is so good she likes Roblox and has been encountering a lot of inappropriate comments and she tells me and reports them herself. I don’t allow Snapchat or tik Tok. I wouldn’t allow her any apps where someone can communicate with her.

We were brutally honest with our daughter and we watch and check everything she does (there are online trackers or parental controls for less honest and less responsible kids until they learn to be honest) and question about everyone she talks too online. She has been very responsible and asks us before talking to anyone who tries to talk to her. We said you’ll get as much freedom as you want if you are fully open, honest and responsible online. We use this method for everything our kids do. If they show us and prove to us that they are responsible they get the freedom to match if you lie, hide, interact with strangers etc then your freedom gets taken to match your level of responsibility. It’s a great way online and for going out in public on their own to let them decide their own freedoms or lack of. Positive reinforcement I found helps more then anything, you’ve shown your responsible enough to be honest with us so here is a little more freedom. It works better then monetary reinforcement or gifts or anything else really as it reinforces responsibility and honesty, both great life skills lacking in a lot of adults so teach them while their young!

There’s some guys that do experiments with kids, to show them the dangers of talking to strangers online. With the parents permission of course.

At 9, she shouldn’t be unsupervised in anything on the Internet.

8 Likes

9 year olds have no business being online. :tipping_hand_woman:

19 Likes

Simple don’t let her online if she can’t be trusted, trust has to be earned not given especially at that age

2 Likes

This is outdated. Bit still a good way of teacher stranger danger. There’s also groups & articles on-line to help you teach about tricky people

The link is in replies.

All I had was a simple phone at 8 bc I walked to and from school. 9yo do not need unsupervised internet access.

I have a 13 year old and we had a serious, in-depth conversation about the dangers of online predators, the risk of sex trafficking and what pedophiles are. We also made her watch an episode of “To catch a predator.” This may be too extreme for a 9 year old but there needs to be a serious discussion about the risks of her behavior… and unfortunately it gets worse, so hopefully you can imprint the seriousness of this issue early on. Good luck

1 Like

No games that allow chats anymore. Limit her internet use to be in front of a parent. This is no joke and you need to take it seriously. She is only 9 which isn’t old enough to get graphic in teaching her a lesson. But also she isn’t mature enough for unobserved internet access. Check out Wait Til 8th for some good resources on talking to your kids about technology and its pitfalls.

2 Likes

My son is 10 and I tired off all chatting abilities

Dont understand why you would let a 9year old access this .my girl is 15 and is NOT on any game chats

3 Likes

The very first episode of degrassi (not the Netflix series) had the same issue in it. Maybe if she sees that and it being another kid close to her age it might help a bit. I already talked to my 6 year old about it with that episode

1 Like

No tips for talking but look into BARK its a non intrusive monitoring program for children

If she was older theres an r rated movie about a girl named megan who met a guy online and he killer her but at 9 its definitely way inappropriate. Sounds like her punishment is gonna have to be no internet til she learns.

Parental controls on the device as well where you input what is acceptable sites. That you all approve on.

Take internet away from her. Than take her to the morgue and show her where she could end up.

1 Like

Wont let my kids play online…they are 8…

Watching movies like megan is missing, and movies/documentaries similar honestly scared me so much when I was young I knew better.

Please get the movie

Megan Is Missing
And let your daughter watch it, afterwards ask her what she had learnt from it based on a true story of one text message ended in death

1 Like

Take it away until she can be a little bit more responsible. Not all kid mature at the same rate. She’s just not ready.

6 Likes

Block everything including wi fi only on the devices that she uses

Definitely agree with showing her movies/documentaries on kidnapping survivors and stuff like that. Or… set up a fake situation for her and let her see how scary that stuff can turn. (Meaning a fake kidnapping etc) I know it seems extreme butof nothing else is working you need to go to the extreme to make sure shes safe and understands the situation and reality of how awful people are

3 Likes

Theres videos on you tube of a show I forget the name of it but it’s to catch kids who talk to strangers and meet them online . Basically when the kid shows up to the house it’s the host and the parents

1 Like

Think it’s safe to say your daughter isn’t ready to be online simple as that

3 Likes

Delete the app & the account. Block her from being able to download that app or any apps at all. If she can’t follow the rules, she doesn’t get the privileges. :woman_shrugging:t3:

3 Likes

Have you talked to her about human trafficking. In your words you need her to see how people trick you into doing things that you know are wrong.The traffickers can learn when shes alone. Thats their plan. Help her see how important it is not to trust people, on line its so dangerous.

I put an app on all my kids devices that allows me to control the device. They also have to have permission and a pin number from me before it will allow them to download anything. It also keeps gps on them. If the game says they can chat on it I dont allow it.

1 Like

What do you mean. You are the mother take the on line benefits away she’s only 9

2 Likes

If she isn’t gonna follow your rules then she shouldn’t be allowed access to online games or social media

1 Like

If she can’t follow your rules, put the game away for about a year and try again

3 Likes

On Kindle fire kids you can lock App Store and time how long u want on it.

We have a family computer in the living room so we can see what my 11 year old is playing/doing while he does it. Make it a condition that she sit beside you when she’s on it if you’re going to allow her to have it.

Yea the I’d channel…

In my opinion a 9 yr old shouldnt have access to the internet. A 9 yr old doesn’t need a phone, tablet, or laptop. Just my opinion!

6 Likes

I would take her to my local police department and have a police officer that works with human trafficking talk to her about the dangers

Needs to go…maybe she’ll be ready in a year.

1 Like

I use family link to control my daughters phone.

2 Likes

Try having her research online predators (with your help) I think equipping them with relevant knowledge of what is truly happening in our world works best. It’s scary when they see that these things really do happen and we aren’t just parents saying it happens to keep them from doing something they want to do! Good luck!

Only allow her to use it when you’re able to supervise

Catfish her :face_with_raised_eyebrow::joy: relax only joking

1 Like

My son has friends online that he games and chats with everyday…they’re other children from all over the world that play the same game…hes 9…if I heard an adult voice I’d be concerned but these children like him with like interest and with the pandemic he has a way to socialize thru different platforms…his xbox is linked to an app on my phone and I can see the text messages they send each other…

1 Like

Oh my goodness!!! There is not ONE scenario in the world where a NINE year old should have access online. Sex trafficking is at epidemic levels and you are setting up the ultimate situation for her to be next!! PLEASE for her sake stop all online activity immediately.

4 Likes

I don’t allow my kid to have ANY apps that have online chat. I have a password for the App Store only I know and he has to ask for me to download the game he wants for him. He’s also only 4 almost 5. But we talk about why he can’t have any online games. Closest he’s gotten to online gaming is playing my Overwatch game and the mic is never hooked up for him.

Daughter the same age, just curious why you allow her to play games online to begin with? My kids probably have too much screen time but I absolutely have a zero tolerance policy for talking to anyone online. Like they get to play xbox but only with their cousins or approved friends. No social media period. If they facetime or zoom anyone it is family or teachers. I’m not trying to say I am better. I’m genuinely curious why you allow that.

2 Likes

Take the iPad or tablet off the internet and change the internet password. If she won’t follow your rules then she won’t be allowed to enjoy the things you provide for her.

3 Likes

Find games that don’t include a chat feature or that work offline and disable internet

6 Likes

I would just explain not to give any personal information. My kids play alot of games online and they talk with the kids they have actually made some awesome friends and pen pals with who they have meet online. Just monitor the chat and make sure nothing inappropriate is being said

1 Like

Wow, so young! :cry: If that we’re my daughter, I would take away all electronics, and work on trusting each other. Have her start a new hobby, something that does not require being online. :framed_picture: :art: :soccer: :writing_hand: :pencil2: :cookie: :woman_cook: :thread: And look up the recent release of a child predator, Cary Jay :face_vomiting: :rage:

4 Likes

There is an app called family link it is connected to your phone so you can block them from certain apps you monitor what they are doing and can control how long they are on the device for i suggest parents to look into this as its a good thing

1 Like

I would do what your doing if she can’t follow the rules. .

There are settings in my kiddos iPads where you can change the settings so the chat option can be disabled. It also allows you to set what they can and can’t play; etc

A good movie about the worst case, but very possible, scenario of talking to strangers online is Megan’s missing. It is VERY graphic, so watch it ahead of time to make sure she is mature enough to handle it. but if you feel like she is going to sneak on no matter what you do, then maybe showing her the outcomes is what she needs to get her to stop.

I would screen any app she is asking to play carefully and ensure there is no chat option. If the game can be played with the chat disabled alright. But if not, find another alternative. The problem is, you can never really know who is on the other end of that chat. And 9 year olds do not always have the judgement of what they should and shouldn’t say to different people and it’s just flat out not safe.

Honestly, a bit harsh but get a professional catfish to scare her. Obviously research them and all but get someone, even a close family friend to pose as someone she would talk to and get them to “meet up” and stage a “kidnapping”. She will never do it again that’s for sure. Or get her to talk to local authorities. They will tell her all the bads that come with talking to strangers and may even tell her about missing kids from talking to strangers online.

4 Likes

Make her watch the movie aber alert. 💁

Well disconnect internet from her devices. Or/ and. If she needs it or you let her use she has to be seated at the kitchen table or sofa… Somewhere you can easily see all her activity.
Also other punishments that done involve the tablet.

I had this talk with my nine yr old cz she plays Roblox games. She knows under no circumstance is it okay to give out any personal info. Not even a first name.

I have a lock on my daughter’s electronic devices, she cant even download you tube on them…if she tries download anything on them I get a notification on my phone, and it sends me an email, and I have to approve all of it, if I dont approve it, it won’t download it… I can see what shes been on, how long shes been on it, and whatever else she does…

3 Likes

I would try to figure out how to show her what can happen. Some how show her the things that happen to other girls who did that. If she’s old enough to talk to them then she’s old enough to know what happened to other girls who did that if you know what I mean. Don’t hide anything pics or the truth she needs to know know before she learns in person

I would use Bark to limit what she has access to, with daily emailed reports, so you know exactly what’s happening, to have a more thorough conversation. I would also refer to this video to understand what you’re up against. (Social Media Dangers Exposed by Mom Posing as 11-Year-Old - YouTube ). Anything with an open forum/chat is too dangerous at such a young and vulnerable age.
https://www.bark.us/

1 Like

Password for any and all downloads so she can’t download apps. Only download games CAN’T chat with others on.